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Does anyone else feel that they are pitied for having multiple children of the same gender?

Danielle - posted on 05/28/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello Ladies,

I am just wondering if you have ever experienced that 'look of pity' when someone finds out that you have multiple children of the same gender.



I am 26 weeks pregnant, and have a 4 year old boy at home. For financial reasons, we've decided to find out the baby's gender to prepare for its arrival. Once we found out it was a boy, it seems like the excitement about the baby has diminished from friends and family.

Everyone expected us to have a girl..



It makes matters worse, I also have two friends who are expecting around the same time as myself. One of my friends is choosing not to find out the sex, and the other is finding out the sex and is refusing to tell anyone. All three of us have boys, so I feel the pressure was on to have a girl; and now that we know the sex everyone seems sympathetic instead of excited.

To make matters worse, every time we get together I get to hear about how they are certain their babies are girls..how this pregnancy was different from their boys, old wives tales, ect.

I have to bite my tongue because my pregnancy is way different from my sons, which goes to show that it is nothing to depend on.



It is frustrating when people keep saying "maybe next one", or "better financially", or "third time is the charm".



What is so wrong with little boys?

We had a hard time conceiving (over two years, and on fertility treatments). Even though I was a little disappointed at first, I am just happy I will get to experience it one more time as we only want two children.

I will admit that I still have a small percentage of Gender Disappointment, but I think that has to do more with the fact my first son is Autistic (which increases the risk exponentially because the baby is male), and the unspoken competition that has unseeingly perked up between myself and my expecting friends. It seems like I am already out of the race.



I dont want to be disappointed, and I don't want to be pitied because of the sex of my baby. I am afraid that this will affect how I bond after birth if my friends all have girls. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What have you said? Any stories, or suggestions would help.



Please be kind.

I am not saying in any way that I am ungrateful for my baby, and I love it no matter the gender. I just want to prepare.

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3 Comments

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Kaitlin - posted on 05/28/2012

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21

Yeah, I'm pregnant with our third boy. People definitely ask all the time if we're disappointed, or if we're going to try again, etc..... whatever.
I had gender disappointment with our second son, and while I THOUGHT this was a girl, I kinda wanted another boy- three amigos/muskateers and all that. I win :D
With friends who have girls, I joke to them (after they 'console' me) Well, we'll just have to get these kids together! Or, Well I guess you get to pay for our kids wedding! HAHA!
Don't let people get you down. I hear you. Boys are awesome! :D

Liz - posted on 05/28/2012

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You will love and bond with that baby no matter what. AND, you will be fiercely protective of it, just like I'm sure you are of your first. My first three babies were boys, and all three pregnancies were very different (as was my fourth, which was finally a girl).

S. - posted on 05/28/2012

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I have 3 girls and I get it all the time me and my hb often get asked if we will try for a boy Erm no! We're happy more then happy with our 3 girls, in fact I only really wanted girls.
It won't matter about other peoples thoughts when you see how close they become and have a brotherly bond.

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