Going to court over visitation of my 16mos old.

Heather - posted on 12/21/2009

Quoting Betsy:

Fathers now get as much rights as the moms, unless abuse to the child can be proven. The only time I have really seen judges not give overnights requested by the dads when they are young is if they are still nursing, getting their primary nutrients from mom, which is not the case even with a 16 mo old that is nursing. With visitation, child support is not a factor. Those are considered 2 separate issues, and the financial aspect is not a determining factor of the child's relationship and time spent with either parent. You are only going to get supervised visitation in extreme circumstances, proven drug use, child abuse, mental instability, etc. Chances are he will get overnight visitation ordered by most judges. The courts now look as mom and dad as equal parents and want to encourage a separate relationship for the child with each as such.

That actually depends on which state you live in.  Many courts still favor mothers, especially when it comes to child support and alimony.

Megan - posted on 12/21/2009

Quoting Desiree:

In case yall are currious this is how it played out. We were able to talk before court and come to a few conclusions. We decided that she would go over night one weekend a month. I am to meet him half way between San Antonio, and Huston that way it will be easier on her getting to change cars and get out half way. The other two weekends he will come to san antonio to spend the day. He will get her for a week for spring break, a week in june, and two weeks in july. Once she is three with will switch to standard visitation where she goes every other weekend. Its still going to be sooooo hard. Exspecially when she is gone for a whole week. Im going to go crazy. But i do think this will be a good thing for her and i am really glad that we were able to come to agreements. Thank you everyone for your support. God bless you all.

wow......you are definitely the bigger person in this ordeal! u were looking out for your daughter! i know it will be hard but eventually it will get easier, never easy but easier!  Your daughter will be very proud she has such an awesome mom and it is good her daddy has started to want to be a bigger part of her life! I have been thinking about you...thanks for the update!!!!

Desiree - posted on 12/21/2009

In case yall are currious this is how it played out. We were able to talk before court and come to a few conclusions. We decided that she would go over night one weekend a month. I am to meet him half way between San Antonio, and Huston that way it will be easier on her getting to change cars and get out half way. The other two weekends he will come to san antonio to spend the day. He will get her for a week for spring break, a week in june, and two weeks in july. Once she is three with will switch to standard visitation where she goes every other weekend. Its still going to be sooooo hard. Exspecially when she is gone for a whole week. Im going to go crazy. But i do think this will be a good thing for her and i am really glad that we were able to come to agreements. Thank you everyone for your support. God bless you all.

Lawanda - posted on 12/19/2009

Its a shame as mothers we have to go threw this i want threw visitation when my daughter was 5months i agree i think she is to young to be traveling that far at a young age you have to let the courts know that they will take alot of things into consideration they always try to take in favor of whats best for the child if you don't agree then make sure you state that in court and let them know why don't agree to anything because once you do and its documentated and its on paper they hold you to that if you and the dad dont come to and agreement yall will have to sit with a medator and maybe then yall can come up with something more reasonable.

Donna - posted on 12/19/2009

I know how your are feeling but you should be so lucky that her Dad wants her over night. I hate being away from my son when he is at his Dad but it is very important for them to have that connection. You should let him have her and you should of saved both of you the money and not go to court. Good Luck and stay Strong

Megan - posted on 12/15/2009

GOOD LUCK 2DAY......praying for you and your daughter!!!

Melanie - posted on 12/14/2009

Being in a similar situation as you i will offer my opinion. I live over an hours drive from my daughters father. I make the journey on a regular basis so as they can interact as much as possible together, she stays overnight it is now part of her routine one that she got used to very quickly., she is just about 15months and has been doing this for a while now. She also is unable to communicate but has learnt that she does not need to rely on me if she wakes up in the night, falls over and hurts herself etc. The travel doesnt bother her i time the journey to be around her nap times otherwise we sing along to music make the journey fun, If your daughter is having fun with her father and enjoying herself the traveling will not be an issue. If i was you and he is a good father i would settle out of court and allow the visits. You need to allow for a settling in period so give yourself 6 overnight visits and if your daughter is unhappy then rearrange the visits so prehaps you allow him to stay at your house in a spare room or at a hotel where he is able to be there when she wakes up. Your child will also be greatful for this later in life when she realises that you two made every effort to have equal access and rights.

Brittany - posted on 12/14/2009

I think jennifer has a good idea. and You are right too. I will be different for her. However it works out i hope it is all okay for you.

Medic - posted on 12/14/2009

my sons father and i split when he was a month.....and he was not a fit parent but i agreed to let my son go over to his moms and when the divorce was finalized he had mandatory supervision and i know this isnt your case but my son loved going over to his grandmothers and did it from the time he was only a few months old sadly it has not happened since he was 19 months but it was great....he is now not clingy and loves going to stay with family....i do think that she will be ok as long as her daddy cares..and it seems that he does....the two of you just need to get together and agree on a routine that will be the same both places

Betsy - posted on 12/14/2009

The best thing you can do in work towards a very open and cordial relationship with the dad. The better the two of you can communicate, the more involved you both can be when the other has your child, which will ease your mind and make life so much easier for your child.

