First priority...children or spouse?

[deleted account] ( 365 moms have responded )

The love I have for my children & their father is unconditional. But I happen to believe my children come first; which contradicts what my religious beliefs should be...your spouse should come first.



I know, I know. My children will leave and live on their own soon enough. In the end, it's me & him forever.

I also know a good relationship with my spouse will make for a better relationship/role model for my boys.



But right now that my children are all young, it's so difficult to think that anyone/anything could be more important than them.



What do you think?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Quoting Denise:

Can't say that I agree. First GOD, than my husband, next the children. This is what I vowed to and will continue to follow. Children will try to use parents against one another for their benefit(s) therefore it's very important to put your spouse first so that everyone is on the same page. I love more children and will do anything for them.......so don't get it wrong. I just want to have order in my house so that my children will understand how relationships between a husband and wife should be.


I agree with this.  I think when you have babies, their NEEDS are so consuming that the relationship with your husband can suffer.  I think it benefits everyone if you FIGHT that urge to sideline your husband!  As kids get older it is vitally important that your marriage relationship comes first because that presents a united front to the kids.  They know that you two are a team and that you will not allow them to come between you.  The exception to this would be if you have a husband who tries to prevent you from meeting your child's actual NEEDS.  An abusive husband's needs come second to your child's need for a safe home.  Your husband's queasiness about breast feeding (or jealousy) come second after your child's need to nurse.  You get the idea.  The rule of thumb I use is that if someone is going to be INCONVENIENCED, it should be the kids.  If someone has a legitimate NEED the kids come first.

Roxanne - posted on 04/16/2009

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Don't think of it as who you love MORE... think of it as who needs you more (at least for the time being).
Push your husband out into the world and he can make it on his own, can protect himself, take care of himself, just like he does every day... [although if your husband was anything like my husband as a bachelor, I am sure he would constantly forget to purchase enough toilet paper, never do the laundry until he had worn all his pants and socks at least twice in a row, and eat take-out or frozen pizzas every night...but he could survive.]. He has a moral compass that is already formed and he is his own person, with or without you.
Your children, while they also are their own people, are learning and growing and forming new thoughts and ideas each and every day, while you (and your husband) are shaping who they are. Your children, for the most part, are defenseless against the world without you. They need your constant love, guidance, and protection. They cannot take care of themselves. They cannot purchase their own groceries and clothes. They cannot provide a home and stability for themselves like you can for them. They need you to love them, care for them, and help them learn everything there is to know about life so that they may one day venture out and form a family of their own.
Husbands are no less important in your life because you have children. And children are no less important because you have a husband. Children are just more needy and more time-consuming. Love them all and do not be too hard on yourself for having these thoughts. God will understand. There was a reason he chose you to be a mother. He knew you would make a great one :)

Jenni - posted on 08/20/2011

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My children are first. I brought them into the world, they depend on me, they are my responsibility... if I was faced with a decision where I had to choose between them or my SO, they'd win... hands down.

I think it's scary that people would choose their spouse over their child, or tend to his needs first. He's an adult, he can take care of himself. What if your spouse was abusing your children? Would you still choose him over them? Stand by his side?

No f'n way. My kids come first.



I have a problem going against nature. My instinct is my children are my main priority. I will listen to my instincts. You can still have a happy, healthy relationship with your SO even if your kids are your priority. We still have couples nights, spend our entire day together when he's not working, his needs are met.



My husband asked me this question before. I told him our kids. And he said "That's the RIGHT answer!"

Heather - posted on 03/17/2011

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Just my opinion but the Bible does say your priorities should be God, Spouse, Children, ___, ____, ____ But I dont see it as my child is more important than my husband, he just depends on me more right now & in turn I depend on my husband. As long as you are still following, encouraging, loving, and lifting up your husband and allowing him to lead the family then i dont believe that the priorities are mixed. Your Biblical job is to teach and nurture your children and home, i feel that's why we have that 'mother's instinct', God gave it to us so that we can better do the job He created us for :) just my opinion, hope it helped...

