Everyone please read...

Jodi - posted on 12/07/2009

I have absolutely no idea how this was reopened, or who reopened this to be able to have a reply hours after the thread was closed, and then it was closed again. However, I have quickly reopened it now to advise readers to STOP flagging the posts because you don't agree with them!!! There are numerous posts in this thread that have been continually flagged, and while they may be controversial, they DO NOT violate guidelines by personally attacking any individual members.



Any further flagged posts from this thread will be ignored because the thread has been closed, and there is no need for anyone to carry this further.



I ask that you read Loureen's post and take note.

Emily - posted on 12/06/2009

Some people take joy in being cruel, unlikable human beings. Pure and simple.

Marcia - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Barb:

Okay, I'm way new to this site and I usually am just a reader not a poster. But, after this thread...ladies, I don't wanna play with you anymore....I think some of you are unhappy women who take their frustrations out in cyber world. I think I"m unsubscribing from this group. Y'all are not nice at all....

I agree Barb, it does sound like some of these women are very angry. But I joined this group to give and receive support. We cannot let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. I believe there are women in this group that will benefit from what we have to say. For these angry women we can only pray for them and hope they will find guidance and peace.

Charlie - posted on 12/06/2009

Ok ladies since no seems to read the pinned threads in which all guidelines and etiquette are posted once again i will give the link .
PLEASE READ : http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/we...

I am going to lock this thread as once again the OP has been turned against itself and is now being used to slag each other off .

EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion and as everyone is entitled to their opinion surely you must all realize not everyone will agree , how can we gather information if we only hear what we want to hear ? why ask a question in the first place if you refuse to listen to anything else other than your own opinion and in saying that if you do disagree please approach it in a mature fashion and not in a typical school yard cat fight , we are mothers not opposing cliques in high school .

Jacqueline in your last two posts you say " Be supportive and respectful of one another, not slanderous. Much love to everyone xoxoxo "

Beautiful i could not agree more BUT then you go on to say .

" People like Sharon are very essential to new moms. She teaches us how to NOT raise our children. Compassion, understanding, empathy and patience are all important values to instil in children. Apparently, what is common sense to her is just the rule of the land and all others who deviate from her logic are common, simple minded amoeba. I think everyone should pay attention to her half-witted defamation towards others so as to know and understand what to avoid in our and our children's individual growth and evolution within humanity."

That is a perfect example of personal attack and completely against guidelines .
Please take the time to read the pinned thread on how to conduct yourself whilst participating in internet forums .

Ladies please post respectfully whether its in agreement or disagreement , there is nothing wrong with healthy debate as long as you stick to the guidelines .

Cristi - posted on 12/06/2009

I have to say I agree with Barb. I also am new to this site and have decided this is not a group I want to be a part of. I thought it would be a good place to connect with other moms but no thanks! I can get this kind of drama a million other places in my life. I'll stick with my own little circle of moms who I've known for the 20 years I've been a parent!

Sarah - posted on 12/06/2009

I think the one simple rule should stand, if you cant say anything nice & helpful then DONT say anything at all. You dont have to post a comment to someones question if you think their question is dumb. Some of us dont mind repeating an answer many times to help different mums. When you are new to a site & havent figured it all out yet its not always easy finding info on what you need to know!

Irene - posted on 12/06/2009

If you can't give a positive objective opinion, and are just out to belittle someone for their questions then no, you should not be participating in the conversation.

Theresa - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Erin:

totally agree, but watch out, I posted this exact (not word for word but) post last week and had people mad at me for it! if you don't agree with someone about something then just skip the question. it's annoying when people just have to give their "opinion" no matter what.

I guess if you say it nicely (like you did) and someone gets mad at you for it, maybe they think it's hitting a little too close to home.

Irene - posted on 12/06/2009

I totally agree with you because no one person knows everything so there are always questions to be asked and that's how people learn best.

Amber - posted on 12/06/2009

Well said! i agree

Erin - posted on 12/06/2009

Well said!! We are all mom's and all have opinions but the fact is they will be different. Advice/personal views are only opinions and should be respected. It's sad moms cant just be all on the same side. It's hard enough in this world trying to be a great mom, we don't need other moms putting our ways or thoughts down because it isn't theirs!

