Does your hubby look at porn/pics of other women?

Amanda - posted on 05/08/2009 ( 179 moms have responded )

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I've been with my Fiance now for 3 years.

We have a wonderful son 17 mths old. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant

& before I met him he was apparently a man whore(he's 29) I'm 20 ..

Anyways.

So in the beginning of our relationship I would notice that he looks at alot of other womens photos and leaving flirty comments on them and searching up (boobs ass sex) ect. I confronted him about it when we first started dating and I was pregnant at the time.. I told him how much it had hurt me and made me feel like shit. Lately i notice him doing it again. not porn so much but searching girls photos or looking at SEXY random chicks.. Sometimes when we are out at wal mart or the grocery store I always catch him checking out skinny sexy women. it REALLY bothers me and everytime I confront him now he always asks why it bothers me so much, he doesn't get it... UGH!

HELP!?!?!?!? anyone have anything to say about it?

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Lisa - posted on 05/11/2009

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To answer your question - No way! You should read "Affair of the Mind" by Laurie Hall. It will help you alot. I've been through this myself! Men have no idea what this does to us! It's degrading, disrespectful, heart breaking, etc. In my opinion it's NOT OK for men to look at porn! What they see once will be in their heads forever! They have a choice. You need to remind him how it makes you feel. He can't wrong you for that! Good Luck!

Kate CP - posted on 05/08/2009

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Does my husband look at porn? Yes. Does it bother me? No. Does he leave flirty messages for other women F*CK NO. Looking is one thing, but interacting is something else entirely.

And as far as looking at other women while out in public...I have a saying of "I'm married, I'm not dead." Even I will do a double take a check out a cute butt.

Jocelyn - posted on 05/10/2009

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im my opinion, looking at porn is fine, leaving flirty comments is another thing entirely. leaving comments means he is interacting with these "sexy" women, fantasizing while watching porn is not interaction. just as checking out women in the store is not interaction (also fine in my opinion, i check out guys lol), but if he were to go up to them and flirt, that is crossing a line. i think you should talk to him about it. i wouldn't focus on the porn part of it, but more on the fact that he's talking with random sexy women. also, to make your point clear, how about you let him see you flirting with some (or every) hunk of a man you find in walmart! maybe it'll help him to understand. good luck with everything :)

Tamara - posted on 05/08/2009

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Yep. Heck, I'll look at the porn with him. It's no big deal. He married me, not those chicks in the pictures. At the end of the day, it's me that turns him on the most.

Kate CP - posted on 05/20/2009

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Quoting Christina:

I have read alot of the responses and I am amazed how women think they should be so disrespected by their men looking at porn. What are you teaching your children. If they are looking at porn they are taking away from the family. I can not believe that you women would settle for someone to look at someone else while supposdly in love with you. For all those who say they just look at porn, and nothing I doubt it, you should try to find out because I guarantee he is already talking to other women on line. It is not about a woman not being secure, she needs to be secure but it is also up to each partner to make sure each person is secure in the relationship....Good luck


I'm sorry, but that's a crock. First off, my child is NEVER EVER EVER even in the house when my husband looks at porn. She has no idea what it is or what it looks like. Second, my husband and I are affectionate infront of my daughter: we hug, kiss, laugh, tickle each other. It's good for a child to see their parents being loving toward one another. Third...it's a friggin' picture. It's not a blow-up doll, a hooker, some skank they picked up at the mall, a sex phone chick; it's a picture. 



I know for a fact that my husband has never cheated on me and he never would. Why, you may ask? Because he knows that I would find out and he knows that when I do find out I will not only leave him but I would burn all his clothes and his toys. I would change the locks on the doors. I would take all the money out of the checking account and then put a freeze on all our joint assets. And then I would litterally kick his ass. I am *very* secure in my relationship and I am very secure about myself and my sexual image. I know he wants me. Every single piece of porn he looks at looks just like me. I have no fears of my husband ever leaving me or wanting to cheat. 



If pornography makes a woman uncomfortable then she should in no way put up with it. A husband should respect his wife's wishes. Porn doesn't make me uncomfortable and I find it rather insulting that you think my husband would cheat on me just because he looks at dirty pictures. So, before you go making assumptions and wild accusations about other people's relationships you should honestly think about what you're saying. It's not a good thing to tell women their husbands cheat on them when you don't even know the person.

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Kitty - posted on 10/10/2011

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yes mine did and it drove me batty now anymore he wont i tossed them out as fast as they came in...

