First priority...children or spouse?

Kira - posted on 04/23/2009

When it comes down to it I believe that your kids should always come first. No matter what age they are, they are always going to need mum. And while, yes, your partner needs you too, that is a different sort of need. You home will always be 'home' to your kids no matter what age they are, and allowing them to come first (but not always giving them what they want) will help build a good relationship with them that will always last.

Sonia - posted on 04/23/2009

Why does there have to be a choice? 1st, 2nd....what does it matter? BALANCE is the key...neglect in any amount to either you, husband or children can be detrimental!!!.. We are PARENTS....not just Mother and Father.....as a whole we are a family and need to work, care and love as a family!!!! One should always get what one needs...whether that be you, partner or child, we all need at different times and in different ways....there is no cut and dried way, and who's to say that it's just the Mothers to do all the caring etc, why not the Fathers too, has anyone ever really asked how they would like to connect or participate....who's to say that they'd choose any different....I know my Husband has gotten upset when I have assumed that as a Mother I know, care or whatever more!!!...sometimes I think we as a people think way too much about some things....

Good luck I am sure you will figure out how your family will connect and work TOGETHER!!!!

Mel - posted on 04/23/2009

with regards to the comment Melissa made i actually asked somebody today (a christian friend) if they would put a partner first or children they said to me partner reason being because your partner will be with you for life your kids grow up and move on. i thought that was pretty reasonable and a pretty good response. i mean of course we raise our kids and look after them and teach them things and turn them into who they are as a grown up and it doesnt mean that are not important because they are but your partner IS your whole life. my daughter means the world to mean with the struggle i had conceiving so to finally get the opportunity to have a beautiful little girl was one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Rachel - posted on 04/22/2009

i think that the kids come first, hands down!!!! but really, is there a difference?? i call my husband my 3rd child. yes he works and can do things on his own, but when i am home, well... i have to cook for him and the kids and do laundry and go to the store and diapers and wet or dirtied underware for our son that is being potty trained.... the list goes on as i am sure you already know.....

Mrs. - posted on 04/22/2009

Your children are the most important. Your husband is grown and can take care of himself, but your children cant. You have two different roles, one as a wife and one as a mother. Your legacy is your children, Your support is your husband. You can have time for both roles. Spend time with your husband after you feel your children are secure. He should be by your side spending time with the children. He also has two roles to fill.

Gretchen - posted on 04/22/2009

Thanks Melissa D!

Angela - posted on 04/22/2009

My kids!!!

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Jacy:

i am christain and my husband is catholic and i straight up laid the law down that the child will come first and then he is second and im last. he gets irritated that i dont cater to him anymore but he has to realize that when you have kids you put their needs infront of your own. if everyone lived off religious beliefs like that then a lot of kids would be mishandled and untaken care of. your husband is fully capable of washing himself cooking etc but your children arent until they are old enough.

I meant the above to you but I forgot to reply with quote thanks for saying your peace though I totally agree

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

I really dont think theres anything wrong with that actually you said it well . We chose them not they chose us and by choosing to have children we owe it to them to do the best job we can do. Also as your children do get older you may have more nights out and more husband wife time they want noting to do with you by that time anyway so you do get back to putting your spouse first, Every family goes through changing times.

Mel - posted on 04/22/2009

great post Gretchen :)

Gretchen - posted on 04/22/2009

Spouse first, that's what all my reading says. But what does "first" mean? Does it mean when your child is hungry u go kiss & hug on your man and tell them to wait 20 minutes? If your child has a stinky diaper, do u go call hubby to say "hey" first? Of course not. Practically speaking, there are some NEEDS that have to be met but that doesn't mean your spouse is second. If my relationship with my husband is strong, that can only help my child's development and sense of wellbeing and contentment. It is NOT easy, since our children tug on our heartstrings a bit more. But it is so important to focus on your husband as well. I have found that when i meet his needs and he meets mine, then both of our needs are met! The children have to see that you are important to each other so that they have an example of a healthy, nurturing relationship. This is the cornerstone of life i believe!!!

