do you think it is wrong for men or husbands to give the opposite sex a ride to work everyday?

Michaela - posted on 12/19/2009 ( 193 moms have responded )

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what do you think will happen if a man gives a lady in the office a ride to work and back home just because she lives around and he is just trying to be nice? what will you do if he is yours?

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Candice - posted on 12/29/2009

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my first reaction to these posts is there are alot of people on here who said things like "it's not a nice world"...or "no one should be nice" (not direct quotes). That is so sad. If we can't be nice to people for fear of harm to ourselves, that's just sad.

My answer to the question is if your husband is going to cheat, he'll cheat - be it with a coworker at work, or somewhere else. If you think a husband doesn't have time to be alone with the same coworker he offered a ride to without offering her a ride home, you are sadly mistaken. If you are going to put a leash on him, you had better never let him go to work at all, or use the internet, or go out with friends, or ever leave your sight.

Anyone who doesn't trust their husband enough to be alone with a woman on a ride home from work should question their relationship to begin with.

That being said...a committed man would tell you the situation, would ask your opinion, would honor your choice, would keep you informed of it daily, and would end the ride if he thought it put him at risk. A committed man would also repeatedly mention YOU on the ride home, making it clear that it is YOU he loves, not the girl in the car.

Lucy - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have to say I'm quite shocked by some of the responses to this post!

If I lacked trust in my husband to the degree that I couldn't let him sit in a car with another woman without worrying, I would be questioning why I was married to him! I got a lift to work with a male colleague every day for two years, and it didn't even cross my mind that others might think it inappropriate, and needless to say nothing inappropriate ever happened.

If you have other reasons to think your guy is having an affair then, obviously, you need to talk to him about it. Otherwise, I think you should just chill out and not give in to paranoia!

Karen - posted on 01/03/2010

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Doesn't matter if you trust him or not, it's totally inappropriate. Same goes for if a married woman gives a man a ride.

Jennifer - posted on 01/03/2010

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i wouldn't let my husband, no other women should be in my husband's car except me, or of course family

Krista - posted on 12/21/2009

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So, your husband/boyfriend is not allowed to have female friends? I think it's ridiculous to say that he can't/shouldn't give them a ride.

However, I do think that that person should contribute gas money.

Some of my best friends are men. My husband has no problem with it.

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Charlie - posted on 01/06/2010

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Thank you all for your contribution to this thread .

Loureen

Moderator .

Nadine - posted on 01/06/2010

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As long as he is up front with the other lady about being involved with someone else, I don't see there being a issue! But if he's like some guys out there, who don't say that they are already in a relationship, then yes there would be big issues with this!

Nenita - posted on 01/05/2010

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yes and no....Yes because i trust my husband and i thought why not if she live lead on his way home..... No because he did cheat on me we nearly lost our marrage, but i manage to save it....thanks god i have my family and friends who support me positively

Colette - posted on 01/05/2010

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well, I would trust my husband, but we have been together too long for something like that to be an issue... trust is earned, and if there are suspicions in any relationship, a situation like this is definitely going to get under someone's skin.



If it WAS unavoidable, I would recommend that you offer to befriend the co-worker, hence making that person a MUTUAL friend, and possibly waning a loose husband's idea that he might be able to get away with something. Make him invite her home for dinner once or twice a week.

You could also use this time to see how the husband is reacting around her, and see whether there might be a potential problem.

Colette - posted on 01/05/2010

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well, I would trust my husband, but we have been together too long for something like that to be an issue... trust is earned, and if there are suspicions in any relationship, a situation like this is definitely going to get under someone's skin.



If it WAS unavoidable, I would recommend that you offer to befriend the co-worker, hence making that person a MUTUAL friend, and possibly waning a loose husband's idea that he might be able to get away with something. Make him invite her home for dinner once or twice a week.

You could also use this time to see how the husband is reacting around her, and see whether there might be a potential problem.

[deleted account]

Lots of viewpoints here, which is what we expect in a democracy, of course, but it seems to me there is a sad lack of "the milk of human kindness" and an awful lot of suspicion, mistrust, and believing the worst of our fellow brothers and sisters.

Chantal - posted on 01/05/2010

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you would have to have a lot of trust in them both but i would not allow it others make there way to work so can she.

Heather - posted on 01/04/2010

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it would be great if life was really like that. But speaking from both sides I can tell you that there are many woman out there that do not respect the sanctity of marriage. And as sad as I am to say this it seems that woman are quickly catching up to men in the cheating department.