Tina - posted on 12/06/2009

agree

Jacqueline - posted on 12/06/2009

People like Sharon are very essential to new moms. She teaches us how to NOT raise our children. Compassion, understanding, empathy and patience are all important values to instil in children. Apparently, what is common sense to her is just the rule of the land and all others who deviate from her logic are common, simple minded amoeba. I think everyone should pay attention to her half-witted defamation towards others so as to know and understand what to avoid in our and our children's individual growth and evolution within humanity.

Krista - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Krystl:

I have one question for some of the people on here.......Are we MOTHERS or are we CHILDREN?!? This is circle of MOMS.......If you feel you need to act like a child, then maybe you should look into Disney.com......Oh, wait, they would kick you off their website for that dirty mouth!! Maybe your mom's never taught you, "If you can't say anything nice, then DON'T say anything at all!!" Act your age and respect people for what they have to say.....this is motherhood honey, NOT politics!

Some would say at this point that you should practise what you preach.

Krystl - posted on 12/06/2009

I have one question for some of the people on here.......Are we MOTHERS or are we CHILDREN?!? This is circle of MOMS.......If you feel you need to act like a child, then maybe you should look into Disney.com......Oh, wait, they would kick you off their website for that dirty mouth!! Maybe your mom's never taught you, "If you can't say anything nice, then DON'T say anything at all!!" Act your age and respect people for what they have to say.....this is motherhood honey, NOT politics!

Barb - posted on 12/06/2009

Okay, I'm way new to this site and I usually am just a reader not a poster. But, after this thread...ladies, I don't wanna play with you anymore....I think some of you are unhappy women who take their frustrations out in cyber world. I think I"m unsubscribing from this group. Y'all are not nice at all....

Lori - posted on 12/06/2009

That was a very nice statement you made and I feel the same even though I am brand new to this web site. We all need to respect others people feeling... I hope I have fun on this website...thank you

Sharon - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Kerri:

Quoting Sharon:

We may be mothers but some common sense is expected. Posting the same topic that the previous 5 people in front of you did is ludicrous.

Right at the top in the pinned topics is the H1N1 discussion. reason says that if you have a question about H1N1, you would check that out FIRST. But nope. People think they are the first person in 2009 nearly halfway through the flu season to develop concerns about H1N1 and post a fresh topic asking the exact same question.

Diapers, potty training, stubborn toddlers - all of these are VERY VERY VERY common questions and I'm pretty sure there are some groups for these issues specifically. and yet, when I log in there are half a dozen brand new questions about "how to make my daughter want to piss in the potty."

I can't help but be amazed and amused by the repetitive questions. Some people never look at an OPs stats either. They read the post subject and right away type up a response. Never mind the thread has 200+ replies on how to cure diaper rash. Do you REALLY think you're the first person to suggest desitin? balmex? a trip to the doctor because the rash you ignored on your child turned into a pus filled infection? Did anyone happen to notice that OP had one, and only one post to her name and hasn't been back to the site since she made that post?

Has anyone noticed that some of the controversial posts are made by Screen Names that have a couple of posts to their name and they never reply to the questions?

Its hard to take some of this seriously when people make ridiculous questions. "how to break my daughter?" I'm sorry but the comic in me comes screaming free when I read stuff like that.

When there are half a dozen posts on the first 3 - 6 pages about when to feed a baby cereal for the first time and you post the question AGAIN - you can expect some heat. Its been said. Its also a highly debated topic.

You can sit around and pat each other on the back for being courageous for "just asking the question" but I'd rather see intelligence behind the questions than just courage.

I love the "name my baby" questions. "I want a unique name for my baby boy or girl" Thats it. they want first and middle names, no real suggestions, like, "we are into S&M and would prefer names that show our proclivities." Have these people never heard of google? bookstores? REALLY?

