Fiancee caught with my mother

Kelly - posted on 08/02/2012

Rose there is alot going on here. First and foremost, you need to forgive your mother and your boyfriend; that's not for them, its to free you so they no longer have control over you. I have read people's comments and see they recommend counseling and such; I say NO. Rose be real, you have been engaged for 8 years; why? If this man reallly wanted to marry you, you would be married by now. I am not saying that to be cruel, I am just being honest. You have this long history with him AND two children and no marriage; that day has come and gone. And now, after you have caught him with your mother, he wants to get married? Heck no! Counseling is for marriage and a committed relationship that needs help to be saved. This male who is no kind of man (because no real man does this) is throwing that offer out for your benefit.
Many times, its hard to know what a relationship should be if you have not had a good example of one before you BUT is this what you want to teach your girls to accept? They will model themselves and their relationships from what they learn from you and there father. Do you want them to think that this type of treatment from a man is acceptable? Fidelity, love, respect, and honoring of the vows you make (and common law just doesn't have the same weight) are not to much to ask for in your mate. Let him get counseling; everyone needs it, but not so you can stay together; so you can move on. There is no solid foundation for a relationship with this "boy".

Angela - posted on 08/02/2012

Firstly if you are the female half of the relationship and he’s the male, he’s your fiancé – note, that’s with only one E, not two. A fiancée is always female.

Right, let’s not beat about the bush, they may have been drunk but your own mother was giving him a blowjob. You get rid of the man. Unfaithful is bad enough but with your own mother is unthinkable. You caught them red handed, they weren’t doing it behind a locked door, your children could’ve just as easily caught them in the act! And furthermore do you believe this is the very first time they’ve gotten intimate together? I don’t!

Oral sex is something you have to have known your sexual partner a little while for, before trying. Blowjob this week means other stuff’s gone on as well in previous weeks.

So you’ve been engaged 8 years? Means nothing. He’s not committed himself to you in marriage yet. You can get rid of this man and embrace a better future where your self-esteem isn’t plummeting but soaring instead.

And your mother needs to re-gain your trust. It’s not up to you to nurture this woman, she’s just betrayed you in one of the worst ways imaginable. OK, she’s still your mother but she needs a reality check. Being drunk is no excuse. If being drunk makes her behave in such an appalling way then she should have the wisdom and judgement not to drink.

Get rid of this man and get tough with your mother.

Jane - posted on 08/02/2012

Hallo Jose, I am very sorry for what happened. I agree that your mother was supposed to protect you, which instead decided to ruin your family. Why are you hurt and it is your fiancee? He is not your husband that is why your mother is doing that to you. I wish you can 4get that man. He claims he loves you but he has not committed himself in marrying you. Your mother has done so bad but God is the judge.

Sharice - posted on 08/01/2012

I'm so sorry , i would cut my mother out of my life for the rest of my life until she did something to make me trust her again , he is fake its not just your mom or your husband it took both of them to partake in Oral Sex , You should stay single and love your life with your children at the moment hun , and when your ready mabye start dating and find somene who truly loves you , As you said thiss is not the 1st time , get rid of him , he should of been ashamed of himself for even thinking those things , And for proposing to you [phhhhh] he is a liar , a cheater and a stupid inconciderate selfish dirty horny whoremaster in my opinion .

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2012

There is no going back! You will never be able to trust either one of them. Past issues are no excuse for future behavior...anyone who says that is....making excuses!!!! You are a strong woman and will be even stronger with out these to snakes in your life. If not for you...do it for your kids...teach them this behavior is not acceptable.

RUCHINA - posted on 08/01/2012

hold on ur mom is not suppose to do that in the 1st place and ur fiance if he could do such to ur mum he could do more to either ur daughter or not ask him how many times they,ve been together like dat then u can get the real truth. my advice us to give him some time off and u later find out the truth if he realy love u.

Julie - posted on 07/31/2012

Rose,
If I was you I would kick both of them to the curb. If I was you I would not be able to trust my mom or him. Your mom sounds like she has a lot of issues that she needs to get help for, so she is able to cope and work through them. If he is will to do inapproprate things with your mother what makes you think he won't do it with a stranger and then you could end up with a STD or worse.
You are a very strong women, but I think a enough is enough!!!

