Do you think it is possible?

Ashley - posted on 06/11/2012

i found mr.right! sometimes it happens so fast you cant believe it. just be there as much as you can.

Michelle - posted on 06/09/2012

Christine, Thank you for your post. My sister just got out of a relationship over 2 years ago and he literally phyically abused her. He beat her in the head with a baseball bat. I try my best to watch out for her. The guy that did that..I wish wholeheartly that someone would return it back to him. But, what you do to someone always comes back to you sooner or later. I liked your post. So thank you. My sister has met a man and has actually been dating for not even 1 week. she says that they click and he listens to her. Totally different than the rest. He seems very nice and says that noone will come near her and hurt her. They are talking about getting married this saturday.....Wow! That's why I am so curious if it could be possible. To what all people whom have posted, it can.I sure hope so for her. If it happened to you and everyone else. It's a hopeful thing.

Autumn - posted on 06/08/2012

My husband and I were married after dating for 3 months. Our families thought we were insane.

Christine - posted on 06/08/2012

I had a mentally abusive marriage with a guy who proved that he could not be trusted, and surprisingly after I separated, moved out and before I formally filed for divorce, I had found my soulmate. He was beyond concerned about me and he was straight-forward with me from the beginning, even telling me that he wasn't sure he wanted a commitment, but I stuck around for a couple of months and he decided I was the one for him. We have now been together for 15 years and have a beautiful 4 y.o. son. It can happen.

I did soul-searching after I left my ex-husband, to determine why I was being treated the way that he treated me, and came up with a mental list of what I learned from that, and what I needed in a relationship, and my SO fit all those requirements.

Best of luck to your sister, that she has her eyes wide open.

Patricia - posted on 06/08/2012

It sounds like your sister is very lucky to be happy after such bad experiences. I honestly feel that sometimes it is important to live in the present and enjoy what we have now. There are no guarantees that it will last forever but she can at lease enjoy her time with him now. As long there are no red flags or warning signs the best thing you could do is just be supportive.

Roxanne - posted on 06/08/2012

Like your sister, I have been emotionally and physically abused by men in the past. In fact, my son's father attempted to kill me when I was 7 months pregnant. He went to jail, and before he could even get bail, I had packed up whatever I could fit into a back pack and moved halfway across the country to get to somewhere where I could feel safe. I spent a lot of time reflecting on myself after that. I didn't really believe in God before that, but was always a spiritual person. I began to d some soul searching, and ended up studying a lot of religious material on a philosophical journey. About 5 months ago I met a man, we began spending a lot of time together, and within the first week, it was clear that we were inseparable. I have never felt more comfortable with anyone in my entire life. At about two weeks I was holding back those three little words, not because I didn't know, or because I was worried about his reaction, but because I felt it was just too soon to come right out and say it. At about one month, he asked me to move in with him, I told him I needed to think about it, but a week later I said yes. Then I made it clear to him that it was not due to financial reasons, but because I truly wanted to be there with him.
The same week that I moved in, his minister came over and conducted their normal Bible study, I didn't join that one, because I had to go to work, but I did meet him and felt accepted immediately. Since I have joined in the study, as well as joined them at church. I have begun to open my heart to God, and it was my new man who brought me to Him. I truly believe that this relationship is blessed, that we were meant to find one another. Even though it has only been 5 months, it feels like we have been together for years. There are some who would argue that we have moved at warp speed, but for us, when we are together, its as though time slows down. I never believed in "Love at first sight" before, and to be honest, I think it does take at least a few conversations to establish that connection, but I agree with the phrase "When you know, you know", and honestly, it was that first kiss, in that moment, I had no question in my mind, I knew. My parents have met him, and one look at us together and they had no question either. They fell for each other in a similar way, moved in together with 3 months, and have been together for the last 32 years.

I think if your sister is happy, then let her be happy. After all that she has been through, I'm sure she knows the signs of a bad relationship. Let her enjoy her happiness without all of the skepticism. I'm sure she knows that you are just looking out for her, that you love her, but she doesn't need you to scrutinize her or her relationship, that will only make her feel like you don't trust her. Show your support and believe in her, this can only help to strengthen her and her relationship. It is possible.

