for all you co-sleeping mums...

Claire - posted on 08/02/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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i am just curious as to why you co-sleep,

personally i am against it i have a 9month old son and he has always slept in his own crib/cot even if only for a nap since the day he was born.. just bein nosey!

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Charlie - posted on 08/02/2010

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I love the closeness , the bonding , the easiness of breastfeeding at night , ive done the research and found its very beneficial to baby and mother , i found my children sleep a lot better when they are with me , my oldest transitioned very easily from our bed to his own bed at one year old without any fuss , its relatively only a very small time of their life that they are in our bed , we really just love to enjoy that baby stage that flies by so quickly .

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It is practiced worldwide by many ethnic groups , Notre Dame anthropology professor and leading sleep researcher, James McKenna, has long held that babies who sleep with their mothers enjoy greater immunilogical benefits from breastfeeding because they nurse twice as frequently as their counterparts who sleep alone.



In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure parents can take to reduce the risk of this tragedy. McKenna's research shows that babies who sleep with parents spend less time in Level III sleep, a state of deep sleep when the risk of apneas are increased. Further, co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns from their bunkmates.



Every scientific study of infant sleep confirms that babies benefits from co-sleeping. Not one shred of evidence exists to support the widely held notion that co-sleep is detrimental to the psychological or physical health of infants.



A few parents do experience difficulty sleeping with a baby in their bed. For them, a "sidecar" or bedside sleeper is an ideal way to meet their needs for rest and their baby's need for co-sleep. Keeping a crib or bassinet in the parents' room is another option. A "family bed" is not for everyone, but creative solutions for co-sleep are abundant in our consumer-friendly culture.



The most common question co-sleepers are asked is about maintaining a sexual relationship with one's partner. The answer is simple. Go someplace where the baby is not. Enough said.



Co-sleeping is not right for everyone. Heavy drinkers and drug addicts should avoid sleeping with their babies. Of course, these folks should probably avoid parenthood altogether.

Janessa - posted on 08/06/2010

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My son is 14.5 months and i am still co-sleeping with him but soon i will be putting him into his own room when we move. I co-sleep because i was in so much pain after giving birth for awhile and i also breastfeed which made it easier. I think co-sleeping is very normal to me because that is what my mother did with all of us in Haiti until we were a certain age, not all but most westerners have negative view on co-sleepers compared to the rest of the world i wonder why?

Amanda - posted on 08/03/2010

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Independence is only learned once trust is established, co-sleeping actually encourages independence. I know many families who have co-sleep with some children and not with other siblings. The children who were co-sleep with, are more independent at a much younger age compared to their counterpart siblings. Coddling children has nothing to do with co-sleeping, children who are sleeping with parents at what would be considered a unacceptable age isn’t the child’s fault, it is the parents. Co-sleeping also doesn’t cause a child to be clingy, a child’s personality causes that, along with an adults reaction to the clingy behaviour.

Nete - posted on 08/02/2010

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well if you look at the animal kingdom.. as an example .. no mother leaves their kids behind in a dark room, on their own, turns off the light and closes the door ..... - they nurture and protect and keep their young close.... human kids cry in fright and abandonment and their mothers just walk off because we are taught its normal and we should and our kids just have to get over it and get use to it??.... to me your question is the other way around? why do you do it? .... and Loureen is correct about the bonding and ....trust

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Jessica - posted on 08/06/2010

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* I love the bonding time

* I know baby's safe with me

* Baby knows I'm right there with her

* It feels like it's right

* My babies wouldn't sleep when I put hem down in a bassinet or crib.

* I worry about baby being alone

* Started co-sleeping in the hospital after birth



My mother co slept with my siblings and me.

Janet - posted on 08/06/2010

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claire - I agree. If we are meeting our child's needs, then we are teaching them healthy independence when we tuck them into their own bed and express the confindence that they will be fine sleeping in their own bed. Of course, depending on their age, take care of feeding, changing, comforting them as needed, then put them back into their own bed. Mom and baby existed "as one" in the womb. But life after birth prepares them to live in the world as they will know it. We help them in this from the very beginning a little at a time. I did breastfeed each of our 5 children, and in the first couple of months, I would occasionally bring them into bed with us to finish a feeding, but we would all sleep sounder/safer as soon as I put little one back in their bed. As parents, we model appropriate behaviors for our children, moving them forward into the life they will live, not backward. Hope this helps. My youngest is now 22.

Salome - posted on 08/06/2010

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I co sleep with my daughter...i feel satsfied when i do so and she sleeps well coz she knows am right there with her.i love it and i like it that way.i feel so secure when i know she is near me.