Holly - posted on 05/21/2009

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have you ever seen the movie fire proof ?I t is a verry good movie you and him should watch it you wonder why that movie well i dont want to give it away but the guy (husband) does that as well .I think that is verry low of men ,i think that women that are pregnet are so beautiful ,and just rember that you gave that man the best thing in life is a child did u ask him if you did that would he be mad or upset ?Im not sure how to say this (if you have any were you and the babys can go or )kick his ass out !!!give him the optomatomative to stop or elese ....you dont have to deal with that i wont ...i cant say that i have never cought my husband looking at girls in a store i tell him u want em go get em ..i think that you should have a good hart to hart talk to him with out the 17 month being there ,and tell him you really have been thinking and u have told him numerious times you dont like that or this adn why when he says oh ,your over reacting ,say no get out move out and now you can see all the girls you want now .do you know has he ever cheeted on you ?i would come home unexpectily and see wahts going on ..say u felt sick or something ?kick is ass out !!!i know im rambling on but if you do do this it will be hard for you ,and for your son dont take him back rite way make him sweat it for a while ...good luck

Traci - posted on 05/21/2009

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I think if it bothers you, don't put up with it. As long as you are good to him in the relationship, you DESERVE better and so do your kids. That's how I feel. If the guy needs to look at that stuff, than he cannot be trusted. How disrespectful! It affects the whole family, not just the selfish jerk who is looking at it. Time for an ultimatum.

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Quoting Christina:



Quoting Wendy:

Well, I must say that if it bothers you ladies so much that your men look at pic's pf other women, honestly, there must be something missing in your relationship. Men need visual sexual arousal. It used to bother me ALOT that my hubby looked at other women. But then i thought it has to be me because I wasn't happy with myself. I shouldn't feel bad that my other half looks...so what he looks, he is always home, he doesnt drink or smoke. I may not be perfect, but at our age (40 something), we can still heat up the sheets. Talk to him about it. Let him know how it makes you feel. If he's at all compassionate, he will understand.






Are you kidding me! Is has nothing to do with something missing in a relationship bc a guy looks at porn. It does however have to do with women accepting this in their relationship before they get married and then having a problem with it when they get married. Women don't ask enough questions....and women do not stand up for themselves or think they deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I am not talking about people who do it together but those specific men that wait until their wives go to bed and spend four or five hours infront of the computer looking and chatting on porn sites. Anything that takes away from the family and doesn't life each other up is not right and shouldn't be tolerated....






Amanda, you misunderstood Wendy.  She said that "if it bothers you ladies so much that your men look at pics of other women, honestly, there must be something missing in your relationship."  I'm not sure if she is correct because some women are disgusted by porn and get upset that their bf or husband look at it. 

Christina - posted on 05/20/2009

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Quoting Wendy:

Well, I must say that if it bothers you ladies so much that your men look at pic's pf other women, honestly, there must be something missing in your relationship. Men need visual sexual arousal. It used to bother me ALOT that my hubby looked at other women. But then i thought it has to be me because I wasn't happy with myself. I shouldn't feel bad that my other half looks...so what he looks, he is always home, he doesnt drink or smoke. I may not be perfect, but at our age (40 something), we can still heat up the sheets. Talk to him about it. Let him know how it makes you feel. If he's at all compassionate, he will understand.



Are you kidding me! Is has nothing to do with something missing in a relationship bc a guy looks at porn. It does however have to do with women accepting this in their relationship before they get married and then having a problem with it when they get married. Women don't ask enough questions....and women do not stand up for themselves or think they deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I am not talking about people who do it together but those specific men that wait until their wives go to bed and spend four or five hours infront of the computer looking and chatting on porn sites. Anything that takes away from the family and doesn't life each other up is not right and shouldn't be tolerated....

Teri - posted on 05/13/2009

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When it all comes down to it, it is about respect. While I personally think it is wrong to pose for and to look at, what you do in your bed room is up to you. If you don't like it and he does it anyway, the respect is gone. You say he is your Fiance....since you asked our advice, I would not marry him. What he does now, he will continue to do when you marry him. There are men who do not look at porn or stare at other women the way you describe it. Again, it is all about respect and you need that to survive a marriage. Porn can be an addiction and an addiction needs professional help to overcome. My best to you..

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2009

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It sounds like you are questioning your relationship already. I don't think it is good to be with someone who makes you feel like crap. My husband doesn't look at stuff like that, but I'm sure he notices beautiful women if they walk by. Who wouldn't. But he would never do something if it made me feel bad. I just don't htink this is something that will get better over time. Sounds like an addiction and one he doesn't want to quit. Do you want your kids seeing stuff like that? Seeing their dad doing that and at your expense? 3 years is not that long.