Mel - posted on 04/22/2009

oh melissa check out the maturity level here how old are you 15? i reply on most posts that i believe i can help with and if i do not say anything against you then i dont see what your problem is. everyone has a right to respond to people my god. not interested in your childishness anymore cya later thats the end of it

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

Its okay Amanda she has now sunken to a new low stalking me everypost I write on there she comes lol

You have values and you are selfless, I guess we should accept some people arent.

Tanashua - posted on 04/22/2009

My children come first. They need us as parents to help them through life, They need to know that we are here for them, if they could make make it on their own what's the purpose of us? Yes I love my spouse wouldn't tade him. We as parents need to understand, when you opt to have children you are giving up a lot, however when you receive that unconditional love from them you know it's worth it.

Mel - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

lady, you are barking up the wrong tree, my daughter is failure to thrive and we may be looking at the tube feedings as well. stop the pity party and grow up

haha wow that is not uncommon tube feeding for young ones is normal when they are failure to thrive. if i was not grown up i would not have been working my ass off tube feeding for 11 months

 

 it is disgusting that you would even laugh about something like that

its a simple easy and common thing in younger babies especially premmies so sorry if its become an every day thing for me. just for a laugh last night we put one of our tubes down a mates nose to ask her what it felt like. wanted to see what our daughter goes through every day. you got to make the best of situations you get dealt and try to look at the best side of things :)

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

lady, you are barking up the wrong tree, my daughter is failure to thrive and we may be looking at the tube feedings as well. stop the pity party and grow up

haha wow that is not uncommon tube feeding for young ones is normal when they are failure to thrive. if i was not grown up i would not have been working my ass off tube feeding for 11 months

 

 it is disgusting that you would even laugh about something like that

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

lady, you are barking up the wrong tree, my daughter is failure to thrive and we may be looking at the tube feedings as well. stop the pity party and grow up

haha wow that is not uncommon tube feeding for young ones is normal when they are failure to thrive. if i was not grown up i would not have been working my ass off tube feeding for 11 months

 

 it is disgusting that you would even laugh about something like that

Pearllisa - posted on 04/22/2009

you have to find a happy median. ther's nothing wrong with how you feel just make special time with him (weekends kids in bed). plan something special like a late dinner, candles etc....... i personally tried a romantic picnic on the livingroom floor (baby 3 came lol!) try something outside your comfort zone. men like to feel special but see it's like gassing the car. you got to fill it up every couple of days. i just filled mine's today.LOL!!!!!!!!!

Katrina - posted on 04/22/2009

children

Michele - posted on 04/22/2009

before we even got married, my husband and i agreed that, no matter what, when we had children, they would come first. it is an incredibly horrible thing to even think about either way, but if the choice had to be made, we agreed on the outcome. and i do have to say, knowing that ahead of time has made for alot less tension in our marriage as well as our individual lives.

Mel - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

lady, you are barking up the wrong tree, my daughter is failure to thrive and we may be looking at the tube feedings as well. stop the pity party and grow up

haha wow that is not uncommon tube feeding for young ones is normal when they are failure to thrive. if i was not grown up i would not have been working my ass off tube feeding for 11 months

 

Betsy - posted on 04/22/2009

I just don't see this as such an either/or question. If a marriage/family is healthy and stable, both spouses work together, having each other's back at all times, as a team towards the care for the kids they created and towards their adult relationship as a couple. If it is a spouse saying who comes first, me or the 3 yr old, is that really a healthy relationship to begin with? If I felt I had to choose the amount of love or rank my family members in order of importance, I would question the healthiness of my entire family and marriage. In that case, something is not working and should be looked at and altered to create a stable and healthy family unit and marriage.

Christy - posted on 04/22/2009

First priority should always be yourself. I know that sounds horrible, but if you do not take time for yourself than you will be to stressed for the rest of your family. As for spouse or children, I think it depends on the situation. You have to kinda split it the best you can. Your spouse should understand that your children should be taken care of yet your spouse also needs to feel the love. But if it comes down to one or the other my children will always come first.

Jacy - posted on 04/22/2009

also if it came down to savng my husband or child i would save my child not my husband because i feel i shouldgive my child the best possible chance.

