Ferber vs. Sears

Rosalinda - posted on 03/16/2010 ( 65 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 month old that still wakes during the night. I am wondering which method is preferred Ferber which it the crying it out or the Sears which is to nuture. My six month old was 7 weeks early so corrected age is about 4 1/2 months, is she ready for sleep training?



Let me explain: My daughter has always awakened at night and that has NOT been a problem. She would always fall back asleep after her feeding or she wouls just fall back asleep. Just recently she will not fall back asleep which would be completely okay if it was at a decent hour but at 3am, no way. I hate to hear her cry but when I know she is fed, clean diaper and has been cuddled what to do. I am praying this is a phase.

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Marti - posted on 03/19/2010

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You know in other countries babies are carried and touched constantly. It is only in America that we feel the need to "teach" our children to let go of us early. I think it is a ridiculous idea. The best book to read is called Our Babies Ourselves. Please, just love your children, they grow up sooner than one realizes!

Meghan - posted on 03/20/2010

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I think this whole thing has gotten off topic. CIO method is a method to get your children to self soothe enough to FALL ASLEEP on their own and hopefully stay asleep! If your child wakes in the middle of the nite that is a different story...that is when you have to make a choice. I don't want to speak for every mom using this method but I don't think we just ignore our child's screams out of nowhere at 3 in the morning. If my son wakes hours after sleep I do go check on him.. If he has had a nitemare, is teething or sick I do comfort him. But there is no way my son is getting up and playing during the middle of the nite! NO freakin way! I don;t care if that makes me selfish, I am a single mom! i do everything 100% on my own and I need the sleep sometimes because I am not going to be a good mom if I get burnt out! I knew before getting pregnant that children don't sleep all nite, but I also knew that I wasn't going to have a toddler calling the shots. So let's not even go there and say I shouldn't have a child because I realize what's actually going on in my own situation with MY CHILD! I believe the mother that began the question said her baby was 6 months old, I personally do believe that if a 6 month old does wake up then they most likely do need something. But my son at 17 months old is fully cabable of manipulating the situation because he wants to play or sleep with me. I agree with Dessie, in that this site is meant to be an encouraging helpful site. I hope you all realize though that just becasue it was rite for you and your child doesn't mean it is right for everyone else. Give your opinon on the methods like the post was inteded for, don't bash other woman!!

Jenn - posted on 03/19/2010

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I tried to let my baby cry it out! It was a nightmare. I have friends who had great results, but for me, even with one of them with me at night (yes a friend came to help me let her cry) it was a disaster. Now she screams at the sight of her toddler bed -- screams when she sees pictures of babies in cribs and I wanted it to work. I was desparate for sleep -- 6 hours into one night she started to choke on her vomit, we were done then and there! Two and a half months later, she sleeps through the night in my bed still terrified of her room -- she won't cross the threshold on her own. Ferber worked for friends, but I would say it depends on the temperment of your child more then which expert recommends, or what friends or strangers, or doctors suggest, you know your child best!

Emily - posted on 03/20/2010

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I'm all about being "helpful and encouraging," but let's face it... if someone comes on here opening a can of worms like this, you can bet there are going to be strong opinions! Not everyone is going to "support" every single parenting practice. It's just not possible.

[deleted account]

It doesn't make you selfish Meghan, it makes you human. From one single mom to another... you do what you have to in order to survive regardless of what someone else has to say about it. :)

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Constance - posted on 03/20/2010

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What is the Sears method? I have never heard of it. Ferber was suggested to me. Please let me know. Thanks.

[deleted account]

I'm not a huge fan of CIO. In my 8 years as a mom I have probably used it half a dozen times total split up between my 3 kids. My girls have always been good sleepers, but my son will be 2 next Saturday and still has only slept through the night on rare, rare occasion. Could be differences in the kids, could be difference in circumstances, could be a combination of the two.



