Friends kid being mean to my pets and my baby when I babysit him

Ariana - posted on 09/21/2012

I don't really see what the problem is, you're in charge you should discipline him. When you're the babysitter it's up to you to try and change his behavior while he's in your care. If you know he acts like this with your child/animals tell him that he is not allowed near them, that he must be near you at all time and in the same room with you. Do not leave him unsupervised around them. Do you run a daycare or something where you have to have your attention on other things/children? If not I would just make sure he stays in the room with you and tell him that once he starts to act nicely with your children that is when he can have a longer leash.



If he touches the dogs/cat in ways he shouldn't give him a time-out and tell him he is not allowed near pets if he treats them negatively. You might also say 'you must pet the dog nicely' when he does go near him. Even though he's four he may respond to being told what to do instead of what not to do.



As for your child I would also try to give him either a time-out or a natural consequence if applicable. So if he's not playing with his toys properly (giving them to your son and then taking them back) tell him that he may not have his toy until his parents come back. If he pushes he may not be near your son and is not allowed to play with him.



At this age he may also be bored. A four year old with a baby gets understimulated pretty quickly. You may want to try and keep him entertained in other ways. You may already do this I have no idea, but if not try to get him to play with playdo or draw or play robots or go to the park etc.



As for his parents, well, like everyone else parents don't always see their child the same way others do. If this boy has no discipline from them then of course he's going to do whatever he wants when he's with you. You should discipline him the way you want to, while still being respectful to the boy. You are in charge of him while his parents are away and he is acting disrespectfully to your animals and your child. That doesn't mean you should hate him or anything but that you should teach him how you let children act in your house. His parents aren't necessarily going to support you or change their behavior. It's up to you how to train your child to act in your setting.



Also try to like him, I know that sounds weird but if you decide you don't like someone it's really hard to be nice to them. Even though he's probably acting crazy and making you dislike him is this really his fault? He's only four and his parents obviously aren't disciplining him. Take this as an opportunity to help the little guy learn how to behave properly, like a public service really ha. Try to connect with him. Once you start disciplining him (either through a natural consequence or time-out) you will feel better because something has happened after a disrespectful action. After that you can let go of how he acted and move forward instead of holding onto it. Change how you act with him and don't expect his parents to help you. When he's with them he'll act the way they let him but when he's with you he'll act the way you let him. He'll figure it out.

Elke - posted on 09/16/2012

I lost a friendship over a spoiled brat issue. Im still so happy I never have to put up with my ex-friends kid again, good riddance!

Synnøve - posted on 08/01/2012

MY sister kid, is a bit like that, but that is because, my sister is yelling and such when she is doing something wrong, so when ever i try to look after her, it is a pain in the ass.. she yells at me for no reason, she screems when she cant get something, she is always to handle my baby like a baby doll... But i also have this intensity, where i snap whery easaly, but i do my best not to, so that i can calm her down much easyer then my sister can...

But what i would do, is actually teach that child a lesson, i mean, help out, and when he does something bad, you say, ok no i am to lock you in a room untill you are calm again, or take a way a toy, and wether he has done a good thing, you give the toy back.. something like that...

My best friend did that to someone she looked after, and she locked him in a rom, untill calm, and took away toys whenever he behaved badly... if he does such things to your family, the only way to punish is to lock him in somewhere... he needs to be teached not to do such things,

Wendy - posted on 07/28/2012

Contact child protective services something bad is happening to that child

Chaya - posted on 07/26/2012

Tell the parents they eithe need to teach the child not to torture animals or you will not babysit anymore. If I saw that, I'd spank the kid, iaf they don't like it, they can find another babysitter.

Sylvia - posted on 07/26/2012

i'm glad you have stopped watching that kid, he sounds like a brat. if the parents can't sit down and have a real conversation about their child's behavior then you probably don't need them as friends either. if my (almost) 4 year old did any or those things to my cat i would light his little butt up, j/s.