EVERYONE PLEASE READ!!!! Really? Was there a national emergency? Or did you get your feelings hurt by some random stranger on the internet? This IS the internet. People come from all around the world and post here. There are a LOT of different opinions. THIS particular forum has nearly EIGHT MILLION MEMBERS. Do you really think we should all just agree with you so there won't be a difference of opinion?

Do you think that inbetween my cooking, cleaning, job, farm chores (yes we have a small farm) that I should sit here and edit my posts to a mary poppins quality so your feelings won't be butt hurt?

Grow a pair. I support every mom for simply trying. I don't support every asinine question they shove out their poop chute.

I just wanted to say that i think that you are very rude. And you are the exact type of person that she is talking about.

Oh GASP!!  The horrors!!!  you called me rude!!  pout pout!!  thats not nice!!  you hurt my feelings you mean mean mean person you!!!  WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharon - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Candice:

sharon...if you think it's dumb, why not just DON"T ANSWER instead of making someone feel like crap? selfish need to be a smartass? show you're better than someone else? not sure. if you don't like a question, or think it's too repetetive, IGNORE IT...no need to hurt someone's feelings because you happen to be annoyed.

Candice - HOW DARE YOU CRITISIZE ME???

You don't like my replies, don't read them.

Louise - posted on 12/06/2009

agreed.....

Becky - posted on 12/06/2009

I completly agree with you....every one is intitled to their own oppinions but please keep the behavior adult.

Tiphanie - posted on 12/06/2009

Well said!!

Heather - posted on 12/06/2009

you couldn't have put it any better

Karen - posted on 12/06/2009

Okay so for my second opinion, on Potty Training. When my first born was a year old I remember my Mother-in-law telling me I should start potty training. So I took her advice. For 9 month I sat the little baby on the potty knowing I was doing the right thing. I have pictures of him trying to do what I wanted him to do. He was finally trained by 2. By the time my 2nd came along I stopped taking advice, she was trained when she was ready. It took me 2 months and she was trained around 2 1/2. My 3rd. I started to train when he was 2 and it took me one month. Grandchildren the same, we started around 2. The child will tell you when he is ready. When they wake up dry for quite a few nights you can start by putting them on the potty in the morning. And they get the idea quickly. Have an award system. Stars on a chart is a great one. They love praise. Accidents happen don't get bent out of shape. When you start too soon you are the one triained and the child is not. You just have a schedule for you. And each one of your children will be different. They are not clones. Have patience, We had accidents for 2 years after that too. Just think, you start out in diapers and in the end up in diapers. Be kind, Your kids will eventually take care of you and pick out your nursing home.

Jacqueline - posted on 12/06/2009

High five Mama! Strongly agreed!

The purpose of the circle is to gain support and sometimes, this is the only place mothers can get that support. We have ALL, at one point or another, been not so confident as Moms and felt embarassed to ask for help in fear of appearing "dumb". This should be a safe place built on empathy and encouragement. No Mom is perfect, but we all keep trying for the sake of our babies, everyday. Be supportive and respectful of one another, not slanderous. Much love to everyone xoxoxo

Divya - posted on 12/06/2009

Agreed.

Veronica - posted on 12/06/2009

I couldn't agree more.

Karen - posted on 12/06/2009

I haven't been able to get on here alot. I'm a Grandmother helping to raise Grandchildren that have lived in my house for a long time which I don't mind. But on the criticism, NO ONE raises children the same way. Each generation is different. I have changed my views from one generation to the next. I was trying very hard on the 1st generation to be perfect and I found out that no matter what you do they all survive our mistakes and turn out to be good adults. I wish I could go back and change a few things but you don't get that option in life. Just do the best you can, and if you are a single parent, try to find someone trustworthy enoungh to watch your kids so you can get some time away. It refreshes. Like taking the battery out of your phone. You need a healthy rest to enjoy your kids. They are with you for only a short time. Enjoy them. I'm talking from experience.