I think the best way to parent is... take in whatever information you can (books, doctors, trusted friends and family members) and then do whatever works best for YOUR family. If you're doing something that doesn't seem to be working... look to your information sources and try a different method.... or create one of your own. :)

Dessie - posted on 03/20/2010

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I guess I should reply. I just thought that this circle of mom's was like a helpful, encouraging kind of place. I have read way more negative, "IM AGAINST" stuff. And I don't think that is helpful or encouraging for anyone! That's why I think it's funny! I just know better than to look for much encouragement on this site. I should be very ready to see what people think I shouldn't do though! I hope that clears up what I was saying! :)

Holly - posted on 03/20/2010

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I really appreciate the time in the middle of night with my child! :) I like the time with just me and him! :) We nurse and cuddle for a few minutes and he falls back to sleep on his own in my arms. We co sleep so nursing is extremely easy! :) There have been times I have been woke up by both of the boys when they just took initiative and latched on LOL! :) Even at this young age! The first time Aiden did it he was 2 months old. He scoots around the bed rooting for Momma.
My two year old started sleeping in his own bed at 9 months. It went perfect with no hiccups. When we moved (we moved frequently for my job) he moved easily the first two moves. He went in his crib and entertained himself until he went to sleep with no problems. When we found out we were pregnant with Aiden we immediately switched Mikey to a toddler bed so that he would not associate the crib with "his" and something we took from him for the baby. He would get up and play in his bedroom floor until he was ready to sleep. We fought and fought and then gave up. We decided he wasn't hurting anything by playing and by the time he was tired he would cuddle up in his bed to sleep. This last move to our present location was not as smooth. We now have nightmares, no sleeping in his own bed, etc. He no longer sleeps through the night. He sleeps in our bed (yes that means me, hubby, a two year old and an infant in a King sized bed)... When Mikey is tired he goes and gets his blanket and pillow(s).. whatever he is sleeping with for the night and brings them to the living room floor and falls asleep. We move him to our bed when we go to bed. He also has apnea which disrupts his sleep. After a severe apnea episode he will wake up and need some help getting to sleep.

All children will wake up, like someone said.. WE do it! I think the kiddos should be helped to get back to sleep. I couldn't live with myself if my son had an apnea episode (which is scary for him) and I didn't go to him because I didn't recognize it for what it was and let him fall back to sleep on his own! I would feel like the most selfish person on the planet!! My child needed me and I was too busy trying to get to sleep I left them to deal with their problem on their own. Whether he needs a hug, food, drink, is scared, whatever your child deserves a minute of your time. Babies wake up in the night. They do it. You knew that before you got pregnant. If you didn't want to deal with your child waking up in the night... don't have a child LOL... that's the ONLY way to avoid it! Even older kiddos have nightmares, hear bogey men in the night, have monsters in the closet, need a drink, need to pee, etc. Some of those things will require a hug or some time to get back to sleep which require mom or dad! That's just part of this glorious and wonderful job that we have signed up for :) Like I said, I personally enjoy our time together in the middle of the night. Just me and my son awake, snuggle time, love and kisses! :) No distractions.... Good times... no matter what time it is!:)

Renee - posted on 03/20/2010

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It is a phase, mine both did that too. Sleeping is an on going issue whith kids no matter how old they are. I say hold them tight, love them now and don't miss this time. We only get this opportunity once in a lifetime. Embrace it and enjoy it, you can sleep later.

Michelle - posted on 03/20/2010

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It is really normal for a baby to wake during the night. They cry because they need us, so it's best to go ahead and do whatever your child needs from you, whether it's to be fed, changed, cuddled, or sung back to sleep. Learning to sleep all by yourself isn't always easy, frankly, my 35 year old husband can't manage it yet!

Leaving a baby to cry alone at night isn't appropriate, as it teaches the baby that no one will help them when they ask, which doesn't bode well for the future. Really, the baby time of life is so short, don't miss a minute of it.

