Getting sick of women making people feel inferior to them for not breastfeeding!!!

Heather - posted on 03/22/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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Everytime I log onto COM I find atleast one post talking about how you should be breastfeeding and it's the only way to go. If anyone mentions formula feeding then theres a bunch of other women ganging up on them making them feel inferior. I feel that if you choose to breastfeed then good for you because it is best for the baby but if you choose to formula feed then that is your choice.



I personally BF my son for the first two months. It was actually exactly 2 months that I started weining him off. Mostly because I hated it. I hated getting up and having to get all comfortable and trying to cover myself up when people were around. I hated that I had to be the one to feed my son eerytime and his father and grandparents couldn't hve feeding time to bond. Not only that but I was going back to school. I tried pumping, that lasted three days and I hated it even more.So I switched my son to formula. And he is growing just as good as he was before.



Some people just dont like the idea of BF so they choose to Formula feed. Which is totally fine. If their baby is healthy thats all that matters. Truthfully all that really matters is the first two weeks. Thats when baby gets the most nutrition.



From what I understand COM is supposed to be a place where moms help other moms. Not where they slam eachother becaus of what they chose for THEIR baby.



I don't think a baby needs to be BF past 6 months and I feel if they cn ask for it then its just plain weird. But if someone wants to BF their two or three year then that is up to them because its their child and im ot gonna judge. Me myself wouldnt go past 6 months thats all.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kylie - posted on 03/22/2010

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Personally i''m sick of hearing people complaining about this topic. You make your choices..own them. If you are confident and comfortable with your decision then comments on a forum should roll off your back.

I find your attitude about Bfing past 6 months a little offensive...

So just consider this a warning as i feel this is bordering on an inflammatory thread and will probably turn nasty..if it does it will be shut down.

Thanks

Merry - posted on 08/23/2010

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"as long as you are feeding them"

this comment bugs the heck out of me because I personally wouldnt sit by and watch someone feed their child junk food every day. Just cuz its food doesnt make it healthy.

Formula is adequate for making babies grow, but it will never be ideal.

The moms who bash breastfeeding are just guilty that they didnt breastfeed.

Whether they believed they could or not, it isnt your fault if you didnt get the help or info to breastfeed.

But it is your fault for bashing moms who are doing what we are supposed to do.

Babies are supposed to be breastfed and that will never change.

If you dont wanna, there is freedom here but maybe not for long.

Formula could easily become a perscription only thing and then maybe we wouldnt view it as a choice issue, more like a last resort to keep a baby alive.

It seems the whole 1-3% of women who can not breastfeed are on this thread so I am not convinced that you all "couldnt" but that there wasnt the info, help, and support that you deserved.

Women are designed to carry babies and then our body will feed them. If we just 'couldnt' feed our young we would have died out long ago.

And if 6 months was all that was important then by 6 months our babies would have their full set of permenant teeth.

Breastfeeding is designed to last 3-7 YEARS.

Like it or not, believe it or not, argue it or not.

Its a fact and its not going away.



If you truely had to formula feed then you wouldnt have any guilt over it and you wouldnt be debating the fact that it isnt the best choice, its 4th.

But if you cant you cant right?

NO shame in doing your best, but you have to acknowledge that you will be able to do better as you grow and learn.

Crissy - posted on 03/24/2010

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i agree.. i WANTED to breastfeed with all my heart but son had difficulty latching on, my doctor told me to stick it out while supplimenting for him so he would get his nutrients, but because he couldnt latch and i was supplimenting my milk didnt come in for a week and a half which made it worse, i went to lactation consultants, and classes i did everything i could but my son was not gainging weight and very unhappy, even when my milk did come in and i fed him until he was full my milk wasnt sufficient enough he still didnt gain weight it DESTROYED ME to have to quit trying but i had to say "the important thing is he eats whether it came from a can or my boob" then everywhere i went moms would see me bottle feeding him and say "put that baby on your boob youre doing him an inservice" or "you need to be feeding him the way you were made to" it was a very hard thing to accept that one thing that out bodies as women ARE MADE TO DO i couldnt do i felt defective and inferior and i resented all the moms i saw nursing, when my 2nd son was born and the same thing happened i asked my doctor for a prescription to make my milk come in faster, i pumped litterally 24/7 if he wasnt feeding i was pumping, i took vitamins to make my milk more nutrionaly satisfying but it didnt work at 1 month old they told me they needed to admit him to the hospital because he had lost too much wieght and while our doctor said i could keep trying as long as he was getting formula as well enough to keep his weight gaining i had to stop again, its a horrible feeling to not be enough for your baby and the people judging you just makes it worse!