Marta - posted on 07/23/2012

You need to give these parents a book on serial killers and how they start out. He has many of the classic signs. Also, what exactly is it that he has been through? And does that mean you have to let him torture your pets and abusing your kids? I would keep my kids and pets well away from this child. that may sound mean, but if you don't and something happens to your dog or your kids you will never forgive yourself.
You need to do what's best for your family and let them worry about theirs. It sounds like they are in denial about theirs. Kids may be kids, but not many of them exhibit this kind of antisocial behavior. Anyway, good luck!

Ava - posted on 07/23/2012

Sounds like to me the lunches have a big part to do with the behavior also. Just giving the kid sweets to eat can play a major part in their attitude & behavior. So glad u r not watching that child any long. I would have hated to read an email from u about something happening to your baby as a result of this kid being mean or causing danger to your childs heath or well being.
U have to look out for your child's safety.
As for the noise U should call the rental office and report it. Especially if it happens after hours. U will have to contact the front office to c what that is. But also let them know if it is excessive noise too. And tell them it interferes w/ your child trying to nap, sleep, etc. Good Luck

Robin - posted on 07/23/2012

i agree i would'nt let him come back there is something wrong with him and the parents if they think this was fine for their child to act this way towards people and animals ... You have to protect your own as a mother !!!

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2012

This is not "normal" behavior. The child is acting out something and the parents, although voicing dissent, are probably well aware of the problem and ill-equipped to handle it on any level. When people don't know what to do and they feel helpless, they attempt to ignore the problem and blame others for "creating" the problem or "being too critical" of the problem child. While this way of dealing or not dealing with a problem is not atypical, it certainly does nothing for the child who has the problem, nor for the people and animals who are victim to the problem child.

The best thing you can do for your family and child is to remove yourself from this situation right now. No matter how well intentioned you are, and you do seem well intentioned, you cannot help solve a "problem" nobody intimately connected to the problem wishes to acknowledge or address. Furthermore, you do not know how far this other child would or could actually go with regard to his mistreatment of your animals and child. Protect and love your child and do not ever, ever, ever, leave your child, or animals in a situation where they would be alone, even for a second, with this other child.

Johnnie - posted on 07/23/2012

I would suggest that you stop babysitting for them or if you need the money... pray for this child and his parents cause they dont sound like a christian family with good morals. If things get worst then I would try and talk to the landlord and if the landlord doesn't do anything about the situation, then I would probably look for a new place to live... but I would hate for you do move if you like your place or cant afford to move...

Judy - posted on 07/23/2012

True enough that the child that is misbehaving so badly is seeking attention there is an underlying reason for needing to get attention. Abuse comes in may forms from the usuall physical to neglect either emotionally or the usuall outward neglect of food, clothing, etc. This behavior is a sign that something is just not right in the childs own home. May be the parents are not even aware that another child is mistreating their child and the child is passing it on to the lady's child that is taking care of him. The basic line for the lady who is babysitting and watching her child and pet be abuse is not to take care of the other child. She needs to think of her child's safety first. And does she want her child learning how to abuse someone else or someone else's pet. Animals basically depend on humans to protect them. So do small children, The mom's job is to protect her child first no matter what or who's feelings she hurts. Maybe it is time for Dad to step in.

Tia - posted on 07/23/2012

I have been in the same situation recently it even went as far as this child urinating in my daughters room and screaming thatmy daughter had pee'd in her room. My daughter has never done this before and luckily my older son was in the room at the time and let me know the truth. What I did was simply told her very nicely if this behaviour didn't stop that she would not be welcome back. The parents will be upset if you confront them because they obviously know there is a problem but are trying to deny it because they have seen it themselves. If the child will not behave don't have him/her around you child. Don't jump to the conclusion of abuse at the child's home as it could just be attention seeking, when they get attention for being naughty and not for being good or helpfull he will do what he thinks will get some attention, maybe try praising him for every good thing he does and when he does something naughty simply say that is not good behaviour and ignore him. I know it seems nasty for your children but if you keep giving him attention even negative he will carry on to get any sort of attention. I hope this helps.