[deleted account]

There is no simple answer to this question. At any given moment in time your priorities for that moment may not match your priorities for life. As a general answer, my priorities are 1) God, 2) my marriage, 3) my children. But there are times when my children need me more or their needs are more important. It really depends on what the needs are and why they are needed. If you always place your children first, they will never learn to wait or to place others ahead of themselves. It will not hurt a child to be told to wait for attention because daddy needs mommy right now.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/14/2014

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This thread is very old-feel free to start another

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

[deleted account]

Four years later, & we far from perfect, but we are one big, happy family. I still can't say I put my husband before my children...and vice versa. Guess it just depends on the specific situation. Plenty of love to go around here. Everything just falls into place when God comes First!

Kate CP - posted on 08/24/2011

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Sweet jebus this thread is over 2 years old and has over 300 replies. o.O

Deana - posted on 08/24/2011

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Your husband needs to come first. Your children have needs to which you will meet. I believe what you are saying is that you love your children but they take up so much of your time that you dont have anything left for your husband a the end of the day? I understand this completely, however if you put your husband second your children will grow up knowing this and it will follow into thier relationships as well. Your children need to see the respect and love you two have for each other. If you stop showing this your relationship will crumble. Do what my husband and I do. Take marriage classes. It is a date night and it is all about you two. One night makes a world of difference. How our raise your children is important what they see between you and your husband is also.

Melissa - posted on 06/17/2009

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Im sorry but I dont agree I value my relationship and love my husband more than words could ever express but my kids are first. You can never replace a child you can have another one but there can never be a replacement. It would take you losing a child to understand that. If your husband leaves you than who will be left you and your kids. They need to be top priorty above all not a man. I total agree with you Roxanne.

Angie - posted on 06/17/2009

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I would have to say god, children & my husband because my children are dependent on me right now and my husband isn't. I feel like he should be mature enough to understand that at this point in our life. We do come to agreements on punishment and how to raise our children though. We do try to make time for each other whenever possible (between the four kiddos). But to each their own.

Rebekah - posted on 06/17/2009

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Tricky one. I think I tend to put the needs of my children first, because they NEED me to do everything for them, but my husband MUST come above them.

Dorothy - posted on 06/17/2009

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I understand your plight. As mothers we love unconditionally both our children and spouses. I just had this discussion with my own husband after my 16 yr. old is more mouthy than usual...hence the age 16!! My explaination to my husband was that....God first then the spouse and then the children. Without God we have no foundation to build a relationship on...I am second because I am a partner in this lesson we call life...my children are 3rd because without them seeing his example of how he supports God and me they will know how to prioritize their own lives. Children learn by example and if they know they can go from parent to parent they act accordingly. Mothers sometimes think when they are asked to put something ahead of their children....even themselves at times...they feel guilt. Without a healthy you...children, marriages & love all suffer. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Quoting Joy:



I agree with you.  I was raised in a Christian atmosphere and when it comes to marriage, family, kids...I was always taught to make my husband first, myself second and my child(ren) third.





  My understanding of Biblical priorities is that we are to put ourselves AT THE BOTTOM.  We are supposed to take care of everyone else and to depend on God to take care of us.  :-)

Denise - posted on 06/17/2009

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Can't say that I agree. First GOD, than my husband, next the children. This is what I vowed to and will continue to follow. Children will try to use parents against one another for their benefit(s) therefore it's very important to put your spouse first so that everyone is on the same page. I love more children and will do anything for them.......so don't get it wrong. I just want to have order in my house so that my children will understand how relationships between a husband and wife should be.

[deleted account]

I'm in the same boat you are...but you HAVE to make him a priority!!! I do realize that at certin times of the day (for example dinner time) all of your focus is on teh kids, but you can make him apart of your time by just asking him to sit in the kitchen with you and tell you about his day, or have him chop something... husbands need to feel wanted by there wife!

[deleted account]

You will take better care of your children if you are in unity with your spouse. They need both parents to take care of them. Of course if they are small they will take a lot of your time, but IF YOU NEGLECT YOUR SPOUSE YOU WILL PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN A WORLD OF HURT IF YOUR MARRIAGE FALLS APART. You don't choose one over the other. You share the task of raising them, and make FAMILY your priority.



This isn't about life & death-who would I save? It's just about life.

[deleted account]

This is the first discussion I have read on this site and it is very interesting! A neglected marriage is an ended marriage and when a husband and wife are unable to make sense of their relationship then divorce asks children to do the very thing that their parents, the adults, failed to do. So from that perspective, marriage comes first.