Michelle - posted on 06/08/2012

I want to thank all of you for your stories and information. I means alot and will take all of them to heart. It is wonderful for each of you and or your family member to have found that Mr. Right. It diffently is a blessing in itself.

Donna - posted on 06/08/2012

lied and cheated

Ki - posted on 06/08/2012

honestly, you go through all the wrong relationship before getting to the good. She has managed to get rid of all the bad apples to get the one that is for her and only her. I hope he is her soul mate

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/08/2012

I knew my husband was the one the very first time we hung out. You can never gauge how someone elses emotions truly are. Be there to support your sister, but don't tell her how she should or should not feel. If this guy shows symptoms of abusive tendencies, by all means speak up. Otherwise, it really isn't your business.

Shaina - posted on 06/07/2012

Wow your story sounds a Lot like mine except it happened sooner after my son was born, and it took us 18 to get married after we met.

Pamela - posted on 06/07/2012

The experience of another will not be a correct guage for you, your sister or anyone else. When we COMPARE ourselves with others we are on a path that does not serve us!



If your sister has found a mate that is different than the others, she will know soon enough. If she has not then she needs to look within and find why she continues to choose that which makes her unhappy. SHE is the only one who can fix herself. As much as you love her, not you, nor can anyone else do this for her.



That is why we have our OWN Spirit within. Because we are ALL UNIQUE the Creator wants us to act so and learn for and from ourselves and our inner/Higher guidance.



We all want the highest and best for others BUT THEY MUST FIND THAT FOR THEMSELVES!!! The best and wisest thing you can do is to offer up a prayer that she finds the highest and best mate for herself.

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2012

My sister is in the same situation as yours. She has been with a man for 10m now who is kind to her, her daughter, attentive, and loving/affectionate. I am trusting that he will take care of her (emotionally) and love her as she deserves to be loved. They just found out they are expecting. I am thrilled for both of them.

Tracy - posted on 06/07/2012

I was 16 when I met a man who pursued me with everything he had. I had already been dating rather horrible guys and wanted nothing to do with this new guy. After about a month, he won me over and we started dating. A month later (just after my 17th birthday), I found out I was pregnant. He seemed so happy! He was older (24) and already divorced with two kids. WE were happy and all seemed ok for a little while. Then he started to have odd behavior and whatnot. When I was eight months pregnant, I found out he wasn't actually divorced (the divorce papers he showed me were faked - no signatures) He still lived with his wife and kids. I broke up with him and told him to fix his family but to leave us be. VERY long story short, I was a dumb teenager and he was able to play both me and his wife back and forth for another year. Then he stuck around in our lives just to make everything difficult. Choosing visitation only when it interfered with other plans, not showing up when he needed to, arguing, fights, restraining orders, threats, hits, an attempted kidnapping (not of our son, but of a lady helping to arbitrate between us)... it got real bad. I decided that I would not date until my son was grown. The last thing he needed was any other guy coming into his life. I truly meant this. I was going to school to better our lives and then I met a guy in class who came up and introduced himself to me while I was talking to a friend. HE WAS SO NOT MY TYPE. He offered for me to come listen to his band play - he was a drummer and 14 years older than me. I completely brushed the entire thing off. Then two weeks later, at the last minute before he started playing, something hit me and I decided to go. Luckily my son just HAPPENED to be with his father that night (I had no plans so his father couldn't muck anything up by not showing up - no fun to mess with at all). So, I told my parents I was going to the bar to listen to a band play. They didn't want me to go alone (I was 21). They went with me. We all danced and had a few beers. The guy that invited me visited with me when he could between songs and whatnot. When we told him we were going to leave, he was up on the stage which put him a few inches higher than my level and a railing between us. He seemed to not know HOW to say goodnight. I LOVE THIS PART!! He reached over and PATTED MY HEAD. Said thanks for coming and whatnot. Honestly, I might have fallen for him that moment. If he had tried to kiss or hug me, he would have crossed a line that I said I wouldn't cross while my son was under 18. That would have been the end of it. We started hanging out at school and getting to know each other. He and his best friend would come over to hang out with me and my best friend (and her kid - my son's age). All very informal. We started "seeing each other" when my son wasn't around but I wanted nothing more than that. He wasn't allowed to even touch me when my son was around. But I knew something with him was different. We quickly started talking marriage. We were married six months after we met. Why did I change my dating philosophy for him? I asked my son if he liked this guy. He said yes. I said, if you don't like him, you just have to tell me and I will MAKE him go away and never come back. My 4 year old son told me that "if you like him, don't forget to tell him or else he will go away". I was blown away by this. This man and I will celebrate 11 years together on June 21. My son is 15 and at age 7 asked my husband to adopt him. He did. We now have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together that my son adores more than any person on the planet. How did I know this guy was it? He never pushed me into anything because he knew what I had gone through with previous relationships. If I said "I want to break up!!" (which I did often in the beginning) then he would smile and say "if that is what you want, then I will honor that". Basically, he let me go to him. LOL, like a beaten animal, he moved slowly and carefully with me. He made sure that *I* was comfortable with everything and never tried to impose anything on me at all. I know now that if he had, I would have just ran away and wrote him off as another controlling as$hole.

