Does my husband have the right to give me advice?

Yolanda - posted on 10/29/2012 ( 77 moms have responded )

4

0

0

Okay, I just became a member just to post on this site because apparently my quite recent homeless husband is trying to do some research and has chosen this site to support his 'view.' So I decided why not post my situation and see what other moms had to say. Maybe he can read the responses and try to see the 'problem' with this marriage. So here we go, I am a fourth grade teacher, who has been teaching for 7 yrs. My husband and I have been together 12 years, married 2 of those 12. I had two kids when we meet. My son was four, my daughter two, he is the only father they have ever known. We currently have a three year old son. I feel like the moment I said I do, he said I don't. He didn't work, because he really didn't want a 'minimum' wage job, but he is not certified nor has a degree in any other type of job. So under my insistence he used his GI Bill to enroll in college, but made it quite clear that he was doing it to please me. It brought income into the house to help us pay the bills that were mostly accumulated by him since he was the only one home. I worked full time, my two older kids go to school and have activities they participate in, and our youngest goes to daycare because he tried to be a stay at home dad the first 6 months of our son's life and then decided this was also not for him. After four years in a community college his GI Bill ran out and he had nothing to show for it, not even an Associate's Degree. He was good at having dinner ready, most of the time but not always. There were times I came home at 7pm and the kids had not eaten and everyone is sitting watching tv or playing video games on a school night. He also did laundry but did not believe in folding and putting them up. He picked up the living room and occassionally cleaned it. Other than that he did nothing else but played video games. We struggled financially and when his GI bill ran out things got really bad. Meanwhile my kids who are now teenagers are watching and taking it all in. My husband also started to make it clear he didn't want to be 'dad' to my kids and didn't need or want their respect. They just needed to do what he said no matter what. Even when he left spills for them to clean up or harden oatmeal from that mornings breakfast. It was their job to clean it. So eventually bitterness and lack of respect from my 16 year old son set in. Finally after begging him to get a job, some job, I went out and got a second job on top of the 10 hours I work as a teacher. My son also got a job and tried to help out. When I came home stating that I had a job and he needed to move out, he was very motivated and got a job within the week, but I was tired of it all. He yelled a lot and seemed quick to lash out at the kids. He always tried to treat me as a 'queen' because he loves me but he doesn't seem to undersatand that when my kids hurt, when my daughter cried, "why doesn't daddy love me?" I HURT. The final straw??? (yes, I was willing to make it work...lol..more like trying to make a round peg fit in a square hole) Well the finally straw was four nights ago when he attacked my teenage son. Now I teach for a living and I know kids can be bratty and even push you to scream but we should always be the adult and never put our hands on any child in anger, but when my son mouthed off to him, my over 200lbs husband grabbed my son my the throat and wouldn't let go. It was the scarest moment for me when I couldn't get him off my son, but he did let go. My son was fine but the pain I felt when he cried in my arms...(sigh) so I threw the husband out. Now he stays in a shelter even though there are friends he can call or his parents he can reach out to. I believe he is doing this to make me feel bad. He is walking around our small town like a hobo. Do I feel bad...believe it or not a sliver, but mostly just anger. Especially when he sends me links from this website to support his actions. So ladies, what do you think?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Firebird - posted on 10/29/2012

2,660

30

521

He had your son by the throat? I do hope you had him arrested for that. I would have killed him if it had been my kid. Or at least beat him into a hospital bed. Sounds like a loser if you ask me, and you are much better off without him. If the guy wants to be a hobo, don't give him a second thought.

Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012

3

5

0

Press charges against him and get a restraining order. If he wants to make himself miserable to make you feel sorry for being "mean", it shows further evidence of a very immature, manipulative person with a huge sense of entitlement.

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012

80

0

3

Why do you even want him to read it ? If you haven't been able to get him to hear in your short marriage , how is this post going to do it? He sounds both juvenile and abusive , I say good riddance !

