Glorifying Teen Moms...

K - posted on 07/24/2010

I'm not going to read the comments on this one because they will just make me mad haha but Yvonne about your question - I actually love that show! I wondered too if it was kind of glorifying or whatever but teenage pregnancy has been and probably always will be around whether there's a show or not. I think the fact that there is a show it can help people who are going through it and who might not know who to talk to or what steps to take. Being pregnant when you're young is scary and lots of people don't know where to turn and you never know, maybe it might help them even if it is just a show. I think having a girl on there who put her baby up for adoption is great too because it shows people two sides of the story. I saw someone mentioned the girls are annoying and I actually agree. It seems like lots of them are getting helped out a lot to be complaining so much but I still watch it haha. I watch it because it's a show, it's interesting to me and my son is in bed when it's on. That's just my opinion though and I relate to Maci the most.

JuLeah - posted on 07/24/2010

Teen moms' have been around for as long as there have been people. In some countries/cultures, a woman marries as soon as she is a teen. In our culture we have the value that teens (and we invented that concept too) ought not be mothers, but that cultural value won't stop teens from becoming mothers.

We need to take better care of our people, the ones most in need of our care. If this show highlights their plight, maybe it serves the good?

Christina - posted on 07/24/2010

I agree with Heather!!!

Heather - posted on 07/24/2010

Britney, Kathleen wasn't personally attacking anyone on this thread, and it is disrespectful of you to attack her and her parenting just for having a strong opinion.
That being said, I haven't seen teen mom, but 16 and pregnant definitely doesn't glorify getting pregnant. Most of those poor girls have relationships that don't make it, and struggle through their pregnancy and into motherhood. It is rare that they show them going off and partying while leaving their kids behind, and I doubt they go out any more than any mother here. Furthermore, it has episodes that show making the most difficult choice - adoption. One girl had to carry her infant out of the hospital across the street to give it to the adoptive parents, because her mother wouldn't sign for the adoption. That takes a lot of strength and to do it in front of a camera should be admired. I think it is a fantastic show.

Christina - posted on 07/24/2010

I love that show but sometimes yes it can glorify the whole teen pregnancy issue but at the same time I think it shows teens that having babies at a young age or any age for that matter is not a walk in the park and how it will affect their lives forever and may make them think twice. All in all I think it is a great show.

Kara - posted on 07/24/2010

someone in my family had 2 children before she was 18 and although she loves them, her social life does come first still and they are a bit neglected which is very sad. this is not down to her age, this is down to her maturity. i know plenty of young mums that do brilliantly. if this girl went on a show she would have social services round straight away. her house has grafitti all over it, rubbish all over the floor and 2 shopping trolleys worth of empty glass cider bottles in her garden. ive seen adult parents live like this.

@ kathleen = you dont need to be married to stay together. my parents were married and theyre not together. me and my partner are not married and are definitely not thinking of separating.

Teresa - posted on 07/24/2010

Hi Yvonne, Personaly I think teen moms and single moms are really not a 'new thing' I think we are more aware of young mums and single mums because we have the media, and technology which allows for more information available to us, if we were to look about a few years there have always been single mums and teen mums we were just not so open about it and neither did we get to know about it as much, unfortunatly it makes for good reality TV and it pays the TV company to have as much of a bad experiance as a good experiance of being a young mother and parent. Having said that no one questioned single mothers during the second world war when a large majority of women had to parent their child alone, also the high proportion of young girls who had babies, like I said it was not talked about and we never knew about it, I am sure the majority of children born at that time grew up well health and functional memebers of society, even if their fathers were away for most of their early years, and also the single mothers who chose to keep their babies. I would however agree that how they were treated still goes on today where they are very quickly judged for being a young single mother and labeled as scroungers on society and worse, when in fact a large number of single parents work and return to full time education and do a very good job of parenting their children.