Form a Biblical perspective, when a man and a woman are married, the two become one. Marriage is an intensely different relationship than parenthood. You are never "one" with your children. However this intimate and mysterious marital design of God's has been so twisted, tortured and abandoned that it's integral importance to a healthy family has been almost completely lost leaving in its wake broken and battered lives as far as the eye can see. The way I see the family is akin to the triune God - while there is a hierarchical order, all are of equal importance. This hierarchy establishes order, proper balance and unity. And ultimately, isn't that the desired goal of any family? To be truly unified?

Tania - posted on 04/30/2009

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children first as parents together...but you have to make it a priority to be together...date nights and such.

Mel - posted on 04/30/2009

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Quoting Alma:



Quoting Melissa:




Quoting Melissa:





Quoting Sandra:






Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)











 












Sorry Melissa












I don't agree with your statement made.












No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.












The question was PRIORITY.












Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.












Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.












I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.












My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.












On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.












There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.












But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.












NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.












ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.












 












THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.












Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.












Sorry for venting it's been a long month.












ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.
















I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.










I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.












Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE










your right, we are all entitled to our own opinions.  i respect that.  my first post was very vague though.  i was never asking who will i save, if i could only save one.  (has nothing to do with who supports the household) i'm talking about day to day situations.  like, the kids ask to stay up an extra hour on friday.....but my husband has plans for the two of us???





I would put them to bed. you and your husband need time together to and nothing should get in the way of that. trust me , me and my fiance get no aloe time together ours goes to bed about 9.30-10pm with feeds then im in bed or tv and he plays his computer games lol. he goes to work at 7am and i wake my daughter at 8.

Kara - posted on 04/30/2009

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You have to set up time for both children and spouse in order to everyone to be happy.

Sherrie - posted on 04/30/2009

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I used to put my children 1st. I found in the bible says to put God 1st, husband 2nd, then children. When I put God ahead of everyone else it was easier to see that I needed to put my husband before my kids, without this we would not have as strong a foundation to raise the children. We are preparing them to leave us, that is our job as parents. I have more than one child so in the sinking boat scenario I would grab one of them, I would be praying to God first and look to my husband second to make sure he grabed one and I had the other. In case your are still reading and are wondering, once I put God in my life 1st, then my husband I realized the children respected us more as a united front and did not try to play us against each other "as much".

[deleted account]

I don't think it's anything to make a big deal about actually. Our baby's are our babys. They always will be, and our husband's are our husbands. The love for each is completely different, yet so alike. They both have different needs, and they both need different kinds of love given to them. You cannot leave your husband out of things, or forget that your family came from the both of you. "All because 2 people fell in love.." Family should always be the priority. Not husband, kids, job,etc. Your kids will see the love you and your spouse have for each other, and that makes them feel good. They will always remember mom and dad kissing... or play fighting... or even date nights, b/c they get to stay up later and stuff :) But the relationship you have with your spouse, will affect your children as they get older. My 5 year old loves on me like he sees daddy love on me. He will play with my hair, or put his arm around me. The not only see these things, they sense them. And a good marriage makes a great family. Everyone in the family has to have the same knowing. Myself, my husband, my 5 year old son, and soon to know my 2 year old son, we all know that our family is always 1st. There is nothing not one of us will do for each other. We are the most important thing. That is what matters, and has long as you all are on the same page, I think that's what matters most :)

Cory - posted on 04/30/2009

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There is a BALANCE to a happy home...Love them all and don't tell them who is first :-)

Make time for them that doesn't conflict...story time with the kids, couch time with the hubster. Play dates with the kids, date night with the hubster. Arts and crafts with the kids, special notes for the hubster...I'm sure you get it. I think this need you seem to have to define where everyone ranks is coming from a conflict that you are experiencing. Maybe you just need to find a balance and don't worry so much about the rank :-)



God Bless

[deleted account]

Quoting Jen:

You aren't a bad Catholic! You have to do what is right for you and your family, but remember he married YOU and he loves YOU for being who you are, as well as being the mother of his children. If the children are ruling the home and running the show...that's not a good thing. It doesn't sound like your situation though. It seems like you may be feeling guilty however. Talk with your husband and ask him how he feels. Maybe he doesn't see it as you putting him second. Or perhaps on occasion he does. I think the fact that you even care to ask that question means it's important enough to you to NOT take him for granted. Cut yourself some slack too :-)

Good luck. It's a hard gig, this mommy thing!



