Do you let you children run and jump inside?

Sian - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 53 moms have responded )

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I live in an upstairs flat. I've got a two and a three year old and yes they are noisy. It is a council flat and we have been trying to move forever and it's is not happening, they say we are not needy enough, now my husband works he just doesn't have a massive wage so we can't rent privately until I can go back to work. The man who lives below us keeps having a go at me and my kids for being noisy. I try to keep them quiet but sometimes especially in the morning it's hard the little one doesn't like telly he likes to move around and he does stamp I don't know how to stop him from moving! Anyway this man had a go at me I tried to explain that my eldest had been ill and I wasn't able to take them out as I usually do. He was yelling at me in the street, told me I couldn't control my kids and called me a loser. I feel really bad now, a little bit better after I called the police.

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Danielle - posted on 08/24/2012

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Krista,



I never said that he was not able to make "any noise whatsoever". I said when he got "the least bit LOUD", meaning that he had already been making noise but was starting to get LOUD. There is absolutely a difference. "I was right on top of it" means that I got to him as soon as I could to "exaggeratedly" model the appropriate behavior. That did not mean that I hovered over him 24/7. I never expected my son to whisper and tip-toe around like we were in a museum. I was not "breathing down his neck" telling him to hush if he laughed or played....



What I DID expect was for my child to learn the difference between proper indoor and outdoor behavior. Most people have heard of indoor and outdoor voices, but it amazes me the number of parents who let their children act like maniacs inside their home. Those tend to be the same people who take their children to the store or to a friend's house and get flustered because their kids are running around screaming and breaking stuff and knocking into other people and climbing on everything.



My children are allowed to run and jump and stomp and holler OUTSIDE in our yard or at the park/playground, but that doesn't mean that they don't get to play AT ALL indoors. There are plenty of not-so-loud play activities that are still absolutely essential for their growth and development and are also very appropriate for INDOORS. And 2-year-olds are ABSOLUTELY capable of being taught what, when, and where behaviors are appropriate.



People do their children an great injustice if they let them act the same way indoors as they would outdoors. Homes are full of dangers. Not to say that the outdoors aren't, but at least outdoors there is more room for realizing and avoiding dangers. I don't want my children in my home running around the corner while I'm standing at the top of the stairs or carrying something hot/sharp/fragile.



My children are "free to laugh and play and actually be children". But it is my job to teach them and MODEL appropriate behavior. I do not run or jump or yell in the house or at the grocery store because that would not be appropriate. So why would I teach my children that it is ok for them to behave in that manner?

Jessica - posted on 08/21/2012

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I think that if people want quiet they should live in houses. Noise is a part of apartment living, period. The kid above me heavily runs everywhere, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest because that's just what happens when you live in an apartment. I have a 23 month old and a 10 year old and if they are up later at night I try to keep them calm and quiet, but before 8pm certainly I let them be kids. Don't let that man or anybody make you feel bad about yourself. Sounds like he needs to retire to the suburbs.

Crystal - posted on 08/21/2012

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Kids WILL be kids and it's unreasonable for someone living in an apt to expect quiet through-out the day when tenants have young children.

I too in an apt, not ideal but we also cannot afford to move. I try my best to keep my daughter from creating 'too much' noise but within reason. She's 2, she's going to run,she's going jump/hop like a bunny rabbit, she is going to drop toys. But she's 2, she's in bed by 8 and I do keep her from making the most of her noise later in the evenings before bed.

What I did when we moved in was spoke to the lady living below us. She is a RN and worked mostly nights, so in the day I'd keep my little one mostly in the living room area away from our room where the lady below us is sleeping in hers below. A little consideration goes a long way.

That said, living in an apt people HAVE to come to terms that there WILL be a certain amount of noise/disruption that comes in living in such a place. Reasonable amount of noise in waking hours is to be expected.

If you're doing what you can to minimize the noise later in the evenings, after dinner etc when people are usually coming home from work and trying to relax, than you're doing it all right!!