Heather - posted on 01/04/2010

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I think that it depends on the age, attitude and looks of the woman. Also what kind of man you are married to. But me personally I would say no way! My husband and I are seperated right now but I havedealt with him having an affairbefore with a co worker. I thought because she was unattractive and that he loved me that I had nothing to worry about. I was wrong. all my friends would say that I had nothing to worry about becuase I was so pretty and why would he cheat with her. Let me tell you that looks have nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact I have discovered that the less attractive a woman is the more likely they are willing to do anything the man wants. And if they are of low moral character it turns them on even more if the man is married. They will hang on a mans every word and sympathize with just how horrible their wife is. Dont b possesive but dont be foolish either.

MELINDA - posted on 01/04/2010

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I would ask my husband not to. I trust him but also believe it is human nature to develop close ties to those we spend a lot of time with. I wouldn't want him having so much time alone visiting with a woman who also seems to depend on him.

Krista - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Karen:

Get a grip, you are inviting trouble in on many levels, think about it, going to the homeless shelter and volunteering is helping out you fellow man, but a single guy who is working can get a bus ticket give me a break!!!! Obviously the sanctity of marriage isn't very soveriegn to you.


To whom in particular are you making this accusation, Karen? Because that's a rather serious thing to accuse. 

GAYLE - posted on 01/03/2010

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I would be fine about it as I trust my husband 100% and I know I would accept a lift from a male colleague with no strings attached and my husband wouldn't think anything of it either

Lynn - posted on 01/03/2010

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I would not like it. I trust my hubby, but you never know what the woman may be up to. Toss in a weak moment...

Elsa - posted on 01/03/2010

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In my opinion, nothing is wrong as long as there is no other relationship apar from friendship. :-)

Jenny - posted on 01/03/2010

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Well I think if it is around the corner n it is not a regular thing it is fine you have to use good judgement. In our day n age u have 2 b extremely careful with people even if u trust ur husband.

Karen - posted on 01/03/2010

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Get a grip, you are inviting trouble in on many levels, think about it, going to the homeless shelter and volunteering is helping out you fellow man, but a single guy who is working can get a bus ticket give me a break!!!! Obviously the sanctity of marriage isn't very soveriegn to you.

Karen - posted on 01/03/2010

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Here it goes!!!!! Absolutely no way!!! His intentions maybe good, but when he leaves the house you are probably not all "put together", picking up someone who is, this is inviting trouble on many different level, first your relationship, second what if for some unknown reason this woman gets upset with your husband for something stupid and she decides to claim a sexual assualt case, this has happened over and over. WHY FALL INTO THIS TRAP BEFORE TELL HIM NO, TELL HIM THAT IT'S NOT HIM, BUT ALL THE POSSIBILITIES!!!

Brenda - posted on 01/03/2010

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Yes Yes Yes it is wrong No man needs to be with another woman alone It developes wrong relationships my husband left me for another woman he works with because they spent time together outside of work as well as at work together The grass always looks greener on the other side until you get there I trust no woman now this woman was married with 1 child and was on the praise team at church taught Sunday school was in she drama team she was suppose to be a good Christian woman NOT TRUE she has my husband now so watch out no good can come from this

Nichole - posted on 01/03/2010

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I would handle this cautiously. If u show insecurity or jealousy it could lead to him being " flirtatious" because he is already feeling pressure at home.

From my personal experience trust your instincts... If it seems like more than a carpool, it most likely is.

For instance what does she do if your husband has to work late- take the bus, cab, ask some one else, or does she stay & wait for him?

Has he had to work late more since the carpool? Does he get worl calls at home from this person? Does he leave the room if he is on the phone?



Overall I would trust my husband, but I would still catious with himspending so much time alone with another woman, how would he feel if you and a male neighbor went to he store, shopping, work, whatever on a routine basis?

Trust- absolutly- but don't be stupid and give blind trust.

Gwendolynne - posted on 01/03/2010

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my sister didnt have a car and lived in the city without one for a couple of years, she got rides from co-workers all the time, some were guys..Give ur guy a break and be glad hes the type that would do that, my hubs wouldnt! but U can also be on the aware of other signs if it gets too frequest.....

Wendy - posted on 01/02/2010

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I wold think it was alright but then I try to give everyone a fair shot. If its going to be all the time she needs to be sharing expenses though.

Chantal - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Krista:

You ladies are cold. :) I used to catch a lift home with a married coworker every day. I took the bus TO work, 'cause he always went to the gym in the mornings, so the schedules didn't coincide. But the man lived only 2 blocks over from me, and the bus ride home, including transfers, was an hour and a half. To drive? 20 minutes. Maximum. Plus I was giving him gas money. If he had refused to give me a lift home, even though I would have acknowledged that he wasn't OBLIGATED to give me a lift, I would have still thought he was a real jerk.