Monica - posted on 07/22/2012

You have WONDERFUL knowledge. Everything you just outlined is out of order. That kid needs guidance. Plain and simple. I know it's hard for most parents to hear something not so nice about their precious baby. But, they had better take heed. This little boy is either headed for a rude awakening (met his match) or limiting consequences in the future (singled out as a bully, disliked, suspended from school).

You did the right thing to mention it. If everyone is honest about the child, hopefully the parents will consider the possibility that not everyone is singling out their child. But, rather pointing out a truth. Thanks for sharing!

Stacie - posted on 07/22/2012

Dawna,

I would be very careful about calling CPS unless you really suspect abuse. The parents will more than likely assume it was you who reported and then they could really make your life miserable. This kid sounds like a kid who has no boundaries at home, and the parents are fools for thinking that his behavior is typical. I would call the landlord and complain about the noise if it continues. You should NOT have to deal with that.

Judy - posted on 07/22/2012

Choking the dog and hurting your child says that this child is being abused at home. I would call child protection and tell them that you are concerned about his home life. Think about this, how do you think you would feel if one day the other child hurt your child to the point where he died? or he killed your animal. What would the end be then. God helps those who help them selves. and people have a way using other people to their advantage. No parent should let another child hurt their own child and no parent should allow their child to hurt another child. Keep on basing your children on your beliefs and inner gut feelings. you are doing right not allowing this to keep on going.

Alexandra - posted on 07/22/2012

no, this is not normal at all. And the parents are not normal either!! If somebody said something liks that about my kid, I would be terrified and would them him to the psychologist immediately!
Do not interact with those people anymore, please. You need to protect your baby, your pet, and your sanity.

Madelyn - posted on 07/22/2012

Dawna, You are absolutely correct when it comes to this child...He needs some discipline which he evidently does not get at home.

A child 4 years old should not be doing the things this one has done. I'm not sure what his parents think he has been through however, if they do nothing about the problems now, he shall be a problem as he gets older...this is not a typical 4 year old.
I have four children of my own, plus two step-children along with 8 grandchildren/ 48 nieces and nephews... I have not ever seen a child act like this.

Hope this has been helpful, if the noise upstairs does not subside I think I would turn it into the management dept. to speak with them.- Chin up, you did the right thing by expressing your concern to his parents, sounds as though they need to grow up themselves.

Richelle - posted on 07/22/2012

Violence against pets is an early indicator of possible HUGE problems in the future. There was an individual in Colorado several years ago who was stealing puppies from kennels and shelters and setting them on fire. An expert testified at his trial that this kind of behavior began with burning inanimate objects, then they begin to escalate until they begin burning buildings with people in them. If those parents will not get that boy help, you should distance yourself from them and not watch the child anymore. Do not allow them into your apartment, or near your child or animals again, especially not without your supervision. If they are specifically making a disturbance to retaliate against you, you need to report it. Don't allow them to escalate their behavior, because that only teaches the boy to escalate his behavior. Good luck.

CANDACE - posted on 07/22/2012

I agree with you.That kid need psychological help.He needs to go see a child psychiatrist. He really needs tests done. I WOULD NOT LEAVE THAT KID ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR ANIMALS OR CHILD.IF YOU LOSE A FRIENDSHIP,OH WELL,THEY WERE NOT WORTH HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE.Friends like them you dont need enemies. I would just chalk it up to a bad relationship and merely say sorry but i am unable to sit anymore. if i were you,i would even call child welfare on the family,as who knows how he is being treated at home,if he is so unbehaved out of the home.As the saying goes,you learn what you live.
GOOD LUCK AND KEEP A CLOSE EYE AND YOURCHILD AND PETS....If you are afraid to blow them in have a friend do it for you..

MaryLou - posted on 07/22/2012

Don't look after him anymore you have to put the safety of your baby and your pets first. The kid is lucky your pets didn't retaliate. Those parents should get him into counselling. After all they were the first ones to say"hes been through alot". Noise continues call the landlord have this situation fixed asap.

Donna - posted on 07/22/2012

No it's not normal. It sounds like this boy has very lazy parents and can't be bothered to teach him right from wrong. I hope you have stopped taking care of this boy. I would speak to the landlord about the noise and it might be helpful to contact child services and tell them what you have seen him to and that the parents don't think its a problem. Good luck.