If he's truly just not understanding or unreasonable, there's not too much more you can do. Other than speaking him and letting him know that come a certain time you are trying to ensure to cut the noise, he should be more understanding.

That said, the lady who lives above us doesn't seem to work, actually I know she doesn't. She does not have children and thinks it perfectly acceptable to move furniture/bash/thump/stomp etc all through the night. She's woken my daughter countless times anywhere from 10 pm- 3 am. THAT is unreasonable and unacceptable and downright inconsiderate. I've spoken with her several times about the amount of noise and the time of night she makes the most, her responses are defensive and full of excuses,she just doesn't care. Now THAT is unacceptable. But you don't sound anything like that, so I wouldn't worry too much more about the man downstairs.

Kids will play, kids need to play, and he needs to get with the program.

Denikka - posted on 08/18/2012

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There is a reasonable amount of noise that goes along with having kids. Some are noisier than others and it just can't be helped. My brother was like that. He could practically tip toe across the floor, but down stairs it would still sound like a herd of freakin elephants!! And this was back when he was under the age of 12 and NOT a chunky/big kid by any stretch of the imagination.
I do think that you should do your best to be respectful of the people downstairs. Like Dove, I'm constantly on my 3yr old to not stomp (which can be hard. He's in this dinosaur phase...and dinosaurs stomp XD). During the afternoon, I allow a little more leniency (I know the basic schedule of the people downstairs, so at this time they are either out of the house or not sleeping at the very least), but especially in the morning, I am right on the kids to make as little noise as possible. I would never *allow* them to run around and stomp when there were people living below us. That's just rude in my mind.
Maybe take your child outside to let them run, jump and stomp out there for a while every day. It may help to have time and an area set aside each day where they can get it out of their system without disturbing other people :)

Piper - posted on 08/21/2012

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I'm glad you called the police, at least now they have record of it so if he keeps verbally assaulting you in the street you can press charges, if need be. Kids are noisy, they like to run and jump and kick and things like that - that's not to say that they should be allowed to do so at all times. My mother had a set of rules when we were growing up and she made us repeat them if we didn't follow them - no running, no jumping, no kicking, no hitting, no biting, no yelling, see, I still remember them to this day. If we didn't follow the rules we'd be put in time out - sitting in a corner or something like that. We'd also be sent back to where we were running from and made to walk. They're not going to follow the rules all the time but they may be a little quieter if they have some rules and consequences to go by (not to say they don't already). Good luck. You're not a bad mom.

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KimFreuye - posted on 03/14/2013

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Hi, I'm new here. I'm not actually a Mom, but sometimes get to feel like one with the little lady upstairs who has taken a shine to me.
Here's what happens.
She's just about 6 years old, has moderate ADHD, and while she's one of the sweetest little girls, that temper and scream can be unsettling. She also loves to stomp around and jump off furniture. I've made friends with them upstairs (we're in a two-story four-plex), so I really want to keep things amiable.

I'm in a basement suite with a lower ceiling, and in my bunkbed (yes I sleep in a bunkbed! At 50 I refuse to grow up) I'm literally 7 inches below them. When the child starts galomphing about, it's elephantine.

The solution I have is obviously not for everyone, but this is what I've reached.

I have an acoustic piano here, and have learned that the little girl enjoys the music.
When she stomps and acts up, I start banging at the keys, and it's all good because hey, since she's loud, I get to play as much as I want!

Win-win.

So if anyone has a method to counter the squall, I think we have the right to use it. Then if the less-friendly noisemakers object, it's a possible door to negotiation and understanding.

Crystal - posted on 01/20/2013

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4 little children, there is no 'control' in the house during the day time hours. To think otherwise is ridiculous and just shows the difference between who's had a child or children and those who never have not.

I live in an apt as well, however the lady below me has never once complained about the level of noise my LO creates during the day, and that's because come 8 o'clock she's in bed. 6pm + we try to keep her less noisy, constantly reminding her there's no more jumping, and trying to cut the running down. It is VERY hard to stifle a LO who has high energy, she has more energy to burn than you could possibly work out of her in outside play. But we do our part.