Christina - posted on 07/24/2010

Most of the girls on that show piss me off to no ends. I was a teenage mom, which is why I started watching the show. But OMG, if I have to hear any more whining about how hard it is for them when most of their families help them out, I'm going to personally smack them! I did live at home with my parents when I had my son, but I couldn't even get my mom to hold him for five mins so I could take a shower in peace.
I think good teenage moms need praise (all moms do!) but as I tell every teenager out there who is not a mom yet, that although I do not regret becoming a mom so young, I do not recommend it. Its not fun to go to college while being a single mom. Its not fun to have the burden of a life on you alone.

Britney - posted on 07/19/2010

Kathleen it is small minded people like you who make it hard for their children to talk to them. You said that teens have kids for their parents to raise, that is not an opinion that is a statistic not all teens do that. You can not say with a toddler what your child will do in 10 or 15 years, we would all like to say that but it is not true. Your child could like someone of another religion,color, or same sex, could get pregnant or an std that is just reality. The sad thing is they couldn't feel comfortable telling you, the reason i know this is the way you talked to complete strangers on this thread. If 16 and pregnant or teen mom glorifies motherhood than america's next top model glorifies bulimia and anexoria. T.V. shows are just that, shows you make of them what you want. No matter how many times you say "no offence" you know what your doing. Just to let you know concentual sex is not the only way a teenage girl gets pregnant and that is not something you can prevent or predict. It also does not take a married man and woman to effectivly raise a child it can be a wonderful single mom, single dad, two men, or two women. As long as they are capable of putting the child first and doing whatever it takes to give that child all it needs. That is their choice. My oppinion and i mean "no offence" you are sheltering your child/children and there will be a day when they resent you for it.

Kat - posted on 07/18/2010

Personally, I don't watch the show. I think that our culture does glorify teen pregnancy a little too much...and I was 19 when my son was born. We seem to lose sight of some of the unintended consequences of teen pregnancy, and shows like 16 and Pregnant aren't helping. Sure, it's nice to be able to show kids that there are others going through the same problems and issues that they are going through, but shouldn't we focus more energy into preventing unwanted pregnancies in the first place? I certainly don't want to offend any of the young or even older mothers out there, especially because I am one of them, but I'd much rather have programs that employ a goal of deterring unsafe sex and unintended pregnancy than catering to the children that are getting pregnant. I think of all the things I wanted to do with my life, and while I don't regret my son for a moment, there are a lot of things that I haven't gotten to accomplish or have been more difficult to accomplish now that I've had my son. I don't want any young girl to have to face choosing an education or a career over the well-being of their child because she had an unintended pregnancy. I think it's up to those of us who have been through motherhood and/or are going through it to be socially responsible enough to try and deter our peers from going through what we went through, rather than encouraging it. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'd just like to see the solid family unit reinstated in our society, and I think one way to do that is to stop glorifying unintended and teen pregnancies and start, especially as young mothers, to teach our peers and younger generations about the consequences of unintended pregnancy.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2010

i love the show 16 and pregnant and teen mom. i dont think it glorifies teen pregnancy in any ways. in fact its actually a very realistic out look into the lives of mother and fathers. its hard. i was 18 when i had my first. i think mtv is trying to discourage teen pregnancy by showing how hard it is. catelynn is the girl who stood out to me she is an amazing young women who did a brave thing. i relate with macy. shes a good mom but her babies dad is kind of a loser. when i got pregnant i was taking the pill and used condems. it wasnt something that was planned or expected but ive adapted and i loev my little sweetheart. young moms have it harder then anyone.. there is so much judgement passed just because of age. im only 19 with a 19 month old daughter but im a better parent then people i know and their way older. it all depends on who the people are

Diana - posted on 02/15/2010

To reiterate my post from an earlier conversation on this...There is nothing "glorious" about the show. To glorify something means to make it look glamorous or appealing. The show depicts women who can't finish school, have no money, live in hotels because they have nowhere else to go, watched their friends leave for college while they stayed behind, broken engagements, heartbreak from missing a child given up for adoption, domestic violence...It's dirty and gritty and my heart aches for those poor girls, those poor children, and their poor families and the garbage dump situation they're in.

Jane - posted on 02/15/2010

i haven't watched it but i think like all shows on MTV, it is not a positive portrayal of life. they seem to like to catch negative things in a person's life. the fact that it's on MTV is not good to begin with.

