For stay-at-home moms... how do you keep the blues away?

Kate - posted on 10/30/2009

You need to find something else to focus on.

I have 5 children, 4 are under 4 and I know what you mean. My Husband works 6 days a week and comes home Saturday night and spends Sunday with us then goes back to work at 4am Monday morning and lives there till the following Saturday etc

But I now work part time in a bar, and I focus on that instead of the kids. The kids like it as much as I do.

Katie - posted on 10/30/2009

OH honey you do more then you give yourself credit for, I myself am a stay at home mom as well and have very much thought the same way you do, and that means your a great mom, no matter how much you do you never feel its enough, but if mommy aint happy no ones happy. Take time for youself i know its so hard to do that because our job is never done its a 24 hour 365 job but in order to keep yourself sane you need to give yourself some you time. Think about what you used to do in your free time before the kids, scrapbooking, workingout, shopping, have lunch with friends, whatever it maybe makesure, at least several times a month do something that only involves you and something you enjoy and leave the kids with a sitter or grandma and grandpa and take a few hours to worry about you. And after that you will be all rejuvinated and ready to take on the world yet another day!

Rebecca - posted on 10/30/2009

i started selling avon in my neigbourhood my children love going for the walk it get us out i talk and meet new people and friends and i earn money at the same it its great! i no have started to teach people to sell avon it started as a small hobby to earn some money i now get paid 2000 every 3 wks

Hilary - posted on 10/30/2009

Be Creative! I know its hard when they are small, but while the babe is asleep write a short story, draw a silly picture, make something for your baby - a toy animal out of a cardboard box - paint on their favorite ball - anything. I found creating something new really helps keep me happy and rolling with my growing child.

Kelly Rosen - posted on 10/30/2009

I am a stay-at-home mom of a 5 and 3 yr. old. Two yrs. ago I heard about and joined MOMS Club. They are a national organization broken down into chapters. You can go to momsclub.com and look up your zip code to see if there is a chapter in your area. Our club does everything from playdates to moms night out. It has made a huge difference for me. I get out all the time now.

Danja - posted on 10/30/2009

I'm having the same problem, but have found a couple of things to help. Our local public library does an infant story time once a week, it's free, and my 7 month old loves it! (and it gets me out of the house) Make yourself get up, and fix your hair, and put on a little make up, and get out of the house! It's so hard sometimes, but you will feel so much better!

Joy - posted on 10/30/2009

Malarky! You contribute bunches. You need some friends. If you can't get out, stay on the phone or computer! Stay connected. Do not become a recluse. Friends cheer you up. If they need help, helping someone cheers you up. People need you to reach out, you need people to reach out to. Go Do It! Also, yoga, the gym, going and gabbing at the hairstylists!, anything that brings you in contact with people. Oh, one last thing. Pray! Pray! Pray! Your relationship with God will keep the blues away. For help connecting to God, ask. I'll help if you want.

Carly - posted on 10/30/2009

Do u have any friends with babies Whitney? If so arrange to meet up with them and set up "playdates" for the kids.If you don't ,then find out about playgroups in your area.You get out of the house,and meet other mums in the same situation as you.And,you make friendshps out of it.

Kindra - posted on 10/29/2009

This has been a really interesting thread to read. I stay home with my soon to be 3 year old daughter. It's funny...I find myself leaving the house more often since becoming a mom than I did when I had a job that I went to everyday! It's nice to get out of the house sometimes. Last week my daughter and my husband were down with the flu, so I didn't get out of the house. Yesterday I just got us ready, and we left the house and I went and bought a pair of boots! I also took my daughter to lunch and it was fun, just to get out and do something for me. I don't spend money like that very often, so it was nice. She also enjoyed the day out. We both get cranky if we are cooped up for very long. It doesn't help though that we live in a rather small apartment, with no yard to speak of. I'm hoping our living arrangements will change next year.