Thank you. Thank you.  Religion has always been very important growing up in my family. 



you're right; my kids don't run the show...lol.  thanks again Jen.



 

[deleted account]

Quoting Jen:

You aren't a bad Catholic! You have to do what is right for you and your family, but remember he married YOU and he loves YOU for being who you are, as well as being the mother of his children. If the children are ruling the home and running the show...that's not a good thing. It doesn't sound like your situation though. It seems like you may be feeling guilty however. Talk with your husband and ask him how he feels. Maybe he doesn't see it as you putting him second. Or perhaps on occasion he does. I think the fact that you even care to ask that question means it's important enough to you to NOT take him for granted. Cut yourself some slack too :-)

Good luck. It's a hard gig, this mommy thing!



Thank you. Thank you.  Religion has always been very important growing up in my family. 



you're right; my kids don't run the show...lol.  thanks again Jen.



 

[deleted account]

Quoting Sarah:

very interesting question. my first thought was why is this woman being asked to choose?
i have used this analogy before, when you are on an airplane you must put your mask on first to then be able to put one on your child. if you did it the other way around you might both perish.
we all know that men and women are very different. though you shouldn't feel like you have to make that choice.
all my best,
sarab



no....lol.....i'm not being made to choose. 

[deleted account]

Quoting Melissa:



Quoting Melissa:




Quoting Sandra:





Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)









 










Sorry Melissa










I don't agree with your statement made.










No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.










The question was PRIORITY.










Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.










Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.










I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.










My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.










On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.










There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.










But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.










NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.










ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.










 










THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.










Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.










Sorry for venting it's been a long month.










ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.













I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.








I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.









Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE






your right, we are all entitled to our own opinions.  i respect that.  my first post was very vague though.  i was never asking who will i save, if i could only save one.  (has nothing to do with who supports the household) i'm talking about day to day situations.  like, the kids ask to stay up an extra hour on friday.....but my husband has plans for the two of us???

[deleted account]

Quoting Jennifer:

i'll pretend we share similar beliefs, so based on that; we always have go to back to the solid Truth of what we believe. culture, circumstances, personal feelings are only some of the many things around us that influence our decisions, but they are always changing with the time. i believe that both husband and wife should put each other first(as human relationships go). I don't think that that means your children become less important, or that you love them any less. you've touched on very important point, too. when we spend time prioritizing the cultivation of the relationship between our husband and our selves, we only create an even healthier atmosphere for our children to grow in. there's an abundance in a healthy marriage that overflows into your children; whenour sons(7,4,3,and one on the way)see how i choose to treat their father, and how their father choose to treat me. i am sure that in seeing that they find stability, comfort, respect, the example of love and sacrifice that they need to see being lived out between two people, so that they can in turn practice it within relationships that they develop (maybe, just maybe their own marriages?). watching my parent's and my husband's parent's commitment to one another has been crucial to our marriage and it's good health. obviously, when something like the flu runs through the house, and all your children are sprawled out on towels with a bucket at their side, you would tend to them, and make sure that they are taken care of. i wouldn't feel like i was somehow leaving my husband behind, and my husband wouldn't suddenly feel that he was being disrespected or anything like that. i am married to my husband, not my children; he is my helper, and i am his. we both love our children unconditionally, desire what is best for the growth and development of our young boys, and we have both made great sacrifices, and have experienced great joy to see that our children know love, mercy, grace, respect, forgiveness, patience, honesty, and all that other good stuff. but if we can't first practice those things with our other half, it is impossible to really, honestly teach it to our children. ha! my hubby and i are by no means perfect, but i think when our children see that and witness our commitment to one another in spite of it-it has the power to bring up amazing individuals. i send this to you with my love and prayers. some lessons i 've learned by watching the wonderful parents i have, and what they've taught me, and some(probably most) i've had to learn the hard way,or by seeing someone else learn it the hard way. i am still learning every day, and i am thankful for it. hope this helps:)


so much good advice.  i'm taking it all in.  thanks jennifer.



alma

[deleted account]

we actually spend a lot of family, quality time....just maybe not enough me & him time. we do go out alone.....but not often enough for him.