Debbie - posted on 05/13/2009

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No you husband/fiance should not be looking at porn. Not only for you but he needs to be thinking about being an example for your new son. The way I explained it to my boys is that child porn and adult porn are all related so if your viewing adult porn, you are also supporting those same people that use your kids for porn...make a decision

Mom - posted on 05/13/2009

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I think it's normal for Men & Women to Check out the other SEX's.Just because your on a diet doesnt mean you cant look at the menu.ha ha. If a couple spices their love life up a lil' Together, thats okay. If guys are "Out w the guys", or "Big shot- Guy Talk"~. Most of the time it is "all talk".~ But if you are Fiance & he's doing it in front of you, and with-out you.( he either is hinting to you or he's a gerk!). In your condition, he should be helping you & your other child prepair for a new baby.If he's looking a porn on site or looking for sexy women w/o you. If he's cant even be honest about sex,(sex is about the easiest part of a relationship!) what else cant he be honest about. I would think about marriage really hard. If he's a "sex addict" I'd also worry about the safety of you children!!! ~Girl, you a "Creating Life" you dont need the Stress!~ what is he doing so impressive that you should keep him. Make two list's if the BAD out weigh's the GOOD for you and your children, DUMP HIM!!!

Rebecca - posted on 05/13/2009

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My Fiance and I have been together for nearly nine years. At times he would look up porn while I was at home with him and it made me uncomfortable. He has never been that in to it though so I never really felt threatened in any way. Recently he has gotten back into the church and that has stopped it completely. I should mention that he also has to little girls so I think that plays into him not wanting that stuff around anymore. To those of you who are dealing with this...I understand how it feels. It feels like you aren't good enough for him, or you are no longer sexy to him. It makes you wonder if he is just waiting for a more attractive girl to come into his life so he can leave you. If you haven't expressed those feelings you should. If he doesn't care ... he doesn't deserve you. Lucky for me church changed mine. Maybe it could help yours. My fiance decided it was important to him for us to be close and for his family to be healthy and happy and porn just didn't fit into that picture.

Rebecca - posted on 05/13/2009

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My Fiance and I have been together for nearly nine years. At times he would look up porn while I was at home with him and it made me uncomfortable. He has never been that in to it though so I never really felt threatened in any way. Recently he has gotten back into the church and that has stopped it completely. I should mention that he also has to little girls so I think that plays into him not wanting that stuff around anymore. To those of you who are dealing with this...I understand how it feels. It feels like you aren't good enough for him, or you are no longer sexy to him. It makes you wonder if he is just waiting for a more attractive girl to come into his life so he can leave you. If you haven't expressed those feelings you should. If he doesn't care ... he doesn't deserve you. Lucky for me church changed mine. Maybe it could help yours. My fiance decided it was important to him for us to be close and for his family to be healthy and happy and porn just didn't fit into that picture.

Anne - posted on 05/13/2009

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No one seems to want to state the obvious here. If you've told your fiancee how you feel about his activity and how bad it hurts you, that should be the end of the behavior! If he loves you the way a man should love you, he would definitely NOT want to cause you pain. I think people don't really understand the true nature of love. LOVE is an action- not some ethereal feeling. When you love someone, you put THEIR needs first because you want the best for them. You don't continue to knowingly hurt them! Its time for an ultimatum girl! But don't expect him to change- I think he's already shown how much he cares for you. I know that sounds like a harsh thing to say to you, but the problem is not with you- its with him. You deserve someone who LOVES you- not someone who is just comfortable being with you till something "better" comes along. Good luck hon. I'll pray asking god to give you strength.

Nicole - posted on 05/13/2009

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Quoting Kim:

Hmmmm men can be awful. Porn bothers me a lot but the real women thing your finace is doing is even worse! That is playing with fire. I have an odd suggestion--suggest to him that you look at porn and such together. Then explore couples and men/women, rather than just womens' pics. If he makes comments, you make comments and see if it takes the fun out of it for him lol.



I agree, watch to together, explore together, be honest but critical .If it`s a nice girl, point it out, but also point out the not so pretty things. My partner often chats on a mens magazin forum, often girls show off their new pics, mostly done professionally, have seen some of the girls from the area out in real life, and believe me they are only half as nice as the pics show them. So it doesn`t bother me too much. The thing is if they want to go any further, they do it anyway and then probably  more likely with the girl next door. If u corner them, they only tell u r paranoid and too jealous and get fed up with u. After all they r still hunters (in their minds) and as long tehy have their "dinner" at home.