while breastfeeding should be a choice you make for your baby guilt free keep in mind that maybe it isnt a choice for some people and making us feel bad for something we physically could not do no matter how hard we try is shamefull! i wanted to breastfeed more than anything and when i couldnt it put me in a severe depression, but i had to make the choice that was safest for my child! if i had to put him in long term hospital care because i wanted to satisfy my need to nurse, when he could be just as healthy from a can then i would be selfish and irresponsible! you dont know the reason behind why we arent breastfeeding and it shouldnt matter either way what our reason is!

i am pregnant with my 3rd and with my due date just around the corner i fully intend to give it another shot but if it doesnt work and i have to make the right choice for my son again i should not have to be shamed for it!!

[deleted account]

I'm with Kylie and Erin. You come on saying that you're tired of being bashed by BF moms so you turn around and bash them and make false comments about breastfeeding. Doesn't make sense. Who cares what others think. There are many moms on CoM that are extremely positive and helpful.

Erin - posted on 03/22/2010

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I say why worry about what strangers think about what's best for MY child. I agree with Kylie on this one......I'm also sick of seeing this topic. I personally could give two shits about what people think about what I do or don't do.

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[deleted account]

It's not judging to call another mother's choice weird? Just asking. I personally don't care how you choose to feed your baby as long as he/she is fed, but considering that I am still nursing my son who will be 2 on Saturday... the 'weird' comment threw me a bit. You're asking for repect from breastfeeding moms and calling them weird in the same post.



I'm sorry people have made you feel bad for formula feeding your son. Being made to feel like your parenting choices are wrong isn't cool.

Doreen - posted on 03/24/2010

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I agree with you babies do not need to be BF for a long time, My baby grow just fine on
formula, and never had a problem, some people are fine with it, but most aren't, so it is okay to express your views but there is no need for making people feel bad cause they
don't BF.

Kimberly - posted on 03/24/2010

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I definately agree with you , I breastfead the first month and it just wasn't working for me. My kids all three were very healthy and chubby:). They are always healthy maybe get sick once a year.

[deleted account]

I agree with Sharon Grey...build a bridge and get over it! You'll be judged by certain people for the rest of life over the choices you make....welcome to motherhood.

Cathy - posted on 03/24/2010

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I tried, but it didn't work out. They got the colustrum and that's pretty much it. They weren't sick as babies or toddlers. We had a bout with strep throat when my oldest was in 3rd grade as it was going around the school and they got colds once a year. They're both A students, do well socially, involved in sports and all that. So when people told me that BF kids were smarter, did better, blahblahblah, I said my kids are fine, thanks. So you just do what's right for you and your children and it'll be fine. :)

Sharon - posted on 03/24/2010

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Let it go. You bottle fed your child. Its alive and thriving. What more can you ask for? Breast feeding is awesome and not always natural or easy to do and sometimes its just not possible. This is why the wet nurse was brought around. Bless her, right? Now we have formula. YAY!

Stop letting the crap get to you. Get over and ditch anyone who makes you feel inferior because they are no friend.

Francesca - posted on 03/24/2010

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Personally I believe every woman has the right to choose what they think is best for their family.

I breastfeed my almost 11 month old and every day I am told that I should wean. I get comments and nasty remarks daily. So basically, what I am trying to say, no matter what we do as mothers, there are other mothers who will be quick to judge and comment.

Isn't it silly that we let something as minor as feeding options divide us? We live in a world that is so scary. And this is what we choose to focus on. I don't think in the grand scheme of things a child will be healthier, smarter, or better than another just on one parenting choice alone. It is a lifetime of choices that makes them what they are.

Ultimately, I believe that we cannot be good examples to our children if we are petty over things like this. And those that think otherwise are sad, ignorant individuals.

Mandy - posted on 03/24/2010

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Some mom's can't. Others don't relize that we who can't think it's are fault, or our baby won't grow as fast. The ruth is if bobbie feeding works for u great if, not there are other ways for u too bond. don't get discouraged!!

Sharon - posted on 03/24/2010

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I hate it too hey.

It's your child, and whether it be by choice or not, you are doing what is right for you and your baby.