Ashley - posted on 10/30/2012

218

35

62

You were completely right to kick him out. And don't let him come back... The yelling and not being there for your kids is emotional abuse and for him to have added physical abuse on top of that, there is no way I would let him back around me or my kids. You have worked long and hard, thats one less mouth to feed since he wasn't providing help anyway. Stay strong and I truly hope you and your children can be much happier now. You are right to put your kids first. It sounds like he needs to grow up. It sounds like your son is more mature than your husband. Good luck honey, and I really hope you stop feeling bad for him in any way. He made his choices, now let him live with the consequences...

Sabina - posted on 10/30/2012

4

0

0

I am sorry to read this message. I will just say one thing, no matter what your problems were before, all can be worked out but if he puts hands on any child in anger once he will do it again.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

77 Comments

View replies by

Deana - posted on 12/25/2012

1

0

0

what took you so long...you gave him lots to time and he failed. Children need positive role models

[deleted account]

Wow! I don't know how you did it raising 4 kids on your own. At least the eldest "child" is no longer a burden or causing trauma for anyone in your household.

Jennifer - posted on 12/12/2012

103

52

0

good on you for kicking him out of the house!! it sounds like you have been willing to do so much to try to keep things together but he simply wasn't. I am glad that you did not let his violence become one of those things on the list. don't let him make you feel bad! he is living HIS choices - not yours.



hugssssssssssss

Cikku - posted on 12/12/2012

25

0

0

So in other words he does not want to do anything?



Was he like that before marriage? If yes, you should have seen it. If no, something must have made him become like that.



I can understand his man pride (now girls do not laugh) in not wanting any minimum wage jobs but family comes first and he should get it.



I am not a stranger to wife nagging that I do not do anything at home (believe me I do a lot) but if you story is 100% true, then just leave him there like a hobo, if he loves you and loves the children (no offence but I doubt it and doubt even more that he wants to be responsible for them though he should have seen that before marrying a single mother), he will come around.



If not, you are better off like that,



Message from a man on a man.

Penny - posted on 12/11/2012

29

4

0

Don't even bother responding to his mails with links he is mistaking for 'support' - he's not worth your time. In time, your hurt will heal, and you will find a lovely man who will respect your intellegence, your strength and YOUR KIDS! Don't count on an abusive man changing, and don't let your kids know it's OK by letting him back! Learn your lesson on the streets you good-for-nothing!

Karen - posted on 12/11/2012

68

14

3

You shouldn't feel bad ... anger is exactly what you should be feeling! File for divorce and be glad you are rid of him.

Kirsten - posted on 12/11/2012

21

49

0

while I did not read all the replies, I agree with Chandra, if a man every laid a hand harmfully on my children I would kick him to the curb as fast as I could, I wouldn't care if we had a child together also. If he ment to harm the child then he's out. I would have filed a police report also. that is child abuse.



Do NOT feel bad about kicking him out. NEVER. if he did this to your son what could he do to your daughter and your son you have together?

Chandra - posted on 12/11/2012

55

44

0

he laid a hand on your child? omg that would be it, out the door. locks changed divorce in proceaa. you should NEVER put you hands on a child in anger. that (to me is a deal breaker) good luck to you and your family xo

Anne - posted on 12/11/2012

8

0

1

I have no words to say about your husband, pretty much speechless. Personally he would be dead if he touched my child. He does not love you period. His actions speak louder than words No job, no intention of working, not being house husband because you work not wanting to be father to children you have. If that is treating you like a queen I want none of that. A good husband wife/husband does everything to make sure the family is cared for no matter the job and or situation. Take care of yourself and children and cut him off. Press charges and divorce him .Get counseling for you and kids. You are too special to be treated this way. Stay safe and know things will get better.

Chelsea - posted on 12/10/2012

20

0

0

If he had your son by the throat I would of done the same to him!

How dare he lay hands on your children! He deserves much worse and to be honest if cps got wind of this violent action he wouldn't be allowed access to any of your children. If your son and yourself wants to you can file for a restraining order. But that is up to you (I personally would).