Amber - posted on 07/30/2012

It sounds like to me you are using this incident (though very wrong) to unload years of frustrations you have towards your mom. She was not the only guilty party and even you admit it is not the 1st incident of him cheating. It sounds like they both have issues that need to be dealt with. As well as you need some emotional healing from your own childhood. I will say this, our childhood should not define who we are as adult...even with bad events, it is an individuals choice to let it shape them for the rest of their life. I think you need to step back and ask yourself if your kids dated someone for a long time and caught them cheating with a relative would you want your kids to stick it out? If its not good enough for them its not good enough for you. I think he needs couseling and I don't think you should be with him while he gets its at first. If he can't change with out you holding his hand he won't be strong enough to follow through onanything he fixes now.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/30/2012

This is a deal breaker. I am a therapist who has worked for years with people who have experience trauma as children/young adults. It follows them for years and for some tends to be an excuse for bad behavior. Regardless of your mother's excuse, as well as your boyfriend's, is it worth your own sanity to NOT be able to trust them? You and your kids come first. I would pack up and move far, far away from these two. You are teaching your children to be doormats, and eventual victims. This is not a good legacy.

Lyn - posted on 07/30/2012

You are being used and walked on like a rug. Problems or not, your mother is supposed to be your mother, not trying to vie for your fiance like a jealous teenager. She needs couseling. This guy is NOT committed to you if he can be so easily seduced, and by your mother of all people! GROSS. You should get those children and yourself OUT. It is a very bad environment for them and you need to "clean house" of everyone that has deceived you. Counseling? Maybe, but I don't think it's going to change anything.

Debi - posted on 07/30/2012

Rose, I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this! Unfortunately, your mother has very serious problems and when you don't know anything other than constant verbal and emotional abuse (combined with neglect and manipulation), it takes something horrible like this happening to realize just how bad it is. When someone loves you, they don't do these type of things because they don't want to hurt you and they have respect for you. Both your mother and your fiancé have their own issues and they need professional help. Wether or not they realize it, it's not your responsibility. Both of them have shown you who they are time and time again. The painful thing is, you really don't want to see it yourself. I didn't want to accept a lot of things either. know how hard this is because I was in a similiar situation but stayed many years too long trying to make things work because we had four children. It took 18yrs (16 married) for me to realize that my partner would make a lot of promises, swear he was never going to do it again, etc but all that was really just him telling me what I wanted to hear. I stopped listening to my gut instincts and meanwhile, he just got better at hiding/sneaking the ugly things he was doing, and became such a good liar that as the years went by I couldn't even tell when he was lying because he got so good at it. I had to learn the hard way that there is a really good reason for the saying "actions speak louder than words. I so wanted to believe him, we went to several different marraige counselors, all the while he was still doing whatever he wanted. Please remember this: LOVE should not ever hurt this badly, nor is love enough to keep a relationship together. These people are toxic and incredibly selfish. You mentioned your fiancé cried over this and I hate to tell you this, but his tears were not about him feeling bad for hurting you. He is crying for himself and HIS potential losses and because he got caught. I heard someone say once that the best possible predictor of future behavior is past behavior and it's so true!! It doesn't mean people can't change, but they have to want that change very badly and be willing to work hard with counseling, etc. But your fiancé has already shown you by cheating on you twice that he is NOT willing to change. And the fact that he did this to you again with your mother is just sick and cruel!! I know you don't want to accept this, but I am sure these two times are not the only times he has been unfaithful to you. These two people are narcissists and only care about themselves. Now the question is: Are you ready to accept that this situation is completely intolerable and walk away? It won't be easy, but with professional help and support you CAN get through this, stop the cycle of abuse, and heal if you get these toxic people out of your life. If you keep these people in your life, they will continue to hurt you and your children. Things will get worse. Your children will be further hurt as well. Don't let them hurt you any more! Enough is enough. If you are sincere about wanting to do the right thing, you will protect yourself and your children from further damage. If you marry this man, that will send him a message that you accepted this behavior and will do so again. And going through a divorce will be even harder on you and the children in addition to being a huge financial ordeal. It's time to cut your losses and walk away. If you can't do it for yourself right now, do it for your girls. Work on yourself and everything will fall into place. You are stronger than you think. I promise!! You have taken the first step by reaching out to others here because deep down, you know this situation is terribly wrong. There is a much brighter future coming for you! Don't let it slip away by staying stuck in this mess!! Best wishes and hugs : ) Feel free to come here for support as you make your decision...