Jacy - posted on 04/22/2009

i am christain and my husband is catholic and i straight up laid the law down that the child will come first and then he is second and im last. he gets irritated that i dont cater to him anymore but he has to realize that when you have kids you put their needs infront of your own. if everyone lived off religious beliefs like that then a lot of kids would be mishandled and untaken care of. your husband is fully capable of washing himself cooking etc but your children arent until they are old enough.

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

lady, you are barking up the wrong tree, my daughter is failure to thrive and we may be looking at the tube feedings as well. stop the pity party and grow up

Mel - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TAKING CARE OF A TUBE FED BABY THAT HAS 3HRLY BOTTLES TAKING ALMOST ONE HOUR EACH THEN TRYING TO FIT IN FOOD SLEEPS AND PLAY BETWEEN THAT? I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT MY MAN SO IM AM LUCKY IN THAT RESPECT. AND ABOVE IS MY REASONS FOR NOT WORKING SINCE MY DAUGHTER WAS 7 MONTHS EVEN THEN I ONLY WORKED TWICE A WEEK AS SHE CANNOT GO INTO CHILD CARE. HE IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO IMPORTANT AS I SAID IF YOU HAD READ OTHER POSTS THAT I COULD NOT REPLACE HER IT TOOK 2 2 F*****G YEARS TO GET HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO INITIATE PROBLEMS ON HERE HAS ISSUES SO UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN SOMEONE ELSES SHOES DO NOT JUDGE THEM. GOOD DAY

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

Oh my gosh I am finally seeing some people with priorites I do completely understand husbands need you but your job is to keeep the childrens best interest in mind this may change every five second s who has to come first to ensure they are being well taken care of being loved but independent knowwing you are there or if you arent you will come back one min you may have to put yourself first say your kids want to play but you havent eaten all day eat. if you are watching t.v or here on the net and they get hurt they come first or if your husband has had a bad day and needs to talk its him it is about balance and the childs best interest

Christine - posted on 04/22/2009

children without a dout.

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Melissa:

Quoting Sandra:

Quoting Melissa:

Im very attached to my partner and very dependant on him yes i love more daughter very very much and would be absolutely crushed if anything happened to her but my partner is my world so at the end of the day he;s more important than her. you can have more kids but you cant replace the man you love. you can find someone else but it would never be the same. just my opinion everybody is different :)

 

Sorry Melissa

I don't agree with your statement made.

No one should ever say that one is better than the other and can be replaced. I could never put a price on my child or my husband.

The question was PRIORITY.

Yes my children come first because if they are sick who will take care of them if I was selfish and said I have to have time with my husband instead of my child. We raise them together as one whole family.

Yes I am attached and dependant on my spouce but I can also do it on my own.

I would  be lost if I loss my child or my husband. I can not replace my child because I am 40 something and we have chose not to have more children as it could be life threating to me to have more. Yes I could get remarried but wouldn't be the same. As my husband is my soul mate.

My son is now two I have put my life on hold for him he has been sick with high fever every two months, He also had a febrile seizure and stopped breathing on us. He was born with testicular haven't dropped and he has to have surgury. But he will be fine.

On the other hand My best friends little boy ( he is 6 years old ) is dignosed one month ago with Brain cancer he has a 5% of living. Both parents have put there life's on hold to help their child. She would give everything away to save him right now. My family has put our lives on hold to help our friend through this tuff time.  But I would do it all over again to see this little boy smile.

There is nothing like mothers love if its your own child or someone else child.

But through all this I still have had time for my children, spouce, my family and my friends.

NO PARENT SHOULD LOSE A CHILD.

ALMA SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR CHILD.

 

THIS IS MY LIFE: These are choices we have made for our family. Family comes first over work,social event, church but they are always there to help us if you need it. But it's not the same as family. Which is my children and my spouce.

Just remember children can't take care of them self until they are adults and make their own choices.

Sorry for venting it's been a long month.

ALMA if you ever need to chat in private I am hear for you.

I for one cant believe you could imply you could replace your child in anyway that is sick if my children died I can say I would want to live on.

I for one if had to choose would choose my children first and I hope my husband would do the same. If he chose me I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him.