When I first moved in there was a play group of ladies in our apartment complex, but since then, they've all moved away. I haven't been able to find another one, and I don't think I know enouph people in town to start one, but we've made our situation work. I'm so grateful that some day care center isn't raising my child with values that I may or may not agree with. I cherish every day with my little one and it is so fun to watch her learn new things. It's nice to have me time as well. I try to go to a monthly church activity, but I don't always make it, but the time out of the house is nice.

Rebecca - posted on 10/29/2009

Join a playgroup or start a play group.. i started a playgroup in my area because there wasnt one catering to the needs of young mums and the development of their kids... now we have a nutricianist who voulunteers and comes to our group every so often and teaches the other mothers about nutrician and the need of their growing bub and i'm starting lessons on the importance of play soon too



Also try to catch up with friends often even just via phone or email



Even just take yourself to the local mall to have a coffee while bub has a nap in the pram... just to get you out of the house and make you feel part of life again



if i dont get out of the house atleast once a week with my 9 month old i go stir crazy... i feel like i need the time out the house just to do something for me



Hope this helps



Goodluck

Bec

Amanda - posted on 10/29/2009

im a sahm of 8 month old twins and all through my pregnancy i was on bed rest. i totally understand where you are coming from some days i go stir crazy and just have to get out of the house as soon as my husband comes home from work but for me one of the big things that helps is when the twins go down for a 2 hour nap i play with my dog in the back yard or bake something (i love to bake) or like one of the other moms suggested turn up the radio and clean. when my husband comes home i get him set up and go do groceries. even just doing the groceries helps like crazy because for me the big thing is that im surrounded by babies and have no body to talk to so just doing groceries is an amazing help your surrounded by adults... that speak.

Sandra - posted on 10/29/2009

Get out and take the baby with you! Go to the library, park, zoo, visit friends with other babies. Have other stay at home moms visit you. When you think you are going nuts...get outside and walk with the baby. Have fun. As a mom with a 34 yrs old and a 29 yrs old...time goes by so fast. Take photos of everywhere you and the baby go. Lots of pics with your baby playing everywhere. Have fun!!! Go on picnics in your back yard. Spread a blanket out and look at the clouds, if it rains, take the baby and read to her/him. Enjoy every minute, this time does not last long.

Bernadette - posted on 10/29/2009

Your job is the important job in the whole world. Before I had children I heard a lady talk about how a child needs one one care by an adult from 0 till the age of 3 years for the fabric of the brain to glue together. This sets them up for life. There is a book you can read called "Mother's rule of Life" that may help you get through it.

You are contributing to the welfare of your beautiful little child. Find a playgroup to meet with other mothers for conversation, no matter how hard it is to get out of the house. Treasure every moment of it because as you know it goes so fast. Take up reading, reading something you want to learn about that open up your mind. Take up a hobby that you can do a little at a time. Call friends on the phone. Invite friends around occasionally to spend quality time together. Keep up your network of friends on the internet just so you can break the isolation. Arrange for sometime out when your husband is at home and go out with the baby or leave the baby at home if you can for a short period just to have the necessary time alone. Find a class like a music class that you both can enjoy together which will be fun.

Sonia - posted on 10/29/2009

Join the PTA it helps. Not only you but both your children and you won't feel over whelmed

Cheral - posted on 10/29/2009

Whitney,
Don't ever feel like you don't contribute. I became a working mom when my oldest son was only a year old. I just about killed me to leave hime with a sitter. Then two months after I started workind, I got pregnant. The entire pregnancy I did nothing but worry about sending my newborn to a sitter also. When he was four weeks old, I went back to work for one night, couldn't take it, and my husband told me to quit. He then took on a second job so I could stay home. I love him to death for that. it really was a sacrifice. The truth of the matter is, you are the busiest person in that house. You may not feel like it with your son at school, but your job never ends. You have a 24/7 job. After I quit my job, I started feeling like I was not contributing anymore. But, think about all the memories you would miss making if you were elsewhere. If you live close enough to a friend with a baby, set up a weekly lunch. I started substituting at our local school once a week. My mom watches the boys while I am away. It give me something to look foward to, but I am still a stay at home mom. I got a bread machine, and that is totally fun. I know, i sound wierd now, but the things you can come up with.......LOL
Sit down and make out a schedule for yourself with something different to do each day. Something that you can look foward to once a week. Go for a walk at the park, have a friend come over to bake cookies (even if they are the tolehouse in a tube)...... Scrapbook. There are all kinds of things to stay busy, you just have to sit down and think of things. I know I am a rambler. Sorry. Hope I helped.
Cheral Dekle
Mother of Cameron,2 and Garrick,5mo
GOOD LUCK!!!!