Jenni - posted on 05/13/2009

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angie... that's ur opinion not everyone else thinks that way (porn being disgusting and it's cheating) is it cheating when couples watch it together b/c they both enjoy it??? if that's the case than my husband and i have cheated on each other many times in each other's presence! lol and sex doesn't always have to be "loving and kind" infact i find it much more enjoyable when it's not

Molissa - posted on 05/13/2009

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My hubby looks at porn, but he does it when he is really horny and I'm not in the mood or on my period and can't. We just had our first child and the whole time I was pregnant, he didn't look at it. He wanted me. It's not normal for a man to be that into porn and especially since he talks to them. He is playing with fire and you don't have to put up with it. If he looks that hard at porn, then he is not that into you. Please do what is best for you and your children whatever that is. You know what you have to do and you will do it when you are ready. We are all here to support you in your decision whatever it is. But you CAN do better and there are men out there who will think you are the sexiest woman out there.

Angie - posted on 05/13/2009

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Quoting Tamara:

Not attempting to hijack, but can I ask why it is somehow wrong for a man (or woman, for that matter) to look at pornography when there is no cheating at all involved?



Oh Tamara, looking at porn IS cheating.  Once a couple makes a vow to only love each other, the act of fantasizing about another becomes cheating.  We have allowed ourselves to become so animalistic.  As long as it feels good it's okay.  That's not always the case.  A little self restraint is important in our lives.   Besides, sex is not about the physical act only, it should be loving and kind - porn is just disgusting.  

Angie - posted on 05/13/2009

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Quoting Tamara:

Not attempting to hijack, but can I ask why it is somehow wrong for a man (or woman, for that matter) to look at pornography when there is no cheating at all involved?



Oh Tamara, looking at porn IS cheating.  Once a couple makes a vow to only love each other, the act of fantasizing about another becomes cheating.  We have allowed ourselves to become so animalistic.  As long as it feels good it's okay.  That's not always the case.  A little self restraint is important in our lives.   Besides, sex is not about the physical act only, it should be loving and kind - porn is just disgusting.  

Jenni - posted on 05/13/2009

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nicole's attitude rocks... there's nothing wrong with porn! and the one's on here that are saying women who are with men with "wanderering eyes" should be felt sorry for obviously are in denial themselves... both sexes do it... to a point... men are simply more visually stimulated than woman so they tend to do it more... but there definitely is a point where it can harm the relationship... it is in no way dangerous when both parties can be open and honest about it and can agree on their level of comfort when it comes to porn and other women or men... the main problem is communication is many of these cases and not RESPECTING the other partners comfort level... u have to come to compromise... and keep ur own insecurities in check... women are infamous for being overly sensitive and insecure when it comes to other women... some women are so insecure that ne time they see a goodlooking women they check to see if their husband is admiring her too and freak out when he is (or if they *think* he is)... if it bothers u that much because u dont feel as pretty than that's on you... u need to work on ur confidence level... of course there are point when u draw the line!!!! but dont invent problems either... porn and looking are ok with me... that's my comfort level... nething more and im not ok with it... but my husband knows where i draw the line and he never crosses nor do i cross his lines

Colleen - posted on 05/12/2009

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do the same play his game and when he confronts you about it then he may understand. Or start commenting on the girl he is looking at either before he does or find their flaws.

Maggie - posted on 05/12/2009

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just explain to him how it makes you feel, whether it be belittled, unwanted, or whatever. keep the lines of communication open. not so sure what to say about the leaving flirty comments on pictures, but if it were my fiance/husband, he would never hear the end of it. that his soooo not ok.

Maggie - posted on 05/12/2009

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just explain to him how it makes you feel, whether it be belittled, unwanted, or whatever. keep the lines of communication open. not so sure what to say about the leaving flirty comments on pictures, but if it were my fiance/husband, he would never hear the end of it. that his soooo not ok.

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i told my husband he has ME he doesn't need the mag, movies, or ti tie bars. and since we have been married he has had none of it. if you want to be with some one i think they should stop that cuz it just tempts them more to cheat. so i would tell him that or leave him. it woulds be hard to leave cuz you will have 2 kids with him. Hope everything works.