Kristine - posted on 12/14/2009

My son's father had me served with papers for court when he was 10 months old. They set up visitation in my home for 2 weeks or a month I think and then let him take him by himself for another month or 2 but after that he was allowed to have him overnight. They took very little consideration that he was still very young and did not know his father and my son had a really hard time with that and didn't want to go with him at all but all the judge said was that children are resiliant. It may be different with you though so I would definitely mention your concerns and be confident in them. If you can both work out an agreement and you child's father is understanding then that would be better. That way everyone feels good about it. Every child is different but in my case it would have been a whole lot better for my son if his father was thinking about our child's needs instead of his own because my son was damaged from that and it took him about 2 more years before he would go willingly and he still has adjustment periods every time he comes home now and he is 11. I hope everything works out for you and I wish you luck.

Candice - posted on 12/14/2009

from what i understand, they will do a gradual increase thing usually. since she's had very little exposure to him so far, i doubt a judge would start off with overnights no matter what age she is. but she may end up doing overnights at some point.

Tara - posted on 12/14/2009

Dads really DO have the same rights as moms these days. Make a strong point about the lack of relationship & that it'll be better for the baby to take it slow. Request daytime visits & a 6 month follow up court date. All you can do is give the Judge the real story & know that it's their job to look at everything from the outside & make the best decision for the child.

I've been through it. It can be very challanging, especially if there's reason to have concern. But; this, too, shall pass.

Desiree - posted on 12/14/2009

Thanks so much everyone. You have been very helpful.

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Desiree:

Yes i have not problem with him being in her life and i understand that it will be good for her. i want her to have a relationship with him. i just think she is too young right now to have her whole life and routine changed. i would be ok with 8 hours on sat and 8 hours on sunday. its just the night time and the distance that bothers me. plus she is too young to comunicate if something happends. she wakes up in the night still and its really hard to get her calmed down and back to bed. i just think it will be too hardon her to be with him overnight right now. i have no problem with her going over night once she is a little older and able to communicaite. i really am trying to do what is best for her. : /

Just make sure you mention all of this in court!! Hopefully everything goes your way. If not I feel so bad for you and your little girl. 

Jaime - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Desiree:

Yes i have not problem with him being in her life and i understand that it will be good for her. i want her to have a relationship with him. i just think she is too young right now to have her whole life and routine changed. i would be ok with 8 hours on sat and 8 hours on sunday. its just the night time and the distance that bothers me. plus she is too young to comunicate if something happends. she wakes up in the night still and its really hard to get her calmed down and back to bed. i just think it will be too hardon her to be with him overnight right now. i have no problem with her going over night once she is a little older and able to communicaite. i really am trying to do what is best for her.

 

That makes sense, so it is going to be your job to prepare him as best you can!  Make sure that you let her take any lovie that she may need, and give him all of your little mommy secrets that get her calmed down!  other than that, he is going to have to deal with it in his own way, and they will be fine!!!  After all there are only a few things that she really needs--- food, milk, water, her lovie, and clean diapers.  If he is going for visitation, he probably is prepared for those things!  You just have to have faith that he will do his best, that is all he can do!

Jaime - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Desiree:

Yes i have not problem with him being in her life and i understand that it will be good for her. i want her to have a relationship with him. i just think she is too young right now to have her whole life and routine changed. i would be ok with 8 hours on sat and 8 hours on sunday. its just the night time and the distance that bothers me. plus she is too young to comunicate if something happends. she wakes up in the night still and its really hard to get her calmed down and back to bed. i just think it will be too hardon her to be with him overnight right now. i have no problem with her going over night once she is a little older and able to communicaite. i really am trying to do what is best for her.

 

That makes sense, so it is going to be your job to prepare him as best you can!  Make sure that you let her take any lovie that she may need, and give him all of your little mommy secrets that get her calmed down!  other than that, he is going to have to deal with it in his own way, and they will be fine!!!  After all there are only a few things that she really needs--- food, milk, water, her lovie, and clean diapers.  If he is going for visitation, he probably is prepared for those things!  You just have to have faith that he will do his best, that is all he can do!