[deleted account]

Quoting Amanda:

1st and foremost the most important relationship is you (since your are christian God and you too). Make sure you are happy and know what you want.

I don't know if you work or not but, keep open communication with your spouse that way he feels important with the children and into their lifes.

Also have a date night as often as possible. Make sure that you have all kiddos in bed early enough so that you and your spouse can hang out together.

Good luck!



Very good advice Amanda! Thanks!

[deleted account]

Quoting Shannon:

Who would have thought this would create such heated discussions between people. I keep going back and reading your post Alma, maybe you can clarify wether you mean putting your children first in everything (ie: needs and wants) or just needs. There is a big difference. Alot of people are saying Kids no question, but are they really reading what she is saying? Of course as a mum most would say Kids, and so would i when it came to their needs. But sometimes partners needs are more important than a childs wants. Am i missing something?



you made an excellent point.  "sometimes partners needs are more important than a childs wants'.  thank you shannon for your input. 



so.........as of lately:  the kids are still getting everything they need, but not ALL my attention.  (& yes, if my kids have to build that race car while daddy is resting.....they have to wait!) 



Thank you ladies!



Alma

Amber - posted on 04/28/2009

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i'm sorry, I have to reply to Melissa's response...You can never replce your child!!! I love my husband very much, but at the end of the day, to me he is the one that would be replaced! not my children!!! They come from you, they are you, how could you even say that? I m honestly disgusted and can't believe what I just read!! Alma, I do agree with most of the other women...now is kid time 18 years it's all about you and your husband!

Tina - posted on 04/28/2009

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Kids come first always. As mothers we always put ourselves last on the list so why should our husbands expect to be put before children ,we are adults and need to learn the balance.

Regina-Patrick - posted on 04/27/2009

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I agree with ya. I love my husband and yeah in the end it will be me and him forever, but right now the kids do come first. They need me more. And I belive that my husband thinks of the kids first too, right now as he should.

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2009

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Actually all animals are different. Both male and female in some animals take care of the young, etc. Some males do feel neglected thats why some kill the young. Everyone is different. If the man sees what you're doing he should get over it, aslong as you do give him some time in between the childs naps. I wasn't able to though because my hubby was chilling with his friends, but only because he was stressed on leaving me behind to join the military. He thought I was going to leave him, which I was because of this sudden mood change, etc. But I figured out in the long run he was just getting me used to him being gone for hours.

Mawar - posted on 04/26/2009

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Quoting Kelly:

YOUR CHILDREN!!! Should ALWAYS come first. They did not ask to be here, we brought them into this world...so it is our responsibility to look after them. Thank gawd I'm not christian....they would have hated me and i'm sure would have dropped kicked me out the door. Your spouse had your attention before children and will have you after children. Besides should the male not be wanting his children put first as well?? We are not their servants. I just had this conversation with a Dear friend about 2 weeks ago. And the idea that the Man comes first above all burns my butt.

The love you have for a husband and the love you have for your children is SOOOOOO different. the love you have for your children is unconditional....at least it should be. You will always love your children......you may not always love that man!!! LOL



I agree with you Kelly. Children should ALWAYS come first. No question about it. It religion being the base of this issue(as in this case Christianity) how about some traditions in other country. The man actual puts their mothers tops. So if you put all your hopes on him alone and not look after your son well, what will happen to you?? Your man listens to his mother and gets a new woman, you did not look after your son well enough and when age is catching up on you and you need to depend on him, he will look at you and say " did you look after me well enough for me to look after you?".



In the animal world its the mother who protects the young and the male protects the female.



For the man, please never to have the feeling of neglect if your wife is busy with the kids. Its your love with each other that results to the young. As the saying goes, it takes 2 to tango.. you should be helping your partner with the raising instead of demanding attentions for your own.



So Alma, in my 3 cents of opinion, it should be your motherly instints and not religion to answer your question.