Angela - posted on 05/12/2009

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Ladies, porn is poison anyway you look at it. It demeans women and creates unrealistic expectations in men. I've been married for 25 years, raised two girls and have 7 grandchildren. My husband has an addiction to porn (yes it can be an addiction just likes drugs and alcohol), he is not 'using' now mostly because of his involvment with church and other men who don't use porn. We have survived an affair on his part and I can honestly say that we are currently in a good place as far as our marriage goes. Anyway this is a huge soapbox for me which I will get off of now. Please ladies if your man is involved in porn honor yourself and consider getting out of the relationship, especially if he doesn't see it as a problem.

Sarra - posted on 05/12/2009

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My husband did this, 6 months after we got married ! He would stay up late, purposefully to watch porn (he ran up a HUGE bill paying for whatever it was that he watched!!!) . . . . he would pleasure himself whilst watching it too ! I found out about his little late night parties when the bill came in....and i hit the roof ! To make matters even worse I found out he'd been talking too other women online, flirting, exchanging numbers etc....which i found saved conversations on our PC! So, I packed him a bag....put my wedding ring on top of it with a copy of the conversations i'd found; and when he returned from work I told him to make his choice, his porn and his fantasy women, or his wife.......... Women deserve respect and to feel secure, but in return they should make their men feel respected and secure too. Its a tough call.

Danielle - posted on 05/12/2009

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Hello. Not ALL men are jerks so please don't bash ALL of them. I am a thirty-six year old mother, wife, and MODEL. I have been with my husband for twenty years and happily married for sixteen years. I used to have self-esteem issues and this made me jealous if I thought he was looking at another female. Then I realized something that is a scientific fact; humans are attracted to other humans. Just because your partner/husband/boyfriend notices another attractive female does not mean that he will or wants to jump into bed with her. Flirting is a borderline issue so I'll leave that for another post. How many times do you oogle Brad Pit, Van Diesel, Johnny Depp, or some attractive guy you pass on the street or in the market? Ladies, there is no difference between doing this and what guys do when they see an attractive lady. It just means your guy isn't dead not that he is going to screw every woman he sees. As a model I have lots of guys flirt with me and I just smile, say thank you, and tell them I'm happily married. I also have five children and still have men constantly hitting on me. Does my husband go insane with jealousy or think I'll sleep with them? No, because he TRUSTS me and knows that although I might see a guy who is physically attractive I'm not going to jump into bed with him and ruin what I have. I know a lot of men that feel the same about attractive women. Just because they notice someone attractive doesn't mean they are going to have sex with them. Don't rebutt with feminist ideology because not all men are equal anymore than all women are the same.

Porn/erotic photos is a touchier subject. Humans are a sexual species whether we want to admit it or not. We tend to make it so taboo that people wind up doing crazy things because of pent up feelings. If your man likes to look at erotic photos offer to be his personal model. Instead of being angry, ask him what it is about the background, clothes or person that he is finding so attractive. Not only will this teach you about your partner but can really help in your relationship.

Another note that I must add is that sex is very important in any relationship. If you don't continue to keep all aspects of your relationship satisfactory than people tend to look elsewhere for that satisfaction. My husband and I have a very satisfying relationship. One of the reasons is because we don't let it get old. We try new things, talk about what we like or don't like, role play, etc. When you are with a partner "for life" than why not enjoy it?

Ladies, please take care of yourselves. I am quite serious about this one and it does apply to the guys also. Who wants a partner that is fat, ugly, and doesn't take care of themselves? NO ONE! ( I am talking extreme obesity or not caring what you look like.) People come in different sizes but being in good shape for your body type. Having kids is not an excuse to get fat. I have had five children and am a size 4/6 so don't tell me you can't be small after children.

One final note....communication is necessary and recognizing that men do see things differently but not necessarily incorrectly just differently. Remember your partner is with YOU so therefore he thinks you are the most beautiful woman to him.:) Blessings and good luck.

?? - posted on 05/12/2009

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The way I see it, and have told my boyfriend... sexual behaviour is intimate, if he wants to watch other people have sex - watch porn - that's fine, but there's no way in hell that I'm going to have sex with him. If he wants to break that intimacy with me, by wanting to watch other people have sex then why should I share myself with him..? And if he wants to look at other girls and fantasize, that's fine, but he better realize what his glances are costing him. If he wants to look at another girl in that way, he can go get her. The only man I am attracted too is him, and if he doesn't feel the same way then we're not on the same level. I love him to pieces and I won't ruin our family over porn or pictures of whores, but I will tell him where our relationship stands if he were to do those things. I have no qualms doing whatever I can to make my man happy and if that isn't enough for him, and he has to look elsewhere for any reason, then we have bigger issues than just porn and whores. (I use the word whores cause those girls in those pictures have or would sell their body.) Anyways...... be honest with your man, tell him what those glances and what watching porn will cost him if he continues to make you feel like shit... if his sexual needs are more important than making the woman he loves and has children with feel good and sexy knowing she is the only woman he has eyes for then you're going to have to put your foot down with him. You being made to feel like shit isn't going to help your relationship with your fiance or with your children.