I could only BF for about 8wks, but he had latching issues from day one so at about 2wks I started pumping, until I dried. Next baby I will pump too, as I have stupid boobs that make it a harder too.

Honestly, I don't think it's anyone else's business how you feed you child, just as long as you feed it!! :-)

Casey - posted on 03/24/2010

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I didn't breastfeed my son for very long either I only did it for a couple of weeks but because I already have rather large breast when I got my milk in they were like a pair of watermelons and I couldn't even find a comfortable breastfeeding bra and my son was loosing to much weight so the health nurse actually suggested that I put him on formula. I don't think it makes any difference weather you breastfeed or you don't breastfeed, if you got a room full of 100 people do you think anyone would be able to pick out who was breastfed and who wasn't breastfed??? I doubt it.

I do understand how you feel, because when people ask me was my son breastfed I feel very judged when I say no and people will sometimes even have the hide to ask me why I didn't breastfeed him like it's any of their business, so yeah I get where your coming from, and it's quite obvious that some breastfeeding mums get upset when someone critises them (and rightfully so) so why wouldn't we get upset when someone critises us for not breastfeeding, but it shouldn't be a war of the mums cause there is no right or wrong way to raise a child.

Rachelle - posted on 03/24/2010

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i breastfeed in the hospital and expressed when we got home i dried up very qickly so she was put on formula and i love it so much more its just so much easier to me i think its really stupid how people judge on how you chose to feed your baby its really none of anyones business.. espically when i'm in the mall you dont know what i have in my bottle so dont comment... anyways i think your right people should stop judging the babies are getting fed and thats all that should matter

Mary - posted on 03/24/2010

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No one can make you feel inferior unless you allow them too.



We all make different choices as mothers...breast vs. bottle is just one of many. I didn't realize how much more work bottle feeding was until I went back to work at 14 weeks, and left my husband with expressed breastmilk...and came home to a sinkful of bottles! So hats off to you formula-feeding moms...that's more than I could have managed every 2-3 hours!



I honestly believe that some of the moms who come on here and berate anyone on a different parenting choice is just only looking to make themselves feel better about their own choices by judging yours as inferior. Ignore the more supeior, sanctimonious moms on here. Ignore their posts, and you take away their power to hurt or impact you.

It really is that simple.

Renee - posted on 03/24/2010

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I know that breast is best and I'm jealous of the mothers who can Breastfeed. I cried for weeks because I couldn't and felt that I had failed as a mother. My milk didn't come in properly, I could sit there and feed for hours and my daughter would always come away exhausted and hungry. I tried everything to get my milk to come in but nothing worked. When it got to the point of my daughter dramatically dropping weight in 2 days I put her on formula. Even the midwives looked down on me for this even though they could see that she and I were both struggling. I desperately hope that I can breastfeed my next baby.
I dont begrudge any mother who can breastfeed but I dont appreciate some people, not everyone, but certain people looking down on me and making me feel 2 inches tall for not being able to.

Kathy - posted on 03/22/2010

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I agree that there is far too much pressure on women who can't or don't breastfeed. My son was born with a heart problem that went undiagnosed for the first two weeks of his life. One of the symptoms was lack of appetite. He had an emergency procedure to keep him alive so that he could be "beefed up" for major surgery. Everything had to be measured on the way in and on the way out. So breastfeeding was out of the question. I was supposed to go to the milk bank every four hours to pump, but chances were pretty good that when it was time for me to go pump they needed me to go with him for an MRI or an EKG or some sort of poking and prodding. Since breasts work on the supply and demand theory, the inability to follow a schedule following two weeks of a baby with no appetite I was not leading to much milk production.



After surgery that child with no appetite became a little glutton. He had discovered that the nipple on a bottle gave much faster delivery than mom did, and would have nothing to do with the breast. And we were still working on adding weight. I was never able to catch up with his demand.



What really astounded me through the entire ordeal was the way the system worked against my efforts to breastfeed, but the women who worked in the milk bank were snarky and nasty about my production.



I just wish women could stop berating one another for being different. In my lifetime I have been inspired by women who stayed home with their children, by women who dedicated their lives to careers, by women who burned their bras and some who couldn't say the word bra without blushing. I also have dear friends who are raving liberals and more who are ranting conservatives. Each of us is different and we need to embrace that instead of feeling threatened by it.

