***DO YOU EVER REALLY RECOVER FROM A MISCARRIAGE?

Ruthhelenwharton - posted on 10/19/2012

i had amiss carriage just over two years ago, i was only ten weeks, but it was special, i got married late , and was pregnant at forty six, but it didnt last, i find it hard to cope with every day, my cycle is still regular,but some times its longer than others,i still hope,apart from my husband says i demand too much, i know i should be content with aloving husband and family. it is hard my sister who is alesbian just gave birth in june, i dont agree with what she has done and of course the green eye monster is out,i just dont know how to get past this, i feel so low, alot of people think i am ok, why did God let me get pregnant and then have it taken away from me. thanx for listening .Ruth

Markita - posted on 10/04/2011

Honestly I don't think you ever really are the same. This is a family member you have lost, you're going to grieve for them like any other family member (doesn't matter that you only knew them for a little while). As for your body, I know they say the hormones are gone within a few weeks/months but I felt them for about 8 months afterwards. Being pregnant can really mess with your body, even if you don't carry to full term. I would say talk to your doc, both your OB and your primary, and let them know what's going on. You may need some therapy or they may be able to prescribe medication for you. Good luck I hope you get to feeling like your old self soon.

Liz - posted on 10/03/2011

I am so sorry that you went through this. It is so painful, I know. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a child, and no matter what the age of the child, you need to admitt that you are truly hurting and acknowledge it. Sometimes just a simple quiet private cermony with a pastor will help. It is a death, it is a loss, and no matter what it will be with you forever. But you will come to deal with it and go on. you will never forget, you will just cope with it. good intentions of most emergency room doctors and nurses to "help" you get over it are the most painful. They say what they think will be helpful, but they aren't. You need to face it, mourn like you would any child, and deal with it. and again, You will survive, and you will go on, just right now you need some understanding and love. Know I have you in my prayers.

Marisa - posted on 10/02/2011

I was 8 weeks pregnant and miscarried last week. It would of been my first child. I am devastated, and having trouble getting passed it. I ask myself why me? Why didnt I get a chance to experience this? Im not emotional right. Emergency room doc and obgyn were so blunt about my miscarriage. They advise your no longer pregnant, these things happen, your still young, and can always try again. You can go back to work following day. I was in no way ready to returning to my receptionist 8 hour day job. I couldnt keep myself together. I was crying nonstop. Im still not ok, and had no choice but to return to work after begging doc for few days off. Everyone at work was very supportive, however, I am still not ok. I feel what every mother feels when they miscarry. Its the worse feeling in the world. :;(

Cari - posted on 10/01/2011

We heard a heartbeat at 10 weeks. I'm sure I was having a girl as the heartbeat was 160. We had names picked, nursery ideas...purple or green dragonflies. I m/c 3 weeks later on July 28 with my D&C the 29. I was 13 1/2 weeks. So 2 months later I'm still struggling! I have to say this experience has made me look at my older kids (16, 13, & 5) in a new light! My little man (5) has taken it hard as well. He told me today that he thinks of his baby sister alot.
I would like to try again, but being 39 and hubby is 42 it is all in God's hands! I am with kids all day...I send mine to school then teach prek at my church in the mornings, then kid/baby sit of an afternoon. Sometimes I wonder if being around kids all day is NOT helping me but I've noticed that when I am at my busiest that's when I'm good...not thinking and stewing about my loss. Physically, doc said to go back to normal routine so I've started working out to get my body back into shape and as my body gets healthier my emotional state will also get better. I've also learned that you don't know what someone has gone thru till you walk in their shoes. So many women I know within my life, from friends to women at church, have come to me to let me know they are thinking of me. So many have told me that I will get to see my baby girl again someday. I know that I have to give myself time as well.

Liz - posted on 09/13/2011

Justine, Your body will heal but your heart wont', but that does not mean you can not go on. Give your self time to heal. You will get better, believe that and give yourself permission to go on.

Justine - posted on 09/13/2011

I had a miscarriage in July 2011. Till now my body has not healed emotionally and physically..I am so sad at times because I lost my baby at 8 weeks..I dont know if one really recovers after a miscarriage..

April - posted on 07/09/2011

I have been pregnant 21 times 16 of those ended in loss.People thought I had lost my mind to keep trying.Maybe I had.I had never had dreams of being a CEO or Nurse or Lawyer when I was a kid.All I wanted to be was a mom.After each one I wondered if I was less of a woman and I felt a little more broken.I did not understand how people who didn't want to be pregnant could have kids so easily.No i don't remember the dates anymore I do remember the years still.When I eventually had my first living child,people asked me why I would put my body and mind through all that over and over.For me not being a mom was not an option,although adoption was at one point.I hemmeraged(sp)two times and almost died once.Yeah I was probabily mentally unstable looking back,but for me it was baby or bust,and I felt the only way for me to start to heal was to hold my baby insted of making angels.