Gemma - posted on 10/29/2009

i no how you fill hun im 18 have 2 kids and engaged my parnter work 6days a week so we dont see him that much my little girl is 2 tomorrow and i have a 4week old boy and some days i fill really down coz im stuck in all the time i love being a mum and wouldnt change it for the world but i think every1 has thos day you wouldnt be human if you didnt xx

Gin - posted on 10/29/2009

Just remember that by staying home, you contribute a lot. If your child was at a day care, the baby would not get the attention you give. Take a break. Turn on some music and dance with your baby. Start a tradition like tea time and invite an old neighbor over. Your neighbor will appreciate the attention. My old neighbor loves it when we share our pot of stew with her. It's not easy cooking for one.

Bonnie - posted on 10/29/2009

Your baby is still small.you could be tired.i feel down when i'm tired but that is me.i'd get as much quality sleep as possible and take a good multivitamin.i also love the park there are a lot of moms there with their kids and i also love my local library.for now you can go there and get books and read magazines etc. when the baby gets older the y have story time and arts and crafts. etc.when m i went back to work after my first the place was a mess!!my husband never wants me to work again..LOL.it will get better when the baby is awake more,hang in there:-)

Lydia - posted on 10/29/2009

Im a stay at home mum but I do have 2 jobs one makes money one loses it so I just about break even at the moment. I dont feel guilty about not contributing financially (although my fiance does get grumpy about it fairly regularly) but I do sometimes find it difficult to deal with the isolation (real or merely percieved it doesnt matter). While I love my daughter just the two of us keeping each other company most days isnt enough. I have now got together with a couple of friends to form a new playgroup and this is helping to break that negative cycle :)

Amanda - posted on 10/29/2009

I try and do projects that benefit the house and/or my baby. Sewing baby clothes, taking in alteration work every now and then, and creating art for the house when my little girl goes to bed help me to feel like I am contributing. Even though you know in your heart that by raising your child, you are contributing, I know sometimes it feels like you want to do more. Finding something that has meaning to you that can help your family is my suggestion.

Michelle - posted on 10/29/2009

So you're in charge of the kids, the household chores, and you think you don't do anything? I've been there. But it's not true! Your house wouldn't run without you trust me. I'm a stay at home mom. I have a two year old and an 8 month old. I love my husband and he works very hard for our family, but I'm the one that takes care of all the cleaning, shopping, and most of the child rearing and dog care. It's sort of my job if you will. It can be very lonely at times (well no adults around anyway). My husband goes out of town on business periodically too. But what I found was helpful was actually getting out the house (I got memberships to the zoo and to the children's museum somewhat pricey but we've gotten our money's worth and I have my sanity). Even just walking around a mall or something. I have been doing some sewing and knitting (entertaining because I was never really good at either of those things). It helps to have stuff to do besides the usual cleaning etc.

Jane - posted on 10/28/2009

As a SAHM of my lil boy ( 6.5 months old) and a husband who works away on a mine-site for 2 weeks at a time, I know how hard it can be..lonely AND boring!! It does feel like you are in a rut, as you do the same thing, day in day out...But..try and make the most of it...If the weather permits..go for a nice walk!! You might meet other mothers that way or go to a park!! Or even a simple thing like going to your local shopping centre gets you out and about, and renews your energy!! I don't get a lot of "me" time as my friends and folks work, so I pretty much have my lil boy 24/7 (cept for when his daddy is home!), so just cherish the time you have together because before you know it, your kids will be grown up with kids of their own :)

