Going to Be a Single Mom & Stressing Badly & Feeling Really Stupid-

Hayley - posted on 07/09/2010

hang in there girl...stop beating yourself up!! Start planning now as to what you are going to need!! You have 30 weeks to find a stable place to live, the bear minimum of furniture/essentials - fridge, washing machine, tv (4 late night feeds) and the basics for the baby - ie a place to sleep, essential clothes, nappies bottles, steriliser ect ect ect. Make a list and then set goals. Accept any help that is offered whether it be second hand clothes, gov help or help from family and friends. Set yourself goals and cross them off one at a time. If people are being negative tell them you dont need to hear it - and as for the boyfriend - he is 17 and he probably is NOT going to be around - accept it NOW and get on with it!!!

My husband left me when I was pregnant with our fourth and very ill - it was even writing the positives down that got me through each day when I could barely get through the day!!

hang in there - you will be fine.
After you have the baby or when you have everything YOU NEED then look into studying to improve your situation. If you can find anyone to help you - have a round table discussion to work a plan - even if you have to ask your own family for help - dont go over past problems - just let them know what your goals are and then ask for their help!! Stick to your decision NOT to have an abortion!!

Please let us all know how you go!
You are in our thoughts

Teresa - posted on 07/08/2010

You can do this! Being a single mom IS hard, but it is totally doable. You do have support since you said you are staying w/ friends right now. There are government resources and churches that can give you a hand and point you in the right direction.

Focus on that precious life you are growing and don't worry about that man. He might come around, he might not, but all that matters is you and that baby. :)

Kimberly - posted on 07/08/2010

The father of my baby, I was with for four years. As much as I loved him, I knew that he wouldn't be able to take care of me or the baby. I sent him back to his parents house since he didn't have a job, and hadn't for ten months. During the four years, he had a job maybe half the time, not even. I was the one working, and since I got let go from my job just before I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't get another job as I was already showing.

I moved back to my parents house. While they hated the father of the baby, they couldn't be more supportive. Everyone loves a baby and they'll come around. For the moment, they are probably angry about the situation you've found yourself in. Try talking to your parents and tell them how you feel. No matter what, they still love you.

Gaby - posted on 07/08/2010

Thank You Ladies Your Kind Words Help A Lot

=)

Really Appreciated

I live in Florida and trying to figure things out with government assistance here. So confused.

Diana - posted on 07/08/2010

Congratulations. You are making a new person!

1. You are not alone - you have a beautiful baby with you 24/7 who will be a huge part of your life for the next 60+ years.

2. You are not without support - you have friends who have taken you in - they must care for you. Forget those who are 'supposed' to be supportive, and look around for others who really are.

3. You are not too young to do an awesome job as a mother, provide, homekeeper and more. You are 19. An adult in BC Canada and much of the world.

4. There are so many single Mom's out there who do an awesome job. You will too. It just means one less other person to worry about!

So, what to do to make the most of his amazing life experience?

a) What are the parental benefits & requirements where you live? Here in BC we need to work X number of hours before baby is born, but then get 52 weeks mat pay (free money) and have a guaranteed job to return to. These benefits are nothing to sneeze at. I would strongly recommend researching them, and finding a job quickly before your belly becomes noticeble to the majority.

2. Talk to your doctor - lots. The hormone swings of pregancy & postpartum can be tricky, especially if you already have a history of depression.

3. Look into social assitence & support from the dad - but at age 17 - he's still a boy, so I wouldn't hold my breath too much on that one.

Remember - you're gonna do an amazing job - your baby is counting on you to!

JuLeah - posted on 07/08/2010

Hi Gaby

Tough spot you are in. Many woman have been there, walked the road you are now on and are not there any more.

You sound smart and resourceful. You can handle whatever comes your way.

You have many options, adoption, open adopt (which is really cool) abortion, or keeping the baby to raise yourself.

Your body of flooded with homones right now that will impact your moods, and your judgement, so try to keep that in mind.

I don't know where you live, but in every community I know of there are services for young homeless and expecting women - community out reach programs, faith based programs if you belong to any religious group ... shelters ... Planned ParentHood is a great resource!!!!! Call social services and ask what is there for you - get support for yourself - you are not as alone as if feels right now

YOur health and your baby's health are what is important here - don't worry about BD - you can not make a person be who they are not. Words mean nothing, actions say it all and he has been clear with you that he won't be your salavation in this - stand on your own two - BUT you are not alone - there are people out there you have yet to meet who will delight in offering you a hand like someone once did for them. That is how it works - years from now, you will offer your hand to a woman just starting on this road and feeling so alone.

He is not ready to be a father, he is a child himself. In the 1800's maybe he would have been father meterial, but in 2010, he is little more then a baby.

YOu are not stupid - we make choices and sometimes, they bite us in the ass - and sometimes, the mistake we thought we made turns out to be the greatest thing we ever did.

Hang on

Katherine - posted on 07/08/2010

There are a lot of communities to join here
that would help you. Go to the drop down menu, my communities and start searching.
That's a tough situation to be in. Do you live in the states? There is a lot of assistance available there.

Kimberly D. - posted on 07/08/2010

WOW Gaby, I am sorry to hear about your break up, Try real hard to look forward to tomorrow and the next day, the next and the next ! You are gonna do a wonderful thing you are going to bring a baby into the world, And Gaby God works in mysterious ways,You make sure Gaby that you live for you & your baby ! By that I mean make sure that you eat 4 - 6 times a day, Soon you will feel your little one move and there is nothing better then when you feel that 1st flutter,then it turns into a kick,and a summersault.
Gaby, I don't know what state you are in but I would go to the county office and see what if any help they can offer you like state aid, food stamps, medical,referance's to shelters or churche's to help you out any way possible.
I hope that I have helped you be encouraged at least a little bit and please if you would like to talk, I am here Kimberly
God Bless You & Good Luck to You