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2012

She is the mother, no excuses, she does not care about you and her past is not an excuse to trash any chance of happiness you have earned! Be honest if this was anyone else would you put up with it? your a grown woman as is she you do not need that in your life, what grandmother would cause misery for her grandkids? She is as spiteful as she is horrid and you owe her nothing! Cut ties, send her a card a year if you have to, phone her once a year but do not let this woman carry on chipping away at you and your life!
If your relationship is as strong as you say it is make the call and save it by getting rid, I know she is your mother but I'm sorry to say it's only by title!

Geraldine - posted on 07/30/2012

Hi Rose, this sounds really vexing. I understand how you feel right now. If you are thinking of stepping up your relationship with a man, i honestly do not think it should be him. for now, these two people from whom you need security and love are failing you. Take some space from both of them for now and then observe how remorseful your fiance can be. he is like any other man. They are very weak. With time, you forgive him, but certainly not in a rush. Do not give this battle to your mother. Win it for all moms, and your your kids. It is Geraldine wana

Geraldine - posted on 07/30/2012

HI Rose,this sounds very helpful. pls do not give your mother the chance to win this battle. You are a foil to her and so defend that. She wants to get her down with you. The earlier you make peace with your fiance, the more shameful she will be. Win this battle for all moms.As for your fiance, he is just any man. Women almost always succeed in their attempt to seduce a man.Your mother is looking for the closest and most available man to hang on now. Do not give her that chance. Make peace with your fiance. To your mother, just go on as if nothing happened. I mean just maintain your silence. It is more killing that any fight or counseling session where you will have to explain some stuff.

Geraldine - posted on 07/30/2012

hi Rose, i think your mother like any woman at sunset is looking for where to hang on. She does not have any pieces to gather so as to make anything whole for her life. This is why she wants to go down with her. She wants you to live like her,so she is afraid of seeing you responsible because it is a shame to her. She was not able to hold on to any serious relationship. Right now she is looking for the closest and most available man to warm her bed.Do no give her that chance. The faster you make peace with your fiance, the more shameful she is going to feel. Forgive your fiance;he is any other man. You know,any attempt a woman makes to seduce a man, she succeeds in most cases. He should be strong though

Dee - posted on 07/30/2012

You are going to need counseling to sort through the abuse you have been exposed to. You are in a precarious space right now and you need a system of support. There are times when we must forgive then let people go who are hurtful towards us. I hope this helps.

Niba - posted on 07/30/2012

If you ready love your fiancee go in for reconcellation and you people better finalist your marriage so that you can stay together.as for your mother leave her alone.you can not run from mother. she is your mother,you can have another lover but you cannot have another mother.

Sheri - posted on 07/30/2012

I just read this again and only now noticed that you said"I didn't go to college because I didn't have her help or support".It sounds to me like you need to stop blaming her for your actions. A lot of people.including me, don't have it easy. I worked and saved, and borrowrd to go to college.I finally became a nurse at 29.I left home at 17. Once you leave, turn 18 or have a kid you are done blaming your parents. College isn't going to suddenly make life different, but if you want to go then just start working a lot harder, save your moneyand do it

Botlhale - posted on 07/30/2012

Rose, what are you teaching your kids through your decisions,choices and actions from this horrid situation?
Use this to change your path, horrible incidents help us make hard but necessary choices, if you don't it will get worse... You'll find them in a threesome with your best friend and with the kids watching...