Kathleen - posted on 02/15/2010

It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant . . . LOL- but them my MOM and Dad can raise the baby cause I've gotta go party!!!

Sad but true - I guess it comes back to us parents and te standards we instill and hold for ourselves and our children.

I strongly agree with you Brooke!! If you can put one and one together yur not older enough to do the deed!!

Brittany - posted on 02/14/2010

I caught one episode of teen mom and wanted to vomit. Some of these girls are spoiled self centered stupid little *&%$^*. This show does glorify them for all the wrong reasons. On the episode I watched there was only one that I was able to have any respect for. The bartender with the lazy self centered boyfriend. I won't watch either show again. It portrays motherhood as ''like OMG a game that you can walk away from at anytime a haha! ''I couldn't believe it was being aired. They need to find run of the mill teen moms. The ones on medicaid living off of welfare because their parents refuse to raise the baby. Babies aren't accessories or their to make a fashion statement like some episodes of these shows try to portray.

Brooke - posted on 02/14/2010

Of course they shouldn't have been having sex! Many people these days shouldn't be having sex. But it does happen and unfortunately a lot don't realise that children are an outcome of that action... They are a blessing..YES! But unless there is commitment through marriage or strong partnership there should not be sex.

Kathleen - posted on 02/14/2010

I guess my point is - should they have been having sex then - if they were not commited to each other. BTW: Ididn't think you did - mean me thatis - I was just checking as I never meant to hurt anyone's feelngs. Just voicing my opinion wih other Mums!!

Brooke - posted on 02/14/2010

I wasn't being mean to anyone honestly! That was what I was referring to, another conversation. Teen mothers is a hard topic for a lot of people to be civil about. Kathleen, that comment was not directed at you! I just don't think children and marriage always go hand in hand. My partner and i have a friend who proposed to his girlfriend cause she is pregnant. He told us and many others he did this cause he felt he had to not because he loves her! ....horrible

Kathleen - posted on 02/14/2010

I have had sometime today to really think on this -againthis might be a little contraversial but here goes..... I think by having it on tv - all it does is glorify it!! By making it accessible as normal or 'well that just happen these day" glorifies it. It only happens if we - as parents let it. We as parents are the ones who are meant to teach our children what is right and what is wrong - teenagers should not have to watch a program on tv to tell them the probems and risks asoicated with sex and pregnancy -that is what mothers and fathers are for not TV and not Schools. It is our job to disucss this with our children regularly so if they have questions they can come and talk to us an we can help them figure it out - not so when they are "busted" they get put on the pill. That really is a band aid soluion to a broke leg!! It won't fix it. The problem isn't the baby the problem is the teenage sex!!! it is nt 'normal' for teenagers to have sex. I am not saying you are a bad person if you did but I am sure if you honestly reflect on it ten you too will admit you were not ready for the psychological commitment and emotional attachment it really required. I have worked as a High School Teacher for almost 10 years and I am yet to meet a teen who is really ready for this commitment.
Yes, adoption is a hard choice for anyone - but in reality the choice should never had to be made!!!

Katherine - posted on 02/13/2010

Yvonne, Brooke(I think) was trying to warn you because there was a thread that recently got of of control very, very fast. I don't see that in this one, but she wasn't trying to be mean.

Kathleen - posted on 02/13/2010

Kelly I guess not all of us did that as kids and maybe people want more for their kids. Also there are a lot of parents who wouldn't know what their kids do - they don't care!! Not that any of you are them!!!! But I have seen many teens who laug at me when I suggested the as their parents at dinner time - they don't see their parents. Both work and leave before they do and get home late and are too busy!!!

I wuld like to say that i hope no one has felt attacked by my posts - again these are just my belifs and I am sharing them for comment - I'll take your feedback quite happily. I don't know the other side -i just think it is better to educate ratherthan give our kids a quick fix (the pill). i believe teens should have open and honest communicaions with their parents and they should feel safe, secure and loved! If they have it at home they won't be so desparate to seek it outside the home. Especially not inthe bed of another teen who doesn't have their best interests or long time goals as thier initial focus.

