Does anyone know how to talk to preschoolers about sexual abuse touch?

Melanie - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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how do we talk to our preschoolers about sexual abuse?

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[deleted account]

There's a great movie out there called Strong Kids, Safe Kids! Watch that movie with your kids, sing the songs, let them know that you are there by not leaving the room until you both are ready to stop watching the movie. It's ok to take breaks from the movie, it's a great movie, but a lot to adjust. My 4 children ranging from 5-12 LOVE THIS MOVIE! I am an adult who was sexually abused and raped as a child, but I'm making sure that never happens to my children. Good Luck!

ChrisTina - posted on 06/25/2009

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Children shouldn't have to decide between good touch and bad touch. I taught my children no one should touch you if you do not give them permission. I explained that you are truly on special to mommy and certain people and not everybody loves you the way we do. As they have gotten older and my daughter is seven, I explained no one should touch you unless you give them permission and empower them. This discussion has also coincided with child abduction talks. I really stressed that there are no secrets between you and mommy. You can tell me anything and I won't be mad at you. I used a doll and had them show me bad touches. I even told them that if mommy hurt you to tell daddy or grandma.

Tracy - posted on 06/25/2009

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This reply is for Sandra Stehly. I have a background in law enforcement and it horrifies me that you believe that we live in a safe world where we dont have to worry about someone hurting our children. Yes, relatives are more likely to harm our children, but there are always dangerous strangers out there lurking about as well. Before I knew what I know now, I thought that nothing could happen to me or someone I love, but the sad truth is that it could. I am not trying to frighten you, but there is a real need to warn the children about their personal space, stranger danger and family members touching them. This is just as imperative as fire drills and watching before crossing the street. Good luck and God bless.

T - posted on 06/25/2009

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I was trained to do this in my line of work. You have to make sure you speak to the child using words they understand or identify with. You have to speak on their level. I taught my daughter early that no one should be in her personal space. You can demonstrate the personal space by telling the child to put his or her hands straight out in front of them. You explain that no one should come into the space that is as far as his/her hands extends. You talk about good and bad touch. Ask if they know about good/bad touch. (be mindful that kids will shake their heads in agreement as if they understand when in actuality they may not). After you make a statement, ask the child to tell you what you just explained to him/her, so you can get an understanding the child's comprehension. Barnes and Noble has books, that has cut outs of a female and male child. Circle the area on the cut outs that are off limits for anyone to touch. Explain that no matter what someone says (ex. i'm going to hurt you, your mother, family, etc. if you tell or don't let me touch you etc.), to always tell you if something happens.i told my daughter i was supergirl and no one could harm me so if someone told her that, that they were lying. I can go on and on. Let me know if you need more info.

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I was told by a child specialist to take them to the library where there is a resource of books for children that you read..and review prior, to teach ur child(ren) about inappropriate touching and stranger danger as well. I just started to try this and it seems to be helping

Shana - posted on 06/26/2009

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Talk about lots of different body parts and teach them the names for private parts, explain that these belong to them and no-one else should ever touch them except mum or dad when they have to wash them or put cream or powder on. Tell them that if anyone, a freind, stranger or other family member ever does touch them anywhere, in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable, they are allowed to tell you, and they should tell you.

make sure you always answer any questions your kids have about any of these subjects clearly in a way they can understand, never tell them they are wrong or being rude or they wont open up again.

hope this helps.

Kathy - posted on 06/25/2009

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As a preschool teacher, I find that I have to take on this topic more often than I care too and very frequently before the parents do.



I always tell the children to keep their hands on their own body. Unless you have reason to suspect that something is happening somewhere, there is really no reason to go any further than that.

Of course, if you feel the need to, just tell them that their body parts are only for themselves and no one else... simple as that. :)

Beth - posted on 06/25/2009

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Our kindergarten program has a "safe touch" discussion with the kids and walks through what are ok situations and what aren't- just basically, it is ok if your mom or dad is at the doctors with you and they are checking to be sure you are healthy. It is ok if mom or dad helps you go potty or bathe, it is not ok if if ... at this age they need examples.

Melanie - posted on 06/25/2009

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what if someone tries to make a child touch them? Do kids molest smaller children?

Melanie - posted on 06/25/2009

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Sandra ok are you being serious? We dont have to worry about that we live in a safe world ? Please elaborate?

Sandra - posted on 06/25/2009

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We don't discuss it like that. Statistically speaking, the one that will hurt our children is Uncle Bob, not a stranger, so we never discuss "stranger danger". The only things we tell our children (age appropriate), is that only mama and daddy and the doctor should be looking at or touching their private areas, with their permission. If someone else asks, they are to come to us. But thank goodness we live in a safe world (as safe as it was when I grew up in the 70's) and we really don't need to lose sleep over somene harming our children.

Karen - posted on 06/25/2009

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I have heard of people using a doll to point out areas of the dolls body that are off limits, then the child relates that to his/her body.

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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I have 2 girls and as we go over the body parts in the tub I tell them no one is suppose to touch that and if they do tell mommy and daddy and we will get them.I think it helps to put confidence in us as parents because abusers use that to their advantage.They say things like I will hurt your mommy if you tell, so keep that in mind. I also have the girls repeat to me what they should do if someone touches them. Also you have to keep talking about it cause they may forget.

Debbie - posted on 06/25/2009

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Don't you just love the stuff you have to talk to your kids about. I have two boys and we started in the bathtub of them washing themselves and that was "their area" and no one is to touch it. The hard part is that you don't want to scare the crap out of them, but they really don't have the awareness to get it. I also stress when we go to the doc's that it is o.k. as long as I am with them. I read an article a while ago which really helped. Can't remember the name of it, sorry!!

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