Connie - posted on 07/29/2012

I can't even begin to express how disgusting this relationship is for you. Get out and get out now. He has betrayed you many times.............the worst being with your mother. Don't think for one minute that he has only cheated the one time when you were 19. How can you possibly believe and trust in him again, I don't know. I coudn't. I would always have an image in my mind of him screwing other women and wonder if things he is doing with me sexually, he is also doing or has done to other women. He is crying his heart out bcuz he got caught and for no other reason.

As far as your mother goes, she cannot be trusted either. This was the ultimate betrayal. I don't believe that was a one time thing. Just happened to be the time they got caught. You should not be the parent to your mother. You should be able to depend and trust in her. And that's impossible because she is not a mother. She only gave birth to you. Her childhood does not excuse this behavior. Neither does alcohol. The thinking is "we do & say what we really want to do or say when we're drunk". That's only when many people have the guts to do or say it.

Eliminate these two people from your life. Him permanently and her until she gets help and remains sober. This lifestyle of the two of them is NOT what you want to teach your child. And social services needs to be aware of how your mother is raising your 3 year old sister if you are unable to take her when you leave.

There are lots of people and agencies out there who can help you. Stop in at a center for abused women and they can help you get started. Wishing you the best!! Go now and do it and don't let them talk you out of it.

Ghadeer - posted on 07/29/2012

You will never forget what you saw, even if you forgave them. Are you willing to live with that?

Ronda - posted on 07/29/2012

I would leave them both behind and try to heal. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! You do, trust me. Good luck and I will pray for you.

Marykay@geeks.org - posted on 07/29/2012

Run with your babies! Save what's left! You owe nothing to him or to the woman who says she is your mother. They have sucked you dry!! The only counseling you need is individual so you can get that backbone upright and lead those children in a way that breaks the chain of this very strange family history. Good luck. Do not look back, honey!

Dianne - posted on 07/29/2012

I am so sorry for the sad position you are in. There is no valid excuse for your mother to act in the way she did and none for your boyfriend to have either. Love does not act that way. I am sorry to say that I chose to trust after a cheating spouse also but cheaters can find excuses for their behaviors always. A cheater usually does not stop. A man is either faithful or not. Why would he stop if he knows already you would forgive me? He learns to "like his cake and eat it too". Hope you find the strength to not accept this behavior in one you love. He is not loving you the same and will only cause you more pain as you sacrifice yourself and your self respect for him

Amber - posted on 07/29/2012

Your mom sounds like a toxic person in your life, save yourself. She is sucking the good from your life. Save yourself from this. She does not need to ruin your kids lives like she did yours. As far as your fiance, you are used to putting up with less than you deserve so you feel you live him. I am afraid for you that you allow his infidelity because you don't have good self esteem. Please get yourself some therapy and rise above these anchors in your life.

Sandy - posted on 07/29/2012

Who are you trying to convince? You're making every excuse in the world on their behalf. When are you going to give yourself a good enough reason to deserve better? If you think of yourself as the doormat that comes across in your original post, then people will treat you that way. Give your children a role model they can look up to, not walk over. It's not about someone else taking your way of life from you, it should be about you taking your life into your own hands. Yes, sometimes things happen to you, but after that what happens to you is up to you, but only if you do something about it.

Monique - posted on 07/29/2012

I agree with all the other post. As some women do, we have the tendency to make excuses for a man. We you learn to love yourself more, u will also Learn your self worth. He has cross the line of no return. He can still be a dadand not a scumbag so call boyfriend. Go to counseling so you can learn to love your self more . What example are you setting for your daughters. Kids can sense things and r smarter then u think they are. your mother is a different story she has past her abuse on to you and you don't even no it. Get rid of both of them period. I really think you already no that . I pray all goes well and pray u and ur mom can one day repair y'all relationship . Best wishes.

Stifler's - posted on 07/29/2012

Leave him. That's all I have to say.

Sandra - posted on 07/29/2012

OMG! I'm sorry, but your post sounds as if you are rationalizing their UNFORGIVABLE behavior. They are ADULTS and you are making excuses for them.
1. He has cheated before.
2. Eight years and 2 kids? Why hasn't he married you? I'm sure you have a reason for him.
3. "I have grown to trust him"? WHY did you have to grow to trust him? I have never had to think about it, if I did then isn't that a big enough problem?