I think you have made the right decision as to kicking him out. It's obvious he was taking advantage of you and using your 'wanting to make it work' to be a bludger. Your obviously a very smart woman who is a wonderful mother and is able to provide for your family on your own... Stick to it and if he keeps at this sending you links stuff just tell him to cease contact with you unless it's through a lawyer as its harassment and he is just trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty and taking him back. Losers like that don't change, they just find a sneakier way to be leaches.

I'm glad you and your family aren't under his toxic spell anymore, now your kids will stand a chance at being normal responsible well adjusted adults without his poisoness influences.

Heather - posted on 12/10/2012

534

65

0

Divorce his butt! I am sorry, what a lazy jerk. I can't believe that you put up with him for this long. He would have been gone a long time ago in my book. I don't put up with other people's crap, especially guys like him.

Barbara - posted on 12/10/2012

1

7

0

Get a divorce and don't look back. It's best for you and especially your children.

Nicole - posted on 12/10/2012

6

4

0

He is lucky... I would have him arrested for assault!!!!! He us a jerk and you and the kids are better off without him... leave him where he is...

[deleted account]

here is no excuse for child abuse, mental or physical. I don't even need to read his point of view. In reality, it would have been illegal for you to allow him to stay, a parents have the legal responsibility to protect their child from an abuser. So, "Sorry, hubby...CAN'T let you back in and get a job because it looks like you will be paying child support!"

In hindsight:

You should have contacted the police, they will ask you in court why you didn't. Not sure if you still can, maybe the child can though. You will have to if he tries to come back or contact them. Good luck to all of you! You have a lot of healing to do. Kudos to you for stopping it before it became something your kids would have to get therapy for later....no one should grow up w/abuse.

Karen - posted on 12/09/2012

236

33

2

He does not love You, he loves what you do For Him! NEVER let him back into your life, you will lose your son if you do. I cannot imagine anyone on this sight supporting him, unless of course, he LIED about the situation to garner sympathy.

Tiffany Dawn - posted on 12/09/2012

198

0

6

forget about the link and him.......anyone who hurts your kids is NOT worth it! and also two words come to mind DEAD BEAT!! and about the job thing i am a SAHM and my husband works hard everyday to support our family and i take care of the home.....he should have been a man and got off his butt and got a job!! People like make me mad cuz they are sad excuses for men thats just my honest opinion. i hope you stay away from him and find someone to make you and your kids happy hun :)

Mary - posted on 12/08/2012

15

0

0

The question is why did you put up with this lazy slob for so long, a retorical question I know the answer, I lived in an abusive marrage for 22yrs. Learn from your mistakes, your own expectations will attract the right sort of partnership and if he really loves you the guy will stick around otherwise you really don't want him. Don't be afraid to reach for the stars and don't except second best.

Mary

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2012

11

20

0

You need to press charges! Show your son that he matters. The worst thing you could do is take him back. Trust me, I know it only gets worse. You've alteady been doing it all alone. Just take care of you and your kids.

Jenifer - posted on 12/08/2012

6

6

0

It sounds like your husband is in need of some mental help. You mentioned his GI Bill, did he spend time in the middle east? Living in a military area, I see many men and women returning from overseas with PTSD. You should not feel guilty, if anything you should be commended for sticking with him as long as you have. Your first obligation is to your children. They deserve to feel safe and loved. By removing him from the house, they now have a chance at that. It is a blessing that he did not do lasting physical injury to your son (the psychological damage however will remain with them) . You deserve a partner who is there with you. Regardless of who the biological father of your two oldest are, he made a concious decision to become their parent when he entered into a committed relationship with you. You are doing what is best for you. I personally would speak to a lawyer and possibly the police to get a restraining order. I hope things get better for you.

Jessica - posted on 12/08/2012

5

8

0

He sounds very manipulative and selfish.

I have just separated from my husband and much of what you say is very similar to my situation. I have been going to counseling and have come to realize my ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think you should google it and see what you think. From what you say your husband has not behaved in the way you would even expect from a flatmates.