Lori - posted on 03/22/2010

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OMG - Moms - breastfeeding and/or bottlefeeding are not the biggest issues you will encounter as a Mom! So what if your baby was given formula - so what if you breastfed your baby while she was walking down the isle - SERIOUSLY ! FACT - is breastfeeding is best for the first full year of life and nonbreastfeeding Moms shouldnt downplay the value of that in order to make them feel better about their choice. FACT - formula is packed with nutrition especially if you spend a little extra money and get better brands or even an organic brandname.
This is the problem we women have - to bash others in order to feel okay about the choices we have made. What is it that makes us so uncomfortable about ourselves that we cant embrace the differences in others?
I had a horrific time breastfeeding - the leche nurse was terrible to me - grabbing my breast and yanking my son to it. He would cry, I would cry. I thought "How could something so natural be so hard." I had breasts whats the big deal? I spent the entire night crying and talked to my Mom who yanked me back to reality. The nurse gawfawed at me and lectured me on breastfeeding- BLAH BLAH. I pumped and was lucky enough to have a TON of milk. It was tiring - but for ME - worth it. I pumped for 6 months and he went on formula. My second child I told the nurse to leave me alone and keep her info - I was pumping with my new stat-of-the-art milking machine! I pumped with my daughter for 4 months this time. I was unable to keep up with the pumping and be a good Mom to my four year old. She has been on formula for 5 months now.
Moms be confident in your decisions!!!!

Zoe - posted on 03/22/2010

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at the end of the day its up the the individual mum how she wants to feed her baby whether it be bf or ff! i tried bf for 4days and my son couldnt get enugh milk also he couldnt latch on right, i dont diss anyone that doesnt or cant bf or the other way round! i personally havnt seen any other topics on this subject wher bf mums are putting down ff mums! do what you feel right with your baby and others will do the same with theirs. i was preg when i was 18 and people looked at me because i was young but i couldnt care less, i will do what i feel fit and others should do the same!

Kristy - posted on 03/22/2010

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I BF my daughter for about 2 months as well..I hated it!! My daughter was up every single hour and we were both miserable. It took the doctor 2 months to figure out that I was producing lots of milk but I did not produce enough nutrients in my milk!! I gave my daughter formula for the first time and she slept for 12 hours straight!!! I think that the only person who should have a decision about if breastfeeding is right is the person who is breastfeeding.... You can have just as much bonding by holding your baby and bottle feeding as you can with breast feeding. BF is also so much more of an inconvience at times then it is worth!!! That's my opinion anyway..I am sure there are lots of people who would disagree....To each their own is what I say:)

Heather - posted on 03/22/2010

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I wasn't trying to bash anyone who BF past 6 months. I was just saying that in my own personal opinion I wouldn't do it past that. But like i said if some people want to thats up to them and im not gonna sit here saying they are this and that because of it. I'm just extremily hurt and think its so rude how grown women make other women feel horrible for their choices. I'm also 17 to add and get put down for that too. And when people hear that I put my son on formula just cuz I didnt like it then they say im even more of a bad mom. Although people who actually see me care for my son tell me all the time I'm doing an awesome job.

Emilie - posted on 03/22/2010

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I was trying to breast feed in the hospital when I had my second child. I was really diappointed that I didn't breast feed my first child, and my ex mother in law was part of the la leche league. My ex's family was all down on me because I was unsuccessful at breastfeeding. My son would not latch on properly, everytime I tryed to bf he would take like 10 -20 min to get him latched on properly. When I had my second one I was really diasappointd that the same thing was happening again, I was not getting any sleep at all the first 24 hrs after my daughter was born, I was spending all my time trying to feed her, and when I wasn't feeding her I was changing her. The hospital was very supportive and knew that I was having a hard time and needed sleep, they brought me a bottle of formula with no questions asked the nurse even told me that she had the same problem and formula feed her daughter and I felt bad for giving her a bottle I felt like I was giving up on her, I was glad though that at leat the hospital staff didn't give me a hard time. I pumped and gave her all the breat milk I could for about 1 month but I was getting tired of pumping all the time and I was still having to give her formula because I wasn't getting enough milk to give her breast milk exclusivly so I switched to formula only. I still feel bad that I didn't breast feed either one of them but I know that if I have another baby I will try much harder to make bf work.