Eva - posted on 10/28/2009

As a mom I went thru this too! I'm older now and my son is grown and gone so maybe I can help some younger moms out there! I took up cooking. This helps alot. Planning good meals, and different desserts. Think of all the wonderful holidays coming up that U can fix special things the family will love. Turn up the music while u cook too. This always got me singing along, and b-4 u know it, ur feeling better. I also took up counted cross stitch. This is more of a quiet time thing, so it balances the cooking activities. Everyone is different, so find what u like best for quiet time. Take a quiet time for a long hot soak with a good book,etc. I also found that getting out in the yard and into nature is a big picker upper too! Just walk around look at the sky, trees blowing, smell the fresh air. U might be suprised how mother nature will be a real mom to u if u take the time to visit her! Hope this helps

Lauri - posted on 10/28/2009

Oh honey, we have all felt that way. I found that if I kept my hands busy during the baby's nap time, I was less likely to think about depression or baby blues. I forced myself to do things that didn't even need to be done. Taking your little one on small outings to the park, or a mall to just be around folks your age can help too..

Good luck, the blues can't and don't last forever-as long as we don't let them.

Carol - posted on 10/28/2009

i knit cute things for my family!

LERRY - posted on 10/28/2009

i blog about my baby's growth and development.

Myra - posted on 10/28/2009

You contribute more to the world than most people ever will. You contribute love and nurturing so that those around you can grow and share that with others. You are the root. Like the root, though, you aren't seen, and rarely are thanked for what you do. What you do is essential, though. Keep reminding yourself of that. Being a stay-at-home mom is pretty much a 24/7 and thankless job, but it is the foundation of a strong family.

I'm lucky, and have a husband to help remind me of that when I forget what it is I do. Even then, it doesn't take away the blues, but it does make me feel better.

Maria - posted on 10/28/2009

Are you kidding? You take care of your children, do the house chores, cook for your family, hold down the fort, take care of your dogs, take the dogs out for a walk (which you do, don't you?), perhaps even take care of the bills so your husband doesn't have to worry about them, make appointments (medical, dental, etc), maybe even do laundry... besides that, keep your kids occupied... and you say you're not contributing much? My boys are teenagers now, and I'm still kept busy! I have two large dogs I walk, feed, take out to go potty (yup, they're potty-trained), I'm Girl Friday, receptionist, chauffeur, cheerleader, cook, nurse (when it necessitates), tutor, wife, mom, friend, confidant, moderator, peacemaker, and in between, I find the time to do some workouts to de-stress.

Christa - posted on 10/28/2009

Great post......I totally relate to you. After being a SAHM for 10 years, I started looking for a job. Really because my husband's hours were cut at work. But what I found out after joining a Work at Home United team was that I really needed the self esteem boost I got from contributing to our family's monthly income. It has been amazing. I am working from home, with my kids at my feet (not literally) and making a great income as well. I would not share this if I didn't believe in this opportunity. I would love to share more with you, if you are interested. Send me a private message and I will respond quickly.



Christa

Blackwood - posted on 10/28/2009

You are doing the most important thing you will ever do and that is be a mom. If you get the blues, join a mom group, see if there is drop in centers. Just going for a walk can make a big differents, maybe to a park where other parents are.

Jennifer - posted on 10/28/2009

i was a stay at home mom for 4 years- open the windows- turn up the volume on the radio & clean- or hang out with a friend-

Nichole - posted on 10/28/2009

i am a 1st time mother who stays at home... i stayed home with my daughter scence she was born and she is now... 9 months old next friday... and i stay sane buy cleaning non stop and i love to sew and scrapbook so i do that when shes napping.... just keep my self busy... hummm i have barly any friends left and i live in the country so its hard to socialize at all...