It sounds like you are doing the best thing for you and your children. You are there for them providing for them, loving and protecting them. You are doing a great job. You are the centre and everything of your family so look after yourself and stay strong. Xx

PS it doesn't matter who he can find to say he is right and you are wrong. You know what's true and how things really are. Do what you know is right for your babies. Try having no contact with him for a month

Marilyn - posted on 12/08/2012

43

13

0

You absolutely did the right thing! It is not okay for him to treat you or your children like that!

Natasha - posted on 12/07/2012

2

0

0

Look forward, dont look back, you did the right thing, many women dont find the strength to stand up the way you did, your kids love you, you work and have a roof over your head, Enjoy your life now!

Leanne - posted on 12/03/2012

17

0

3

you did the right thing hands down no question about it I wouldn't feel bad for him hes doing it to get the attention have people feel bad for him im sure hes putting his own spin on it to make himself look like he tried everything to make it work.... move forward with your life for you and your kids

Liliana - posted on 12/03/2012

1

0

0

Stay well away from him. Put a restraining order against him even. YOu and your children deserve better. Father or no father he is a bad example for your children. He is violent and unsafe to have around. He causes more damage psychologically to you and your children now and in the long term by being there than no having a father. Even when he is there he is not a father. Make it clear to your children he is not right what he does is not right and you wont put up with it. You can be there for your children and you can do this on your own with the help of other supportive people.

[deleted account]

This is one Mom who is not only on your side, I also think he needs to be chucked into a prison for assaulting your son (and make sure the population is aware that he' s a child abuser.)



I think he's a really bad SOB and happily support you.

DeeDee - posted on 12/03/2012

4

0

1

My husband is 100% disabled veteran, has both a TBI and PTSD and would NEVER lay a hand on our children. PTSD sucks, but do not blame this man's act of violence on that or a TBI.

Shaunte - posted on 11/11/2012

1

7

0

OMG, how do u just decide the daddy role isn't for you? Is he insane!!!!! Choking ur son!? WOW. Onething I can't stand is a ma who cannot see the importance of contributing to running a household. I hate to hear a male figure not financially supportinghis wife, it really disgust me. Oh well I wouldn't feel bad for him, u have 3 kids to look out for, you don't ned a grown man lookin for a handout. Whata looser. I suport ur decision 100%

Carolyn - posted on 11/04/2012

7

0

0

I was raised in abuse, if you let your husband come back into your home you will be more guilty of abuse than he is, you,because you know what can and WILL happen and are allowing it to happen. . Next time you or one your children may not be so lucky.Remember a child had rather be from a broken home than live in one. You are all your children have to protect them if you fail then they have no one. I'm 66 years old and I STILL blame my mother for letting us grow up in that environment, it ruined six lives.

Kate - posted on 11/04/2012

3

2

0

Way to go Yolanda! You are a smart woman. Your children (his mine ours doesn't matter) come first. Your strength kicking him out will send a good message to your kids. Eventually second chances are used up.

Kt - posted on 11/03/2012

7

0

0

Heres a thought, does your husband have the right to give u advice, well anyone can give you advice, threaten, try to hurt yoou, try and brainwash you, its not the 1800s, we are equals to men, its up to you to take and filter the good advice and dismiss the bad things, its not as easy as that but with support from here good friends etc, you will survive, no one can force you to do anything, !!!!! No one is perfect, ive made many mistakes until i figured it out, i looked into my kids eyes, and it was like a luisville slugger to the hea to wake up and not b controled, you will find the right path your way too, so much good adivce here, see ? You not alone, im sure thetes someone near u too, you cant see it yet, you r in my prayers, i really feelyour anguish