PS: Watching a movie and checking out the leading man is WAY different than purposely going out of his way to look for porn or pictures of girls.

Vita - posted on 05/12/2009

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I'm glad that I'm not the only one going threw this. I hate it that he looks at porn, It makes me feel like I'm not sexy anymore, that he has to look at that to be with me and it bugs the crap out of me.

Charly - posted on 05/12/2009

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Hi Amanda... I have the same problem. When I was first pregnant I caught my husband (my boyfriend at the time) looking at porn on the internet, and let me tell you I was pissed. I am the type of person who HATES that shit... I mean seeing people when you're out at the store is one thing. Mostlikely they are fully clothed and NOT looking back at my fat husband. LOL But the porn is a TOTALY different story. What does your husband need to look at that kind of stuff for if he has you??? You need to make sure he knows how you feel about it... thats what I do. I'm not scared to tell my husband to keep his eyes to himself if he is making me feel uncomfortable when we are somewhere and he is starring at a chick or something... but he DEFINATELY knows not to look at porn. The last time he did that (which was like 2 years ago) I warned him and there is only one warning. :) I think you should be stren with your husband on the matter and tell him you can't live your life like that. Well... good luck... I hope everything works out for you and your family.

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Quoting Kim:

Wow, I'm blown away by how many people find this behavior acceptable in the least. Looking , talking , thinking about another women is not even an option. I think most of you need to grow up and think about your children and your relationships.


There is no thought police.  We are allowed to fantasize, no?  I may be watching a movie with a handsome leading man.  If I thought he was cute, is that cheating?  If those are the boundaries that work for your marriage, family, that's great.  But IMO, it's a bit overbearing.  My husband and I have been faithful to each other for over 15 years, so our rules are working in our marriage. 



 

Heather - posted on 05/12/2009

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Marriage is a committed relationship and is intended to be exclusive. I believe marriage to be between one man and one woman, not a plethora of people viewed for sexual arousal. This is why people feel the need to venture outside of their marriage for "spice", because they have forsaken the one they love and are not choosing to keep their vows. It cheapens and breaks the commitment you made to the person you married. I'm sorry ladies, but I only have those thoughts and desires for my husband. "If any man looks at a woman with lust in his heart, he has committed adultery." Not my words, but His. (That being God) I have seen porn ruin families over and over again. It has NEVER brought ANY good to a couple. Look at the true stats ladies!



Again, I recommend a book called "Affair of the Mind" by Laurie Hall. So many women seem to have sold out to societies lie of porn and in doing so have disgraced themselves in the process.



I agree with Brandell, there are men out there that WILL respect you and cherish you for the gift that you are! I know, I've found such a man! Thank you Jesus! Good luck and be strong!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2009

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You are so right!!! One only tends to realise what u had once you've lost it. And in most cases it will be too late to rectify the damage done. If all these problems could just be sorted out without the kids getting hurt, it will already be a step forwrd.

Cassie - posted on 05/12/2009

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Tamara, I believe that looking at porn is cheating. It may not be physical but he is making an emotional and sexual connection to the women in porn even without touching or talking to them. My husband and I both believe pornography is a form of cheating. That is just what we believe and each couple has to make that decision together! If a man is sneaking behind his wife's back to view porn, he is cheating... just my opinion

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2009

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Quoting Genie:

Hell yes and it caused major problems in our relationship, that and his affair.. It is a cop out when men say 'oh I'm only looking' or 'it doesn't mean anything'. We ended up having counseling and this was a major issue that was raised in our sessions. He did end up throwing it all out in anger at me embarrassing him in that session, but since we have separated I now for fact that he has built that collection up once again because my daughter stumbled on it at his house. Believe me I had nasty words with him because of this!
Have you watched the movie 'why did we get married' ? there is a part that discussed the 80 / 20 rule - what it means is that in a relationship you will normally get 80 % of what you want from the person your with, however you always seem to be seeking the other 20%.. sometimes you will leave the 80% to find the 20% but all you will ever get from that is 20%.. My point here is that men just don't understand when they are on a good wicket.. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side!!


