Does anyone else feel like a bad mom when visiting the grandparents?

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Okay we went to visit my mom this past couple of days and I couldn't wait to get out of there. My sister in law and mother made me feel like such a bad mom with the way I act towards my daughter. It seems my "laid back yet firm" approach to the way my daughter acts really makes them feel like they need to "talk" to me about my parenting style in that not so many words fashion.

I know my daughter is not "innocent" when it comes to rough play with my nephew and she starts a lot of the things he gets in trouble for but I've gotten to the point where if I don't start ignoring some of her behavoirs then all I'm going to be doing is diciplining her and I really don't want to be the "over the top" type of parent I see around me. I want my daughter to figure things out on her own with a little direction from me with out me telling her exactly what to do unless the situation calls for it.

I even got a "talk too" because I yelled at her for pushing a "special needs" child out of her way when she was at the playground and he wasn't moving fast enough for her. In my mind that was a situation I needed to step in and direct her becasue I didn't want her pushing the boy, who was scared to go downt he slide, and hurting him.

My mom, however, has now finally realized how much of a handful my daughter really is because of her indepence......part of her personality showing through in full force. But it takes her having to watch her by herself without me around to remember what a handful she is and why I have taken the approach I have to parenting her. My daughter knows what to do and will do it when she has to but if she has a chance to show you her indepence she will fight you to do so.

So does anyone else get that "bad mom" feeling when out and about with the grandparents?

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3 Comments

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Sharon - posted on 04/04/2010

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I never get the "bad mom" feeling. I do get the "irritated as hell daughter" feeling when my mom feels the urge to spew something I don't want to hear... lmao

Angela - posted on 04/04/2010

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I don't feel like I'm a bad mother when I'm with relatives but I do sometimes feel like they are looking at what I'm doing and judging me, they know better then to say anything because I'm quite fierce and I will stand up for myself. After all I'm my children's mother and what I say goes. You are the one who knows your child best, be confident in your decisions and don't allow others to make you feel like you're doing it wrong.

In future when relatives feel the need to 'talk' to you about your approach to your child then thank them for their concern and tell them to mind their own business. Your child will be the one who lets you know if you're doing things right. Depending on your relatives there may always be ones who can't keep their mouths closed and have to have their say, when they do be firm and direct. Then put it out of your mind, there will always be people who will think they can raise your kid better than you. You know you're not a bad mother and that's the most important thing.

Phyllis - posted on 04/04/2010

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No. But I get that from my siblings. I have 4 sibs and of all of us, I am the only one whose child has cognitive disabilities (ADHD/ODD). They constantly make me feel as if I am over or under disciplining my son, when I know that I have to evaluate each situation before I step in, and I know that sometimes children have to work problems out among themselves, or they never learn to deal with problems on their own. I also understand my son's limits (both son's) and sometimes I allow him to do things that my family feels are too independent for his age. Or I refrain from letting them do certain things because I know it will exceed their tolerance for frustration etc. They don't seem to trust that I am carefully weighing each decision I make for my kids, just as they are for theirs. And yes, sometimes I leave my kids with them for extended periods just to refresh them on how difficult it can be. All you can do I think is look at the whole picture and if you feel you are doing the right thing by your daughter, then do it. Don't let other people make you feel inadequate.

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