Kt - posted on 11/02/2012

7

0

0

Its sounds so easy to prosecute, if you didnt and its to late move on, i did, i left trusted my own mother, she stole everything my child and i owned, i had to hire a lawyer becuse he conned the judges he was a nice guy, my mother sat in court to say i was an unstable mother, afer she ripped me off hit my child, and gave her a chewed on dog toyfor her 5th bday, then dcfs that i had callrd in dismissed her statement as to vague, she couldntbe examined until she was putunder, i couldnt do it to her, but chose a psyh without pils to help her, the head of psych at ho asp and her dr called dcfs becuse of her statemnts because abond started between dr and her, dcfs came ag asin and bec asuse he threatened my child with a knife at her throat she froze and couldnt sy details, he w aslkd a second time, do i want to ripoff his head and shit down his neck, yez and orse mommy dearest too, but again i found a great church, new positive frinds, great free library activiies and the little i can afford i helped her find a good activity after school and she chose martial arts,not to beat veryone up,but to teach mental strength and poitive strong attitude with exercise, my child happenened tob a natur asl at it, i found this place to, to v went, hear im not alone, andonce you get intolife, your kids and you canturn negative crap into positive, its only year form, he tricked a judge i was a threat to his and my kids life so without a chance to defend myselfsome judge asigned her over to him and my new truk casehe had no car, he took her to as tr asiler inmiddle of 35 acres with hunters andpachers sneking aound, had his way ith her, put a knife to her throat and toldher hed killher if ashe toldi called for a wellness check in case his heart gaveout asn ashes aslone was toldim a pest nd violating my order of protection evn after i begged see if ses alive, nearest human is 20 min awayforan adult and if she went out looking for help shed freeze in oods or get eatenny olve, too bad the male officer said, , yup, impissed but the law doesnt wok alwasys, i got her back filthy, same clothes i remember being surroundefby7 sherrifs that ripped her from my arms clawing atback windown screaming, , a month she endured his ungodly actions and never howed in eop court, k,i filed divorce, got sole custody and AGAINST head pasych and her psych at well know hospital, the judge wount give me divrce unless he got supervsed visits, so far the first one my 5 yr old lasted 5 min and a ambulance almost had to come get her, now 3 no shows, no ride, sick, always some bs, conning them lik we he did me, no we i say all this because i want you to stasy strong , theres more ti my story but thats more th asn enough to help you understand you took the best frst step, got rid of the scum, found alot of support here i see,and you found you were not wrong, keep trudging throuh the muk the dirtbag brought in your life, soon, if you keep mving in the right direction, our kids and u will live just fine, as an adult yourself, there will b memories, hard nihts, but illlet it b knwn im not JESUS, i cnt forgive him but i do choose to move in posiive directions that bring life love friends hapiness for us, cant say ill ever forget, i pray i do the best so she grows to a strong well balanced woman, you will too, you asked inopen forum whast others like you thought, you just gained alot of new friends, your not alone, you will be if he comes back nd the kids may b in city morgue , let him walk like a bum in town, HE IS! Cheers girl, everyone of us has a horror story, th asts hy we are here foreach other, keep chin up cherish your kids, step over him when he gets hit by a car and dnt look back

Rana - posted on 11/01/2012

45

34

3

I think you were very kind! Anyone including my husband and father of my children would be sitting in jail if they ever put their hands on my kids. I do have 2 grown step-sons and I know all to well what it is like to deal with a crabby teen. And believe me 1 of them really put is through the ringer! But not once did either one of us grab him like that. Sure we got in his face and pinned him against the wall to get his attention but nothing like that. It does sound to me like your husband is in need of some serious counseling and maybe there is more going on with him than he is letting on. I'm not in any way trying to excuse what he did but I think he needs help. I hope he wakes up and gets the help that he need so at the very least he can fix the relationships with your kids. Good luck and God bless :)

Felicia - posted on 11/01/2012

1

3

0

While i agree physical reprimand was out of order and everybody needs air. I have 2 children 16 and 17 from prev relationship and 1 new baby from marriage. My kids know i dont take mouthing off to any adult. Teacher, stepdad or stranger, so hopefully u spoke to ur son about his behavior as well. Kids like my daughter will play parents when they know division is present and we as single moms are over protective. My son kept getting bad grades and calls from school until my husband stepped in and he has been on honor roll and my phone dont ring.

Tracie - posted on 11/01/2012

317

9

1

Restraining order and divorce, in that order. You will all be better off without him. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.



Good luck.