Erin - posted on 08/06/2010

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To be honest... it was just easier. I breastfed them, so in the middle of the night I'd change their diaper, put a boob in their mouth and go back to sleep. As they weaned they would get better about sleeping in their own beds. They would also start out in their own beds and move to my bed for the mid night feeding. since I had 4 small kids at the same time, it allowed me to get more sleep. worked pretty good for me.

Erin - posted on 08/05/2010

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I co-sleep with my 10 month old for very different reasons than most everyone else on here. I had a c-section and found it very painful to bend down to get her in and out of her bassinet. So, for the first week or so she slept with me and after that we were both hooked. I found it comforting to have her right there when I would wake up from a Mommymare, and she liked the closeness.

Chelsea - posted on 08/05/2010

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I co sleep with my daughter only in the morning, after i giver her breakfast. She falls asleep easier when she is snuggled against me. She gets up around 7 and i am usually still tired, so i give her breakfast then take her in bed with me and give her a bottle. Then she and i go back to sleep =) so really i only do it for my own benefit lol. My daughter is 11 months old

Nete - posted on 08/04/2010

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Its simple .. just get a bigger bed .. we nixed the frame got our king on the floor next to a queen for the twins .. everyone pick a spot ... by now we got them starting out in their own beds .. but around midnight the sound of little feet over the floor is certain to come, and as long as they do, they will never be turned away ..

Simone - posted on 08/04/2010

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Sometimes just have to do what works for the sake of getting sleep yourself. I have twin babies, quickly and quietly settling one in whatever way works means the other hopefully doesnt get disturbed and l can get some rest too. Plus its a nice feeling waking together, great way to start the day with a cheeky smile greeting me : )...I dont worry about habbits forming their only little once.

Kathy - posted on 08/04/2010

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My son started sleeping through the night by the time he was 8 weeks old. I went back to work full time. When he was around a year, my husband went back to work. He had been on disability since I was 4 months pregnant after getting hurt at work. We found a good daycare but she had to close due to personal/family reasons. We had a recommendation for another daycare provider. All seemed well when we interviewed her, did a home inspection, and talked to other parents. She had all the proper forms for a state registered home daycare. Within of 2 months of being there, our son stopped sleeping in his crib, stopped sleeping all night, would cry almost like a panic attack if we left him alone especially in a bedroom. He would freak when he was dropped off. She was always out "picking up kids" when anyone went to pick him up. We pulled him from her house. Sadly the damage was done. A month later, my nephews stopped going after the oldest told my brother and sil that the babysitter would leave my son and his brother alone in bedrooms all day. My son turned into an anxious baby who we could only get to sleep by having him co-sleep. He would panic in a dark car when strapped in a carseat. He became clingy. It was devastating. Turned out that she was no state-licensed. She closed up shop after the older kids started talking. We were not able to do anything legally to her. Instead we got to live with the after effects. It took us years to get our son to sleep in his own bed and his own room. He is still an anxious kid but much better as he is getting older. I have to say-my daughter was much easier. Loved having her sleep in her crib and bed as a baby/toddler. I can understand both sides though.

Laila - posted on 08/04/2010

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I co-slept with both of my children (now 10 and 7) and will continue to with the next children we have as well. It makes me feel more bonded with my children and IMO its a MUST for breastfeeding!!! Our Children NEVER "invade" our bedroom, they both know it's our room and always ask for permission before entering. Also, we never had a hard time getting them to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. To each their own but for our family...co-sleeping is what has always felt the most natural!

Charlie - posted on 08/03/2010

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Just as a side note co sleeping was strongly encouraged in the hospital where i gave birth for the reasons i mentioned earlier :D

Kara - posted on 08/03/2010

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I find it comforting when we sleep together and I find he can be calmer too.

Camilla - posted on 08/03/2010

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My husband and I both agreed that we would not let our child sleep in bed with us. I am currently breastfeeding my 4 1/2 month old and she has never slept in the bed with us. When she woke up in the middle of the night during her first two months, I would get up and feed her. Our bedroom is our own personal space and I want my child to grow up respecting that.

Charlita - posted on 08/03/2010

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Honestly, it started out that way because my hubby was always training or deployed. Once he got back it was hard to keep the baby in her room. The second baby only slept in our room until she was about six months old and then continued to sleep in her crib. The third baby is still sneaking in to our room at night. Now she is two years old and we can't keep her out of our room. I must say had I have known what I know now I would not do it again. It seems it is more for the moms comfort than it is for the children. It's better to start them off sleeping in their own beds so that you don't have the problems that we have been having.