Kate CP - posted on 12/06/2009

First I want to say yet again that just because you don't like a response DOES NOT MEAN it's offensive and should be flagged. When people just flag every single post that they don't agree with it makes the MODs' job A LOT harder and it annoys us.
Secondly, if you every have a question about "What is offensive versus a personal opinion?" read the pinned post at the top of the community. Ever wonder what the guidelines and rules for posting to this community is? READ THE THREAD PINNED AT THE TOP OF THE COMMUNITY.

No, there is absolutely no reason people should be mean or nasty in their posts and we as moderators do our best to remove the offending posts and issue warnings or ban posters who violate the terms of use. HOWEVER, I am at my wits end with the number of repetitive posts or posts about a topic that has already been pinned. PLEASE ladies I *BEG* of you to just read over the first few pages of topics BEFORE posting a new question. If you see a question about piercing your baby's ears and that is the exact question you have DO NOT START A NEW QUESTION! Read the previous post and respond to that if you like.

Posts that are found to be dangerous advice to a family or child should be flagged so the moderators can handle it appropriately. Medical advice or diagnoses over the internet should be taken with a grain of salt. Any good doctor knows that they cannot give medical advice or treatment without seeing the patient first (and meeting them online doesn't count).

It's OK to get angry! Anger is a natural, healthy emotional response for a human! So if you don't like a post and you are angry then yes, tell that person about it. However, be CIVIL when doing so. You don't have to call some body a raving b*tch to get your point across. We all have different personalities and that means what one person may find humorous another might find offensive or mean. What one person may deem as stupid may be an intelligent and appropriate comment.

In closing I would like to add that constructive criticism can be a very good thing especially if delivered gently. People online will talk more openly and without the normal filter that most people put in place when face to face with some one. So ladies I suggest we all grow a thick layer of skin and try to be civil to each other.
Thank you,
Kate Capehart
CoM Moderator

Myra - posted on 12/06/2009

I agree. I've seen more rudeness and "my way is the only way and if you don't think that, you are a sh**ty mom" posts this week on here than I care to think could exist. Haven't seen any stupid questions, but I'm of the opinion they all have validity since someone wants to know what's going on about something.

:)

Kerri - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Sharon:

We may be mothers but some common sense is expected. Posting the same topic that the previous 5 people in front of you did is ludicrous.

Right at the top in the pinned topics is the H1N1 discussion. reason says that if you have a question about H1N1, you would check that out FIRST. But nope. People think they are the first person in 2009 nearly halfway through the flu season to develop concerns about H1N1 and post a fresh topic asking the exact same question.

Diapers, potty training, stubborn toddlers - all of these are VERY VERY VERY common questions and I'm pretty sure there are some groups for these issues specifically. and yet, when I log in there are half a dozen brand new questions about "how to make my daughter want to piss in the potty."

I can't help but be amazed and amused by the repetitive questions. Some people never look at an OPs stats either. They read the post subject and right away type up a response. Never mind the thread has 200+ replies on how to cure diaper rash. Do you REALLY think you're the first person to suggest desitin? balmex? a trip to the doctor because the rash you ignored on your child turned into a pus filled infection? Did anyone happen to notice that OP had one, and only one post to her name and hasn't been back to the site since she made that post?

Has anyone noticed that some of the controversial posts are made by Screen Names that have a couple of posts to their name and they never reply to the questions?

Its hard to take some of this seriously when people make ridiculous questions. "how to break my daughter?" I'm sorry but the comic in me comes screaming free when I read stuff like that.

When there are half a dozen posts on the first 3 - 6 pages about when to feed a baby cereal for the first time and you post the question AGAIN - you can expect some heat. Its been said. Its also a highly debated topic.

You can sit around and pat each other on the back for being courageous for "just asking the question" but I'd rather see intelligence behind the questions than just courage.

I love the "name my baby" questions. "I want a unique name for my baby boy or girl" Thats it. they want first and middle names, no real suggestions, like, "we are into S&M and would prefer names that show our proclivities." Have these people never heard of google? bookstores? REALLY?

EVERYONE PLEASE READ!!!! Really? Was there a national emergency? Or did you get your feelings hurt by some random stranger on the internet? This IS the internet. People come from all around the world and post here. There are a LOT of different opinions. THIS particular forum has nearly EIGHT MILLION MEMBERS. Do you really think we should all just agree with you so there won't be a difference of opinion?