Why dont u keep ur mouth shut if you are going to use insulting words. it is a PERONAL OPINION doesnt mean everyone else has to feel the same if we all thought the same things then this site would be pretty boring wouldnt it. if you had read my comments back past this you would have know  i said i wasnt replacing my child and couldnt but MY DAUGHTER DOESNT PAY THE BILLS AND PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE

WOW ! what harsh words. Melissa #2 never said insulting words to you here at all, she was just giving her opinion just as you were so why do you get so offended? Did she hit a nerve with you? is it because you know deep in your heart that you are wrong?

Reading this makes me feel ill. I just dont know how a mother could say that if your baby dies you can always just have another. Our children are gifts from god, they are precious and you cant put a price on that. How dare you say that hey I can just have another. This is a living person you are talking about not a bloddy gold fish.

Your other comment above about how your daughter does not pay the bills and put food on the table is disgusting and was not called for. I truly feel for both you and your daughter, I cant imagine the values that you are passing down to her.

I for one take care of my marrige and go on weekly dates with my husband (unless one of the kids is sick) My husband does not rule over me and we do not have a head of house, we are equal partners who both feel that taking care of the marrige has a way of helping us with our parenting. He is not more important just because he makes more money than I do and takes care of most of the bills. My husband and I will be teaching both of our girls that they need to learn to be independant, get an education and love them selves so that they do not feel that they have to relie on a man to PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY THE BILLS.

Real women know how to live without a man. The world will not come to an end just because you dont have your man there to take care of you.

Reba - posted on 04/22/2009

I disagree with you. If anything, GOD comes first, then your husband , then your children. Neglecting your husband for your children, will only make things worse between you and your husband. There is always time that you could spend when the children are asleep, or away with grandparents. When it comes to your childre, them the both of your should participate, not just you all the time.

Catherine - posted on 04/22/2009

Please get out your bibles and refer to Titus Ch2.. If you are a woman with a strong covenant then this will answer the question for you.

Ashlynn - posted on 04/22/2009

For me my kids come first always have. Bu.t i do find time for my husband and i guess when i can for myself. Theres only so much time in a day. :)

Maj - posted on 04/22/2009

Unequivocally, your children have to come first. Your spouse is an adult and has his or her own take on life and defense strategies: your children rely on you (and hopefully your spouse) for guidance and protection. In a good, strong realtionship, this is how both parents should feel regarding their children. I know my husband and I both feel the same way: we would stop at nothing to ensure the safety and happyness of our children, and that's how it should be.

Victoria - posted on 04/22/2009

There is no simple answer to this question. At any given moment in time your priorities for that moment may not match your priorities for life. As a general answer, my priorities are 1) God, 2) my marriage, 3) my children. But there are times when my children need me more or their needs are more important. It really depends on what the needs are and why they are needed. If you always place your children first, they will never learn to wait or to place others ahead of themselves. It will not hurt a child to be told to wait for attention because daddy needs mommy right now.

Tiffanie - posted on 04/22/2009

Being raised Christian, I believe your husband comes before you. Not necessarily before you children. I don't believe anywhere in the bible it states husband before children, I think they just have to come before you. Also the bible states that the husband is the head of the household, so therefore any big decisions you must take it up with him and you must follow what he says to do. Now I'm not that strict about the bible to follow everything to the "T", but I think what the bible is saying is that your husband should always have the role as head of the household and he should be respected as such. He must guide you in all directions and it is his responsibility to do so. Hope that helps a little!

Tiffanie - posted on 04/22/2009

Being raised Christian, I believe your husband comes before you. Not necessarily before you children. I don't believe anywhere in the bible it states husband before children, I think they just have to come before you. Also the bible states that the husband is the head of the household, so therefore any big decisions you must take it up with him and you must follow what he says to do. Now I'm not that strict about the bible to follow everything to the "T", but I think what the bible is saying is that your husband should always have the role as head of the household and he should be respected as such. He must guide you in all directions and it is his responsibility to do so. Hope that helps a little!