Kerri - posted on 07/22/2012

This is so not normal behavior. I am a foster parent. In my experience, kids who hurt animals have been abused in a big way, usually sexually, or severely neglected. This kid is obviously angry about something and taking it out on your dog and your child. Stay as far away from this family as you can. And good luck, you need to do what's right for your family

Tojo - posted on 07/22/2012

This child needs help.
Your child needs to be kept happy and safe and so do your pets.
I wouldn't babysit any more and ensure he can't harm your baby in the future. Have you filmed any of his behaviour? His parents may be horrified .....it may also be useful if used by social services/counsellor ....

I don't think it will help you or your family to keep babysitting. Maybe if someone else tells her how he is behaving it might help.

Mary Ann - posted on 07/22/2012

Sounds like he has anger issues or control issues. Definitely Not normal! I pity the parents when he gets older.

Kim - posted on 07/22/2012

None of this child's behavior toward the animal is acceptable in any way. Personally, I have a zero tolerance policy with my kids and any kid I come into contact with about scaring animals or violence in any way. I have two boys, a new 5 year old and a 10 year old, it is not normal behavior. Some kids might do some testing about how to treat animals, but this child is clearly violent and is not responding to the limits around hurting animals. As for your own child, it is your job to do what is in your child's best interest of safety and protecting him/her from this child's physical and taunting behavior. Please trust your instincts as a mom, regardless if you have an older child or not.

If you have not already, you can let them know that if he cannot follow the rules of your house (no violence toward animals or child, and it sounds like he cannot) then you cannot continue to watch him. It sounds like "he has been through a lot" and depending on what this means, the best thing you can do for the family is to get them in contact with any appropriate local family agencies.

I've gotta run for now, hope this is helpful.

Stephanie - posted on 07/22/2012

Hello there Mother Dawna, after reading your post it takes me back to even myself and my brother when we were growing up. We had a dog that we loved sooo dearly, until my father dropped her off in the woods because she had puppies twice but he wouldn't get her spaded. That developed a disconnect with animals in mi and when I was younger in order to not get attached to my sisters pets I would be mean to them. Remember most kids act out what they see in the home mostly. I would be very concerned if he himself was not being abused which maybe why he teases your son and fusses at him. There is definitely some social issue with the little boy. Its a fine line when helping people with social/mental issues so u have to really pray if you want the battle, that's when you babysit, how you gonna establish boundaries and rules that is he doesn't follow there are consequences. My biggest concern for you is the saftey of YOUR child, and many times parents sacrifice the saftey of their own family while trying to help another. Just make sure that's worth it because we as mothers have such a great responsibility to the universe when it comes to raising children, sometimes those children who need a little more help/and those parents who forget a major part of parenting is discipliing and guiding, God/the universe/or watever u believe would put those children and parents in our lives to help them. So I would say, start by asking the universe what you need to do to protect your family first and do what is obviously some much needed help. Wish you the best!

Linda - posted on 07/21/2012

I am of the belief that you come into my house you follow my rules. If they don't like it then they can get childcare elsewhere. I know it sounds harsh but why should you totally rearrange you life and the life of your household to cater to this one child. And you are not singling anyone out. This is the same behavior you would expect from your kid and their kid has no right to come into your house and act like that and expect to get away with it. And as far as them throwing the no other kids thing at you that is total BS. I am an only child and I have one child and my husband is the oldest of five. Having siblings or multiple children doesn't make you a better parent. In my uneducated opinion the behavior that you described shows abuse of that kid from somewhere. If they really want to take it to that level then put in an anonymous call to CPS. Bottom line it is your house then it's your rules and you were doing them a favor. If they don't like it then that is on them. They are probably pissed you pointed out what a terror their kid is. Good Luck

Joy - posted on 07/21/2012

I'd do something like call landlord for the noise or CPS. Or move away for your own safety. Like I said, he sounds like he's on track to becoming like the boy that lived next door to me. He's young yet so there can be intervention, if his parents or someone in authority steps in to correct the behavior issues now instead of later.