Whitney - posted on 10/28/2009

Thank you everyone for the encouragment!! I am going to try to find a mom's group. I think there is one at the library. The hardest part about my situation is that I live in a fairly small town with really no close friends. I know, I know, cry cry. Hee! Hee! But, I am just not used to the no friends part. I would love to volunteer at the school, but I cannot take the little one and I really don't know any babysitters. Man, I sound like wo is me. Sorry about that. I am not usually this way. Anyway, I really do appreciate all the helpful ideas and the encouragement. It helps just knowing that there are others out there feeling the same way. I am glad I have joined Circle of Moms!!

Missey - posted on 10/28/2009

you can go see your dr about and see what your dr say or you can go to mom and baby grups when you husband is at work and your daughter is at school and meat up with other moms that might be going thought the same thing.I hope this help good luck.

Katrina - posted on 10/28/2009

Don't worry I'm a stay at home wife soon to be a stay at home mommy don't worry so much you do a lot its a full time job. Yeah it can get a boring at sometimes but so can everything else. cheer up go out and do something for your self once in awhile.

Margaret - posted on 10/28/2009

get together with groups ie mom groups school,hobbies such as painting voluunteering or reading.

Vickie - posted on 10/28/2009

Try getting involved with your 5 yrs old PTA. Join a committee or volunteer at the school one afternoon a week. And don't ever feel that you don't contribute. Being a mother, cook, housekeeper, personal shopper for everyone. is contributing a ton. Relax and enjoy this time it is gone all too fast.

Rebecca - posted on 10/28/2009

I have a similar situation. The feelings of not working or going to school have left me feeling worthless and lacking much self esteem. Maybe try keeping your house extra clean if you dont already..light candles, bake something, start somekind of nice activity for the kids when school is out... something to make you feel like you have accomplished soemthing... If you already do things like that or similar, then I guess you are in my boat. lol Sorry for your blues. I know they are no fun at all. I have recently joined circle of moms to try and reach out to other moms b/c Im stuck as well. If I can think of any other ideas, I will let you know. : )

Tonya - posted on 10/28/2009

I've been having that issue lately. I am in 3 playgroups and we do a music and a swim class so I don't think it is getting out. I think it might be the weather change for me. My husband also works a lot (9AM-8PM) so I rarely get help. I have found that my babysitter coming for 3 hours a week for me time has helped. Good luck! You're not alone!

Christy - posted on 10/28/2009

I was feeling that way too and I decided to go back to work. My 6 month old starts day care next week. I am so excited! I am not suggesting you go back to work, but you definitely need some "me time". See if you can find a caregiver one day a week and get involved in something - take a class or something. You will feel so much better and more productive.

Fawna - posted on 10/28/2009

I really found that joining a playgroup or two helps out alot not only for the social interaction but for the time just out of the house and later on the friends my little boy will make. I also found a mom and baby fitness class to attend, like at the pool or a stroller strides or stroller fit class where you can take baby along and interact but also get a great workout for yourself and get those happy endorphins pumping! then you not only get out of the house, but you feel good about yourself, and meet some other new mom friends! and about feeling you don't contribute. I know the feeling... but you have to think of it as you are a stay-at-home mom and you are contributing to the lives of your children thats the biggest investment you could ever make for your family... and its priceless! not everyone gets that privlige!! your doing a great job!!

Krystal - posted on 10/28/2009

I HAVE BEEN THAT WAY LATELY MY SELF YOU NEED SOME TIME FOR YOU IT WILL DO WONDERS AN YOU ARE WORKING HUN 24/7 MAYBE NOT MONEY BUT TO TWO GREAT LIL ONES K AN TAKING CARE OF THE HOME I TELL MY HUBBY I KNOW I CAN DO YOUR JOB CAN YOU DO MINE? HES LIKE NO I CANT LOL KEEP YOUR CHIN UP IT WILL GET BETTER

Samantha - posted on 10/28/2009

I was the same 3 years ago. I had 2 children under 2 years old and felt totally useless. However I joined a few playgroups which I later took over and run with a good friend and I hope to be going back to work now my little girl is in nursery. so all I can say is it does get better and really try and get out and meet other moms.

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2009

I joined three different babygroups and playgroups after my little one was born. I found getting out with other mums and having a natter helped keep the blues away