Sunita - posted on 07/07/2011

Its never the same....i hv had about 5 miscarriages..and i hv one daughter. Its very scaring..when i conceive..coz the fact tht it may go is always haunting me....the scare tht i will lose again is always there. but i dont knw what to do about it....only prayers help.

Angela - posted on 07/06/2011

thanks for the response i live in a place away from my family with my husband and 12 year old son and sometimes its hard for them to understand ALOT of things. were going to be moveing near my family soon but its only been a month today since it happenedso im trying very hard to control my self and eamotions.lol. but thank you

Angela - posted on 07/06/2011

thank you for your information i dont think that my husband realy doesnt understand how it feels to have a liveing person inside of you and all the sudden its gone i was 6 mos. already but im takeing my anti depressant meds they only help so much though. I think bout it alot.

Brandy - posted on 07/06/2011

Sorry for your loss.
Honestly, mentally it's different for everyone. I've miscarried once, about 10 years ago, in-between my boys (ages 15 and 9). At 8 weeks no heartbeat could be detected, at about 10 I miscarried. I had to have a D&C because my body wouldn't completely finish what it had started.
My body didn't suffer too much for it - I was pregnant again about 3 months later, which I carried to term and is a healthy 9 year old little boy today. My mental state at the time was sadness for the loss...however, losing so early in the pregnancy and then getting pregnant again so quickly after, my mind recovered rather quickly.
I still think about it sometimes, but I strongly feel that the loss was the soul of my 9 year old now...he just came 3 months later. So I honestly don't feel any loss at all.
Seeing as how it's been 4 years for you, you might want to get checked out. I felt back to normal physically soon after my miscarriage.

Lisa - posted on 07/04/2011

yes u get back to normal physically, mentally only u can change. I have had 2, my 2nd miscarridge was a molar pregnancy where I had bunch of cyst tumours and needed a D&c to remove it, then regular blood tese for a yr,which ws a drain. I look at my beautiful daughter and am greatful for the opportunity to have her

Liz - posted on 07/04/2011

remember it was his child also, and he has to go through the pain of it also. Sometimes the fact that you are remembering it as such and such weeks, makes it just as painful for him, he was looking forward to being a dad also, and that pain is still very fresh for him also. he may not understand the pain that you are going through, but he also has pain he is going through also, you both need to be able to talk about it with each other to get past the pain. being able to talk through this will be helpful for both of you. Good luck, I have been there and still hurt as my husband does also. We miscarried our girls and have 5 boys. Now we hae a wonderful granddaughter,who is 18 months old, but he still has the pain of never being able to walk a daughter at her wedding. It is still something he longs to do. It never goes away, just dulls with time for both of y ou.

Angela - posted on 07/04/2011

i agree i think and my husband gets upset with me when i say things likw well i would have been 29 weeks this week. but its different he doesnt understand, thanks for the advice

Angela - posted on 07/04/2011

thanks for the concern andadvix=ce! im definateley trying noy to dwell on it! appreciate it!

Clarice - posted on 07/03/2011

had one as well yes body did recover after few months, bet the mind still wonders as 2 wot i did wrong 4 it 2 happen but have gone on 2 have 2 healthy boys.

Liz - posted on 07/03/2011

Angela, I am so sorry for your loss, Please know that things will be different. Not better not worse, just different. Please keep the idea of getting some help with your feelings, and don't feel like you are the only one out there, there are many of us. be open to any help you may be offered, and remember it is not only your loss, and it is more of a loss for you, but also a loss for the father of child, if he is in your life. Good luck, and keeping you in my prayers.

Angela - posted on 07/03/2011

id like to know also my baby had trisomi 18 and died inside me at 25 weeks this just happened 2 weeks ago it was a very heart breaking situation but i want to know the samee thing since it has been 4 years for you!!

Kristi - posted on 07/02/2011

I think the physical recovery is much easier but the emotional and mental recovery takes longer. I started to feel more like myself after about 4 months after my miscarriage (we were 14 weeks along). Any loss is tough and takes time and w are all different. At times i think about mine especially around the date it occured and the due date - I think that is normal. I think we never 'get over it' but i think we move on. One thing that helped me was something my husband actually said to me - he says that we have an angel. Personally, my loss really made me appreciate my husband more and our desire to have a family. I started to take better care of myself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal.