You are going to do what you are going to do; but don't look for others to help you justify it.

Sheri - posted on 07/29/2012

Yes, you do. And quickly. Do not allow either of them into your home until you have all gotten some kind of help. Right now you are risking screwing up the lives of your own children. Do you want your daughter to think this is acceptable? Do you want your son to think you are not worthy of being treated with even the most minimal respect? Don't think for a minute that they won't find out- kids have ears and are much more aware than you realize.
Stop making excuses for them. Remember when you were a little girl with dreams? Did you dream that a wonderful prince would come and take you away, rescue you from your difficult life? Or did you dream of someone who would be your baby daddy, not honor you with his name in 8 years of dating, while he had sex with your mother.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's time to wake up. Your babies deserve a mother who is worthy of respect. Demand that respect for their mother. Take better care of yourself. If you let him stay, you are nothing but a doormat and he will respect you even less than he does now. As for your "mother", getting knocked up and giving birth does not a mother make. You surely wouldn't hire someone like her to babysit your kids. Don't let her around them until she gets help, if then even.

Leslie - posted on 07/29/2012

Without reading all 50 responses, has anyone stated the obvious? "Once a cheater, always a cheater.". A leopard never changes his spots. You can't change him, and if your love was so strong he wouldn't have done what he did. I say dump them both. Would you do that to your daughter? Clearly neither of them value their relationship with you, nor gave a thought to how it would make you feel. Mark my words, it'll happen again. I hope you aren't naive enough to think it won't.

KATY - posted on 07/29/2012

I think Mindy Mackey gave the best advice. It is time you think of you and your daughters and as hard as it may be cut your ties with both they have been manipulating you and preying on your amazingly kind heart and your need to care for those you love. Time to love your self first and teach your daughters that love starts with loving yourself enough to not allow others miss treat you. I can understand if you wanted to forgive and work it out the first time but there is no excuse for a second and that it was with your mother is inexcusable. He and she are both lack any love or respect for you and no amount of tears will change that. There tears are not for you but for all the things you do for them. You and your children deserve better. Get your self as far away from both of them as you can and sever all contact with them because they both will continue to manipulate you and make you doubt yourself.

Christine - posted on 07/29/2012

it can be so hard when you have grown up being your mothers mum. It is good you can see your mum needs help, which she really does. She may or may not get help, but this is not your concern, there comes a time when you have to step back and let her stand on her own two feet. For me my mum would often come to me for my advice on life, being a parent etc, very hard very draining but thankfully nothing like what you have gone through. I had a great dr explain to me once that even though my mum gave birth to me she doesn't have to be in my close circle around me, I can choose how much or how little I'm involved with her. It has helped moving away from the city she lives in and making my own life here with my own family. As to your relationship with your husband, that is only something the two of you can answer. I really hope he argees to councelling so that he doesn't end up in that kind of situation again. I respect you for wanting to try and salvage it. I just really hope he puts in the same amount of effort. If not, well, that choice is yours. Back to your mum, as women we crave having a mothers love, touch, and positive input in our lives. If you don't have it can be hard. But have a look around your life, who is around in your life who has a mother figure? which females support you and feed good words and actions into you? You may or may not have this person/s in your life right now, if you don't try and cultivate friendships with older women. For me it has really helped. Hope this is of some help x

Elisha - posted on 07/29/2012

I agree with everybody else.... move out, file for child support, distance yourself from both of then, and seek counseing immediately. Honey, you are making excuses for both of them for why it's okay for both of them to mistreat and abuse you. Get to the root of it so you can learn how to respect yoruself and how to make others respect you, too, because these two certainly don't. Your own mother... i'm so sorry.... how she can even look at her nasty self in the mirror, I don't know.

Jennifer - posted on 07/29/2012

Sorry to be blunt but go back and read what you wrote. You make excuse after excuse for people treating you like a door mat. This is probably one of the worst things a mother or fiance could do. Wanting to work out your relationships is honorable but I'm afraid unless you take a more firm stance, stop making excuses, and demand they each take responsibility for their actions then you will only encounter more of the same for the rest of your life.