Hell, I'm a very happily married woman, and if I had a single male coworker who lived in the same neighbourhood, and I could save him 1 1/2 hours on a stink-ass bus, and he was offering me gas money, then of course I'd give him a lift! And if my husband raised a stink, I'd tell him that I'm simply doing a kindness for a fellow human being, and that if thinks I'd screw around on him, that we've got some talking to do.


i understand what u mean but hey better safe than sorry,life happens and when you least expect it the little thoughts come creeping in ya mind so the bus it is.

Krista - posted on 01/02/2010

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You ladies are cold. :) I used to catch a lift home with a married coworker every day. I took the bus TO work, 'cause he always went to the gym in the mornings, so the schedules didn't coincide. But the man lived only 2 blocks over from me, and the bus ride home, including transfers, was an hour and a half. To drive? 20 minutes. Maximum. Plus I was giving him gas money. If he had refused to give me a lift home, even though I would have acknowledged that he wasn't OBLIGATED to give me a lift, I would have still thought he was a real jerk.



Hell, I'm a very happily married woman, and if I had a single male coworker who lived in the same neighbourhood, and I could save him 1 1/2 hours on a stink-ass bus, and he was offering me gas money, then of course I'd give him a lift! And if my husband raised a stink, I'd tell him that I'm simply doing a kindness for a fellow human being, and that if thinks I'd screw around on him, that we've got some talking to do.

Chantal - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Cheri:

A car pool is one thing, but a married man needs to keep business at business!
She should take a bus, cab, walk or ask someone else who is not married!


I agree with you 100%.catch the bus or walk,hello.

Diana - posted on 01/02/2010

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If its every once in a while as a favor its ok. but if its an everyday thing i would think something of it. everyone is responsible for finding their way to work, and hitching rides with a married man should of them.

[deleted account]

Quoting Lona:

No it is not o.k.--she could be the wierdo type and try to pin something on him like rape or something else---I trust him but not her---but he still shouldn't do it especially if his gutt tells him no, but still wants to do it as a friendly gesture. You should ALWAYS follow your first instinct!!



And she could be - and probably is -  a perfectly ordinary, decent woman who doesn't drive and has no bus routes near her home. Sure, there's always going to be a few creeps out there, of both sexes, but most of us are just happy and helpful and don't suspect people!

Chantell - posted on 01/02/2010

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well i wouldnt allow it i dont agree in it ur there to work not to make friends and thats the way i see it that is ur famliy car why should any other chick be in it but thats just the way i see it as i dont trust my partner with other chicks

MATTIE - posted on 01/02/2010

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well if u are honest with ur self and u love ur mate then nothing is going to happen.. and i find that if a man want's his co-worker then he will do what he want's no matter how much u love each other..i learned that and well i still think that it depend's on the man..how he feel's about his life with u...

Jenny - posted on 01/02/2010

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It is defin. wrong to spend any quality time with the opposite sex if you are married. #1- looks bad #2 temptation and we r tempted enough without putting ourselves in situations like that. Definate NO NO!! We can trust our spouses fully but we r human and spending time alone with the ooposite sex can lead to things that are inappropriate.

Debbie - posted on 01/02/2010

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Sometimes it can be ok for awhile however, I think it's a recipe for problems down the road. I've worked for years in an office where too many things happened that should not have between yes, even married (to other people) men and women. It also depends on many factors but caution is always a good idea.

MATTIE - posted on 01/02/2010

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love i have been there. my man gave a lady to work it was ok with me til he dropped her off before picking me up .and i had to wait it was my car so i shouldn't had to of waited.. made me mad.. but then the shoe was on the other foot i gave a guy a ride home and my man got so mad he went through the roof.. and he was in the car with the 2 of us.. i didn't try and hide the fact that i gave a friend a ride home..but he was.. he would go to the lady's house when i was at work.. took mykid's with him said so they could play with her son i didn't know the lady like that nor did i want to...talk to him if nothing is going on then trust him if he love's u he isn't going to mess up his life with u....and god bless hope this will help...

Evelyn - posted on 01/02/2010

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I don't have a problem with my husband riding with ladies that he works with because I trust him. I also know their husbands and know that if they thought anything was going on they would cause harm to anyone who touched their wives. Thankfully, these women see my husband as a co-worker and a friend.

Kandice - posted on 01/02/2010

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It really all depends on the situation if they work together and nothing is going on then I feel it is ok.

Brenda - posted on 01/02/2010

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It really depends on the situation and the couple. You're not leaving much to go on to say if it is wrong or not. Either way I wouldnt' tell you it was wrong or right, but like everyone else give my opinon....but truely it is you who if you feel it is not right than that is what it is! It is your life; no on elses!