Ronschall - posted on 11/01/2012

2

9

0

As a Marriage Counselor, I never ever give anyone advise to leave their spouse so let me just start by saying that you will be the 1st!!! I applaud you for giving your marriage a chance. You get a standing ovation for trying to make it work however it was unhealthy from the beginning especially where the children were concerned. The example alone that was set before them was negative on so many levels. You have sons therefore what type of example were they seeing with regards to growing into mature, independent men themselves. Young boys never ever want to see their mothers hurt and abused. Have you ever heard the saying "I can do bad all by myself?" In other words, what was he contributing while there? If you had to work (2 jobs) come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids etc. what did you need him for? I recently told another young lady just yesterday and now I'm telling you, "Never give up your happiness to make someone else happy." You deserve to be happy just like the next person. Yes sometimes we have to make sacrifices however happiness is not one that we should give up for anyone. God didn't design us that way, he wants us to prosper and have joy!!! Where he is now (shelter) may be just the place he needs to be to think about what he has done with his life, where he is now, and what he should be doing in the near future with regard to you and the children whether they are his or not. When he married you they became his children too, it's a package deal and if he can't love you AND the children well then he needs to make other arrangements and some other choices. I can't tell you what to do however I pray that I've given you some food for thought. My suggestion to you before you do anything is to get on your knees and ask God for direction. Forget what the other women on this website say, the most important voice you can listen to is God! When you make a purchase at the store and it has a defect, the first thing you do is read the manual to see if you can get it to work, if that doesn't work then you send it back to the manufacturer. I say that to say this: The Bible is our manual, it has everything in it you need to let you know how to fix your situation. If that doesn't work then you take it back to the manufacturer (God) He made us and he knows what does/does not work........ Praying for you, your Sister in Christ!!!

Melissa - posted on 11/01/2012

11

1

0

You were absolutely right to kick him out. Good for you for sticking up for your son! So many parents would stick up for their spouse for attacking their teenage child (as if teenagers need less love from parents than younger children). Do not feel sorry for your husband...he brought this on himself. Stand your ground, and just continue to be a great mom to your kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,435

9

2868

Send a link to his posts here. Men are not allowed on this site and can be blocked. And if he is truly in a shelter, how does he have access to a computer for anything but job related things?



It is quite clear what you need to do. i am not even sure why you are questioning this.

Rochelle - posted on 11/01/2012

54

20

2

You married a child and one who refuses to grow up. Normally I would advocate doing whatever is necessary to work things out in the marriage but it sounds like you have already done that. Let him stay where he is and do not let him beg and plead and manipulate his way back into your home in his present immature state. Not sure what happened that night between your husband and your son since I was not there. Once hes started choking your son however, it became assault and therefore a criminal offense. Now that he is gone, I would recommend you and your kids get some good family counseling in order to heal and move on. I am so sorry you have had to raise your childish husband in addition to your children all these years. You and your kids can do better.

Oka - posted on 11/01/2012

5

0

0

Dump the bum.



He's a lazy jerk.



He put his hand around your kid's throat. Dump the husband, and don't let him back in.



It's one thing to be a house husband and care for the kids and house like a wife does.

It's another thing to be mean to the kids, then grab the kid. Kick his sorry &&& to the curb, and let him thank his lucky stars that's all he's getting kicked to.

Julie - posted on 11/01/2012

126

21

7

Yolanda, when you say he used this site to support his view, do you mean that he posted on here what he had done to you and to your son?



Like some of these other women have suggested, I think you should file charges, or at least get a restraining order in place. Frankly, the actions you are describing do not sound like those of an altogether rational human being.



Also, I (if it were me) wouldn't allow him to take any of the kids (even his bio) until a parenting order has been put in place. Mind you, I don't think any court would grant custody to a parent who is effectively homeless. A parent needs to be able to provide the bare necessities to his/her child.

Magie - posted on 10/31/2012

1

24

0

I think you did the right thing kicking him out. I do know what it is like to have a teenager that isn't yours disrespect you, but I never lashed out at the child I would discuss it with my partner that it was wrong he never corrected his son when he did talk to me in a rude way. I do have a few questions for you....you said you and your husband were in a relationship for 12yrs. was he ever like this before you two were married? If so why marry him if he had these kind of traits? Please don't take my questions in a defending way...it just made me wonder if his ways change like you said; after the marriage and lost of job. Or if he was just using you for that free ride through life on your success and hard work. You cant feel sorry for someone who did this to themself.