Desiree - posted on 12/14/2009

Yes i have not problem with him being in her life and i understand that it will be good for her. i want her to have a relationship with him. i just think she is too young right now to have her whole life and routine changed. i would be ok with 8 hours on sat and 8 hours on sunday. its just the night time and the distance that bothers me. plus she is too young to comunicate if something happends. she wakes up in the night still and its really hard to get her calmed down and back to bed. i just think it will be too hardon her to be with him overnight right now. i have no problem with her going over night once she is a little older and able to communicaite. i really am trying to do what is best for her. : /

Brittany - posted on 12/14/2009

I agree. I am sure it will be hard as heck, but she will appreciate you more when she gets older. The only person who gets hurt in these situations is the child. She needs her daddy too. And if she starts now, he will be better and better with her. Its hard to let go, but its good for her. stay strong

Jaime - posted on 12/14/2009

I totally understand not wanting to be away from your baby, but it is good for her to know her daddy! Unless he is unfit in some way, he deserves to know the baby that he made!! You will have to let her go eventually, better now when she is little, so that she can learn to love her daddy as a provider! She will be better off for it!

Betsy - posted on 12/14/2009

Fathers now get as much rights as the moms, unless abuse to the child can be proven. The only time I have really seen judges not give overnights requested by the dads when they are young is if they are still nursing, getting their primary nutrients from mom, which is not the case even with a 16 mo old that is nursing. With visitation, child support is not a factor. Those are considered 2 separate issues, and the financial aspect is not a determining factor of the child's relationship and time spent with either parent. You are only going to get supervised visitation in extreme circumstances, proven drug use, child abuse, mental instability, etc. Chances are he will get overnight visitation ordered by most judges. The courts now look as mom and dad as equal parents and want to encourage a separate relationship for the child with each as such.

Sarah - posted on 12/14/2009

I think it's great that he is wanting to be a part of her life and I think you should try to help him be a part of her life even if you are not getting support payments.I know it's hard letting your daughter go but the earlier you start the easier it becomes...Don't let your baby become another satistic.Do whats best for her no matter what you feel

Caila - posted on 12/14/2009

I also heard that they will not take a child out of an enviroment they are already used too.

Carolee - posted on 12/14/2009

Do you have a lawyer? If not, tell the judge that your daughter does not know this person, and it would probably scare the crap out of her to stay with him. Plus, 3 hours traveling is a bit extreme for a child that young, especially if it's every other weekend.



Why the sudden desire to be in her life? Make sure he explains that point in great detail! I would suggest setting up supervised visitations first. Who knows if he can handle having a kid all by himself, even for a day?!

Racheal - posted on 12/14/2009

I think it really depends on the situation...My daughter's father wanted visitation(which he does not use) but because she isn't really comfortable with him, the judge said he couldn't have overnights until she got to know him better..How do your child and her father interact together, if she crys everytime he see's her then let the judge know(they might even have you guys go in front of a mediator before the judge to see if you can work out everything on your own conditions)...their objective is that the child gets to have healthly relationships with both parents...And if they do grant him overnight visitiation then you can put in rules..i.e. where she will be and all the phone numbers so that you can call her at night and let her know that mommmy loves and she will see you soon...Keep your head up I know its hard but its what is best for your child and like one of the other mom's said if he does get overnights then take that time to relax and get things done that you normally wouldn't be able to do when you have the baby...Good Luck and if you have anymore questions you can message me anytime..

Amanda - posted on 12/14/2009

Regardless, of if he pays child support dad's have rights.. And his right are to see his daughter. :/ I personally think that she is to young to be away from her mommy but courts don't really consider that anymore.

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

I Hope to God that they will not let him take her over night. Poor little thing! I was inthe same situation well kind of. I seperated from my baby father when she was a little over a year and it was hard for me to let her go stay every other weekend. It was hard for me to be away form her for a few hours! I can't see them letting him have her over night especially since he hasn't for this long. But then again they are giving the dads a lot more rights then they use to. I guess you should be happy that he wants to be a part of her life but wish he would be thinking about her and not himself. She is just too young. She is a doll, so cute! Good luck let us know how it goes!

Sherry - posted on 12/14/2009

They will probly let him take her if he is a good dad. Has he been paying support? I know it would be hard to let her go over night but if he is a good guy then she will be ok. If he isnt then that is a different story and you need to tell the judge that. But if not then she needs her dad too. It may not be what you want to hear but, you need to have time to yourself to. Your life has revolved around her for the past 16 months. Go see a movie, go out to a club. Just take a long bath or read a book. Let them have some of the time that you 2 have had. You were with him at one time for a reason.

Dr.shweta - posted on 12/14/2009

thats true desiree !she is too young.i am sure the court will not give permission for the overnight stay.also,it will be hectic for your sweetie to travel every other weekend.you are a brave young lady.my best wishes and good luck to you..take care..

Kristi - posted on 12/14/2009

If I am not mistaken, I have heard that they do not do over nights until the child is 2. And I know in my case my daughters father was 800 miles away. I had to, after she was 2, send her for 45 days in the summer and every other Christmas. But do not jusge your case by mine, Every judge is different, The overnight I think is a general rule though. I hope this gives you some help.