The lyrics of a popular song right now say it all:
You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
You say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way
It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
You know I haven't seen you around, before

(Chorus)
'Cause when you're fifteen and
Somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like
There's nothing to figure out
But count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know
Who you're gonna be
Fifteen

You sit in a class next to a redheaded Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the others girls
Who think they're so cool
We'll be out of here as soon as we can
And then you're on you're very first date
And he's got a car and you're feeling like flying
And you're mamma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

(Chorus)
'Cause when you're fifteen and
Somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes you head spin 'round but
In your life you'll do things greater
Than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted
Was to be wanted
Wish you could go back
And tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna
Marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind
And we both cried

(Chorus)
'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be
At fifteen

la la la la la...la la la la la...la la la la la

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors
Taylor Swift - Fifteen (Fearless)

Dana - posted on 02/13/2010

Ladies, let's keep this one polite. Respect everyone's opinion and no attacks. Thank you ~Dana, WtCoM Moderator.

Michelle - posted on 02/13/2010

Im in my 40s and I Love the show!!! I think all teens need to watch it, and really see what it is like having a baby around 24/7. When I was in high school, I knew no one that was pregnant, but now it is very common to see many teens pregnant at graduation.

Kelly - posted on 02/13/2010

I live in Australia and I don't have cable so I've never watched these shows. However I don't think it would glorify teen pregnancy at all. I don't think much can. When I was at school...I think there was only about 3 of us in our whole class that didn't get pregnant at some point. A couple of them more than once. Only one baby was born at that time although i think there would've been 3 or 4 in the year we finished.
I think that in alot of cases it was just as much the parents fault that their teenager got pregnant too. I had a friend that was only just 14 when she had her baby. She was one of 4 herself but when her periods stopped, and she put on weight, became addicted to dimsims, and threw up nearl everything she ate... why didn't it occur to SOMEONE that she might be pregnant? We all tried to tell her she was. But it wasn't until she was 7 1/2mths that they gave her an ultrasound to try and find out whaty was wrong that she found out.
I had another friend who had her boyfriend living with her at 16 but her mother wouldn't let her go on the pill... AFTER she got pregnant she was finally put on the pill. we're 24 now, but she's got a 15yr old sister in much the same boat. Not allowed on the pill, but more than welcome to have her boyfriend in the bedroom with the door shut.
Teenagers don't always think for thmselves! that's what parents are for, to try and prevent these things happening. When my mum found out i was having sex, I was put on the pill within the week. I was also able to talk to my mum about ANYTHING, it didn't matter what it was. When I wen to parties with alcohol my mum would buy me 2drinks. I had to make those drinks last all night. This allowed me to do what everyone else was doiing, and taught me responsible drinking, as well as insuring i was never drunk enough to do anything stupid. we were also allowed to drink at my house, this meant my mum culd watch what we were doing and if it got out of hand, we weer sent to bed.
why don't parents realise that their children could be doing the same things they did when they were kids?

Rosie - posted on 02/13/2010

i don't think it glorifies it at all. there's one girl on there, i can't remember her name, but she leaves her daughter with her parents all the time and goes out and parties, and then bitches when her parents try to tell her to stay home more. the show totally makes her look like a stupid, idiotic brat (which is what she is in my opinion). at the same time, hopefully adults will learn something from it and not act like this young girls parents. they always give in and watch her kid for her, just enabling the girl to continue her selfish behavior longer. i think the story of tyler and cateynn is a very nice story and i don't think that it glorifies adoption at all. it shows how hard it was for them, and how some teenagers can make responsible decisions even if they made an irresponsible one in the first place by having sex.

