Do you think that a 13 year old should be treated like an adult?

Emilie - posted on 06/18/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My kids cousin on there fathers side is 13 years old. I think that she is given way to much freedom and everybody in her family acts like she is a adult. She has a boyfriend, she has a cell phone, she goes where she wants when she wants they let her drink alcohol when she wants. She has already failed 3rd grade and now she just failed 6th grade and she is supposed to be going into 8th grade but her mom never makes her do her school work. She is just becoming a little brat. I tryed to call my kids father last night and she was over at his house and she would not put him on the phone even though he was standing right next to her because I could hear him. I told her I thought she was being rude to me and my 7 year old son and she hung up on me. My kids father called me back a little while later and asked me what was going on and I told him, I said she needs to realize that I am a adult and she is a child, and he said that she is not a child and he didn't think what she did was rude and she can talk to me however she wants to. I just think that his family will have a bad influence on my kids. I don't want my kids to be like her. Since they spend 2 weeks out of the summer there and every other weekend they are around her alot. How I am supposed to teach my kids that his family is wrong? I don't think that a 13 year old is old enough to have so much freedom and be treated like and adult and to disrespect adults.

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Sherri - posted on 06/18/2010

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UH YES she is a child my 13 yr old has no cell phone, not allowed to date, isn't even allowed off our street or be without an adults supervision. That is absolutely CRAZY!!

Angie - posted on 06/18/2010

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Absolutely not! Her parents will regret this when she is 21 and doesn't have a diploma or GED and is living at home with her brood of children without a job!

Sherry - posted on 06/18/2010

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First of all NO a 13 year old is NOT an adult... that's not even the age of consent in most states/provinces.. there's a number of things you can try doing.

1) record your conversations when dealing with your children's father and their family
2) present it to the courts-- you can be a real baracuda if you wanna be
3) Call social services on the 13 year old's parents and place an annonymous tip of parental neglect (drinking at 13? sex? etc it should be looked into) most state's and provinces state that a child is not deemed to be an adult until they are at minimum 16 years old but then again i believe in the states it's 21
4) try and appeal to the court and have visitations restricted or supervised if your minimum requirements are not met (ie) child in question is not to have access to your children
5) if you want to try and be amicable (I sure wouldn't) you can try explaining to your children that there is appropriete behaviour and inappropriete behavour.. badmouthing and talking back to someone older is very innapropriete
6) If nessary take steps to cut daddy out-- you don't need to be underminded 24/7 by an arrogant ass like your children's father
7 TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN make sure that all communication is open with them... ask them what they think of their cousin... give them sinarios and let them tell you what they think... a good way to determine if we're making a difference in our childrens lives

If you don't do something (in my mind to limit access of these people) your kids are going to one day come home form a visit and start walking all over you. You need to set an example but by no means is a 13 year old CHILD an adult

Alicia - posted on 06/18/2010

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My in laws are the same way. My sister in law has been smoking and drinking since she was 12(now 15). She hasn't been to school since the 5th grade and they let her run around, make her own rules. Its gotten so bad that my father in law is getting kicked out of their house because they have no control over the kids.

Basically she will be a bad influnece on your kids. What kind of custody agreement do you have. In some states you can specify certain things in the custody agreement like when the child is with the father they have to stay at x persons house.
You can't control someone else, but you can bring your son up right. Talk to him about what he sees at his dads and what he thinks about it. Help him to understand that it isn't right, you don't disrespect adults and you follow the laws(like not drinking until 21.)

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Emilie - posted on 06/18/2010

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I agree, I totally agree. I was really upset last night. She got mad at me on the phone because I "yelled" at her. When I got off the phone I did feel bad about yelling at her, but she is a child she needs discipline so why can't I raise my voice at her ecpesially when she is rude to me. My mom would have smacked me if I had talked to a adult like that at her age. I never went anywhere alone until I was like 17 or 18 and I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 21 years old after my son was born.

JuLeah - posted on 06/18/2010

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At 13 a child has the brain of a child and the body of a young adult. It is easy to look at some and think the are adults, but studies of brains show they really really are not the same.

They can not see into the future far enough to make good choices, they are implusive, they don't fully understand cause and effect, they lack judgment that comes with life experiance, they are implusive .... and to treat a 13 year old as an adult, in my opinion, is neglect/abuse. It is a parent walking away from their job 10 years too early.

Emilie - posted on 06/18/2010

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My ex has 2 sisters, the 13 year old is his older sisters daughter, his younger sister just turned 19 and she has a 3 year old and a 8 month old. She was the same way when she was 13 then she got pregnant at 15 and she hasn't been to school since she was 14. My ex's family does not do well raising kids, and I should have never gotten involved with his family, but now I amd not with him and they are still affecting me, I just want my kids to be raised right I want them to be good.

Tracy - posted on 06/18/2010

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She sounds like she's going to turn out to be a real lady.......
**snert**

You don't have a choice, you have to let your kids be around her father and his classy family. But you apparently have them more, so you'll have more of an opportunity to teach them how they should behave. Not only through parenting, but through example. Yes, it's irritating, esp when your kids come home acting like darn fools. They'll probably like dad's better when they're teenagers, too. For a while. With luck, they'll see that Mom's house has rules and all, but deep down that's what they want and need.

Patience!! You can't dictate behavior to his family, you can only do your best to counteract their influence. Good luck

Jen - posted on 06/18/2010

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i think it is totally wrong her mum n dad need to sort it out drinking at 13 hell no

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