Do you think that inbetween my cooking, cleaning, job, farm chores (yes we have a small farm) that I should sit here and edit my posts to a mary poppins quality so your feelings won't be butt hurt?

Grow a pair. I support every mom for simply trying. I don't support every asinine question they shove out their poop chute.

I just wanted to say that i think that you are very rude. And you are the exact type of person that she is talking about.

Erin - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Krista:

Quoting Erin:

totally agree, but watch out, I posted this exact (not word for word but) post last week and had people mad at me for it! if you don't agree with someone about something then just skip the question. it's annoying when people just have to give their "opinion" no matter what.

What if the opinion of the OP is dangerous to their child? Or what if the the information being doled out is dangerous?  Do you expect us to bite our tongues and let the child be hurt?

ok fine, but there are better ways of saying things, we can all be a little nicer.

Kerri - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Sharon:

We may be mothers but some common sense is expected. Posting the same topic that the previous 5 people in front of you did is ludicrous.

Right at the top in the pinned topics is the H1N1 discussion. reason says that if you have a question about H1N1, you would check that out FIRST. But nope. People think they are the first person in 2009 nearly halfway through the flu season to develop concerns about H1N1 and post a fresh topic asking the exact same question.

Diapers, potty training, stubborn toddlers - all of these are VERY VERY VERY common questions and I'm pretty sure there are some groups for these issues specifically. and yet, when I log in there are half a dozen brand new questions about "how to make my daughter want to piss in the potty."

I can't help but be amazed and amused by the repetitive questions. Some people never look at an OPs stats either. They read the post subject and right away type up a response. Never mind the thread has 200+ replies on how to cure diaper rash. Do you REALLY think you're the first person to suggest desitin? balmex? a trip to the doctor because the rash you ignored on your child turned into a pus filled infection? Did anyone happen to notice that OP had one, and only one post to her name and hasn't been back to the site since she made that post?

Has anyone noticed that some of the controversial posts are made by Screen Names that have a couple of posts to their name and they never reply to the questions?

Its hard to take some of this seriously when people make ridiculous questions. "how to break my daughter?" I'm sorry but the comic in me comes screaming free when I read stuff like that.

When there are half a dozen posts on the first 3 - 6 pages about when to feed a baby cereal for the first time and you post the question AGAIN - you can expect some heat. Its been said. Its also a highly debated topic.

You can sit around and pat each other on the back for being courageous for "just asking the question" but I'd rather see intelligence behind the questions than just courage.

I love the "name my baby" questions. "I want a unique name for my baby boy or girl" Thats it. they want first and middle names, no real suggestions, like, "we are into S&M and would prefer names that show our proclivities." Have these people never heard of google? bookstores? REALLY?

EVERYONE PLEASE READ!!!! Really? Was there a national emergency? Or did you get your feelings hurt by some random stranger on the internet? This IS the internet. People come from all around the world and post here. There are a LOT of different opinions. THIS particular forum has nearly EIGHT MILLION MEMBERS. Do you really think we should all just agree with you so there won't be a difference of opinion?

Do you think that inbetween my cooking, cleaning, job, farm chores (yes we have a small farm) that I should sit here and edit my posts to a mary poppins quality so your feelings won't be butt hurt?

Grow a pair. I support every mom for simply trying. I don't support every asinine question they shove out their poop chute.

I just wanted to say that i think that you are very rude. And you are the exact type of person that she is talking about.

Christine - posted on 12/06/2009

With any children believe me no question is dumb no matter how old they get. It is always good to be positive because as mothers we can always use and need support, kind words, and someone to listen to us sometimes not critiism. It would have been nice to have this kind of site when I had my children because being a first time mom and bringing newborn home was scary and I was lost as to what to do luckly I had my mother but it would have been nice to hear other opinions too.

Melanie - posted on 12/06/2009

I agree with you 100% .