Nikki - posted on 03/22/2010

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I used to love coming on COM not so much anymore, I have felt very victimised over ff over the past couple of weeks, to the point when I have been in tears. I fully support breast feeding mothers, I congratulate them on their success and I am secretly very jealous, I wanted to continue breast feeding more than anything, it broke my heart to give up, I cried for weeks, but it was just not possible. I honestly still feel sick everytime I prepare a bottle for my daughter, I am hard enough on myself so I really dont need the extra blow to my self esteem when it comes to this issue.

I come to COM for support, advice and to meet other mums, I appreciate that everyone has an opinion but I dont know if some people realise the impact their opinion is having on others. I would like to ask all mothers out there including myself to really think about what you are posting and how it might make another mum feel, I am sure that most of the posts are written innocently and these mums dont realise the impact them may have on some mums self esteem. Would you feel comfortable saying your opinion so brazenly in person? Would it be ok for someone to force their opinion on you and make you feel like a bad mother? Do you really care about helping ad supporting mums on this forum? If you dont maybe you should try Cafe Mom where anything goes.

As far as the breast/bottle issue goes, every mum is different and has had different experiences which have lead them to their personal choices. It's not fair to bash either sides of this debate, every mother makes the best decision for their own children and it really should be left at that.

Keisha - posted on 03/22/2010

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I completely agree!! I personally havent had many people on here bitch about it but just everyday people FOR SURE. My daughter refused to latch on dipite numerous doctors,nurses,and specialists help and support so I ended up pumping for a month before I gave up. My daughter was born at only 5 1/2 lbs and by the time I quit pumping she had almost doubled her weight already! Shes healthy as a horse and is doing great :)

Leah - posted on 03/22/2010

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The breastfeeding hype has come a long way. I had my daughter 9 years ago this march and I tried desperately to breastfeed her. She lost weight and there were all sorts of complications. I felt like the worst mother in the whole world. We tried for 4 weeks to make a huge effort and Maddie just wasn't doing any good. I started to panic and was getting severely depressed due to the constant comments about the weight she had lost and all the problems she was having. I started to hate the thought of breastfeeding, because Maddie couldn't attach properly my nipples were cracked and bleeding and my boobs were terribly engorged, yet I struggled on. Finally the midwife who was doing the home visits turned around and recommended that we put her on the bottle. I have never forgotten that day, I was devestated, yet so relieved, then terribly guilty for even feeling relieved, and everything was too much and things spiraled downhill.
I had a baby boy, 4 months ago today, and I wanted to breastfeed him more then anything else in the world, maybe to prove to myself that I wasn't such a horrible mother, who knows, but that was my dearest wish. We fed successfully for 6 weeks, but he was lazy and wouldn't suck, so I ended up transferring him to the bottle as well, and to be honest, I was more relaxed, able to bond better and less worried about if things were right and how much was he getting, was he eating enough, is this the right way to do it?
I don't judge people who bottle feed and I don't judge people who breastfeed. I am proud of the fact that I managed to give my children the colostrum they needed, but at the same time, I know how hard breastfeeding can be and sometimes it just does not work. Every single mother is different. We all have our own beliefs and our own comfort zones. So next time you are out and about and are lucky enough to catch sight of a mother feeding her child, either through bottle or boob, be grateful that you have caught a magic sight of love and motherhood, don't judge, you never know the whole story.

Angela - posted on 03/22/2010

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My eldest child was born via a surrogate (my sister) so I had to bottle feed her. People asked me why I didn't just let my sister breastfeed her, as if she hadn't done enough already! When I later became pregnant myself (big surprise I can tell you) and gave birth to my son I wanted to have a go at breast feeding so I asked someone at the hospital if they could show me how. Who did they send to help me? A student midwife who was no older than 19 and had no children, she had no idea what she was doing! My nipples remained totally flat so my son couldn't latch on to them, they just told me to keep trying but it got to the point where it was 12 hours since he'd been born and he hadn't eaten. In the end I bottle fed him and I'm glad I did, he has such a voracious appetite that I'd never had kept up with him. He'd have been permantly attatched to me!

Health visitors and other people have judged me but I hold my head up high. I am raising 2 healthy, beautiful and happy children. MY CHILDREN will tell me if I'm doing it right, not anybody else!

Andrea - posted on 03/22/2010

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I did not breast feed my two girls and at 3 and 2 they are completely normal. I was scolded by the la leche league representative at my hospital and was told my oldest daughter would be mentally slow if I did not BF. So don't feel bad. There are plenty of bottle fed babies out there and anyone who tries to tell you your wrong can go to ........

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