 

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2009

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Quoting Genie:

Hell yes and it caused major problems in our relationship, that and his affair.. It is a cop out when men say 'oh I'm only looking' or 'it doesn't mean anything'. We ended up having counseling and this was a major issue that was raised in our sessions. He did end up throwing it all out in anger at me embarrassing him in that session, but since we have separated I now for fact that he has built that collection up once again because my daughter stumbled on it at his house. Believe me I had nasty words with him because of this!
Have you watched the movie 'why did we get married' ? there is a part that discussed the 80 / 20 rule - what it means is that in a relationship you will normally get 80 % of what you want from the person your with, however you always seem to be seeking the other 20%.. sometimes you will leave the 80% to find the 20% but all you will ever get from that is 20%.. My point here is that men just don't understand when they are on a good wicket.. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side!!


 

Kim - posted on 05/12/2009

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Wow, I'm blown away by how many people find this behavior acceptable in the least. Looking , talking , thinking about another women is not even an option. I think most of you need to grow up and think about your children and your relationships.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2009

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That's men for you. They are all like that, whether they let you see them or not.But as some of you say, they can look at pics of other women to a point. I'm a mother of 3 and i still feel sexy eventhough I am trying to get rid of some baby fat. I refuse to let a man make me feel ugly. I use reverse psychology on my husband. If he comments or looks at another girl I do the same with other men. There are alot of hunks around, and if he can comment on anorexic girls then surely I can compliment a hunk with a body of steel. You'll see how quickly they get cross when you do the same. My husband then immediately stops with his comments. If he comments on my body, I comment on his. Things are much better for me now, because I made him realise that eventhough I have three kids there are still alot of men out there who wants me and that I will be able to go on without him with 3 kids and all.

[deleted account]

In response to Tamara. IMO watching is okay, but the OP says that her boyfriend leaves messages on the photos. He leaves the door open for another woman to contact him. It's wrong. He is involved in a relationship with kids, he needs to control himself. I know my husband looks at other women. It's natural, but the boyfriend needs too keep his other impulses in check such as posting messages. That's going too far.

Alexandria - posted on 05/11/2009

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this is a tricky one as it does hurt when men look at other women. Most men feel the need to look at other women for some reason, i think it is just in their nature. Sometimes it is not about them, but about you, do you have insecurities about yourself? Being pregnant is a difficult time and your hormones are probably going mad, i guess you just have to ask him what are his reasons for this and ask yourself do you think he is capable of cheating on you? The worst thing is, when you are pregnant, men seem to have this idea in there head that 'your pregnant now so i can do what i want because you NEED me'. which is not the case, but it can leave you with emotions that you shouldnt have to deal with. I just think that if your relationship is strong, it will get better, maybe approach the situation differently and make a joke out of it.. becuase really.. he is looking, he isnt touching and aslong as you know it wouldnt go any further than that, that is the most important thing. It is still not right what he is doing. The best way to deal with it is to have open communication, and maybe you need to liven things up in the love department, have a special dinner together, massages etc. best of luck, i know it is not easy and we have all had to deal with this at some stage in relationships, i hope he changes his ways and stops disrespecting you :( all the best

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2009

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I wouldn't put up with it!!!!! I am not dumb and I know that my husband notices other women who are attractive. I notice men who are attractive. He is not obvious about it and has never made a comment about other women to me. Had he done that, especially in the beginning of our relationship, I would have left him. I think in part some of it comes down to trust but it is also about respect. If he respects me enough he will not hurt my feelings by comparing me to other women or always checking out other women in my presence. Women deserve better and we need to hold men accountable for you it. Bottom line: you deserve a man who will respect your feelings about the issue.

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2009

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Quoting Aleassa N Adam:

I TOTALLY agree with you Angie! Real men do not treat women this way. There are a lot of jerks and perverts out there, but there ARE also good men out there, believe it or not. (I have one, and I am SOOOO lucky.) Get a man who loves God with all his heart, they are the only ones who will not let you down.



what s a man who doens't love God is not a good man?  I am not saying that you shouldn't love God but there are men out there who don't Love God "with all his heart" and are good people. My husband is amazing, he loves me and our son and does everything for me and he does enjoy watching porn and looking at pics of women and I have no problem with him b/c he does not spend all his time doing that and we do once in a while enjoy watching together. As long as your man shows you respect and love then there is nothing to worry about. AND MY HUSBAND IS A REAL MAN and TREATS ME LIKE A QUEEN!!!!!

Tabatha - posted on 05/11/2009

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Ive just recently had a baby to my partner of a year weve had a beautiful baby girl but since weve had her ive found him searching boobs sex porn etc it bothers me aswell and when i confront him about it he tells me he does it for me to become better and keep me pleased and interested in him :S whats with that??