Yvonne - posted on 02/13/2010

Brooke, this conversation was posted by me as a way to start a nice conversation about a show that is already on tv.. I'm glad people have opinions that they can share,if not between moms and other ppl of the same situation then who.. I think your reading too much in it.. And if you don't like the conversation, then don't join it

Kate - posted on 02/13/2010

l love the show. l had my first child when l was 18, the second at 21. My third child l was 43, and now twins at 46. l was married at 18 and divorced at 38, after the kids grew up. Now l am not married and so much happier. And just as committed.
l have all boys and if the show is still on when they are about 13, l will watch the shows with them so they can see how hard it is.
Don't forget the feeling when you are young of "it won't happen to me" or '"how wonderful it would be to have someone to love who loves me back". Both foolish ideals in young people.
Those of us who watch it; did you notice on this last season of Teen Mom that the only couple to really make it is the one that gave the baby for adoption? As for Amber and Gary, l don't think they will stay together long. Did you see his reaction when she said she feels pregnant? He said then who's is it? He still doesnt' get it that even with protection it can still happen. Duh!
My life partner and l, yes he's a man not a woman, won't get married because here in the states we think it's stupid to get married. You dont' as much back at tax time as a married couple. And with the national health plan they tried to pass, it costs married couples about $2,000 a year more than unmarried couples. Marriage is a committment before god and the world. Where does it say you need a license from the state to be married. Mans law, not gods. lt's sad to put it to dollars and cents whether to get married or not, but why throw that money away for so many years for a piece of paper God doesn't issue to be married.

Jane - posted on 02/13/2010

I've seen the show 1 time, I thought the show would discourage teens from getting pregnant just to see what some of these girls have to go thru. When you're a teen your biggest worry should be going to school, getting ready for college & hanging out w/ your friends with out the worry of a baby. Children are a wonderful gift but there is plenty of time to have kids when you get a little older. I realize sometimes that teens get pregant...opps but I wouldn't encourage it in anyway. I do think that teen moms need to stop worrying about what others think of them, it is what it is! Any reasonable person is going to look past their age & look to see instead if they are being a good parent. I wasn't a teen mom but I was 20 when I got pregnant with my 1st son & that was even to young. My husband (then boyfriend) & I had a lot of upset family but once he was born & they saw that we where good parents & working on bettering our lives by being able to support ourselves they quickly changed their minds & became our biggest supporters. My husband & I have now been married almost 13 years & just had our 2nd son last April. Things worked out for us but we had to work very hard on eveything to make it this far. As a women I would rather see teen girls working on becoming a strong, independent women...we need as many of those as we can get. Not that you can't do it w/ a child it just makes it easier to focus when you don't have to worry about anyone else but yourself. I truely wish any teen mom good luck & remember to be strong. Also to stop worrying about what others think...please forgive those people. When you get older & you see teen moms w/ babies you are going to look @ them & say "I had a baby @ that age too, OMG was I young!". Then you'll also see how far you've come in life (hopefully) & be proud of yourself.

Kathleen - posted on 02/13/2010

In advance I know this isn't go down well - but here goes!!

If having a baby is tough when your young why are you all out having sex! I mean let's be honest no one ever got pregnant by a sneeze or a txt! You actually have to have sex!!! If you are making that choice then on some level you have to realise you are choseing to have a baby. Condoms and the pill are not infallable and other forms of birth control only actually stop you from getting STD's. As a HPE teacher you learn that condoms when put on correctly can be as little as 46% effective. They loose that much just being taken out of the packet and being put on. If you can't make the correlation between sex and a baby then you are obviously too young to be doing it!! If you don't think having a baby is what you and you partner both want from the deed then why put yourself into a position that may very well lead to this exact predicament.

I have never and will never say that you love your babies less!!! I am not some old women who is anti-young people and there are plenty of older people that do immature things. I guess I can say unequivocably - I know my daughter will not come home at 14 or 16 or 18 pregnant because we (her father and I) will have taught her enough about self respect her future and her goals in life to allow her to make a great decision. We will be involved in her life and we will be encouraging commuication about relationsips from the beegining. In fact she is three and already we have spoken about the ideal - for her (this is for her only I am no preaching you!!) she'll finish school (high school) and begin university. She wants to be Doctor who looks after babies - her words, she wants to find a husband who has returned from his mission (it's something 19 yo males do in our religion) and then get married and start having babies.

I agree with you about the fact teenager are still dealing with growing up and hormone - but that's more the reason they should not try and be 'grown ups'.

You are dealing with your descision - and that is admirable as is being mature enough to know you can't do it and giving your baby up for adoption. But wouldn't it be better if teenager didn't put themselves in that position in the first place???

Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010

I got pregnant at 18 and had my son at 19. Do I think that I was a little young? Yes. Does that take away from me loving my son anymore than if I would have waited? No. When I watch the show, I think it shows the battles that young moms have. Every mom has their battles no matter what age. But as a young mom, you are just starting out in the world. You are trying to figure out where to take your life and add a baby ontop of that, you have to figure out how to make ends meet, how to care properly for your little one and with me, when and if to go back to school. I think the show does glamify if thats the word, being a teen mom sometimes. However it does show the battles of being a young mom. The one I followed showed a young teenage mom and her boyfriend giving their child up for adoption against the wishes of their parents. I dont care who you are and what age you are, giving your child up for adoption when you know you dont have the means of supporting that child takes maturity and is the most difficult choice you will ever have to make.
For me personally, it helped cope with the difficulties of having a newborn, working full time, and still trying to find the time to connect with my fiance. What older women have to realize is that as a teenager you are still dealing with hormones. Add new pregnancy hormones and its difficult. No matter at what age pregnancy can be difficult. I'm not advicating teenage pregnancies. I'm just asking people to keep an open mind.

Kathleen - posted on 02/13/2010

I just want to reiterate that I don't think you have to think what I said - I am just posting what I think. Wow - maybe it was unwise to share my beliefs on this one??

I just believe that children deserve to brought into this world with two parents (male and female) that are commited to each other and the child. This may not be your situation - I don't judge you or your situation, I'm not saying you were wrong!! Please don't take it that way.

I admire your strength and maturity to be able to deal with being a Mother at 14 - I can't imagine how I would have inished school, worked to support myself and my baby and become independant of my parents (as it wasn't their choice o get pregnant so therefore not their responsibility) at 14.

Please don't think I am judging - I haveseen some of these message boards get a bit aggresive that is not my intention i am jus stating my point of view and respecting all of yours!!! :)

Victoria - posted on 02/13/2010

I love this show! It makes me glad I waited to have kids! I think it shows the ups and downs of being a young parent and that having a baby is life changing for everyone involved. I hope it makes teens think a bit more about have sex and it's consequences. I really admire Catelynn and Tyler for their mature decision to give their baby up for adoption. It's kinda "car crash" TV but I'm addicted!

User - posted on 02/13/2010

i think its a great show! wonderful... i enjoyed it so much, coming from me, i had my son when i was 14 and now im 18 and his 3, i think it all depends because not everyone has the mother instincts, and not everyone gets brought up in the best enviroment as well but then again i see girls my age that have their babys and dont worry bout the course of caring for anyother and not just yourself, the show showed lots of pros of cons... but non of them really seemed ready... and i stronge do not believe that you should be married then have children but i defently think you should be inlove and make sure you no what you are doing.

Kathleen - posted on 02/13/2010

Brooke _ I am not talking specifically t you or anyone els - that is just my belief. You may be right and I know many of people inthat situation. However, my belies only pertain to me I am not judging you or anyone else and I hope the comment "there are way to many oppinionated women on this site that go to far and seem to make a lot of the others feel horrible" was not directed to me as I have never done this. I think yo are giving others toomuch power over you. Youare teh only peson who chooses how you do or don't feel - I believe you empower yourself by teh way you react. If you ge uset it is your choice.

Above are my beliefs - I am not forcing them on anyone just simply stating them!

Brooke - posted on 02/12/2010

kathleen. two people can be married and still leave each other and live together without love just as two people can live with each other unmarried and completely in love. I know of many married couples who have had children and gone seperate ways. As with unmarried couples who have been together for many many years.

Yvonne I think this is a conversation you don't want to start, there are way to many oppinionated women on this site that go to far and seem to make a lot of the others feel horrible.

Kathleen - posted on 02/12/2010

I haven't watched it and probably wouldn't. I think this kind of thing makes being mum look easy and almost fashionable. It's not!! It is the harest (but most enjoyable) thing I have ever done. I've done it twice. It just goes to show that teenagers are not adults and bbies really do need reponsible people to bring them up properly. That might upset people but I believe your should be married before having children as the child deserves to have a mother and a father present and in a loveing relationship.