Shellie - posted on 07/02/2011

I had a miscarriage at 5 months pregnant last year. I, for one, am just a b**ch when I am prego apparently. I get very irritable and aggravated at EVERYTHING. It sucks because I tend to take it out on my fiance. But since I had the miscarriage it was like I never really got over that aspect. Like I continued to act irritable alot. It's only been a year and a few months and we just found out that we are pregnant again. I am getting to where I am OK with it, but I think it really affected my hormones. I'm thinking of asking my doctor about that and see if there's some kind of medicine to help with that after I give birth to the baby. It has also affected my sex drive a lot too. I'm hoping that will change. I used to want it all the time and now I hardly ever do. I feel like something is wrong with me.

Meryl - posted on 07/02/2011

I had a miscarriage and that plus a cruel husband/mother-in-law and getting phone call from a man telling me his wife and my husband had a year and a half relationship I cracked. It took me two years to recover but I had two little girls who needed me so I finally recovered but I had been poisoned from my baby's dying inside me and I did not go into labor so they pushed my angel out. Your hormones are as you said but time is the answer, you will be ok hon.

Debbie - posted on 07/02/2011

For me,my body bounced back before my emotions. Losing a baby is not an easy thing to deal with. Have you gotten any counseling? Sometimes that helps to get things sorted out in your mind. Good luck to you!

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2011

It sure does, April! We lost our little boy in October of 2009 and I have not felt the same since..... physically or emotionally. I have been unable to get pregnant again and my emotions are like a rollercoaster on a day-to-day basis.
Will I ever "get over it"??? Probably not!
Lots of love coming your way and a big hug!
Sarah

Carrie - posted on 07/01/2011

Not everyone does and I thought I wouldn't but after 17 miscarriages I finally have 2 beautiful children who are happy and healthy.

Kerry - posted on 07/01/2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage only 4 months ago. The baby girl would be due next week. It has only been 4 months but my body it not the same, periods are worse. The traumatic experience of a miscarriage does do something to your mind. You just have to go on with your day to day life and you start to think about it less and less. When those moments do pop up, the pain of your loss will still hurt. My mother had a miscarriage 28 years ago and it still hurts. Take comfort in knowing that someday you will see your child again. We moms have to stick together and support each other through the pain.

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2011

I had a missed miscarriage in 2008 - didn't find out anything was wrong till the 12 week scan so it was a huge shock. took a very long time to get my head sorted, and still have bad days. the body has recovered pretty well...but not until I started to get a handle on it emotionally. My baby would have been due right before Christmas that year adn I only really feel like I mad a step towards healing when I made a bauble for the tree.

Markita - posted on 07/01/2011

I think it's different for everyone. I haven't recovered from my miscarriage last year. In fact I found out that I was pregnant at the same time this year. When that miscarriage date came around I was a mess. You're not alone girl. A miscarriage can be a very traumatic experience and one that you might not get over right away. ((HUGS))

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2011

Physically, your body should go back to normal, though you may not feel normal. Emotionally, I don't know if a person ever heals completely. I have had several miscarriages over the years, and I still tear up thinking of my lost little ones. I think if you have a proper outlet for your feelings, it gets better eventually, but for me, I don't think the feelings of loss and sadness will ever be completely gone.
Good luck to you.

Cheryl - posted on 07/01/2011

April I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my baby while in my 2nd tri. back in Sept. '10 just 5 days before my birthday. My body has gone back to normal but mentally it has been an on going struggle. Some days are great and others, all I want to do is cry. Then I think about the 2 beautiful girls that I have birthed and my step daughter. It is getting better. Here is something that I worte to help with my grieving and I hope that you & other women will be able to relate.

Sweet Butterfly
The butterfly within has come and gone.
Emptiness and sadness swell with in.
Will I ever feel the butterfly with in,
I do not know, I may never know.
I push day after day wondering, WHY?!.
Was it something that I did, Why?
Was it something that I didn't do?
WHY?!...
WHY, did my butterfly have to go?!....
Wishes of happiness and joy on day of birth,
but the sadness and emptiness still hurt,
I lay my head down as tears fall from my eyes and pray for the answer to come to my mind.
Awaken refresh, but why?
Yet, even with the sadness and loss for my butterfly,
I now know why.
I know that I am still blessed,
To be able to walk with pride as a strong individual, a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a teacher of life.
Good bye my butterfly, you will always be in my heart and mind.
Writen by: Cheryl L. McLemore-Anderson

I now know that I will NEVER feel the fluter of another child because I have learned that I am going to have to have a hisorectomy (sorry for the spelling). So now I really have to come to terms but it will get better. Not sure if you a GODLY women but he knows what we can indore or look at it this way everything happens for a reason and we may not know what that reason is when it happens but in time you will. I know this response is long but I pray you read it and it helps.

