Do you give your ex gifts for holidays on behalf of your kids???

Misty - posted on 04/24/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I have given my ex a Christmas and birthday gift on behalf of our son; however, as typical of him, he hasn't gotten me anything from our son. He says it's not normal, but I say a lot of people do it because even though we're not married, we should still respect that we're the parents. Does anyone else do this???

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Kathy - posted on 04/24/2009

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for my older 2 kids (19 & 16), no. for one, he is married and i feel that is her job now. and for second, both the kids have jobs and r old enough to purchase thier own gifts. for my younges son whom is 8. yes i do. his father still lives at home w/his mother and has no girlfriend or wife. and my son is to young to purchase his gifts. so, we go and i prompt my son on what would b a good gift, w/in around a $10.00 limit w/gift bag and card. if he would ever get married or have a girlfriend i probably wouldnt.

[deleted account]

When my brother and sister-in-law divorced they each got the other something from their 3 kids. They did this until each of the kids eventually started buying them each a gift on their own. I think your ex just may be uncomfortable with doing it. But that's not the point of gift giving. By continuing to do it for your ex, you are teaching a few valuable lessons to your son. A) respect & manners B) tolerance (on your part :) C) You are teaching him to think of others (whether you like them or not). I say keep doing it, keep being the bigger person. If your ex doesn't do it for you, then he's missing out on teaching his son these valuable lessons.

Teri - posted on 04/24/2009

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I believe that is proper until they have remarried. You teach you children that even tho mommy and daddy are not together, he is still daddy. When daddy gets a wife, it becomes her honor and privilege to do that. My step sons live with their dad full time and when their mom bought gifts for my husband from their kids I considered it stepping on my toes. Now, if the kids lived with her full time, it would not bother me at all. I would actually talk with them (other parents) and see where they stood with this and come to some conclusions between ourselves.

Anne - posted on 04/24/2009

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I think it ia fantastic that you do this for your son (not just the ex) It makes your son know that YOU can still give even though your not together. He will see you and respect you so much for the way you treat his father. I gave presents on behalf of my children until they were able to give towards something. They are now 23, 20, 18. They have bought now for 10 years. But they remember that they still had something to give Daddy under the tree. I also have 4 step kids, between 16-11. We have custody and the sad thing is they have Christmaas presents sitting in the closet for 8 years. We bought them for her from the kids and she has never contactd them in 8 years but we will keep those presents for the kids to give when they do choose to see her. Your doing a good thing by your child!

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[deleted account]

This is old, but nope. I give him a Christmas card (since it's usually a pic of our kids) or if the Christmas card has ME in it... I just get him a 5x7 pic of our kids. That's it. If my kids want to get/make him something.... that's up to them.

Stephanie - posted on 12/23/2011

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I think its a great thing that you are doing..This year is our first that we arent together for the holidays and I want to get him something, but I dont know what. What kind of things did you give your ex from his kids?

Mary Ellen - posted on 04/24/2009

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I did when my ex and I were first divorced. Then I woke up one day and realized I didn't know who my ex was anymore. After that, I let their Step Mother buy him the gifts.

Paula - posted on 04/24/2009

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I did not. When the kids were younger and wanted to give Dad something I told them to make him something. They learned to be crafty and still to this day make presents for both of us and their step-parents as well. This has prevented the he/she still wants you and enforced that its about the children and their needs/wants.

[deleted account]

I let my daughter make something for her dad. If she really sees something that she wants to buy him, then I will consider it if it does not cost a lot of money.

Melissa - posted on 04/24/2009

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I think it's a great idea..and I have always gotten my son's father a gift...(not for all holidays...but for Christmas and Father's Day....and a simple card on their birthday)...the thing of it all is let your child pick out the gift or if they're to young pick out something that's not personal (a gift card seems to do the trick)....

Jane - posted on 04/24/2009

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I always help them get their Dad something for Christmas, Father's Day, Birthday, etc...He does the same with them for me.

Stephanie - posted on 04/24/2009

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My children are all older now but,I always got my ex-husband something on behalf of them, all the way up until they became teenagers & like your ex I never got anything in return.Just remember...you're dealing with a man,they don't think like us women do. LOL ;-)

[deleted account]

I give my children some money and tell them that they have to buy their own gifts for everyone, they have always so far remembered to buy something for their dad, but they also buy something for me. He does nothing like this, and although it would be nice if he did, I just think that it would be awful if I refused to let them have the choice to buy him something just because he wouldn't do the same.

If your son wants to give a gift, then let him, he will remember these things later on and will appreciate your generosity.

Kelly - posted on 04/24/2009

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i usually do it for my husbands ex. his son is five. i do it for birthdays, mothers day, and christmas. she doesnt do it for him, but im ok with that, because i consider it my job

Melissa - posted on 04/24/2009

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I don't. If his side of the family wants him to have something from the child then they can buy it.

Trina - posted on 04/24/2009

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I think it depends on the age of the child. If your son is old enough to know that he should be getting something for his dad for Christmas and wants to do it, than I see no problem, but if he's younger and doesn't know the difference, or has no interest in getting his dad a gift, I wouldn't bother.



And as for your ex not reciprocating - honey, that's just men! lol They don't do anything unless they have to!

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