Dalita - posted on 01/02/2010

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Since you are asking the question, you must feel some sort of threat by this woman. Obviously, if she was unattractive, much older or had some repulsive habit, you wouldn't have to worry. But it is never wise to have either spouse spend too much alone time with the opposite sex, since small conversations lead to more intimate ones, consoling, and very innocently two people become connected. I trust my husband completely, but I would never wish to have him in a situation where things could get more intimate - it is not wise. Obviously, they already work with pretty females, but everyone has to work...you hope, because of workplace rules and environment, there are not too many "alone" moments....I would talk to him very frankly about it and explain your feelings, he needs to put himself in your shoes - If a similar male would be picking you up for work everyday, how would he feel?

Debi - posted on 01/02/2010

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Biblically speaking a man and woman should not be alone together unless they are married. The only way this man should give this woman a ride to work is if someone else is riding with them.

Diane - posted on 01/02/2010

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I know this goes against the way the world veiws things but I think it's wrong for a married man or women to be alone with the opposite sex. I am sorry this isn't about trust but about nature. Bad things happen even when we don't attend for it to happen doesn't God tells us to avoid temptation. The way we dress today leaves little to our imaginations. Don't we sell perfumes and clothing with the idea it will catch the opposites attention ? YES because it's been proven that other body sensors can and do play a role in our physical emotions and many have regret after the feelings fade.

MaryKay - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Angel: """I'm sorry, this is obviously not the forum for me. Interesting how a person asks for opinions then the moment any person bravely posts one, others need to take offense. If you had read my post carefully you would have seen that I would have offered help. So Have a nice day and enjoy the forum """

I may not share someone else's view, but do respect they have a right to have one, whether it be based on personal experience, or religious belief...

MaryKay - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Krista:



Quoting Katherine:




Quoting Huda :





Quoting michaela:






Quoting Krista:

So, your husband/boyfriend is not allowed to have female friends? I think it's ridiculous to say that he can't/shouldn't give them a ride.
you are right Krista,i beleive to love someone is to also give the person some space.my husband has so many ex's that we even made a football team out of them which was and is still a lovely game.
However, I do think that that person should contribute gas money.

Some of my best friends are men. My husband has no problem with it.you say some? 90% of my friends are guys and funny enough he prefers that than me having girl friends.











 
















Dear Krista










I agree with you 100 % .. you are cool :)










Have a nice day










 










 












Someone tell me how you are highlighting PLEASE!









Just change the colour of the text.





 

MaryKay - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Angel:

I'm sorry, this is obviously not the forum for me. Interesting how a person asks for opinions then the moment any person bravely posts one, others need to take offense. If you had read my post carefully you would have seen that I would have offered help. So Have a nice day and enjoy the forum



It is too bad people don't  just read a post...instead of reading into it.  



I may not share someone else's  view, but  do respect they have a right to have one, whether it be based on personal experience, or religious belief... 

Carol - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hi, I have learned some things are out of my control and if my husband is going to cheat, that is on him. I would not be comfortable with him giving another girl a ride, possibly, but if he chooses to, I have no control over that. I think it is a trust issue and you may need to ask yourself "What do I need to do to take care of me in this situation?" I, personally, believe we have to hang on loose. Take care of you! Do something nice for you! Hugs!

Mary - posted on 01/02/2010

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It may be innocent but can also turn into something else. Spending that much time together, soon they'll start talking, becoming "friends", sharing frustrations and who knows what else. Put a stop to it.

Yoly - posted on 01/02/2010

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If he would be giving a ride to her to work everyday, I am afraid feelings might develop. She will feel indebted for the favor while he will become close to her as this is a daily thing. Just like in any situation, being in the car, is like an extension of the home. What I am referring to is that there will be bonding and closeness between the two - most likely. And temptations might set in.

Besides, even though there is nothing at all going between the two, there are other people who might think otherwise which will be the beginning of topics of malicious minds.

Erykah - posted on 01/02/2010

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You have to follow your instincts. This is obviously something that bothers you even a little bit. You need to discuss it with your husband and let him know how you feel about it. If you feel secure with yourself and the situation then it shouldn't be a problem. As long as this lady understands who you are then whatever happens after that they bring it on themselves. But just talk to him and go from there.

Lona - posted on 01/02/2010

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Based on biblical teachings, a man should NEVER put himself in a questionable position, no matter how innocent it appears. In other words, a married man should never place himself in a position where he will be alone with another woman...period. It has nothing to do with trust, jealousy or whatever...it's called respecting your wife.

Lona - posted on 01/02/2010

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No it is not o.k.--she could be the wierdo type and try to pin something on him like rape or something else---I trust him but not her---but he still shouldn't do it especially if his gutt tells him no, but still wants to do it as a friendly gesture. You should ALWAYS follow your first instinct!!

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