Holli - posted on 07/21/2012

Daycares will rarely call CPS, they usually just ban a child for being unruley. Although it has to be really bad before some of the larger ones do that. You can call with an annonomys tip.

Julie - posted on 07/21/2012

U are NOT crazy. The boy sounds like he could wind up being a sociopath if he does not get some sort of behavior skills ASAP
However, NOT your PROBLEM. I hope you informed the neighbors that you would no longer watch their boy, ever.
If they can not respect your opinion when watching there child for free, then they do not deserve the neighborly assistant!
If the boy continues to harm your animals or child in ANY way, if they continue to make noise that is disruptive, you should call the police. If a wake up call is what the parents need, so be it. You must protect your own first.

Tonie - posted on 07/21/2012

Better off not being friends with the parents of a future repeat offender. They have issues that have trickled down to their son and will only escalate. Free babysitting services are never ever appreciated and thank God you are rid of an ever growing problem. Mr. and Mrs. Denial will certainly reap what they have sown!

Dawna - posted on 07/21/2012

@ Tina I have thought about calling CPS but because we live right underneath them I am a little uncomfortable doing so as I do not know what they are capable of doing in retaliation. had the been will to sit down and talk with me I would have been more than happy to help them find some resources. Since their response has been so adversarial I think it is best to leave it alone the boy will have to go into Daycare at some point and they are better able to deal with these kind of problems or call CPS

TINA - posted on 07/21/2012

Dawna what has happened now that you are no longer watching the child? I realize that it has only been a few days but Im curious if you did call the cps. As a mom who has dealt with kids that have behavior problems, this type of behavior typically leads to sociopathic behavior later on. It also leads you to belive that this child has been abused. Behavior is learned, therefore this child learned it from someone else most likely the parents. This child needs help and you can not help him.

Donette - posted on 07/21/2012

4 y/o can obey rules...no hitting, kicking, biting, spitting., pinching, throwing, taking toys away or touching the baby( these are our rules). If he can't then you can't babysit. Rules are IMPORTANT. And so is DISIPLINE.

Susan - posted on 07/21/2012

Not normal behavior. Secondly, you are doing this for free. They should respect your wishes more. If he has been "through a lot" like they say, then they need to seek out help for him to adjust to that. They are using you and more than likely got themselves into whatever hardship they needed your help for in the first place. Tell them if they don't get help, and if the noise level does not stop, you will be forced to report these incidents to the housing superintendent. (I'd also consider a call to children and youth).

Holli - posted on 07/21/2012

I was in a similar situation a few years ago when I was watching a 2 y/o boy and his newborn brother. My daughter was just diagnosed with Autism and dealt with the chaos fairly well, until the older boy escalated to the point of hitting my daughter in the face with a toy dump truck. She had bruises of the wheels on her face for a week. She turned and decked him. He hit her again. And she jumped him and began punching him (it looked like the scene with the bully in "The Christmas Story"). After having him separated for the rest of the day, I confronted his parents and said I could only keep the newborn (I had started keeping them because the previous babysitter's kids beat up on the older boy because he has bow legs). I told them to get him some councelling for the peer abuse and IF they started it, I would watch him again. Our friendship ended and they took both kids to the previous babysitter ~headslap~. Sometimes people don't want real help, they only want handouts.

Kim - posted on 07/21/2012

YYes while this is not normal for a child have you ever made him face consequences for his bad behavior while in Ur care? If not this makes you every bit as bad as the parents. I'm not saying spank the child but how about a timeout? Explain at his level why he's being placed in timeout and sit him in the corner and walk away if he keeps moving away say nothing pick him up and put him back adventually he's going to see Ur not giving in and know who's boss then once timout is over go explain again why he was placed there and then have him apologize hugs and its over.

Stephanie - posted on 07/21/2012

Not trying to be mean, but this kid is none of your concern. Your child should come first. I understand kids will have issues, but I will not ever put up with any form of abuse. I would have already given them the quit notice. These people are not friends, if they were they would be concerned for your child's safety and would be concerned about their own child's destructive and abusive behavior. Your first priority is to raising and protecting your own.