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

Wow, that's a very judgemental and holier than though attitude. Who are you to cast judgement on women who have different views than you? In addition, why do you assume that women who choose to not stand up for themselves in certain situations will be looked down upon by men? There are plenty of men out there who don't stand up for themselves either, what do you call them? In reference to what if my daughter were a porn star, well I do have a daughter and if she chose that as a career when she became an adult then I would respect her decision. That does not mean that I wouldn't want more for her but I would love her regardless of what she chose to do for a living because I don't believe that there is anything wrong with pornography. I have taught my daughter to love herself and to not have to depend on a man to make her happy.



couldn't have said it any better!!!!!! 

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2009

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WOW, there are alot of women out there who really don't agree with their men looking at porn or other women, GIVE ME A BREAK I know that at least 98% of you are looking at other men.......I will admit it I do and my husband knows about it!!!! I had a child 9 months ago and yes my body is not perfect anymore but you know what my hisband still gets turned on when he looks at me and he looks and watches porn, acutally we watch it together and we both love it cause there is nothing wrong with it.......I just think you women are too senstive and all those hormones are kicking in cause I don't think there is anything wrong with it, maybe you ladies should give it a try and share stuff like that with your spouse and you will see you will enjoy it too!!!! Sorry for being so harsh but it just frusterates me to see you women get all stressed out for no reason and I am not making any excuses for men cause WOMEN do it too!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2009

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Wow, that's a very judgemental and holier than though attitude. Who are you to cast judgement on women who have different views than you? In addition, why do you assume that women who choose to not stand up for themselves in certain situations will be looked down upon by men? There are plenty of men out there who don't stand up for themselves either, what do you call them? In reference to what if my daughter were a porn star, well I do have a daughter and if she chose that as a career when she became an adult then I would respect her decision. That does not mean that I wouldn't want more for her but I would love her regardless of what she chose to do for a living because I don't believe that there is anything wrong with pornography. I have taught my daughter to love herself and to not have to depend on a man to make her happy.

Alyssa - posted on 05/11/2009

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Posted by Sabrina Smith (May 8, 7:45 pm)

Man are man. And thats how they are.



^^ i don't agree w this one bit! actually i truly hate it when people say it. being a man does not give u a special pass or right to look at porn and/or other women. and it's not ok unless both parties have an agreement and are alright w the situation. if ur man is looking at other women [porn included] without your consent then that is not being respectful, faithful or considerate towards you. AMANDA WINTER, i think you need to lay it all out in front of your man. tell him 'it makes me feel like you're not attracted to me. i feel ugly. it makes me think you're not interested in me anymore. i dont feel like you're comited to me. you're being an asshole. i dont give a damn if you dont understand why just stop doing it...etc" however you feel just lay it out for him.



i'm really sorry for all the women out there who have men w wandering eyes. if they were completely content w their relationship they wouldn't be assholes. =( i hope something changes...especially w CORAN LEVER. i really hate that in our society it's pretty acceptable for men to check out other women, or slut themselves around but its practically a federal crime if a women does the same damn thing. its so fucked up.

Kristin - posted on 05/11/2009

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Quoting Katherine:

In order for a relationship to last, you must have trust in each other. It is known that both men and women have fantasies and not all couples are open to help each other fulfill them. I have been with the same man for 12 years. He looks at porn and he checks out other woman whether I am there or not. At the end of everyday, he is home waiting for me to get home from work with a kiss. Nobody's relationship is going to work when it is full of jealousy. I say, if you aren't willing to fulfill his fantasies, let him look and be happy. Otherwise, you are only going to cause undue stress on your relationship with him and your children because they can sense it even if you don't say anything. There is a HUGE difference from looking and touching. If you trust your man won't stray, then allow him to look. If you don't trust him, then why are you with him?


Well said!

Kristin - posted on 05/11/2009

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Quoting Kate:

Does my husband look at porn? Yes. Does it bother me? No. Does he leave flirty messages for other women F*CK NO. Looking is one thing, but interacting is something else entirely.

And as far as looking at other women while out in public...I have a saying of "I'm married, I'm not dead." Even I will do a double take a check out a cute butt.



Kate...I agree 100% with you.  I think it is all about trust.  I trust my husband. Even though he looks at porn, I know he still wants me...I think it is even healthy to a point (looking at porn).  Every sex therapist I have heard talk or write columns about this kind of thing agrees.  However..if he is leaving messages that is wrong. 

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