And let me tell you, the amount of noise we make due to having a toddler does not compare to the intrusive, inconsiderate noise the woman above us made from 10pm -3am at least 4x a week.

People who do not have children usually can't understand and chalk it up to parents not being in control. And that's just retarded. Toddlers need to run, and some have more energy than others. As long as they're in bed at a reasonable time each night, everyone has time to wind down.

Joyce - posted on 01/20/2013

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I live downstairs with a lady above me with 4 little kids. I know there will be noise but come on now?! Why live on the top floor if you know you're children are out of control?? That's just disrespectful.

Ardra - posted on 10/05/2012

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To a limit!!! They have to be comfortable at home, but playing is for the play area/room..

Natalie - posted on 10/02/2012

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All kids are different. And stifling a kid who really does need to run around can cause all sorts of other kinds of problems. If a kid has energy, they will find a way to let it out. I live in an apartment too. I feel your pain. Sounds like you got a classic kid-hater downstairs. Yup. They really do exist. II say, go to ikea or a school supply store and invest in a small gym mat, padding, ect.. Designate that area as the stomping loud "backyard" area. Show them how loud they are allowed to get there. That way, you have more control over them letting loose without stifling them. When it's a time that you decide, no more loud time, then find a way to cover it up either with toys or sleeping bags or something like that.



There are some people that don't live in a city, they really can't fathom how difficult and stressful it is to get outside. This is the best possible solution. Protect yourself with knowing your rights in terms of noise laws. Next time he complains, print it out for him with a pair of earplugs. What a jerk. Hope you feel better. I know what comments like that can do to you.

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2012

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Haha! You called the police. Good for you. That old man should be scolded by his mom.



I have a two year old son that loves to run wild in our house. There's no stopping this guy. I try lively, loud movies, coloring books, you name it. Once his feet hit the floor, he's the running man.



Don't feel guilty. My dad quite often says to me, "You have to stop giving at damn at some point about what other people think." He's right. The hell with that old man.



If he wanted it to be quiet as a mouse, he should have chosen to live on the top floor. Go to the thrift shop and get him a used cd or record player and headphones, or just tell him to get a life!!



Don't waste your energy feeling bad! Just focus on taking care of yourself and yours!

Meegan - posted on 10/01/2012

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I live in a duplex on the bottom floor with a 2 year old and 6 month old. The woman above me has 3 children of her own. Her children run, jump, play ball, wrestle, and by the sound of it have their very own jack hammer that they use directly over my baby's crib. While it can sometimes be irritating, kids will be kids and they can't always be quiet and as long as they are not stomping around at midnight, this man should suck it up. What is he doing at home all day anyways?

Dianna - posted on 09/25/2012

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kids will be kids and there some noise from them he must have had no kids but try to get them out so they can run down. not that it will take all of it out but it will help

Alisha - posted on 09/24/2012

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I think it is very impt to instill in them the need to have rules and one of those is indoors, no running. I used to stop my son when he was young, and say "hey, we walk in the house, not run and we don't want to make our neighbor downstairs cranky, that wouldn't be nice" Seemed to work for us, and I think if it takes 100 times a day of repeating this, perhaps timeouts, etc would come in handy to get the seriousness of your point across and so they know what you expect of them, not that you are simply 'talking'. Such as, sitting on the couch for a few minutes every time they run....It is a must to have as much respect for downstairs neighbors as you can :)

Sara - posted on 09/11/2012

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Hey sian:) first off i think your neigbour is nasty for shouting at you in the street and im sure you arent a loser. Second i have a three year old and she is mad. If i had a flat i would still let her run around to a degree. Shes three thats what kids do. Everyone is going on about how you need to respect who ypi live near, how aboit they respect you! Its all about give and take.

