Does your husband give you a Mother's Day gift?
FeeFee - posted on 05/21/2013
My hubby doesn't buy me gifts anymore. He did when we first got together. But now he doesn't do dinner, flowers or gifts. He doesn't take my 9 year old shopping for my mothers day gift either. Heck I would be happy with a home made card... :(
Its very disheartning to be honest. I feel like Iam not worthy?
He says he's too busy at work to have time to go shopping. We have been together for 10 years. That anniversary came and went without notice too. *Sigh*
Shannon - posted on 05/06/2013
That study is not surprising to me, especially in America, where most men undervalue the worth of their children's' mother! Fortunately for me, my husband is in the 6th % of men who like to give gifts on Mother's Day! For us, its not necessarily about the price tag, yet the thoughtfulness that goes into the gifts! For instance, last year my husband booked an appointment for me at a salon and put a gift card in the card to me for me to get my hair cut and colored. He knew that I hadn't made the time for myself and wasn't feeling great about my appearance. He planned a fun outing with our girls that day, so I could pamper myself. This gift wasn't about me being 'his mommy', but about him recognizing how devoted I am to raising his precious little girls. It was a token of appreciation! He does something thoughtful like that each year. He also takes our girls out to help them pick out a couple of little gifts that he knows I'll appreciate. Some of the other posters are right that mothers shouldn't be celebrated just once a year, but I would like to think that the dads/husbands who actually take the time to give thoughtful gifts on Mother's Day, are most likely thoughtful and giving husbands during most of the year anyway. In turn, my girls and I make Father's Day really special each year for my husband, including gift-giving! We also give gifts to our mothers and fathers on those days as well and we usually plan to see them all at some point!
Angela - posted on 05/06/2013
It's not a debate, Jodi, people are just commenting on what they do and why.
How boring if we were all the same. I couldn't really give a stuff if people do the same as me (and no-one does on here so far because I'm British and we have a different Mothers Day anyway).
The original poster on here felt it was crazy that only 6% of men mark Mothers Day as a gift-giving occasion with their own wife. What did everyone do before there was a Mothers Day? Oh yeah, we survived and just got on with our lives!
Right now, some clever marketer is thinking up the next "occasion" which will have members of the public digging deep into their pockets.
I find it all SO amusing!
Cecilia - posted on 05/06/2013
Roxanne, I buy my mother-in-law, step-mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law presents. I buy my foster mother a present on top of that. I send my bio mother a card and some pics of the kids and me. As I said the way we do it is to celebrate all "mothers" in your life.
Enna - posted on 05/06/2013
My husband doesn't really buy me a gift on Mother's Day. He helps the kids buy gifts for me. But guess what, this may be shocking... My mom and my mother-in-law buy me Mother's Day gifts! ( I buy them gifts too). I just bought my sister a Mother's Day gift because it's her first Mother's Day. I'm going to buy my grandma a Mother's Day gift, even though she's not my mother! GASP!
It's a celebration of mothers, not necessarily a celebration of just your own mother.
And guess what else... when Father's Day comes around I will probably buy my mom a Father's Day card! She was a single parent, and was my mother and father in one. I don't seriously think she's my father, but we always laugh when I give her a Father's Day card.
Jenny - posted on 05/06/2013
My husband is the best...he showers me with gifts throughout the year but on Mothers Day he will work on making it a little more special. I look forward to my birthday and Mothers Day as they are within the same month so we combine them. This year I am getting a Nikon D3100, which will help getting those amazing photos I want of my family. Just in time for Graduation too!!!! http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B...
Jodi - posted on 05/05/2013
I actually question why this is a debate and why it even really matters to anyone else, and why someone even cares enough to tell other mothers it is "silly and pointless". Because seriously, it is all a matter of opinion. Isn't it the same as saying to someone that allowing your children to believe in the tooth fairy is "stupid"? Right up there as sanctimonious?
Cecilia - posted on 05/05/2013
there is no "mother of my child" day... so we use mothers day. its a generic holiday and can be celebrated any way someone wishes. I buy him father's day presents so. because once again i dont have a "father of my child" day.
who says if he buys me something he does not still love his mother? Guess what his grandmother gets something also. You're allowed to celebrate all mothers in your life.
I actually am a stickler for money and it being spent on me. But you know what.. having a day for me and being spoiled once a year is okay. My husband even said not to feel bad about how much he spent because i do everything for our family. i deserve a few nice things.
Angela - posted on 05/05/2013
When you're a long way away from your mother (or ANY loved one) a phone call or letter always means more than a gift. Michelle Waldbillig - your husband has the right idea.
A couple of my previous posts may have been misunderstood. A man can give his wife a gift or token of his esteem ANY day of the year, and for ANY reason he wishes. I just feel that a CARD along the lines of "To My Dear Wife On Mother's Day" is a bit silly. The card industry is thriving on their aggressive marketing and our gullibility!
For long enough we've known that "sex sells". But here's a more powerful message "Love sells" as does guilt, family responsibility etc .... You can ignore the adverts, the sales pitch etc ... if you're of a strong and determined disposition but it only takes 2 or 3 "friends" who buy into the hype to make you feel guilty and obliged.