April - posted on 04/22/2009

I am a christian too and that is a hard one for me. I think of it this way, we are all Gods children and he puts us first especially in our times of need, so I think it is okay when they are younger and they need you.

Sheri - posted on 04/22/2009

Husband or Children? I would say when it comes to keeping our children safe and filling their needs ( food, sleep, comfort….) because they do not have the ability to fend for themselves and we as adults do. The relationship with my husband comes first. How we respond to each other, how we love, how we communicate is the primary example our children will have on how to respond to other people later on in life. The strength in our relationship will give the the foundation to help them build a strong marriages later in life. They will understand through our example how to treat their family later on as well. We are a team and a family and the health of that unit is our primary focus. If we stop putting each other first then we become ununited, unhappy and in turn that effect the whole family. By setting time aside for you and your husband you are actually showing your children that they are important. We set aside time for our children... we should also set aside time for uninterupted time for ourselves and our spouses. What we have learned is... it's not you and him forever if you don't foster that relationship. Eventually the kids are gone... and an empty house is there for you both... if you haven't tilled that relationship it will be dead. The weeds will have grown up.. you didn't see them b/c of the children. Stay intouch with each other. As you age you both change... be sure to change together. Our children tell us... Hey Mom and Dad why haven't you gone on a date lately? Our older son once told his little brother (when Drew was upset cause we were going out) You don't want mom and dad to get a divorce do you? Like Jimmy's mom and dad? Then we have to let them go out on their date so that they can love each other forever. It really hit home. Our boys understood that we needed to have alone time so that our relationship would stay strong. They were probably 2nd and 3rd graders.

Laurie - posted on 04/22/2009

I guess maybe I think different than most people. I put my husband first most days. If we have a good, solid relationship, then it reflects on our children. In life or death situations, I would definately put my children first, without a doubt.

Rachel - posted on 04/22/2009

Husband or daughter? I would say when it comes to keeping my daughter safe and filling her needs ( food, sleep, comfort….) she will always be first. She does not have the ability to fend for herself and my husband does. But I truly believe that my relationship with my husband comes first. How we respond to each other, how we love, how we communicate is the primary example my daughter will have on how to love later in life. If we are strong we have the ability to fully care and love our daughter. And this will give he the foundation to help her build a strong marriage later in her life. We are a team and a family and the health of that unit is my primary focus. If my husband and I stop putting each other first then we become unhappy and in turn that effect our child. I don’t think that by doing this you are neglecting your child or being a bad person. You are just making a choice to focus on the health of your family.

Betsy - posted on 04/22/2009

Thank you Karen :-)

Karen - posted on 04/22/2009

Betsy is absolutely right! You have the most acceptable answer on here! Good thoughts!

Karen - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Betsy:

I agree with spouse becuase a good, stable marriage does help the children best, teach them about healthy relationships, and in the end, they will move on to their own marriages and families. Many couples don't have a relationship left or even know each other as people after the kids leave the nest. I think together though, as a couple, both spouses should be working together for the kids, taking care of their needs, etc. If there is an unhealthy or safety issue, that changes everything though, and you have to put the children first, as they can't protect themselves. If the other spouse isn't having their children's physical and emotional health as priorities, they can't come before the kids. It is a difficult question because it depends on individual circumstances. In a healthy family, marriage is priorities. If a spouse is abusive orhas substance abuse issues where they are detrimental to the kids, the kids' protection is first concern.

Karen - posted on 04/22/2009

Juat a thought here...Christianity teaches God first, spouse next, then children next...if you have the first two in the right order it makes it right for the children! When people place everything they have on their children and tend to the needs of them before anything, what happens when that child becomes a teenager and totally becomes independent, maybe rebels, and moves on. You become an empty shell of a person when your "life" leaves. You have no idea who you are and you in your endeavor of making your child more important than God or your spouse you are alone. Marriage takes work, and yes with children it takes even more work. There has to be a balance in all things. As a Christian wife and mother let me say that balance can be achieved. My children are well loved and so is my husband! Let me just say it was not easy but it is doable and it is how marriage and parenthood was designed to be!