Melanie - posted on 12/06/2009

totally agree. thought the whole point of this was us mums to get advice esp on areas that are new to us. Hate it when people take it all serious. If you think a question is dumb don't answer it xx

Krista - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Erin:

totally agree, but watch out, I posted this exact (not word for word but) post last week and had people mad at me for it! if you don't agree with someone about something then just skip the question. it's annoying when people just have to give their "opinion" no matter what.

What if the opinion of the OP is dangerous to their child? Or what if the the information being doled out is dangerous?  Do you expect us to bite our tongues and let the child be hurt?

Krista - posted on 12/06/2009

Quoting Eleisha:

agreed, 2 weeks ago I was told I was a bad mum, and i had put my daughter in danger... reason: I gave her some yogurt and some Cheese.

Just so you know, yogurt and cheese have very little milk protein and you are therefore not putting your child at risk by giving them to her.  In fact, yogurt helps with a lot of ailments.

Holly - posted on 12/06/2009

Honestly, I agree wholeheartedly with Sharon. I rarely even come on the main boards anymore because of the plain disregard for common sense. Also, I WILL NOT take a post seriously if it's in text talk! Who speaks like that??? I certainly don't and no one I know does either. It's hard to read and I just don't even try - why give myself the headache?!



Yes, I have been judged, and judged very harshly, on this site (does anyone remember the thread on teddy bear harnesses?). I have been told that I am a "bad mother" and I "should not have had kids if I can't control them without a safety harness." I obviously did not appreciate it, but I do not turn around and do the same to other mothers. If a post realy is that stupid, I ignore it and move on. I post on threads where I feel I can help, and I've learned that if someone does not agree with me to just let their nasty comments slide off my back.



Of course there are those exceptions... like when I told a mom that she was a horrible PERSON (not a bad mom) for telling her boyfriend that if his ex died and his kids came to live with them then she would leave... and yet he was taking care of her child full time... That's the gist of the post (it was a lot worse when she posted it and it disgusted me to no end). Besides, she was asking if she was a bad person for feeling that way, so I told her my TRUTHFUL answer, which was "yes."



If people are only on here to be told that they are perfect and can do no wrong, then maybe they should make their own little community. As for me, I am going to be honest and tell the truth about how I feel. I will not be nasty about it, and if I have really strong feelings I will hold it in (most of the time), but I am not going to flat out lie to people. That's not the kind of person I am, and I won't change myself for anyone, especially anyone on here.

Candice - posted on 12/06/2009

sharon...if you think it's dumb, why not just DON"T ANSWER instead of making someone feel like crap? selfish need to be a smartass? show you're better than someone else? not sure. if you don't like a question, or think it's too repetetive, IGNORE IT...no need to hurt someone's feelings because you happen to be annoyed.

Angela - posted on 12/06/2009

Definitely, I agree100%

Kelly - posted on 12/06/2009

i totally agree....

Heidi - posted on 12/06/2009

I wish they would put a not helpful button on here, so we can tell them their nasty is not welcomed!

Erin - posted on 12/06/2009

just like I said before.....some people have to give their opinion no matter what. sooooo glad that some people aren't moderators or I wouldn't be on CoM.

Nahla - posted on 12/06/2009

Thank you for this! Totally agree and as a first-time-mom, i do want to feel free to ask as many "dumb" questions as i want and get the great help and advise of all those moms out there, all we have is each other!!

Kellie - posted on 12/06/2009

totally agree

Jennifer - posted on 12/06/2009

Thank you !!! I have often thought of writing the same thing.....well said !!

Anne - posted on 12/06/2009

Agreed!

Jacqui - posted on 12/06/2009

I agree. We all have one thing in common, we're MOTHERS. We all come from different backrounds and need to respect and support each other. To be critical of another is demoralising to that person and that is the last thing any Mom needs.

Katherine - posted on 12/06/2009

There are a lot of topics on which people have strong opinions, and many of those opinions differ. I agree with you, that this site is meant to be helpful and supportive, to let us offer guidance and personal experiences that might help someone, and not to be mean and judgemental just because someone doesn't share your opinion. If you can't be civil, just skip the topic.