[deleted account]

First, my definition of sleep training is that they can fall asleep if I put them in bed at bedtime and don't have to rock them until they are asleep then carefully place them in bed withouttrying to wake them up. There is nothing wrong with that it is only that many babies (like mine) wake up at night but not needing anything but falling asleep without someone there is hard for them unless they are used to that. I came up with my own way for my daughter (which worked well with my son, but he loves to sleep anyway) because she has sensory issues and rocking , swaddling, etc., made her very upset. So after I fed her, read to her, sang for her, I would put her in bed. If she started crying, I would go right back in and rub her belly until she calmed down. If she would not calm down quickly, I would pick her up and calm her down, then put her back to bed. This would be repeated anytime she cried. If it was a middle of the night feeding, I would change her, feed her, and repeat the bedtime process if needed. After 2 wks of this she would fall asleep, and not cry. When she was six months old, she didn't want to eat at night anymore. She would sleep all night. I would know she was awake in the morning because she would be laughing and babbling to herself. My son was the same way except that he preferred to be swaddled and have white noise until 6 months old. Basically, I just did what felt right. I was told by her doctor to let her cry, but I knew that is not what she needed. She just needed to know I was there if she needed me. BTW, she is 6 now and my son is 3. If they ever cry at night for any reason I am there before they are even awake. They sleep in their own beds. They know that I will be there. I think that is the key. If they know you will be there then after they have been reassured as many times as it takes, they will only cry if they need something. And I do think wanting human contact is a need for babies, which is why I don't like to let them cry it out. Now when they are two and just want to stay up and play that's different.

Erin - posted on 03/19/2010

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I can't really relate to either method. God just decided to bless us with a really good sleeper. We read a lot of articles in magazines and books and never stuck to one particular thing, but with the ones that really just made a lot of sense and we liked and understood the 'why' factor. Since day one we always put her down asleep, so that she would fall asleep on her own. This helped when she woke up in the middle of the night, she knew how to get herself back to sleep. We always tried to not give her a bottle right before bed, so she didn't associate food with sleep, or sleep with food. We only ever put her down when she was tired and weren't schedule crazy, we let her take the lead. We also made daytime bright and (somewhat) noisy (even at nap time) and night time dark and peaceful. She never really cries when we put her down and if she does we know it's for a reason. She's been sleeping through the night since she was less than one month old. Good luck I hope all works out, and soon! :)

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Making them cry it out is horrid and, in my opinion (and oh will I hear it for this), abusive (i.e. neglectful). She's crying for a reason - even if she only wants to be held. Just be her Mom and do what seems right.

Emma - posted on 03/19/2010

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My first born was 10 months old before sleeping through the night...and by that I mean put down by 7pm & awake around 6-7am. He was premature & took so little that we felt he needed the extra feed at night. He also had reflux which is why he didn't eat much. Anyway, we weren't getting much guidance or direction from the pediatrician at the time...I read several books & first tried the "no cry" method. For us it didn't work...I was losing patience too. So I did the Ferber method. At first it was hard to hear him cry...the first 2 nights were probably the hardest. but we perserverred. Babies are very manipulative. They know that a cry=mommy. Anyway, it was no more than a week & our baby was sleeping from 7pm to 6am! It was then that I realized it was our fault he wasn't sleeping through the night. I've had 2 more babies since then & I've always put them to bed awake & let them learn how to fall asleep on there own. I myself have a sleeping disorder. I'm a very light sleeper & frequently have trouble either falling asleep or staying asleep. My parents say I didn't sleep through the night till I was 3 yrs old. That had to be torcher! I feel the sooner a baby learns to sleep on their own the better for them & everyone! My babies are well loved & know it. They are also very tenderhearted beings. Letting them cry is healthy & I believe hasn't affected them in any way in the way they have turned out. My first born is now 7yrs old! Best of luck to you.

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I did control crying but for the first sleep not in the middle of the night, if they are going off in the middle of the night control crying is proberly not the way to go. She could be getting sick or have teeth problems so give her some love. They understand us more then we realise and routine is how they learn.....sleeping through changes all the time some don't do it at all.