Carmel - posted on 09/08/2012

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I raised my son in an apartment and I tought him the giant sneaky spider walk so whenever he got the urge to run and stomp he would break out into this hilarious sneaky spider walk it engages the whole body and actually uses quite allot of energy. Now that we have no neighbors they are allowed to run and jump all they want. If people live in an apartment they should understand that it can be noisy at times maybe your neighbor should invest in a pair of earplugs.

Susan - posted on 09/08/2012

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Kids will be kids...Tried to keep mine in check inside but that energy level is amazing. Somedays it worked some days.... not. The man downstairs has no right to yell but every right to express his disapproval. That doesn't mean he's right. Told you.... you couldn't control your kids and called you a loser. Really? Thow it right back at him. You both live in the flats because financial constriants hold you there rignt now. Why is he there all day? Is he employed.



Let him know that you'll work on keeping the noise down but remind him that he can solve the problem himself by finding a new job that will allow him the salery and oppertunity to remove himself from the situation and moving his grumpy butt to a place where he can be alone in solitude. If that's not an option for him remind him your in the same boat and remember one thing Sian....there is nothing about struggling thru in this economy that makes you a looser. Keeping the peace is the goal so if you need to cut him a little to help him understand, It might be worth it to begin to achive a mutural respect in the end.

Tamera - posted on 09/04/2012

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Yes I do let my son run and jump inside..... he's 6 yrs old. You have to think, every place else they go they have to keep still and quiet all the time, when they get home they want to let loose like you in their own way.

Sally - posted on 09/02/2012

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My daughter went through this. She lives on the 3rd floor of a council block and like you she did all she could to keep my grandaughters quite but kids sre kids, they play,they make noise and they cry. She was investigated but it was found that they neighbour was being unreasonable. I blame the council for putting young famlies in these flats above or next to someone older who is ready for peace and quite. Keep a log of whatd said and done and complain to your council.

Leah - posted on 08/30/2012

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I live in a downstairs apartment and there are three children that live above me age 2 1 and 6 weeks. They do run around during the day and sometimes at night. really it does not bother me for one kids are kids they will run they will stamp, this man is probably just lonely and uptight. I believe that your children are just fine. I understand you want to be considerate of your neightbors i am also that way with my neighbors i worry that they hear everything that goes on.. But when it comes to children your neighbors should understand that daytime is playtime and nighttime is sleeptime for kids if he bothers you to the point it gets to bad i would tell the landlord and also keep the police number in handy. Kids will be kids and nobody should stop that

Krista - posted on 08/24/2012

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Danielle, there is a happy medium. Of course we all need to have respect for each other, and we should be considerate of our neighbours, but this:



"We lived in a top-floor apartment with my hyperactive 3-year-old and no one even KNEW we had a kid.... "Quiet feet!" That was THE most common phrase in our household (apartmenthold?). And any time I heard him do ANYTHING that sounded the least bit loud, I was right on top of it, whispering "Quiet!" "



I'm sorry, that just sounds like an awful way for a kid to have to live, to NEVER be able to make any noise whatsoever, and to have Mom constantly breathing down your neck, telling you to hush. It's a home, not a museum.



If you cannot switch flats, then perhaps you can talk to the neighbour and say, "Look, I understand that my kids can be noisy. And we're more than willing to do whatever we can to avoid disturbing you. But it is unreasonable to expect toddlers to never, ever make any noise. That's no life for them. What if we worked out a "quiet hours" arrangement, so that you can let me know at what hours you REALLY can't bear any noise, and I can ensure that the kids are quiet at that time. Then the rest of the time, they're free to laugh and play and actually be children."

Julie - posted on 08/23/2012

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tough situation....i would take them to the park first thing in the morning when they get up and let them "spend" their energy....try also explaingin that there are certain ways to behave indoors and others for outdoors....like inside voices and outside voices....same concept...but it will be hard when they are that young....take them to the park and to the library to learn the different ways to behave in different places and then reward them when they behae properly.