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2011

It def does something to your mind

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

My was ten years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. Every Feb 2, I get a little depressed knowing that I could have had my little girl/boy on that day. My mind is not the same. I wish my little boy had a little brother or sister to play with, but he will be an only child since I can not have any more children.

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

again, I will say this....IF you feel like you are not right physically after the miscarriage, you need to go and see a doctor about your hormones, and body. There maybe something else wrong, and you need to find out what it is. Please go see a gyo/ob who knows about these things. IF there isn't anything phyiscal then please go find some one to help you deal with the loss. We can give you words of comfort and encouragement, but you may need something more then that. We all know the holes in our hearts from this, but some of us have had someone to help us with it. My husband was hurt as much as I was when I miscarried between our 3rd and 4th son and between our 4th and 5th sons. even now we sometimes have to comfort each other, espically during the times when we lost our babies. but we have each other and out grief is one of the things that has helped us be better for each other.

June - posted on 07/01/2011

I had several miscarriages. I don't think it's ever the same again. Just like any loss, there is also a part of you that grieves for what might have been. I had to go see someone to help me work through it. You might have to as well. Hugs

Betty Ann - posted on 07/01/2011

I am so sorry for your loss, I had a Miscarriage, in my 2nd trimester, and it was very hard for me to overcome, but with God and lots of Prayer, I am able to go on, yes you will always feel a loss, just like my Gramdmother told me, she had 14 Children, and two of them died before they were 2 years old, and she said no matter how many children she had, she still missed the two that went to be with Jesus, But she also said to tell yourself, that you will rock them and hold them in Heaven some day, I look forward to doing that with my sweet baby that I lost. God Bless you and cry out to God, he is the only one that can Heal you Totaly

Stacey - posted on 07/01/2011

I had 3 miscarriage n ur body do heal but in some cases your mind don't cause its been 29yrs since my first miscarriage and I still think of my baby dat died inside me.........i often wonder what he would have been like, and what he would look like, I still cry sometimes because that's a hard pill to swallow. Maybe some people might know what I'm going through and the way I feel but the thought of my baby boys n girl will always live inside me.........have a miscarriage truly effected my life that nightmare want ever leave me but it taught me how to be strong and to adored children. I love kids so much tell my kids that living now love the heck out of me and they always asking me why do I give them so much......I say to them ya'll wouldn't never understand but I do know ur priceless n precious a special gift from God.

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2011

I have had 3 m/c. Two before my first DD and one inbetween my 1st and 2nd DDs. My first child would have been due on 3/9/07. I still think about this all the time. My body has gotten back on track, obviously, since I just had my second DD in April, but no, I don't think you ever get over it. It's like the death of any other loved one. Just because you didn't get to meet your child doesn't mean you didn't love them and don't miss them. I have heard ppl talk about someone who has a m/c and saying how they need to get over it and it just goes to show that someone who hasn't been thru the tragedy cannot understand it. I think some of the posts below are correct in that in time it doesn't hurt as bad, but you still think about it, still hurt over it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

Yes you will get back to "normal" physically. If you haven't yet, call and get into a doctor. But even now, I had two miscarriages one 25 years ago, and 21 years ago, I still feel a loss in my heart from them. I have 5 other children, but I still have a hole in my heart for those two.

Christine - posted on 07/01/2011

I have had five miscarriages with three of them in the second trimester and one at the very beginning of the third trimester. Who knows how many other miscarriages I might have had in the first trimester that I mistook for a severe period. I had a gynecologist that was well known in Miami for high risk patients (she was also a fertility specialist). After the last lost pregnancy she told me I had to prepare myself for the likelihood that I could never have a live birth and maybe adoption was my only option. I felt like a failure. I was so successful in my life and had everything I ever dreamed of but figured that this blessing was the one thing God was denying me. I got over each miscarriage with the understanding that it was God's way of ending an unhealthy birth. Coming from a family of nine, it was hard to accept. I had my last loss just after I turned forty. My older sister agreed to carry a child for me. We took her in to get tested and were devastated when they found cancer. While she had to have a hysterectomy, but it saved her life. So I looked at it as another blessing.