Janine - posted on 03/19/2010

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Let her cry it out, it may take a few days, but worth it when she sleeps and Moma gets some shut eye!

Heather - posted on 03/19/2010

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I'm not very familiar with Ferber or sears but I never let my daughter CIO. She usually sleeps pretty well but when she doesn't want to go to sleep I usually walk around the house with her in the dark. She falls asleep within 10 minutes. But we also co sleep which, I think, makes a huge difference in how she sleeps at night.

Hannah - posted on 03/19/2010

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In response to Dessie:

I am not sure why you think it funny for women to be against things, because they are not some one everyone knows.
With that being said... yes I AM against CIO.. I am also against abortion, and underage drinking, and drugs, and I can keep going. I know other women don't look at CIO as a bad thing, but I do. I am entitled to my opinion, and I really feel that leaving your BABY alone to cry themselves to sleep (and calling that "sleep training"), is just really sad. And I feel so bad for those little babies who are crying for Mommy or Daddy, and no one is comming, because it's bedtime. Or they come in, and shush them, and then leave again.

Again, this is just my opinion, and again... YES I AM against CIO and the Ferber method.

Linda - posted on 03/19/2010

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my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 10 months old. I could not just let him cry himself to sleep.

Dessie - posted on 03/19/2010

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I didn't know there were "methods"...I feel like I missed the train on this one! :)
I did see that most mothers were saying to go with your gut. I agree! Kids are all different. Different kids respond to different things! One of mine started sleeping all on his own..the girl...WAY different. I had to let her cry or I was never going to get sleep again! Now...she is a GREAT sleeper!

Good luck!! Many more sleepless nights are ahead of you! :)

* Feel free to stop reading at this point...it's more of a Mommy vent! ;)

I do have to say that it's funny to m when mothers are AGAINST things...who are they? Aside from beating your child...every mother has to figure these things out for themselves. I'm not against mothers sharing ideas...but to say that you are AGAINST things is just...I can't think of the right word...I guess it makes me feel like...if they want to have that big of a stand on something...write your own book! :) That's the nice way to put it! :)

Shelly - posted on 03/19/2010

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Don't let anyone convince you that their method is right. There are circumstances in every families lives that helps them choose a style- personal feelings, logic in the situation, the babies personality and needs, your situation, etc... Whatever you decide for you and your baby don't let anyone mock you or tell you that you are wrong and be comfortable with it.

Hannah - posted on 03/19/2010

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I am definitely against the Ferber method. I don't agree with "sleep training" or CIO at all. I really like Dr. Sears methods, because before I found his books, I was already doing a lot of his methods, because they felt right to me. So that was re-assuring to me as a new Mom.
If you feel the Ferber method is right for you.... that's your choice. I just can't stand the thought of my daughter being in her crib alone and crying for me. She only cries when she needs something... and that something could just be to cuddle, and I will never pass up an opportunity to cuddle with my baby.

At the end of the day, you know what's right for you and your baby. Not any of us.
Good luck!

Blackwood - posted on 03/19/2010

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I couldn't let my little one CIO, just wasn't for me, I put a single bed in my son's room right beside his crib, he still gets up for 2 feedings during the nite, but sleeps fairly good. I no longer sleep beside him (did for about 10 days), but still have it in there for when he gets up in the middle of the nite for feedings. Best of wishes and seriously do what is right for you, don't let others make you feel like your decision is wrong. What works for some doesn't work for others. Best of wishes.

Pam - posted on 03/19/2010

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There is a middle ground, you know. One extreme is called extinction (Ferber for instance) and the other extreme is called attachment - being with your baby throughout. The middle ground allows for comforting while helping to shape your baby's sleep. Four and half months is a good age to begin teaching new sleep associations, but, since human behavior is very individual, it may be early to expect more/longer sleep from your baby. By the way, all humans wake during the night. You haven't given details as to what that means in your circumstance, but sleeping through the night is a misnomer. The key is, does your baby have the ability to put herself back to sleep?