Bernadette - posted on 08/03/2010

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After reading what everyone has put it just goes to show that people do what they are comfortable with and at the end of the day there is no right or wrong way its just one that suits you. Lovely to read everyones view though, good question xx As for the baby care unit i do believe nurses want mum and dad to go and get some sleep so they have enough energy to worry the next day, they work with you to help you, worring takes alot from yr body xx

Denikka - posted on 08/03/2010

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I always thought it was weird for a mom to want to be away from their kid (optionally, not work) 8+ hours a night when they're so little.
I kinda figured it was much more for the benefit of the mom rather than the child.
My son was in NICU for a couple days (2 nights) for jaundice, while I was left in maternity. Just the hell I went through for feedings and everything made up my mind completely. I could hardly function after just 2 nights of going back and forth for feedings and whatnot. I realized that I couldn't be any kind of parent at all let alone a GOOD parent feeling how I felt, and even thinking about doing it long term after those 2 nights....there was just NO way.
I treasure falling asleep with my baby every night. It was the best choice possible for us, even dad thinks so :D.
Right now my son is 17.5 months and still sleeping with us part time. He sleeps where ever for naps, but at night he's put to sleep into his own bed where he stays till about 4am or so, then he wakes up, crawls over dad and snuggles up with me :P
Our bed situation is a little strange though. We live in my moms basement (helping her with her mortgage) and we really only have one big room. Both beds are on the floor and right beside each other.
We would like to have DS into his own bed through the night by about the time he's 2 (we're expecting another little one on Jan 30th, when DS will be roughly 22.6 mo) so we've started the process but we're doing it slowly and letting him go at his own pace. If it happens, great, but I don't feel the need to push it too much.

Megan - posted on 08/03/2010

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I co-sleep with my baby boy ( and have since he was about three weeks) because he got up during the night every hour for about five months, then it went to every two hours during the night. I thought I would sleep with him until I wasn't so sleep deprived, but it never lessened. We introduced solids, tried the crib thing, and kept a strict bedtime routine....but nothing helped. Now he's nine months old and will roll over to daddy and cuddle and then roll back to me. He will roll over to me, grab my breast and feed himself without ever waking me up now. It's amazing!!!

Nikole - posted on 08/03/2010

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i co-sleep with my son because of alot of reasons. for your fyi they have proven babies how sleep with mom have a lesser chance of sids and also have you ever noticed you lo stop and stat breathing when they sleep? it happens alot less with babies that sleep with mom and for those moms who breast feed it makes night time nursing a little easyier because breastfed babies nurse so often

Lydia - posted on 08/03/2010

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my daughter slept in our bed for the first month which made bf during the night easier, but then it got uncomfortable for the 3 of us so i moved her to her crib in our room... which made her sleep longer until she started sleeping through the night with 8 or 9 weeks. in the evenings i normally cuddle and nurse her to sleep. sometimes she'll wake up in the middle of the night and all i hear is her rolling to the side, stick her thumb in and suck herself back to sleep... so funny! also now she is 4 month and so mobile already I can't sleep next to her because she will "massage" me with her feet and arms and rolling back and forth... daddy sometimes brings her into our bed because he misses the cuddle times he used to have but after 5 minutes he will put her back to her crib because of the wild moves.

Sarah - posted on 08/03/2010

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My 10 1/2 month old son has been sleeping in his own crib practically from day one. He has done very well in his crib and slept through the night at a very early age. But, then all of a sudden he started waking up in the middle of the night again. When he wakes up I go in and rock him back to sleep. He'll be sound asleep in my arms, but when I go to lay him back down in his crib he wakes right back up again. I got to the point where I was exhausted from having to do this, so I started bringing him in bed with my hubby and me. I just needed my sleep lol, plus I think he feels safer & more comfortable right next to us.

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When my son was a newborn he had bad reflux and could only sleep in an upright position, so I spent the first 5 months of his life propped up in my bed w/ him lying on his belly upright on me. He was in his crib from 6-14 months, but then his seperation anxiety got the better of us and I put him back in my bed. He is 2 years and 4 months and has just spent the last week back in his own bed. :)

Technically we are still 'co-sleeping' though since the only room I have to put him in is mine, but we are no longer bed sharing.

Andrea - posted on 08/03/2010

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My son was not attached to any machines or tubes for 2 weeks of his stay in the NICU, but I still couldn't stay.



Yes, I did Kangaroo care everyday! We both enjoyed it.

Amanda - posted on 08/03/2010

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I would assume co-sleeping isnt done in NICU because of all the tubes and machines attached to a child.

Julie - posted on 08/03/2010

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My son was a preemie and came home on oxygen and a monitor. I wanted him next to me (co-sleeper attached to bed) so I could get the alarm ASAP when it went off. Also, after not having him with me for the first 4 months, I wanted the option of touching him any time I wanted. I also liked that if he got up earlier than I preferred in the morning, I could reach over, bring him into my bed and just snuggle him on my chest and get another bit of rest.



I did "kangaroo" him in the NICU as much as I could, too! --HUGE benefits to these little ones!!