Six months later I was pregnant again. This time I demanded a full blood profile. they uncovered a Protien S deficiency that caused me to throw blood clots (which caused the miscarriages). My doctor managed to get me on a test nationally that had 1000 women with all having had at least three miscarriages in the second trimester and no live births. We had to give ourselves four shots of heparin a day into our thighs (and when that got swollen and unable to take more shots, I did it on my hips, arms and anywhere I could grab large amounts of skin as it was a subcutaneous shot). Two weeks prior to full term, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl at almost the age of 42. ALL of the 1000 women had healthy babies and now they know how to prevent miscarriages as they include blood profiles in testing for women who have miscarried before.

My daughter is tall for her age, in gifted classes and the crowning achievement in my life. I look at her and let her know how hard I worked to bring her into my life and let her know that five times I tried and finally, on the sixth, God felt I was finally ready to have her. I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life without having the wonderful joy a child can bring to a marraige. By far the best thing I have ever done in my life and I thank God every day for her.

Tawanda - posted on 07/01/2011

Know I don't think so becuz I think I always look for my child I think it's a mind thing u carry then u lose a Lil person ur lookin forward to meetin n lovin

Nakea - posted on 06/30/2011

Rachael, you are so right! When school is cancelled and I don't have to work, I love it! I am a single mom who works full time and know that I would have three instead of two children helps me remember the little things about children. Especially the spiderman suit! It does make you respect life and it does take time to heal. Some people deal with better and faster than others. There is no set time frame to get over a miscarriage but discussing it with other people who have been through it surely helps take the pain away.

Rachael - posted on 06/30/2011

My loss helped me value my children so much more. It helped me realize how precious and fragile life is. I was overwhelmed at the time with three young children, I lost our 4th when I was 5 months along. After that I realized what was really important. It didn't matter if the kids made a mess, it didn't matter that my son wouldn't take off his spiderman suit and ended up wearing it to the church social. I treasure every minute with them. Still 6 years later, i treasure the lessons I learned from this horrible experience.
My friend was complaining about a day of school that was unexpectedly cancelled. She didn't know what to do with her kids. I gently reminded her that this was an opportunity to do something fun and unexpected with them. That she didn't have children so she could wish they were gone all the time (I should add that she was a SAHM so she didn't have to rearrange work or anything).
My perspective changed so much. I'm glad that I'm different now. I can love more unconditionally, I'm more compassionate and understanding.
Becoming a mother changes you profoundly. Loosing a baby does too. It's ok that you will never be the same, learn from your experience. It will make you a better person.

Teresa - posted on 06/30/2011

I had my first miscarriage in 2006. A lot of things 'broke' in me that night for a few different reasons, but the part that 'broke' due to the loss was only healed by the birth of my son in 2008. I also had another miscarriage in 2007 which just compounded the brokenness. My body has a lot of issues, but I don't know the cause of those issues. My heart was healed by my son though.

There is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to miscarriages and healings though. One woman's experience can be the complete opposite of another's.

Sapphire - posted on 06/30/2011

I am sorry for your loss. I also suffered 3 early trimester miscarriages back in 2002, 2003, 2004. For me, I think those experiences have soured me in a bit in killing any kind of maternal instinct, and contributed to not wanting anymore kids. I have 1 child, a 6 year old boy. There's nothing wrong at all in raising an only child. But every now and then I wonder how many kids I would have ended up with if I never had any losses. So for me it's more of an emotional change. I am way past grieving, dwelling, and at this point no longer care. So yeah, do answer your question do you ever recover? Yes and no. Yes, I physically recovered, but no, my emotional state is changed, and permanent.

April - posted on 06/29/2011

I have gotten over it! It just changed me alot. Do you know what I mean?!! I had already had one little boy that was 10 months when I got pregnant again an they were so close together too. Cause like I said Dalton was just a baby an I was pregnant again!! I have not really dwelled, I used to just blame myself alot! But your advice was good....Thanx!! I just always wondered though if you do Ever COMPLETLY RECOVER!!.......... :)

Nakea - posted on 06/29/2011

My mind wasn't the same but my body felt fine. It is different for everyone. I still sit and think about if I didn't have one I would be the mom of three!!! With all three of them three years apart. I would have a 9 year old, a 6 year old and a three year old. lol. I think the mental part you will learn to be content with the fact that it wasn't your fault but it takes years. I just got over it from 9 years ago! Hang in there.

Joy - posted on 06/29/2011

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I've suffered several miscarriages and the only advice I can give you is that I think it just depends on the person. Everyone handles death/grief in different ways. I still think about my losses, but I no longer dwell on dates like I used to. I think for me, time has been a great healer, and my son has been the best healer of all. As for the physical recovery, that probably has to do more with how far along you were when you miscarried. Mine all happened first trimester and I was back to normal within 3-4 months. I imagine a loss in the second or third trimester would take a body a lot longer to recover from.