[deleted account]

Ever hear of "women's intuition"? Go with your gut. Even if you're clueless, you'll still know what to do if you listen to yourself. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have heard of many different ppl doing it each way but I did sears and dont think its about feber or sears. My doctor actually advised me that 40% of babies are age 1 dont not sleep through and that between 9 months and 18 months they will wake more often in some cases. So are 6 months I dont think any parent should expect baby to sleep through because there are many reasons why they dont sleep through. Just give it time and when baby is ready she will sleep through. My son 14months old and has not slept one night through since he was 4 months old and I know that he will when his ready... Hope I was helpful in some way.. Best of luck

Holly - posted on 03/18/2010

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I personally never do "crying it out". I can't stand it! I just can't! Sorry... I go to my children when they cry. I think children wake up for a reason. My two year old still does not sleep through the night. He has nightmares and needs help calming down after them to get back to sleep! I can't imagine leaving him and not going to him. Is your child eating when you go to him or just going back to sleep?? If your child is going back to sleep you could try just a little love.. a hug or a pat on the back or butt and walking away...maybe a few minutes spent loving on your child and a bit of attention. I think it is important to show your child that you are there for them, love them and will come when they need you. Like I said, I can't imagine NOT going to my crying child! If your child is eating when you get to him I would say he is waking up out of hunger still. What if your child is hungry and calls out to you asking for food and you don't respond? You are teaching your child something there... Every interaction (or lack thereof) with our children teaches them something about us and the relationship we have with them. I would rather my child and I know that when they cry or need me than know I will come in, look at them and walk out.
It doesn't matter if the PARENT feels the child truly needs them or not. By crying our children are asking for our help. It is our duty to figure out what our child needs and fulfill that need. Even if that need is only a little comfort and love! :) How often have you just honestly needed nothing more than a hug or a cuddle from your partner? Kiddos get that too!
This may sound a little harsh towards the Ferber method but I feel extremely strong about this! :) I definitely believe children have a reason for each and every cry that they make. We just have to figure out what that need is and fulfill it for our children! :)

Tarina - posted on 03/18/2010

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ohhh Rosalinda i unbelievably misunderstood what u meant! Chase started about a month ago waking up at 2:30-3 am ready to start his day!!!!!!! We would get up with him for about... 20 min?? then give him a bottle, put on a movie softly, and let him play in his crib, while we went back to bed. It only lasted about a month and a half, now he is back to his normal sleeping patterns, for the most part... If he just wont sleep, let him play, but make sure he/(she?) understands it is still quiet time but they can play on their own, and then try to get yourself back to sleep. *hug*! good luck!

[deleted account]

Do what works for your family....I naturally lean to nurture but I did read Dr. Ferber's book and my husband and I tried it with my 1st....I could go into the details but every child and every family is different. It didn't work for us so I didn't try it with my daughter at all...we all have to do what works for us as a family unit. Good Luck and hang in there....you will make the right choice for you and your daughter - no matter what you choose.

Rosalinda - posted on 03/18/2010

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Thank you. I appreciate everyones feedback. I want to say this, She doesn't have a problem going down at night, she was been awakening at 3am which has been fine, the newsest thing is she does not want to go back to sleep. no rocking, holding or putting her back to bed works. I am hoping this is a phase from her obtaining a new skill or even teething.

[deleted account]

I let my first son cry it out. I was hard at first but it really didn't take very long at all and he was able to comfort himself to sleep. I have friends who didn't believe in this and would rock their daughter to sleep every night. It took them years to get her to sleep on her own because she was taught to have her parents put her to sleep. You do have to take in consideration your baby though. My youngest had horrible acid reflux and vomiting problem. If I let him cry to sleep it would have resulted in him vomiting. He would sleep in the bed next to me, but that only lasted a few months and then he was able to sleep on his own.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/18/2010

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I balance between the two if that makes sense? My daughter, 8.5 months is allowed to fuss, but only after she has been diapered, fed, and rocked. I go by her cues. She doesn't always like to be rocked to sleep. Sometimes, she will only sleep with rocking. Teething throws everything for a loop. When she isn't getting a tooth, I'm lucky she generally sleeps 6-8 hours a stretch. Getting a tooth, like this week, she's up every 2-3 hours. Between the congestion, pain, and all over the place appetite, I completely understand her deviating from the norm.