If he hadn't been a NICU baby, he'd still have been next to me b/c I intended to breastfeed. It is MUCH better for Mom's sanity to hear baby cry, pull baby close, feed and both go back to sleep. I don't know how moms actually get out of bed, go down the hall, feed baby and then put back to bed. I suppose that is technically what I did b/c I had to get the bottle (could only pump for 14 weeks) but I liked that I could sit in my own bed to feed him.



My son was off oxygen at about 9 months of age, but I kept him in the co-sleeper until he was too tall for it. Then he went into his crib in my room(little over a year), partially for transition and partially b/c his room wasn't done yet. He and his crib moved out around 2 years-ish because he was sleeping well and I got tired of having no floor space.



If I am lucky enough for a second child, they will likely co-sleep as well.



PS Dad didn't mind the co-sleeper, but it made him nervous to have our son in bed even though there was never any issue.

Andrea - posted on 08/03/2010

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When your baby is in the NICU you don't have that option to co-sleep. Why don't NICU's or Special Care Nurseries encourage it? Just a question. I had to tuck in my son each night and go home. I wasn't even under the same roof as him. Kangaroo care is encouraged, but not co-sleeping.

Christi - posted on 08/03/2010

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it happens with some children if you don't have boundaries. my son was moved into his own room when he was one, it was hard since he is autistic, but we did it for his benefit. it was harder on us than him, lol. i know alot of moms that coddle too much. im not saying you shouldn't cuddle and rock and kiss and love on your child, but too much of it will teach them to be dependent on you and won't let them flourish.

Claire - posted on 08/03/2010

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thankyou for all you answers, hope i didnt offend by asking i was just very curious as to how/why people do it different as nete pointed out in the animal kingdom yes it is natural but i tuck my son up in bed turn out his lights and go downstairs with a baby monitor i feel as though it is good because it teaches your baby to have some independence unlike children these days who cry if they get dirty.. what happened to the days when kids were out all day playing and we could let them with no worries , this is my reason for not co-sleeping with my child. all yours seem perfectly healthy co-sleepers but a few close people i know are not, my cousin is 2 ..still sleeps in mummies bed wont potty train and she cant leave a room without him and the same as my friends brother who is nearly 3 xx

Christi - posted on 08/02/2010

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i chose to co-sleep for a number of reasons. my son was premature and had severe reflux. he would spit up and gag and after it happening on more than one occasion and having to get up and fly to another room with a healing c-section, i decided it was best to have him in bed with me. it also made it easier when i was trying to work out a feeding schedule with him. i never made any breastmilk and from day one he was always a hungry child. he would eat every two hours and yet again, it was so much simpler to just roll over and pop a bottle in the warmer and feed him rather than get up with a healing scar from hip to hip and go to the kitchen, then get him, then put him back in his crib. i love being close to him and he is actually sleeping in his own room now.

Amy - posted on 08/02/2010

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It works for our family. My son goes to sleep in his bed but either my husband brings him in at 3 in the morning when he gets home or he'll wake up and ask one of us to lay with him. Now my daughter who is 4 months old is in our room too because I bf. My husband is a very sound sleeper and now that I'm back to work I need him to hear the kids on the morning.

Tracy - posted on 08/02/2010

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When mine were tiny, I breastfed them. So those late night feedings were just easier if they were right there. I tried to put a stop to co-sleeping several times, but their father kept bringing them back in. In fact, they are 3 and 8 yrs old now and he still has them sleep with him. At my house, they sleep in their own beds and LOVE it!

Schyla - posted on 08/02/2010

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I co slept with my children to an extent I would allow them to as Amanda said invade my bed but once they were asleep they went back to bed while they were nursing they slept in their own cot in my room. (My husband is a deep sleeper and sleeps all over the place!) Witch ever way works for you and your family.

Amanda - posted on 08/02/2010

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Oh yes thanks for the reminder Dana, all three of my children slept in their own beds between ages 1-2 without a problem at all. I dont have 12 year olds, 10 year olds or a 2 year old invading my bedroom at all, they all respect that my bedroom is mine, and never enter it without permission.

Dana - posted on 08/02/2010

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I couldn't have said it any better than Amanda did. I breast fed and my son co-slept with us until he turned one. We had no problems with it nor did we have any problems moving him to his own bed.

Amanda - posted on 08/02/2010

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I co-slept with all 3 of my children, long before it was the normal (my oldest is 12 now). My mother co slept with her children also. Why? Because in countries that its normal to co sleep in or have family bedrooms, have extremely low rates of SIDS, also when breastfeeding it is much easier to roll over and whip a boob out for baby. A mother who is well slept is a happier mother during the day.



Does this mean I am a better mother than you? Of course not, it is just how my family decides to do things. Does your son sleeping in his bed since birth make you a better mother than I? Of course not, its just the way your family decides to do things.

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