Sarah - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Bethany:

Wow. Both Christian theology AND secular psychology show that children raised in homes where the parents love EACH OTHER more than their children are healthier, happier, and more independent (of course, that's in healthy homes...not abusive ones). And yet so many spouses (especially women, it seems) put their children right where they shouldn't be... the central point of their lives.

The problem with placing your children above your spouse is that 1) your children think the whole world revolves around them and will become self-centered; 2) your children have no model of what a healthy, loving marriage should look like because they are the major focus; 3) your children become insecure because they believe that their parents don't love each other, which brings in fear of divorce, especially as they get older; 4) once the children leave, the only thing holding your marriage together is gone, and either you have to get to know each other all over again, stay together unhappily, or divorce.

Now, that doesn't mean that, if you could only save one person, you would save your spouse. Of COURSE you'd save your child first! You and your husband are here to protect your children and, since they can't save themselves, you have to. And it doesn't mean that you neglect your children. Especially when they're younger, they need a lot more time than your spouse does. But I fully believe that loving my husband more than our children and making him my priority is incredibly important!

My husband and I went on a date two weeks after our daughter was born. It was short, but so important for our relationship! And, we make it a point to have dates as often as possible, even if it's just a nice dinner alone after our daughter goes to bed. We always make time for each other, because we know that it's best for us and for our daughter. And, we also make sure we spend some time together when she's around, so she can SEE that mommy and daddy love each other.

Thank You!  I am reading everything on here and honestly thinking how sad that everyone truly believes this.  My children are beyond loved but they do not come before my husband or God.  It is kind of a given that no one is going to save their husband over their kids in a "burning building scenerio" but in day to day life if your husband isn't put on your top priority you won't have a husband for life.  Love is a choice a commitment.  It is hard work.  Your children need to see you putting the same if not more work into Daddy that you do into them.  I love what Bethany wrote above because todays children are egocentric thining it is all about them.  They need to know God and family comes first.  They are not the center on the world.  I do everything for my children but I want a 100% stable loving relationship with my husband first.  I thought it was so sad that a woman wrote something like my "husbands" have not been there but my children always will be.  That says a lot.  Maybe the focus is really messed up here.  If there has been husbands pural you need to work on the marriage.  Marriage is suppose to be for life and that is why God says put your husband first so that your marriage will thrive thus your children will thrieve in a healthy happy family unit.  If your so busy being super mom your marriage will slip away over time.  It happens to often.  Take the time to make dad number one.

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

Quoting Melissa:

no u decided to insult melissa its people like you that dont deserve to be mothers. go do something useful with your time maybe play with your kids rather then writing unnecesary comments. if you want to say your views in future do not say it in a way that insults other people. we are not 15 here we are grown up adults

You really think because I dont agree with you I dont deserve my kids, get a life I love my kids more then you will ever know and I only come on here when my kids are sleeping  for one and for two my kids are very well taken care of. You are the only one who thinks my comment was unneccesary. i also will say whatever I want in the future it is your choice to read it and I know I am not 15 can you say the same about yourself?

I do understand the other moms who said there husband come first to be united front and a team so they can care for there children because they are still putting the children first I do understnad that I just think we HAVE to remember theres a dangerous line in some instinces

Kate - posted on 04/22/2009

as long as our children are dependent on us our children should take priority. when they can can take care of themselves (OLDER TEENS) our husbands need to take priority. when the kids are grown and move out we'll have our husbands as partners for the rest of our lives.

Rebecca - posted on 04/22/2009

in my opinion children always come first, especially when they are really young. Your partner is a grown man and is capable of take care of and entertaining himself, but your children are not so capable. They need attention, guidence, and just plain love and support. I know your partner needs love and attention too but there needs to be a time for him, a time for your kids and time for you.

Also, (i mean this to be in no way offensive), your partner needs to understand that you need love and affection too. You need time to yourself, time to do what you want to do. I do not disrespect your beliefs in any way but in all things there is a time and place, and at certain times and at certain places, the title of "who has top priority" can shift from one person to another. If you completely stick to the "this person ALWAYS has top priority" idea you will repeatedly be faced with situations that will make that idea cause more hassle then relief

Trish - posted on 04/22/2009

children first everytime