I can't say one method is better than the other, it's whatever works for you and your little one. Catelynn isn't a cuddle baby. Child has an independent streak a mile long. But she shows love in other ways, and always has a big smile for everyone in the family. Some nights a Sears like method works, sometimes she fights the cuddling. But we are consistent on time frame, and the actions we do before bed (we keep it simple, we pick up toys, lower the lights in the living room about 30 minutes before, and she goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 PM).

Also, I use a glow worm that plays lullabyes. It helps her to have a cue, and she gets the music even for naps. She also has other crib toys (that are safe) so if she really isn't that tired, she can play with this little bear rattle, or push the buttons on her music thing attached to her crib. But nap time is nap time, and bed time is bed time.

Good luck, and don't worry about "missing" your opportunity for sleep training. We get to help them with sleep training for the next 18 years. Right now we can't get them to sleep. All too soon we will be kicking their teenage butts out of bed and off to school. :0)

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Just curious. How do you 'put yourself to sleep' ? And for that matter what frame of mind do you prefer to go to sleep with? I have 5 children. Each of them has 'learned' to go to sleep all on their own. What on earth is wrong with singing a child to sleep? Is there something wrong with letting them go to sleep pleasantly? Sure maybe you will not get to sleep as early as you think you need to but really, How many parents out ther are still singing a song or reading a story to their teenager? Honestly kids will work things out on their own eventually but in the mean time enjoy your children. They are only that age (no matter what age that may be) for such a short time and if as they grow you manage to enjoy them, you will certainly never regret it and they will never forget that going to sleep is a good thing not something to be dreaded. Tarina Jameson has the right idea there. Let your feelings be the guide. /there is a time and place for letting them cry it out (no doubt you have had times like that yourself) and there is a time and place for being the rock they need to soothe and comfort. The more children you have, the more you realize that maybe bedtime is the only individual time the youngest gets. (or the oldest or whichever place in line they hold) bedtime was our time to have together as each went to bed with their own ritual. By all means play it by heart not by ear. Your gut will tell you how to do it.

Susan - posted on 03/18/2010

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I figure if a baby was in the womb for 9 (10) months then it's going to take him 9 or 10 months to get used to sleeping outside of it. :) That's about when my son was ready. We modeled our sleep training on Ferber with a ton of Brazelton thrown in. In other words, we didn't let our son cry for more than 10 or 15 minutes before checking in and telling him we loved him, etc. We were very gentle. Read what Brazelton has to say about sleep too. He's really such a great resource. All the best to you!

Tarina - posted on 03/18/2010

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to be honest, i dont even know the names of such "methods" -- getting advice raising your kids is one thing, but following a specific path or plan is just silly, every child is different, letting one child cry themselves to sleep may work fairly quickly and effectively, while another may spend literally the whole time screaming until your heart breaks and they pass out from lack of oxygen! Dont mistake letting your child spend alittle time alone so they learn to calm themselves and more importantly YOU can calm yourself... dont mistake that with "training" them. It really depends on why the child is crying... if they are overtired, then no amount of holding them will help any more or less than letting them lie there, they will scream either way and fall asleep just as fast. if they are sick, the soothing motions of being held or sung to or whatever WILL make a difference. if you are trying to get the baby on a schedule, then just decide how much crying is worth it and like most people here have said, go with YOUR gut, not a textbook - noone knows whats best for your baby except you and him(her).