Nicola - posted on 08/22/2012

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Some councils will give you a higher priority to move if you have children living in a flat. I had 2 kids in a top floor flat and I was also concerned about disturbing the person below- we had wooden floors too!! I think you should report the dog poo incident as that could potentially harm your child- i would consider this threatening behaviour- seek advice from Citizens advice.
I eventually moved to another county to be housed- i dont know if this would work for you.

Susan - posted on 08/22/2012

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Dog poo. Sheesh. That's terrible, Sian. I hope that the situation gets resolved. I hope you told the council about the dog poo as well, so that they know it's possible he's responsible.

Sian - posted on 08/22/2012

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Thank you all for responding. It has been very helpful. Bless my kids they were so worried about me because I cried for a whole day over this they are being so quiet now it's amazing. I have also been a lot sticker and they are listening, but I have been able to take them out in the morning again as my eldest is feeling better so that has helped too. Although I am still scared of the man and will not talk to him anymore, I have spoken to the council but I'm not sure what they have decided to do yet, hopefully we can get a downstairs place somewhere away from this man. I just constantly feel sick to my stomach with worry that we might make too much noise or will see him in the hallway. Another thing, we have some toys in the communal garden we went outside to play and my son opens a toy box we have and it was filled with bags of dog poo, I don't know for sure if he did it but I know two other tenants and they a nice people they would do that. Yuck!



To Ivy,



Yes we've tried all of that and have been waiting for 4 years to swap or move and nothing has happened. We claim all the benefits we're entitled to I think.



Thank you all for caring and trying to help xxxx

Ivy - posted on 08/22/2012

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From what you wrote, I'm guessing you live in the UK. Did you know you can swap with someone? My friend swapped places with another person who was in a council place as she wanted a change. Do you know about that or have you asked the council? Carpeting is a good idea and your talking to the police is important as well. Children are energetic. My 3 year old never stops running, jumping, and practices skipping. We are lucky to have a private rented house, which is an end terrace.



Have you seen if you get working and child tax credits? Do you receive child benefit for your children?

Carolyn - posted on 08/21/2012

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While keeping your children is very important when you live in an apartment, the guy doesn't need to call you names!! Obviously it is very important to take the kids outside to work off energy but that's not always possible. You should kindly and calmly suggest to your down stairs neighbors that you try to keep the kids noise level down when you are inside, and if he doesn't like it could he possibly turn on his tv or a radio to help blend the noises. Living in an apartment and having noisy neighbors is no fun.....but neither is it fun to have a mean guy living downstairs....maybe he is lonely and you could bake him some cookies and have the kids draw him some pictures....maybe if he gets to know your kids a little better he won't mind so much :)

Danielle - posted on 08/21/2012

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Children should be taught respect and consideration for others, regardless. I'm sure there are times when everyone requires their children to be quiet out of respect for other family memebers, whether it's that someone is napping or working or watching a movie or reading a book. Then why is it different for a neighbor, that we can't require our children to be quiet out of respect and consideration for that neighbor? Just because the neighbor's approach is less than friendly? Well then, there are two more lessons for our children: love thy neighbor and two wrongs don't make a right....

Sharon - posted on 08/21/2012

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Im sorry to hear that kids are kids and Im afraid you cant really stop them. Yes try and be a little considerate if you can early in a morning or very late at night, but during day it cant be helped. I feel sorry for my neighbours at times the noise they must hear from our house with 3 kids in. Yes they do run and jump about also my daughter is a dancer so she also dances upstairs and you can imagine what that sounds like. You cant stop them having fun. x

Deb - posted on 08/21/2012

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chin up... you are not a loser. I understand very much.... my neighbor and I do not get along because of my dogs. They also like to call me names and it hurts my feelings sometimes too. I am sure that the kids jumping around is probably not even on the top ten of your biggest worries. Let him the man be grumpy if he wants to be grumpy... just ignore him. Don't open the door for him and don't acknowledge him. I try to not speak to my next door folks, but if I do it is only to say something like --"have god strike me down dead the moment I start caring what you think of me". Good Luck.