Here's what I often did when my own mother was alive .... In the UK, where we have Mothering Sunday (4th Sunday in Lent - usually falls sometime in March) as our Mothers Day, fresh flowers are top price for a few days before and after this date. By the time International Mothers Day came around (which British people don't generally observe), it's May, the flowers are more plentiful - because it was warmer weather - and a lot cheaper! Furthermore, being one of 4 siblings, my mother had enough flowers for Mothers Day in March - it was nice for her to get flowers in May! It's also possible to buy Mothers Day cards very cheaply 2 or 3 days after Mothering Sunday - just buy them at the knockdown price and save them for a few weeks!
My Mother brought me up to be economical and careful with my cash. She was always SO pleased and proud when I marked Mothers Day in May instead of March.
You could try this idea the other way around in the USA and Australia where International Mothers Day is observed!
Michelle - posted on 05/05/2013
Well my husband's Mother is on the other side of the world so he will buy me something from our 3yo daughter. He will ring his Mum though. My 2 older children will buy me something from the Mother's Day stall at school.
Julie - posted on 05/05/2013
It's not,"Mother of your child's day". It's Mother's Day! thats probably why the percentage is low. . does it sound that crazy now? most husbands still have a mom and I hope a relationship with her that he still loves and respects enough to celebrate and give to her on Mother's Day.
Cecilia - posted on 05/04/2013
My husband does. I figured most did. I helped him pick out mine this year ( beads for my charm bracelet, one to symbolize each child) Last year he got me a new sewing machine because my old one was breaking down and i just dealt with it.
I don't see it as I'm his mother. I see it as I am a very important mother in his life. I went through labor to give him those children and buying me something is fine.
Angela - posted on 05/04/2013
My husband also gets me gifts and shows his thoughtfulness in many ways throughout the year. He always asks me how I feel Mothers Day is going for me when it's Mothers Day and is pleased to see my adult children remembered me. He loves being a step-grandparent too! But I'd feel a bit foolish if he got me a gift or card specifically for Mother's Day - we didn't share the parenting experience together. Trust me, if I wanted him to mark Mother's Day with me, he would do so. And if we HAD been parents together, I would want my value to him to be based on that of being a person in my own right, not on being a mother, though possibly on being a wife.
I'm glad I'm a mother but when society's values on motherhood expect husbands to specifically celebrate their wife's qualities as a parent as though it's a huge, significant thing, what effect does this have on couples who are unable to have children? Or on couples who perhaps have elected not to have children? More misery and more perception of "judgement" from society at large!
This is not to say that men shouldn't value and appreciate the mother of their children - but I'm a whole person worthy of respect, recognition and appreciation in my own right quite apart from being a parent.
I understand this conversation is topical as International Mother's Day is coming up. In England, we have "Mothering Sunday" as our regular Mother's Day. That's the fourth Sunday in Lent and usually falls sometime during March. There's a Mother's Day in just about every month of the year you know! Which one you celebrate depends on which country you live in!
I might feel differently if he was the father of my children - I only wish he was! That individual (my ex-husband), by the way never even sent me birthday cards during our time together! And - it's my birthday today and my husband is spoiling me - just for being myself, his wife!
I might sometimes send my husband a Father's Day card from our dog though! LOL!!
Jodi - posted on 05/04/2013
Well, Angela, I guess that's your opinion. I love getting a gift from my husband on mother's day to express his appreciation to me as a mother to his child. I don't consider it pointless and stupid. Just as I don't see it as pointless and stupid if he brings home flowers because he knows I've had a tough week at work. If that means every day is an occasion, then so be it. Each to their own. But it is only your opinion that it is pointless and stupid. I get gifts from my kids too, but hubby just likes to make me feel special for what I do as a mother as well. Why? Because he appreciates it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Angela - posted on 05/04/2013
I'm not his mother.
And he's not the father of my children (I had a family to my former husband who is now deceased but we were divorced anyway). In fact he has NO biological children of his own. And we were 50 when we got married - so my children had already grown up, flown the coop and were living their own lives, following their own careers.
Mother's Day means choosing a card and gift for HIS mother (mine passed away over 2 years ago) and waiting to see what I get from my adult kids, if they remember etc ...
With the parents of small children who are too young to arrange gifts, cards etc ... for their mother, her husband should do this on the children's behalf. Especially if the child(ren) are tiny. But wherever possible, the Daddy should involve the kids. He might be the one paying but the children should have a hand in choosing. If they go to a store, then he might even hand the cash to the children to pay the sales staff when they choose gifts and cards. If they shop online, then the kids should be gathered around the computer (preferably at a time when Mammy isn't around!).
When kids are older, Dad can encourage and supervise them in making home-made gifts and cards, perhaps planting bulbs or seeds a few weeks/months ahead of Mothers Day in order to grow flowers & plant for her to enjoy.
The gift or card should NEVER be from the husband of the lady, it's from the kids, not him. She's NOT his mother! Cards that state "To my Wife on Mothers Day" are actually pretty pointless and stupid - unless (perhaps) said wife has just had a baby and it's their first child. Marketers always aim to make consumers out of us all. Just about every day in the year now is an occasion with a greeting card and gift attached. Don't fall for it!
Becky - posted on 05/03/2013
We go out to brunch at one of my favorite restaurants. Honestly, that's all I want. I don't want anything material on a day that he's "suppose to get me something". To me, it's not much of a surprise when you are expecting something. Besides, I would much rather have my husband give me something, just for the heck of it rather than on a holiday.
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