Kelly - posted on 07/29/2012

Rose; you have two children by this man and for that you are tied to him for life. However,I don't know if I would be able to take the next step and marry him after this. It is a trust issue; every woman knows what she can accept, but fidelity is one of the places where I draw the line. If your boyfriend, who has been with you for years treats you this way now, why do you think things will change because you are his wife? The fact that they were drinking is not an excuse; everyone has problems and issues but a betrayal of this maginitude; you can forgive it, but I don't know about forgetting. It really sounds like you are trying to justify some things but please believe that a man who loves you as you should be loved-enough to put you and his children as his first priority-would never do this to you. Your love may be strong but his is questionable; at the first test, he has failed. What will happen in future if other situations occur? Once you are married, that is a covenant that requires a much different type of commitment; is he as committed to you, your children, and the happiness of your family unit as you are?

Katie - posted on 07/29/2012

If you honestly want to move forward... you need to cut the toxic people out, and that is your mother. I'm sorry love, but that's how it sounds. And personally I wouldn't move forward with this man, sometimes love is not enough, that is disgraceful. Alcohol is not an excuse...ever. I know you love him but some people never change...you deserve better.

Sonia - posted on 07/29/2012

mother or not she needs to go, how could a mother do that to her child. he is not innocent either what happen to the word no i cant do that,

Heather - posted on 07/29/2012

Stay away from him and her! She's your mother! That is disgusting and so disrespectful of her no matter how intoxicated either one of them were! If he is your man, why wasn't he with you? He's a DOG! Neither one of them have respect for you or themselves

Pamela - posted on 07/29/2012

First, if your fiance has been unfaithful more than once, it is a sign that his actions are a part of a deep seated issue/habit that could take years and years to heal.

It is obvious that having come from a family where role reversal existed to the point where you were the mother to your own mother and sister, that some of your own self esteem issues need to be assessed.

NO ONE CAN DECIDE THIS FOR YOU BUT YOU!!!

However, as one who has faced, and continues to face my own demons and clear my own energy that I might attract to myself a loving partnership/companion, I can say that I do hope that you will NOT settle for someone who does not respect himself or you enough to control his own drinking and who seemingly has issues with sexual commitment. Do you want a man that you have to mother? Perhaps you have been so long playing the mother role that you do not know how to stop.

You say you LOVE this man. I suggest that you take a second look at what you call LOVE before tying the knot. You may find that what you think is love is merely DEPENDENCY or CO-DEPENDENCY and not love at all!

Thew highest and best to you as you make decisions that will deeply impact and permanently affect your life and the lives of your children.

Lovedandblessed - posted on 07/28/2012

time to clean the roost COMPLETELY. Sounds like time to cut the cord to "mother", she seems toxic for your fam. Trust me others will come into your life like extended fam and fill the voids. And they will actually be for YOU!

Meryl - posted on 07/28/2012

yOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND i CANNOT BELIEVE HOW CRUEL YOUR MOTHER WAS TO HAVE DONE WHAT SHE DID WITH YOUR HUSBAND, I AM SOOO SORRY AND TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOM WOULD BE THE ANSWER BUT A TOUGH CALL. GOOD LUCK HONEY

Margret - posted on 07/28/2012

You are an abused child... who hasn't escaped yet your mother's constant neglect and abuse of you, and you have continued into the pattern of abuse by accepting an abusive man as well... and you are enabling both those abusers. They too (as you) are adults who are responsible for themselves. You will be doing both of them a favor by releasing them both and giving them the opportunity to find their own way. You can't help them and you are letting them destroy you and likely your daughters also. Now you are actually and perhaps without realizing it contributing to the abuse of yourself and your daughters by permitting (enabling) your two abusers to live with them and you and continue the abuse of you and your daughters... and the risk now is that you continue on this pattern and after you finally leave the abusive father of your daughters that you will gravitate towards another abusive partner and the cycle will continue and neither you nor your daughters will escape the cycle of abuse and enabling abuse. I'm not a counsellor nor an expert in giving advice but I've learned that we are all our own worst enemies and until I take care of myself and figure myself out I cannot help anyone not even my own child. Please escape from your abusers and protect your daughters and stop the cycle, or your daughters will also become victims and later probably abusers themselves too - the way you are - without realizing it.