Rebecca - posted on 08/21/2012

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Perhaps invest in a good thick carpet that could help insulate the noise a bit more.

It is not ok for him to call you a loser and it's apparent he doesn't have children or understand how much noise they can make. Having 4 kids myself sometimes I go outside just to get away from the noise for 5 minutes. I agree with one of the other people and trying to get them to use quite feet, learning how to walk softly. Make a game of it and tell them to see how quietly they can sneak up on you. lol

Hang in there and hopefully you'll be able to move soon, or he will get so tired of it that he will move.

Marleana - posted on 08/21/2012

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I have a 6,4,and 18m. on the second floor.. I do also institute quite feet. I also feel that "regular" playing still makes noise that can bother the downstairs neighbor. I also know my neighbors schedule.. so if my kids are running or jumping etc.. I'll "no jumping" or "quiet feet" but then i may say look out the window and see if our neighbor is home... and proceed accordingly. I once had to little dogs and my next door neighbor said they wake her up every morning,... and yelled at my then 10 yr. old son.WHen I found out the problem was that they were waking her up at 6am (that's when we would let them out to do their morning business) I said I'd start letting them out at 7 and she said that was fine. So maybe find out times the neighbor is home and let your kids know sometimes it's okay and sometimes (when neighbor is home) it's not. Another small thing I'd do, is suggest running and jumping (sounds crazy) ie.. "hey girls I just looked out the window and the neighbor is not home . You have a little time if you want to run around a little bit..."" etc.

Karen - posted on 08/21/2012

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As someone who lives in a downstairs flat are you aware or know how noisy iy can be?Our friends live upstairs and we not fussed about noise. Our friend came to watch footie with my hubby and he was shocked how much noise we cope with. I dont notice it that much to more, Perhaps you could put yourself in their shoes and you may be suprised how noisy things can be. As for moving,yes I know how frustrating it can be.

Karen - posted on 08/21/2012

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As someone who lives in a downstairs flat are you aware or know how noisy iy can be?Our friends live upstairs and we not fussed about noise. Our friend came to watch footie with my hubby and he was shocked how much noise we cope with. I dont notice it that much to more, Perhaps you could put yourself in their shoes and you may be suprised how noisy things can be. As for moving,yes I know how frustrating it can be.

C - posted on 08/21/2012

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I have the same problem with my neighbor downstair who is also the landlord. I have a child with a disabilty. Every sound he hear he jumps. I tried everything even rug the whole apartment out with extra padding. When my next son was born had to take the rug up because it was messing with his breathing. O my gosh everyday I had the poor kids on egg shell. The third boy was born she came to me and said I know u be trying to keep them quiet I understand it hard. She say keep them out of your room which is my room downstairs and let the kids be free. That was a blessing. They now know it not cool the lady downstairs is old and need her rest.

Danielle - posted on 08/21/2012

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It Is NOT impossible. Toddlers ARE capable of understanding, you just have to put in in terms that they will understand. We lived in a top-floor apartment with my hyperactive 3-year-old and no one even KNEW we had a kid.... "Quiet feet!" That was THE most common phrase in our household (apartmenthold?). And any time I heard him do ANYTHING that sounded the least bit loud, I was right on top of it, whispering "Quiet!" Of course, I would then make sure to exaggeratedly MODEL the proper behavior. Maybe you could tell your kids that "hard, loud feet hurt" Mr. So-and-so, but that "soft, quiet feet are so nice for him and make him happy."

If switching apartments is not an option then I can imagine that your downstairs neighbor would feel A LOT better if you approached him or sent a letter in which you apologized profusely and made it clear that you intend to improve the situation. Maybe he would be amenable to you coming down to visit with him and getting his schedule so you can be sure to focus on being quiet during the times that he his home. Maybe introduce your children to Mr. So-and-so and encourage them to say "hi" every time they see him. That will help them put a face to the name and not want to "hurt" him. Make sure they address him with respect and use the title "Mr."