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2012

I knew my husband was 'the one' within a week of meeting him. We were talking about our future children after a couple of weeks. We got engaged after five weeks. We've now been together for seven years :)

Liz - posted on 06/06/2012

I had a string of terrible relationships before I met my husband, whom I have now been with for 8 years. We both knew the minute we laid eyes on each other, though we waited three years before we actually got married. He's my soul mate and I gave up my entire life and emigrated half way across the world to be with him: something that I will never regret, not for one minute.

Sharon - posted on 06/06/2012

Yes Michelle, I do think it is possible. Just be there for her and try to look out for any tell tale signs that could indicate it isn't a safe relationship for her, at least until you are confident that she is safe.

My SIL also had a string of bad men in her life, but now she is with a lovely man who treats her well and respects her in the way she deserves.

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2012

Heather,
I want to thank you for your story, It is beautiful.

Krista,
I want to thank you for your story too. It was beautiful as well.
I also want to thank you for your pointers. I do watch out for my sister, she means alot to me. Thank you so much.

It is great that both of you have found Mr. Right. I am very happy for both of you.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/06/2012

My sister had a string of miserable douchebags that sound pretty similar. She got rid of the last one and within a couple of weeks she went on a date with a new guy. I asked how it was and she told me it was great which surprised her because he wasn't really her type. Ha. I knew right away that he was the right guy for her just based on that. A couple of weeks later they moved halfway across the country together. That was six years ago. They are now happily married with a two year old son. And my BIL is awesome. Just a great guy.

Krista - posted on 06/06/2012

My relationships weren't as bad as your sister's, thankfully, but I did definitely date a lot of "Mister Wrongs" -- men who didn't treat me with respect.

Then I met a man and it just seemed to "click". A week after our first date, we were talking about the rest of our lives. There was no angst or uncertainty. We were together, and that was it. We've been together now for 10 years, married for 4 years, with a beautiful little boy.

So it IS possible.

However with your sister, I would tread a bit more cautiously. If she's been mentally and physically abused, then it's very possible that she's been "trained" by those jerks to never trust her own mind or her own judgment. And women who fall for abusers often tend to fall fast and fall hard -- they're in love with love, and overlook the bad in their desire to meet Mr. Right.

If this man IS her soulmate, if he IS Mr. Right, then there are a few ways that she can know: 1. She does not feel like she has to change anything about herself or her behaviour to "please" him. 2. She never feels like she has to make excuses for him. 3. She never feels like she has to watch her words or walk on eggshells around him. 4. She is able to truly relax and be content when she is with him.

If she can relax and be herself and be happy and not worry about what he'll do or how he'll react at any given time, then that is a good sign that it is a healthy relationship.

But still...keep an eye on her.