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2010

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I believe in the Sears method with regards to them crying it out at night. You don't need to let him cry it out in the middle of the night, 6 months old is still pretty young and you'd be surprised to find out how many babies still wake up at that age. My son is almost 11 months old and just began to sleep through the night in the last few weeks. Your time will come too...you just have to be patient. If my son does happen to wake up once in the night I don't give him a bottle, I just quickly comfort him and he goes right back to sleep. You never know, he could've had a bad dream or something.

Amanda - posted on 03/18/2010

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for my son i started sleep training when he was 6 months old... i would not leave him in his crib for hours to cry but gove him about 15 mins after i knew he was full and ready and he would go right to sleep after crying for only a few minutes!

Shannon - posted on 03/18/2010

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One thing that worked for my boys was watching their cues/signs closely. I could tell when they needed to go to bed. They never cried it out. We had a routine, which by the way, can be the BEST way to get your baby to relax. We had dinner, a bath, and then a feeding before bed. I put him in his bed awake, kissed him, and said nite nite (both boys were over 6 months, under that they need nutritional benefits from nightly feedings). Within a couple of days, they were sleeping 9-10 hours solid. So try that, a good routine first, and then go with your gut. A little bit of crying won't hurt a baby, but you can put a baby to bed awake without crying. it just takes some patience and love and it will pay off! My boys are now 5 and 10, and both are FABULOUS sleepers. Good Luck!

Sara - posted on 03/18/2010

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I guess I am a little of both. Everyone who posted before me saying to listen to your gut is right. If I have just checked on him and he is clean with a full tummy then I will let him cry for a couple minutes before I get him. But if he wakes screaming as if something is wrong than clearly I am going to try to make it all better. One thing that we have found works is sending someone other than mommy in when possible. Especially if you brestfeed or did at one point, the baby assosiates you coming in at night with it being time to eat. When my husband checks on him he is back to sleep in minutes. When I go in he becomes fully awake and ready to eat, even if he doesnt really need to eat. But follow your heart, you will know what's right for your child.

Morgan - posted on 03/18/2010

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oh I forgot to add Ferber does say not to do the CIO untill 4-6 months

Morgan - posted on 03/18/2010

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I love the Dr Ferber book its great, but as some moms said it has to be done correctly, most moms who havent read the book think that CIO is leaving you baby to cry alone for hours on end witch it is not!! I read the book and followed "some" of his guidelines about putting baby to bed awake and not cuddling or feeding your baby to sleep and my 9 week old daughter sleeps 9 hours a night, we never made it to the CIO part :)
and I totally agree that babies need to learn to self soothe its not bad for them its healthy :)
I would reccomend that book to anyone!!!

Melanie - posted on 03/18/2010

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I am not going to read all these posts because I know what a huge debate this is. In my opinion, I would go with your gut instinct. I let my daughter cry it out a few times and always gave in and went and picked her up.. I realize now, she is 7 that she gets up a lot for some reason, still to this day, she just doesn't sleep soundly all night long. Of course she does sometimes, but the girl has been waking at least once since she was born. I am glad I didn't waste anymore time "sleep training" her as it is not her genetic make up. They are only young once and you will get all your sleep back when they are older, go in there and pick her/him up and rock him/her back to sleep, especially if that is what feels right to you as it did for me.

Cassandra - posted on 03/18/2010

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I actually go with both methods. There are some days where my 8 month old wants nothing to do with me when he wakes up in the middle of the night and would rather fuss himself to sleep and sometimes he just needs a little rocking from me. I would prefer to nurture him back to sleep but sometimes him seeing me in the middle of the night, wakes him up more and thinks its time to play. So it really matters on how you personally feel about it. I think it also depends on the child too.

Andrea - posted on 03/18/2010

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I would probably say do what you're comfortable with. I believed in the cry-it-out method as a first mom but as time went on, found my 'inner mom' wasn't comfortable. They will eventually sleep through the night, and you do have to teach them some self-soothing, but sometimes there can be other things that affect why they're not sleeping. And not all babies sleep through the night at a certain age/weight. One of mine wouldn't sleep regularly through the night till she was 14 months! And we did let her cry- several times. She would cry without stopping and after an hour one time, it was just too much. I prefer to nurture and help them get used to the space they're going to be sleeping in. Maybe you could try the book 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' I just picked some of the ideas out of there with my 3rd to work with him on and it seemed to help him a lot. Hope you start getting the rest you need.