Good luck!

Ellenia - posted on 08/21/2012

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susan my t 2 year old would run and jump this is what happens in there two.

Susan - posted on 08/21/2012

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Tanya - yes, they did. They were on a month-to-month lease, so with the eviction notice having been served, they had to move despite the woman downstairs being a nutcase. They moved to a ground-level condo in another area, no one above them, and no one to the back or one side of them. They were much happier there and it was closer to their work, so it ended up working out for them. What didn't work out was that they didn't have custody of me, and their old apt was walking distance from my dad's house. It was a long walk, but still walking distance.

Ellenia - posted on 08/21/2012

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try to put carpet down we had to do the same thing I have 3 kids and my neigbor below complains as long as I'm not making a lot of noises at the night early morning you should be okay the quiet hours are from 11 at night to 7 a.m. good luck

Tanya - posted on 08/21/2012

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Susan S. So did your mother and her husband have to move? That's ridiculous! It doesn't matter if they'd promised the apartment to someone else...the problem was the fault of management and they should have dealt with it. I am not one who likes sue-happy people, but in this case I'd have refused to move and taken it to court. Then after that was done, I'd have found a new place to live anyway. LOL

Jenn - posted on 08/21/2012

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It is next to impossible to keep a toddler from running/jumping/making noise. You can repeatedly try and teach them not to, but it's so not worth getting stressed over. Part of living in an apartment means dealing with apartment noise. It happens. I've been on both sides, living downstairs from a family that sounded like a herd of elephants and currently live in an upstairs apartment. My daughter is almost 3 and there's really not much to do about her making noise. Plus my downstairs neighbors are inconsiderate jerks that like to crank their stereo/tv up at all hours of the night, so I don't let her running around phase me. When I did worry about it and mentioned it to my landlord, his response was "it's apartment noise, people will deal"
Not sure if a "council flat" is like a subsidized apartment complex, but maybe you can talk to the management about moving to a bottom floor unit in the same place? As far as the person below you yelling at you in the street and namecalling... well hell, that would just make me encourage my daughter to make more noise. Yeah I know two wrongs don't make a right, but people need to get over themselves and realize that toddlers make noise and there's not a whole lot that can be done about it.

Sally - posted on 08/21/2012

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I don't think that there is much you can do other than switching units. A no jumping or shouting rule is reasonable, but kids at home need to move! I would make sure that you have rugs down and no shoes in the house. I hope your neighbor moves!

Susan - posted on 08/21/2012

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I wanted to point out to people that Sian is in a council flat - an apartment owned by the government, rented to her family at a lower rate than the market rate - equivalent to living in the projects in the US. This is why she can't pick up and move, and neither can the man downstairs from her. He can't just "retire to the suburbs" - I'm sure if he could afford to, he would have rather than remain in public housing.

Sian - I think there was a good suggestion that you speak to the council and the man downstairs from you to see if you could switch flats with him.

I can see both sides of the problem. I once lived in a downstairs apt where the person upstairs seemed to relax after getting off a late night shift by watching TV - loudly, and they had turned a bedroom that was above mine in to their TV room. They didn't understand why I was upset by being woken up by their TV at 2AM.

Also, I understand, 2nd hand, what you are going through. My mother and her husband were living in an upstairs apartment where the downstairs tenant was constantly complaining about the noise. The interesting thing was that she made a bunch of complaints about them making noise when they were away on vacation and no one was in the apartment. They came home to an eviction notice and pointed out that when X of the Y complaints were made, the apartment was vacant. The rental agent was stunned to find out they had been away, but had already made arrangements to rent the apartment to someone else.

Tiffany - posted on 08/21/2012

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kids will be kids! I have a 5 year old and 20 month old and we live in a 16 story apt complex on the 12th floor. We have people all around us, the majority which are 60+. My boys are pretty wild, but it's during the day and they are playing. It's not like your having parties, playing loud music. I would not worry about this neighbor of yours, he does not sound so neighborly himself!