Bambi - posted on 07/20/2012

Why is this even an issue?! This kid needs serious help. If the parents are not willing to do something and the parents are making things more difficult for you, the authorities and your landlord need to be notified.

Alicia - posted on 07/20/2012

I agree with Maren Fouts. The beginning of Antisocial Personality Disorder is abuse towards animals. Some with this disorder have no remorse, no real emotions to speak of, the are cruel but can be very charming and know how to get thier way with others (that comes in adult hood). It does usually lead to becoming a murderer in some way shape or form. I would report the parents to DFS (child services) but I would wait a lil while till things calm down some so they don't come straight to your door accusing you of doing it. The less they think the better off you are. I know exacty how that is but with a different type of situation concerning dog.

Laketa - posted on 07/20/2012

By all means either stop watching him. Or start charging them.

Randi - posted on 07/20/2012

while you "have no knowledge" in regards to how a child should act, it doesn't take a genius to know when a child is misbehaving. as to whether or not its is normal behavior, absolutely NOT. a child like that should never be left alone with another child or any animals. you should never discipline or correct a child that is not in your care or without an adult unless you understand the consequences of royally pissing the parents off. i have come across many children that really needed a good old fashioned ass whooping and i would love to give it to some, but i would never touch them or speak to them unless it was dangerous to them or others cause it would make the parents mad and the kid would learn the wrong lesson. as for your animals never let any kids be alone with them as all it takes is one time for an animal to snap and i know of a dog that was beautiful and a big baby but he was terrorized by family member's little kids and was eventually put down cause he bit in self defense but no one ever looks at the situation from the animals point of view.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/20/2012

It's too bad you did not catch it on a nanny cam. It seems like a perfect use for one. Some kids are mean and dangerous. And the parents won't admit it or even want to air it to themselves. I would not take care of him anymore but would try to be compassionate to the child as he needs to get help and his parents need to wake up and get it for him.

Danielle - posted on 07/20/2012

His behavior is not normal. It sounds like something done by someone who has been abused or witnessed abuse. Definitely talk to his parents about it. If they aren't open to what you have to say, at least you tried. Either way, for the safety of your family and pets, I would not watch him again.

Julie - posted on 07/20/2012

This is absolutely NOT normal. A child who will deliberately hurt an animal is a very troubled child who will likely grow up to be a sociopath. Keep your children and pets as far away as you possibly can. The fact that they're blaming you speaks volumes.
One option is to call the police when the noise gets too much. It will also alert the authorities to any abuse situations that are going on in their home, which is likely. I'm sure there are noise ordinances in your area. The only problem is that they're likely encouraging the child to do this as retaliation for what you told them about their child and the retaliation will likely increase if you call the police. Is it possible to move?

Vanessa - posted on 07/20/2012

Very glad you are not watching him anymore. His unchecked violence is escalating and his parents are in denial or the root cause. It was just a matter of time before something happened to your baby or furbabies. DCF should be involved to provide the parents better tools and resources to help their child because this behavior is NOT normal. He needs help NOW. He does not have ADHD. He is not hyper or inattentive. He is a sociopath in training at this tender age of 4. This child has never been disciplined for his inappropriate behavior. See if you can get a child psychologist to help them all before something tragic happens or the child is so lost in his violent world that he can't be helped. Use the parents words to assist them, "he has been through alot". Respond "he will be through alot more for the rest of his life" if they don't wake up and get him some psychiatric help. Good luck too you.

Ann - posted on 07/20/2012

I do not have any children and would like to be removed from your mailimg list.

Agenda - posted on 07/20/2012

I definitely would not keep the child. He just sounds like a bully

Dawna - posted on 07/20/2012

@ Bertha I am no longer watching the boy and we as a family get out all the time we go to story time at the library, go to the park, the pool, we go riding horses once a week, Max will sit with me on my horse, ( I go riding more than once a week but make sure to include Max) and we go for a walk on a daily with the dog. Max has play dates with my friends little girl on regular as well. We are pretty active.