 

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2009

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Well my son always came 1st in my books because I had an awesome close bond with him more then what my Fiance did lol. Around 5 months he started taken a liking to his father more so it kinda gave me a break, but I missed the constant asking for mommy lol. My fiance came 2nd in my books only because when our son turned 3 months he'd start hangen with his friends more and never really cuddled and hugged and held my hand anymore. I thought we were going to breakup, but he only started doing that because he knew he was leaving for the military soon and didn't want to actually hurt me, even though it did lol.



I love and adore both my boys now equally. and our son loves us both equally now even though daddy is gone for weeks at a time doing his BIQ n SQ for infantry in the military.

Tammy - posted on 04/26/2009

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I agree with what most of the people have stated here. However, I am a firm believer in knowing that my children will always come first and foremost. I am christian, and I was raised to know that you love your spouse/significant other, and your children, but most of all you must love yourself. If I was married (which I am not, I am divorced now), but hypothetically speaking, if I had to choose (which I absolutely do not like) between a sp/so and my kids; my kids would come first ten fold. My children can never ever be replaced. They are what keeps me breathing, they are undoubtly my lifes lil treasures. I would hope that most individuals would understand the concept that you kids come first, than your sp/so, and than you. However, I do agree that MOM's don't get enough pampering like they should, so I say to you, after all the work we do on a consistent basis, take sometime out for YOU! Do something for YOU, without feeling regretful. Afterall, your kids depend on you, and what good would you be if you weren't taking care of yourself. Sorry to those that don't agree, or those that may be offended with my response, but it is how I feel!

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Who would have thought this would create such heated discussions between people. I keep going back and reading your post Alma, maybe you can clarify wether you mean putting your children first in everything (ie: needs and wants) or just needs. There is a big difference. Alot of people are saying Kids no question, but are they really reading what she is saying? Of course as a mum most would say Kids, and so would i when it came to their needs. But sometimes partners needs are more important than a childs wants. Am i missing something?

Danielle - posted on 04/26/2009

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my kidds come first and always will yeah i love my husband dont get me wrong but i brought these kids up they didnt ask to be here i made my choice to have them so what ever happens there my choice with no questions ask even when they leave the always need you even when they have kids themselfs its just a mothers instinct

Caroline - posted on 04/26/2009

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you know what your children come first... cause you never know when the father is going to walk out of your life and theirs... trust me on that... my son will never know his father cause he walked out on me when i was 5 months pregnant... so you always put your children first never the husband or father

Amanda - posted on 04/25/2009

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1st and foremost the most important relationship is you (since your are christian God and you too). Make sure you are happy and know what you want.



I don't know if you work or not but, keep open communication with your spouse that way he feels important with the children and into their lifes.



Also have a date night as often as possible. Make sure that you have all kiddos in bed early enough so that you and your spouse can hang out together.



Good luck!

Whitney - posted on 04/25/2009

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When my little girl was born I found a love I never thought possible! I honestly love her so much it hurts! The same goes for my husband but it is a diffrent kind of love. I think that even he would agree that she comes first.

Chassidy - posted on 04/25/2009

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I have always and will always pick my children first. They are the ones that can have serious problems when they get older because I neglected to always tend to their needs. My husband is already grown up and can understand that our daughter needs me right now and he can wait until I am done. Once the children are out of the house yea you can put your spouse first but until then he can get in line for my attention. I think maybe sometimes religions say some things that don't always make things easy to decide upon.

Tahanna - posted on 04/25/2009

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I am young and I have been married for 3 years and the love that I have for my children is a different type of love than what i have for my husband. My children are 2 and 8 mos. They both need MOMMY and DADDY. If my husband and I do not work on our marriage then the kids will see division. My grandparents have been married for 58 years and they always said they came 1st to each other, but the children would always be the main priority when they were young. If your husband wants to spend time with you, you should never push him off because you are tending to the kids. We as women have to learn how to balance. It seems like we get the short end of the stick, but you have to find a way to make it work. Maybe you can sit down together and spend time with the kids and your spouse. Or try to make them take a nap so you can have quality time with him. You should never blow your spouse off for your children, because in the end, your children will always be your children and they need to see a healthy relationship between their mom and dad, and I can guarantee that if you treat him poorly, it will not work out for you in the end. Just remember that your children, will ALWAYS be your children, you dont have to work for that. You will always have to work to make your marriage better. Its really all about balance and anyone that is not married or hasnt been married really shouldnt be giving you advice.

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