Bev - posted on 10/31/2012

138

0

0

It doesn't matter what may be 'wrong' with him....he attacked your CHILD!!! file charges now! don't let your son think this is ok........if you are even talking to this guy, you are sending a very sad message to your son........file now! You also need to make choices and quit reacting to what he does...your responsibility is to your children as this man chose to raise a hand to one of them and therefore that man has no more rights. BTW, I speak from experience...you must protect your kids and respect yourself....file charges, then file for divorce...supervised visitation only for him....been there, done that many years ago.....

Yolanda - posted on 10/31/2012

4

0

0

Some of his symptoms suggested this so we did have him checked with the VA in Tucson, but he has never seen combat, first off, and then they ruled out PTSD and TBI. The only thing he was diagnosed with was depression.

Bev - posted on 10/31/2012

138

0

0

My question is - why did you not file assault charges for attacking your son? what is the message to your son if you don't? that he doesn't matter and behavior like that is ok plus it was his 'fault' for being mouthy....file charges....the rest I think you already know...he doesn't love you if he treats your kids and your home in such manner.....and the message your sent the man was there are no real consequesnces for assaulting your son....do you realize in most states by not filining you are considered culpable? good grief...support your child!!!

Sonya - posted on 10/31/2012

1

0

0

I do understand what you are going thru. Just remember while your kids are young it is our responsibility to take care of them. Your kids come first. Never let a man get in the way of raising your kids. Lead by example. You would not want your children going thru this so don't go thru it yourself.



We as women can do bad by ourselves. We don't need any help in doing that. Trust in God that you are doing the right thing by your children. He has to answer for his own misdeeds. Be blessed that you were able to see it now without too much physical harm but do understand this the emotional pain is already there because I can guarantee you they (the children) have seen what has been going on with you. Let's just pray the cycle does not repeat itself. Counseling may be an outlet for you and your children.

JESSIE - posted on 10/31/2012

10

29

0

Also, if he can do this already, what to stop him doing it again?? but putting u or ur kids in hospital???? get rid of him for good. for the safety of ur kids and urself.

JESSIE - posted on 10/31/2012

10

29

0

he is fucking lucky he isnt behind bars, i dont care how bad ur kids piss u off u never, ever ever do that to a child, yes a child is still a child if they r under 18. What the hell does he fn think he is doing? Of course he will send u these places to go on and see he is trying to be a better man, cuz thats what they do!!! im sorry but no mother, wife, sister or woman with kids puts up with this shit!! i am happly married have 3 kids and no way in hell am i treated like this, all the good in the world can not make up for hurting a child!!!!

Brenda - posted on 10/30/2012

12

26

0

I'm sorry for what you've been through. The best thing to do is to take from this that you've learned something valuable - that you and your children deserve better and that you deserve more than a dead-weight around your neck, a leech sucking you dry.



Don't feel guilty and don't carry his "baggage" (of not having your kids' respect, of being in a shelter and walking around like a hobo)...these are the consequences of choices he has made over the years.



He is the adult and he is responsible and accountable for the decisions he makes - if he chooses to be in a shelter rather than stay with family or friends, that's his decision to live with.



Your responsibility is your kids and the decisions you make around their lives and their futures - you've done the best thing for them and yourself by throwing him out. Such change is never easy and there will now be new challenges to overcome, but I'm sure you'll get to the point where the relief of not having to deal daily with everything he's put you through will make you wonder why you hadn't done it sooner :-).



Best of luck!

Barbara - posted on 10/30/2012

13

20

1

Be glad he is gone! You and your children deserve better. You will loose your son if you were to take him back. Your son needs a good role model and he is not it. Do you want your son to grow up like him - NO you don't. Keep him away from your children. I hate to tell anyone to get a divorce but that is what you need. My prayers are with you.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms