For those of you that spank your kids...

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Lacey - posted on 01/27/2010

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i spank my child as a last resort..for example if he is getting into something that he is not suppose to i tell him two times to leave it alone and if he doesn't then i pop him on the behind..alot of women do it b/c they believe it teaches their child to mind them..say a child is messing with something and their mom tells them no and they continue to mess with it you spank them enough times they want mess with it b/c now they know if they do they will get hit on the bottom..i know that sounds bad but its not like we beat them just a small tap and they get it..nothing to bad i disaprove of beating kids..i was beatin on as a child sometimes for no reason and i will not do that to my child but a believe he should be spanked for doing wrong depending on how bad it is..i honestly don't spank him for every bad thing he does..like honestly i think i have spanked him three times

Mary - posted on 01/26/2010

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what is ur question? I would hate to see anyone spank their small kids but there are times as they are growing up that the odd smack don't harm them and lots of praise when they are good.but no I do not agree with spanking kids the world will be hard enough on them when they are all grown up.

[deleted account]

Kelsey,

Due to the fact your against any sort of physical discipline, do you see "smacking" &"spanking" as equals? Or do you consider one of the two words as being a more harsh type of action? just curious?

Kelli - posted on 01/26/2010

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Michelle,

I like that making the kid tell you why. I think I am going to take a lesson from your dad.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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my fathers way seemed to work wonders for us. when we got into trouble he had us get the wooden spoon and then explain to him why we were in trouble, we tried to say cant remember as he would never smack unless we could tell him why, but all he would do was get us to sit on floor until we remembered, he would sit with us, no music, no tv until we could tell him, then it was one smack on the hand and that was it, that way he never smacked us in anger and we always knew why we were in trouble. 5 kids and none in jail or doing drugs or any kind of trouble with the law

Kelli - posted on 01/26/2010

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First, I want to define spank as a form of punishment administered in a calm and controlled manner. Now I use this because the timeouts didn't work and spanking did. I have a child that was like me. Non-conformist, defiant, and dramatic. She requires actual pain not mind games to get to her. Her favorite thing is books. The one thing I refuse to take from her so she gets swats for her offense. Why give the negative punishment? Because when she grows up and does something wrong she is not going to get sat in a time out she is going to have negative consequences. When she gets a spanking she knows why she is getting one and what is coming. Also, spanking only comes after other punishments do not work or after several warnings. I use to argue with my husband over whether or not we should spank. Dangerous situation like running in the street were never an issue, but for other reasons I was not sure. Then one day I was upset because my daughter had said something really nasty to me(she was 6) and I said I can't believe she said that too me, I would never talk to my mom like that when I was her age. If I had I would have been picking my self up off the ground(now let me point out to the reader that this is an exaggeration coming from a line my mom use to say about if you don't stop I will knock you into next week, even though I knew that meant my bottom would be sore and was not litteral). My husband said..."so spank her butt". I gave my I can't do that. Over time her behavior and lack of respect to all aside from my husband got worse. He also asked why I didn't do things like that and again I said my mamma would spank my butt. Then we started public school and my daughter refused to do her work because she already knew the answers and didn't need to learn it anymore(I have a gifted child with a normal emotional age so she was a 6 year old that was too smart for her own good.). After the 2nd time she was being suspended from school for throwing things in the class room I said to her in front of the Principal "I have never spanked you, but I am starting to think I need to." After hearing this the principal sent my daughter out of the room and asked if I really had never spanked her. I said not for anything short of running in a street or the hand smack you do to toddlers. She said if you can actually do it, I will give you some alone time with her and then send her back to class instead of sending her home. So that is how I began to spank my daughter. Once I did spank her though I only had to ask her if she wanted a spanking or not to get her to stop. I started this with my son at three... for him it is one swat on his bottom, not hard, just enough to break his heart more than anything. I have only spanked him once and that was for playing with something dangerous and not putting it down when I told him to. However, now all I have to do is ask him if he wants a spanking and give him the mom look and he stops. Now once again I have stubborn kids that like to test the bounds a lot of just what they can get away with. If my children were passive I would probably never have to spank them.

Betty - posted on 01/26/2010

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It worked just fine for my parents. It's mostly a threat, after a certain age you don't even have to anymore. I couldn't tell you the last time I had to spank my 9 year old. But my 3 year old he got a swat yesterday for yelling at me. I remember my dad spanking me when I was like 6 for stealing money, & all I had to think was do I really want that again. My mom always swatted us for acting up, but after about 5 years old, I don't remember getting it anymore. I think if your kid yells at you they should be smacked, talking doesn't work w/ a 3 year old, but spanking does.

Melissa - posted on 01/26/2010

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I feel sometimes a good smack is necessary just to get the point across. Children will do what they can to see what they can get away with. i mean your not "beating" your child, sometimes its the only way to get them to understand just how serious you are about what they are doing, especially if they are about to hurt themself. I would rather give them a smack then have them try to touch a hot stove or even hurt someone else.

Suzy - posted on 01/26/2010

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I think discipline is different for diferent kids. Some spanking is too much and they need just a talking to. For the children that do respond well with spanking the parent must know that it is to sustain a quick shock to the body so that the brain would remember the consiquence to offence. Kind of like a pot of boiling water. If you grab the pot, you're going to get burned. Next time there's a pot of boiling water in the stove, you'll remember the shock of pain you had and grab pot holders. Of coarse, you should never spank out of anger and the child must understand that it is a consequence, not a response to your anger. I think spanking only works well between the ages of 2-6. Too young, they get a broken heart and don't relate the incident to the action. Too old, they know reason and logic and therefore need a relative consequence; spanking would cause more embaressment and bitterness toward the parent and not be affective. But, make them learn to be sneaky and not get caught. The whole purpose if discipline to to teach them the importance of consequences to actin and understanding why it was wrong so they can make better choices out of personal belief next time.

Mel - posted on 01/26/2010

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I always thoughtthat too Renae thats why I had trouble understanding why Amercians said spanking but I assume over ther eit just means being smacked once or something. We use the term smacking here in australia

[deleted account]

I spank, but I know not everyone does. I think it is a personal preference, learned trait, etc. To each his/her own.

Kate CP - posted on 01/26/2010

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Renae, in Australia a spanking is referred to as a smack. It's a global forum, so we get all sorts of people in here. :)

April - posted on 01/26/2010

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Why is this a constant debate? It's not gonna change anyone's mind on how they choose to parent their children. But for the record, I spank. Spank, on the bottom or a smack on the hand if they are touching something that they shouldn't. Yes, I give verbal warnings before to give them the opportunity to correct their behavior. To me a spanking is an immediate attention getter and something that they will not want to have again. They remember it more than a "time out". Yes, an explanation to them is given afterwards. I mean what good does sitting in the corner really gonna do? That's not punishment. I can point out a spanked child and a time-out child in public. When did everyone become afraid of their children? Afraid to be a parent? What do you think a kid would remember the next time they start to do something they know they shouldn't? The time they had to sit still for 5 minutes or a quick sting to thier butt? I think I'd remember the latter. But it doesn't matter what I think, everyone is gonna do what they think is right. It won't be long until all the wusses of the world get spanking outlawed then we really will be overrun with a bunch of brats and trouble makers!

Renae - posted on 01/26/2010

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My baby isn't old enough to spank or smack yet. But I always thought and have discussed with my husband that smacking is only appropriate when a situation needs to be given a consequence that the child is not yet old enough to understand. For example, if you touch the oven you will get burnt - but the child is too young to understand what getting burned is so does not understand the real significance of the consequence, so the child needs to be given an alternate consequence that they can understand; touch oven = smack. We have agreed that smacking will only be used when a consequence is necessary in situations where our son will harm himself or put himself in danger. Having said that, if when he is a toddler I find that a harsh telling off is all he needs then that is what we will do.



Isn't there a distinction between smacking and spanking? I always thought spanking was being bent over a knee and hit repeatedly, whereas smacking is one firm whack on the bottom or leg.



Also Kelsy, I completely agree with you about keeping your kids in and not letting them socialise or experience anything. I was brought up in a strict religion where I was not allowed to see friends outside of school, there were a few kids in the religion I played with on occasion. I longed for freedom and couldn't wait to get out into the world and away from the clutches of my mother (who also thought she was protecting me from making the same mistakes she did by not letting me go anywhere without her). Locking kids up and preventing them from having normal outside relationships and normal childhood experiences is NOT a good way to protect them from the world, it will only backfire and force them to learn lessons about human and social interaction at an older age that they should have been given the opportunity to learn as a child. Plus you cant lock them up forever, one day they will be old enough to walk out the door and there will be nothing you can do to stop them.

Camille - posted on 01/26/2010

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There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse! I was spanked as a child, I plan on spanking if needed. My baby boy is only 4 months old, so I don't foresee spanking as an option for quite a while. I think it is a matter of personal choice. I don't see anything wrong with people that discipline by other means that work. My sister/brother-in-law don't agree with spanking, they believe it encourages violence. Instead they do the 3-count, which worked until their children were about 3. Then they would yell, and get louder and louder until eventually they were cursing at them, and then spank. I don't see how that was better than a controlled spanking to start with. I also don't think that children should automatically be spanked for everything.

Jasmine - posted on 01/26/2010

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when i was growing up with my parents if i did anything wrong i was givin a warning then there was the threat of a smack for me that was enough and i was only smacked once when i was rude to my grandfather, my partner was brought up the same. i think there is a huge difference between smacking and child abuse, if i could bring up my child with the same ideas i would, smacking after a warning and has to be a reasonble "crime" to warrant a smack but here in new zealand its illegal

Kate CP - posted on 01/26/2010

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My mother used to swat me with a wooden spoon. It was also the same wooden spoon she would let me lick cookie dough batter off of. Talk about twisted.

I personally think that using any kind of tool to swat a child is excessive. A hand should be enough.

[deleted account]

I only swat my 3 year old when she is in a dangerous situation...to get her attention. but only when she could get hurt and doesnt heed my warning. ( for example, touching a hot stove, or running ahead while walking outside.) Some parents use it as punishment, which I dont agree with, but I can understand I guess. I certainly never use a weapon..as some parents choose to. (I will never understand why an adult needs a weapon to control a child). I beieve that once you start to use spanking/swatting out of anger...it becomes abuse...NOT dicipline.

Marquita - posted on 01/26/2010

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I think spanking, tapping, smacking, etc. should be used as a tool for teaching a child the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. In my opinion it should not hurt them but rather get their attention. Usually I'll do a soft pat on the hand. It helps teach a child about cause & effect, acceptable & unacceptable. If done right this "tool" should not have to be used very often at all. I've seen where it's not effective with all kids, so I think a parent should use whatever method works best for them, and the parent/s involved is/are usually the best judge of that. Happy parenting!!

Taniah - posted on 01/26/2010

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I believe in spanking after careful internal deliberation. My son is 30 months (2.5 yrs)and he's at a stage where he is testing everything I ask him to do, just to find out his limits and my tolerance level. I do not spank him until I can tell that he's being deliberately defiant and disobeyng my request. I was spanked and it made me have just enough fear for my mom that I didn't contuinue pushing her to the limit, because I already knew where it would go. I believe that if your kid think s/he can do what they want without consequence they will have a miserable life as adults. I'd rather my son run from me than the police (IDK...just a thought)!! In addition, I always follow up spankings with timeout, as further convincing that he's done something wrong and mommy's not happy with him at that moment. So to answer your questions...most parents spank their children to teach them that poor behavior yields consequences, same as it does in life.

Sonya - posted on 01/26/2010

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i came from a VERY similar background...and feel the exact same way, about my parents, their beatings, and who it made me today. and im in a very similar relationship, having had my first @ 14, raising them alone for a while and having a great husband who loves and supports us all now. you seem to have done a great job of breaking the cycle..so congrats! i know because that has been my goal also.

Sonya - posted on 01/26/2010

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spanking MUST be a last resort..today it seems that kids are alot smarter, and can be reasoned with MOST of the time. that said, i think spanking is appropiate. if a school can use corporal punishment, then it shouldnt be wrong. if administered in the correct manner, without going overboard, it can be a part of your discipline plan. even the social services dept has outlined guidlines for giving corporal punishment...allowing a hand or board to be used on the buttocks with a certain amounts of "licks", never to exceed 4-5.

Angela - posted on 01/26/2010

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i grew up in a verry disfunctual home, there were never really any rules ,but the abuse was there, dont get me wrong, i dont complaine about my life ,everything that happened to me only made me a stronger person.... i was married at a young age,and divorced rasing 3 on my own for a verry long time. they walked all over me . when the oldest was 5 he started hitting and kicking me --- i litterally had to sit in the middle of the room with him in front of me ,with my arms and legs wrapped around him till he calmed down so we could talk. i then started using spanking as a last resort... i am now married to a wonderful man that has takin the full responsabilty for three kids that are not his,he has 2 of his own and we have been togeather for 6 years now. the ages of the kids are 14,13,12,10,and 9---- they are not considered his and mine they are ours,,, they know that we will ask them not to do something at least 3 times , then take their most valued thing from them then and only then will i use spanking,,,, not out of anger because they dont put that togeather with it was wrong or not a safe thing to do,but after talking to them about what was right or wrong then the open hand ont the bottom side is used....hope this helps,,,,, and the fact that i broke a verry long line of abuse ,kids are to be loved and cherrished, but they also need to know right from wrong and that we still love them even when they make mistakes,,,,,,

Angela - posted on 01/26/2010

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This can be a huge issue. I believe that at certian times it is appropriate to spank your child. For example one poster mentions a child in the kitchen around a hot stove, or running in a parking lot. Sometimes a situation occures that a child is close to danger and we must teach them as quickley as possible, DANGER !!! you very well may not have the time give them a rational why they shouldn't do this, I think a quick spanking that will immideatly get there attention could save there life in a future situation. They would know that it was a serious thing. Now on the other hand I think a person has to ask themself, "can I controll my self"? If your child has really gone overboard, and your furious,then YOU MUST STOP !!! and remember that disipline is a way to correct our children,to point them in the right direction. DISIPLINE WITH LOVE.

Samantha - posted on 01/26/2010

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It's only discipline. Sometimes saying No just isn't enough. I have a 13 month old. I haven't "spanked" her but I do have a wooden ruler I tap her with if she knows better and there is a lot that she knows she isn't supposed to touch and the only way i know this is she will go to it and I will tell her no and she just looks and smiles while she does it. I don't do anything out of anger because I cannot get mad at her. I have only been using the ruler for about a month and now she really understands no. I can just go to grab the ruler and she stops. It's about tough love and teaching them right from wrong. And I do not use the ruler unless it is absolutely necessary. I give warnings and sometimes she listens the first time sometimes the 3rd time.

[deleted account]

I have only spanked my child when she was in danger (got away from me in the parking lot and did not listen to me saying stop) I felt that a spank would shock her enough to remember the rule the next time because I had already explained it to her. I know it may not sound right to spank your child to keep them from getting hurt but I think my hand on her bottom is a much easier lesson to learn then getting hit by a car. Also I do this so infrequently that she knows that it is something serious when it happens. I also do not understand people who hit thier children all the time, it loses it's effect and I consider it to be abuse when that is the only form of discipline that the "parent" uses. In my home with my 5 year old spanking is a LAST resort and ONLY done in discipline NEVER anger.

Cassie - posted on 01/26/2010

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I have a 2 year old son and I believe in spankings as a form of discipline. I believe consequences should fit the behavior so I do not spank my son for every misbehavior. If my son is doing something he is not supposed to I first tell him to stop in a firm voice. Then, if that doesn't work I get down on his level nose to nose and I tell him in a polite but firm manner that what he is doing is not acceptable and if I have to tell him again he will get a spanking. If the behavior continues I give him a firm swat on the butt or smack on the hand. The spanking is not intended to hurt him. It is a way to show him I am serious an that there are real consequences for everything. I do believe that spankings are not for every child. For my son they work great and he is very well behaved. I have a niece that if you spank her she just gets mad and continues her behavior. I found that in her case the time out system works best. As far as long term effects of corporal punishment goes, studies have found that children who received corporal punishment were less likely to be incarcerated, have sex early and have depression or other mental ailments. Again I do not think that spanking is for every child but it is a very effective form of discipline for a lot of children.

Ashley - posted on 01/26/2010

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My son is almost 3 and my daughter is almost one. My son is a very well behaved child. He has his days though. If I have to tell him more than a few times to pay attention to what he is doing, stop doing something bad, or if he does something that could really hurt him, then he gets a swat on the butt. My daughter on the other had is a rotten little thing no matter what way you put it. She is starting to understand the word "no" but continues even if I say it in a harsh voice, she does not listen. I smack her hand, and not in a way to hurt her, but to make her pay attention to me saying "no". We also use time out. We also try taking away things that they like. Those things only work some times. But if my son gets a swat, he understands that what he did was wrong.
If you don't discipline with authority, though, your children will walk all over you. Don't get me wrong...we aren't wardens or mean parents here in our home. But my children know I'm MOM and not a friend. When I was growing up, one parent abused and one was the friend. I don't know how I made it out a normal person, but I vowed to make sure that my children has a good balance.
Parenting is a hard job. As long as you love your children, care for them and never abuse them...you can't be doing it wrong!

Renee - posted on 01/26/2010

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I have two kids, a son 21 and a daughter 19. My son had one spanking in is whole life. Thats all he needed. My daughter on the other hand had many. She was very strong willed.Today thay are both very good and well adjusted adults. They have jobs and go to school. They dont do drugs or disrespect others. I was spanked, they were spanked and they probably will spank....and we will all live to tell about it.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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kate,well sure u would not want to be slaped round the face .i use the naughtey step that works well for me . take care .

Isobel - posted on 01/26/2010

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I would also like to add...while I don't spank my kids (or I should say...I haven't yet and my kids are 7 and 8), I do believe that a spanking (done without anger, for discipline) is far better than NO discipline at all.

Kate CP - posted on 01/26/2010

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Well, Michelle, if I was throwing a fit similar to the ones my daughter occasionally throws then yes, I would expect some one to slap me. I only swat her on the rear. But as a grown woman if I was having the same hysterical fit she has been known to have then I would expect some one to slap me across the face and give me a good shake.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2010

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I believe in spanking, I was spanked as a child and I have to honestly say that out of all the people my age I am the one that has been in the least amount of trouble and am more "normal". Spanking is not something that should be done on a daily basis, it is one of those things that should only be done if nothing else has or is working and it should be taken on a time to time basis. Just because taking a toy away or time out didnt work one time doesnt mean it will never work and that you should go straight to spanking. Also spanking is not something that you should do in a time of anger or frustration, if you dont want to wait then have your spouse give the spanking. My mom would always wait to cool down if I did something really horrible and would come in to my room where I would have to stay until she cooled down and she would sit down with me and talk to me about what I did and ask me if I knew why it was bad and she would always go through a process with me, then she would tell me she loved me and tell me to bend over the bed and she would give me one good hit. I would cry and it would hurt but I got over it, I have the closest relationship with my mom and dad and its closer and so much more open than anyone I know. I do plan on spanking my son when he is old enough if he refuses to mind but I have found that if you have a close open relationship the chances of having to spank are very low.

Loreto - posted on 01/26/2010

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To Catrina, my kids are the same way they don't listen to time outs- I have tried the nanny 911 method- oh yeah it works for her but not in the real world! I do what you do. I am with them 24/7. The odd 5 minutes they spend with their dad they respect him. The therapist said they will most likely distrespect the primary care- giver. I have asked them why they don't respect me but they do daddy and they replied with you aren't hard enough on us mom. Daddy spanks harder. I said I will not do that to them. I had to shake my head, They are both at the age now where I can take privliges away and that seems to work.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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if u spank your children you are just takeing out your anger on them and it is wrong .how would you like to be spanked if you done something wrong . also you are teaching your child that spanking is right so they will spank others .i disagree with spanking there are others you can teach your child without spanking them. .

Lindsay - posted on 01/26/2010

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I guess everyone uses different practices. Our thought process is "spare the rod, spoil the child", however, we only spank if and when our kids are out and out defiant (which really does not happen, I think I have spanked my nine year old three times) - we do not believe that you spank for everything like some people do. I generally use conversation and then a 25 cent punishment for my nine year old (which is sweeping, cleaning a toilet, taking out the trash) and my three year old and I talk a lot about gentle hands and feet. I think it really is just different strokes for different folks.

S - posted on 01/26/2010

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I agree if the kid is told no and they keep doing it they understand. My son is only 14 months and he get's spanked and I explain why. (Of course I do not spank untill he's red or bruised just once or twice is good) my sister in law spanks as well

Luz - posted on 01/25/2010

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i always tell my kids why they are getting spanked or grounded... that is the only way they will really know wat they did wrong

Luz - posted on 01/25/2010

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i believe in spanking depending on the situation, but a lot of people abuse it.. i was spanked as a kid and so was my siblings and we turned out fine. but now its hard to raise ur kids cause u can't threaten them and spank them, i believe that if this was about twenty years ago you wouldn't have much kids getting pregnant, doing drugs, and disrespecting the parents. i am gonna be 28 and my mom will still slap me if i got out of line, sometimes talking don't work and a lot of kids now take the parents as a joke i see it everwhere. i do not believe in abuse. but i do believe in spanking there bottems when they do something really bad

Mel - posted on 01/25/2010

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I really think you should talk to your child when you spaknk to explain why. If they dont already know but if its something where they have been told not to do something and keep doing it then obviously they know they are doing wrong so they know what they are being hit for

Firebird - posted on 01/25/2010

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I spank my daughter when nothing else is working. She always gets fair warning. It's my last resort almost always used only when she's doing something to endanger herself. My dad said something to me once about spanking. "Only spank once.... the first time's for them but the second time's for you." With my kid, one does the trick anyways, she usually smartens up after that.

What it comes down to is that I refuse to have a horribly ill behaved little child. My daughter is usually quite well mannered, however she is somewhat autistic so sometimes she does act out and refuse to listen to me.

Jodye - posted on 01/25/2010

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I totally believe in fair warning but also believe in the spanking as a consequence of nit listeing to that warning.

Isobel - posted on 01/25/2010

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A) I got spanked twice in my life and there are two things I NEVER do (I'll leave the rest up to speculation)
B) I think that the problem with the new generation is not that they are not PHYSICALLY disciplined, but the fact that when their parents learned not to hit...they were not taught anything to put in it's place. These parents wander around saying no, don't, really...please...don't...
but are afraid to inflict ANY type of discipline.
I don't think that ALL physical discipline is bad...in fact I think that MOST of us remember a swat or two, and most of us are just fine...the problem is obviously in the extremes. Either beatings...or no discipline...middle ground is the way.

Kate CP - posted on 01/25/2010

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Kids are a lot smarter than you're giving them credit for. I spank my daughter on rare occasions, but I also talk to her. Even a two year old can understand what "Stop that!" and an angry look means. I've never gone straight to swatting when my daughter acts up. I at least give her a chance to listen to me! It kind of scares me that you are okay with just picking up a kid and smacking them on the rear without warning.

Jodye - posted on 01/25/2010

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I totally agree with the not talking to your child and just spanking them. I know that my child will be spanked. I was also spanked as a child and I think it probably did me more good than harm!
I also have a nephew who my aunt would just no that's not yours and she would not spanking him and he is the worst child you will ever meet! He does not listen to anyone and kinda does his own thing! I am a firm believer in spanking and I know what a spanking is and what abuse is.

Sarah - posted on 01/25/2010

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I belive that it depends on the child, some kids are more persistant then others, some learn from talking and some dont. My oldest daughter is 8 and i think i have only spanked her maybe 5 times in her life and not since she was 6. My youngest on the other had is 4 and she has only been spanked 4 times. I also belive that if you spank your childrien in should only be done on the bum, i think that spanking them anywhere else IS abuse! Also any time I have spanked my children it is one spank and i always sit and exsplane to them why it was done. I belive that comunication works better then anything when it comes to teaching your children right from wrong.

Iysha - posted on 01/25/2010

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I know parents that do the "sweetie...don't do that......mommy doesn't like when you do that.....please stop....you're making mommy angry..."



Those people's kids are so out of control that I wish they would just never go out in public. I just had brunch at a Marie Calander's with two kids that have never been spanked...one is 2 years old, the other is 4 years old. I was so embarrassed I wanted to leave. The kids were crawling under tables, spitting on the table and at their parents, climbing on the chairs, screaming, throwing food....it was horrible. And when we finally left, they both go running into the parking lot and all their parents did was yell from afar for them to stop running.



I wonder what their reason for not spanking their children is....I'm sure giving their kids a good spanking once would end their children's bad behavior.



When my daughter is old enough to know right from wrong and chooses to do wrong after my warning, she is getting a spanking. I think a couple spankings in a child's life does the trick and it is better than having a child that will not listen and follow rules.

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