Kristin - posted on 03/18/2010

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It was advised to me by my mommy friends NOT to use the Ferber method. I agree, it's torture for you and the baby. Nurture always works best! Good-luck.

Ivana - posted on 03/18/2010

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I am a Sears fan BUT I think Ferber is right in understanding that babies need to be taught how to fall asleep on their own, and this is a wonderful skill to acquire, it really does help them sleep better as they are less alarmed and helpless when they go through light sleep cycles. I took the middle road, at around 7 months I started gradual sleep training, no CIO. Up until then our daughter always fell asleep in our arms, being carried around, and she woke a lot during the night to nurse, slept around 45 minutes during her daytime naps. Basically not a great sleeper. I used Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution ideas. Basically you gradually teach your baby to fall asleep without assistance. We had wonderful results and little crying (basically no stressful crying, just some dislike crying that would last for 30 sec max). She really accepted the changes in routine after a few days. Same as CIO, after a few days the babies accept the new way of falling asleep. But if you gradually go there then you have to "train" them 3 or 4 times x 3 days, so maybe 2-3 weeks. We are not all the way there now, but she falls asleep lying in her bed as I talk or sing to her. Sometimes I stroke her. She sleeps much better and takes longer naps. If she does wake all I need to do is hush her or stroke her a few times and she turns her head and sleeps on. She wakes less at night too, though she still nurses once (have not tackled that one yet). We are now teething so I had to stop for a couple of weeks before going the last mile, she is in pain and she obviously needs more cuddling. But basically you can Ferberize your baby in a Sears manner, just takes patience and determination. It is amazing how willing and capable they are of learning, especially bnow around 6-9 months. Hope this helps.

Krista - posted on 03/17/2010

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I think the best method is whatever makes you feel best as a parent and whatever works for you and your baby.

Personally, I had our baby sleep in our room until he was about 3 months old, and was right there anytime he so much as farted, let alone cried.

After awhile, I got more familiar with his noises, and I could tell when he genuinely wanted something, as opposed to just fussing a bit.

Once we moved him into his room, when we'd put him to bed, if he fussed for a bit, I let him be. If he wakes up in the night and is just a little fussy, I wait. Nine times out of 10, he just goes back to sleep. The 10th time, the fussing escalates into crying, and I go in to get him.

Sometimes (especially for naps), if he's overtired, he will cry a bit when I put him to bed. So I do leave him be for a few minutes to see if he'll settle down, and he almost always does. If he doesn't settle down within three minutes, or if the crying escalates at all, I go back in to soothe him.

So my way is a very modified, controlled, gentle version of CIO -- but it didn't start that way. It's evolved and adapted over the months, which I think is the best way to approach any parenting task. Anybody who gets all hung up on following a particular ideology to the letter is only making more trouble for themselves, IMHO.

Katherine - posted on 03/17/2010

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Please respect others and their opinions. The OP asked a question and wanted some advice please be respectful. Consider this a friendly warning.

Thanks,
Katherine
Wt CoM
Administrator

Andrea - posted on 03/17/2010

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If done properly (that's the key), the CIO method works. Those of us that use it are not ignoring our baby's needs as some of you think. If my son is fed, changed, burped and it's bedtime...it's time for him to go to bed. My son usually only cries for about 5-10 minutes and then drifts off to sleep. It's not like I let him cry for hours on end. I know my son can't be the only baby that cries because he is tired and not because one of his needs aren't being met.

[deleted account]

Ferber leads to mistrust. You develop trust when you respond to your childs needs. 4.5 months or 6 months it it not uncommon to wake. Generally the baby needs to breastfeed off and on through the night. Once you move away from focusing on the sleep behavior things will fall into place. Please use your gut feelings.

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