Amanda - posted on 08/21/2012

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We do not allow running in the house either. You must be persistent on the discipline if they do disobey. If you break your persistance they will not take you seriously and run like little elephants through the house. Just keep in mind..if you lived downstairs, would you want to be woken up by your upstairs neighbors with all the noise? Try to start becoming more firm and persistant and let the youngsters to know it is a house rule and if they break it they will be punished(with whatever method your disciplanary action is). It took almost a year for our littlest one to get the hint that it would not be tolerated. He is 6 years old, mentally delayed, ADHD and ODD. It can be done!! Give yourself patience as well! And dont over re-act on the punishments. We always take away favorite toys for a certain amount of time or days. Time outs do not work with our littlest one. So try all kinds of methods of punishments and eventually they will get tired of it and follow the rules! :)

Michelle - posted on 08/21/2012

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I feel for you. We also live upstairs from an older gentleman. I have a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old sons. We are very lucky that he has never once complained about our noise! People who don't have children are often not very understanding about them. Of course, you should try to keep the noise levels under control, but that does not mean the kids should be expected to be still and quiet all the time! That is stifling to their development. If you have hardwood floors, try to get some area rugs to cut down on noise. Take them outside as much as possible, and when they are indoors try to get them involved in activities like finger painting, building with blocks (soft fabric or rubber blocks can be knocked down without making noise), or "helping" you with housework. My son loves to stand on a stepstool next to me and play with the water while I wash dishes or try to help fold washcloths. I find that if I bring my 2 year old to a playground where he can run and climb for a little while in the morning, he is happier all day. Both sand and water play are great for young children. If they are rambunctious in the evening, maybe let them take a long bath with cups to pour water.
Of course, late at night, if they are awake, they should not be allowed to run, jump, and stomp. Also, if you can enforce a no-running in the house rule, that would be best. My 6 year old nearly had to get stitches recently because he took off running, slipped on a game that had been left out, and cut his head on a rocking horse!
I really think some noise during the day ought to be tolerated. Good luck!

Krista - posted on 08/19/2012

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You have toddlers -- they're not going to listen every time, especially if they're all wound up. If you're trying, then I really wouldn't blame myself for it.

I wonder...do you think that perhaps if you sat down with the man and your landlord, that he'd be amenable to switching flats? That way, if you folks were on the ground floor, with nobody below you, the kids' footsteps would be a lot less noisy. (Your former downstairs neighbour would probably stomp on the ceiling for awhile as revenge, but would likely get that out of his system before too long.)

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I don't let mine do it inside. Honestly I'd be pretty pissed as a downstairs neighbor too.

I you just need to keep on them about it and remind them that they are bothering the people down stairs. I explained it to my daughter like this: "You know how when you hear the people downstairs close their closet door hard and it scares you? Well, you stomping around might scare them. They wouldn't be happy if they came up here and found out it was really a little girl jumping around."

You just need to explain in words they will understand. There is a difference between reasonable noise from children and the noise from jumping and stomping.

Dove - posted on 08/18/2012

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I live in an upstairs too. I ALWAYS tell my kids to stop 'stomping on the ceiling'. If you LET them run and jump inside then yes, I think you are wrong. If you are trying to keep it under control and they do it anyway... I don't think you are at fault at all. Thankfully I've had very understanding downstairs neighbors, but I'm always after my kids to stop making so much noise on the floor.

Amy - posted on 08/18/2012

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I know kids will be kids but when you live in an apartment you need to do your best to keep the noise levels down. I know it's not always possible but it's the neighborly thing to do. We do not have neighbors so I do let my kids run around in the house.

Nikki - posted on 08/18/2012

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kids will be kids and they are noisy at times, but I do feel that when you are living in close proximity to others it's is important to be considerate. Our neighbours don't live close by but I still have rules about running inside, I encourage my daughter to use her walking feet inside.

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