User - posted on 07/28/2012

I know from personal experience that people unfortunately are incapable of changing. Especially when it comes to loyalty and trust. Cut them loose no matter how painful. You will develop a very thick skin and be more determined to allow only those who are a healthy influence for yourself and your children involved in your personal circle. Otherwise get prepared to have more of the same behavior. And from now on when you look at your mother, boyfriend and yourself know that with out a doubt that a three way is definitely taking place. When you have sex with him you are now having sex with your mother. He has her DNA implanted in him and you also share her DNA as well, sexually speaking, of course. Now I believe you need counseling as well as your children to navigate through this maze of extreme confusion. Be careful who you choose to counsel your family. And good luck it's really hard to be on your own I hope you have other people who are more reliable in your life. Best wishes, Ivy

Michele - posted on 07/28/2012

You need to walk away from the both of them! First of all your mother sounds like she needs lots of professional help, and that's not something you can help her with. Right now she is just emotional baggage and she needs to be away from you as much as you need to be away from her. With all your excuses for her behavior you are enabling her and her bad behavior, stop walk away and make her own up to her problems and get her own life!
Secondly, if he cheated before he is going to cheat again, ever hear that before, well here's proof he did it again. Walk away he is a piece of sh**! I don't care how intoxicated he was, you are enabling him now too with these excuses! NO NORMAL MAN GETS DRUNK AND GETS A BLOW JOB FROM HIS MOTHER IN LAW! it's obsered, you need a clean slate and to get away from these "emotional vampires" that are draining the life out of you. These 2 people are very manipulative people that are turning their negative situations around on you and making YOU feel bad for THEM and justifying why thet behaved so badly!
They are making a fool out of you and you are letting them, stand up for yourself and walk away, let them clean up their own mess for once in their sorry lives!
No amount of couples counseling will help your relationship with this guy, take your child and make him act like an adult and pay child support, maybe it will help HIM grow up a little bit!
Anyone who sits around getting drunk with their mother in law sounds like they need to grow up and get a life!

Linda - posted on 07/28/2012

Oh no, if he did this to you with your own mother, even though you love him dearly, it seems like he doesnt quite feel the same way about you, you need to be strong and walk away, he will do it again and again leave while your still young, you will need time to heal but you will and not until then will you be able to be with successfully with any one else, concentrate on you and the children, as far as your mother goes geez, you probably need to forgive her , but i would not ever trust her, she doesnt need to be aggresivly in your life!! just forgive her but i know it will be hard to forget!!

Mari - posted on 07/28/2012

Omg I dont even know what to say!!!!!!! I think Im still in shock after reading this. You do what you have to do honey. Do what you have to do for you and your family. As for your mother there are no words. Sorry

Joyce - posted on 07/28/2012

You sound torn. Well I was also abused as a child & Iwould never do that to my children & I would never allow anyone to hurt them. My husband & I, now for 30 years used to fight all the time because of family & what I went thru,not anymore. We also went thru counseling & almost got a divorce,it wasn't us it was the people we associated with. The hardest thing I ever did was to cut the family that caused the issue in the first place out of my life,including my parents. I have not spoken to them now for over 2 years & I have not been happier,the drama is gone.there is so much more I could say to you, but you have to know that if your boyfriend really loved you he would never do that to you with your mother or anyone else!
I would cut the mother &the boyfriend ! Start a new life with you &your children !

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/28/2012

Rose, I would love to hear your response to all of this advice. Have you made a decision? How are you dealing with it currently?

Corinne - posted on 07/28/2012

Cut both of these nasty pieces of work out of your life and move on. For the sake of yourself and your kids, get some counselling to help you deal with things. You need to put yourself and your kids first. I would never lay eyes on those people again.