Ashley - posted on 02/13/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
At the beginning of Jan I lost my grandfather. My grandfather was the only man in my family that truly respected my fiance. I began to lose respect for my father once I started growing up and seeing how he would put the potiential to make money before his family. My father begged me not to go away to college and guilt tripped me into staying home. He said he needed me to stay home and take care of him even though he was never home. At the age of 10 I began cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my family, even though my mother was in the picture. Do I love to cook? Yes. Did I want to be expected to do it every night even though it became my chore instead of a once or twice a week thing? No. There are a lot of issues my father and I have. One of them being just today, (well yesterday I havnt been to bed yet). He crossed the line. Wouldnt let me leave after I got my final check, and attacked my fiance. I'm not saying I am not without my own issues, God knows I am struggling hard with my grandfathers loss. What I am saying is my father crosses the line that I established to keep my sanity and to keep my relationship with my father. I miss the way I thought my father was. And I really miss my grandfather. I dont know how to grieve the loss of my grandfather. My heart is broken. I dont know how to function properly. I know I have to be strong to take care of my family, meaning my son and fiance. However I am really lacking the motivation to do anything anymore. My grandfather was my best friend. I didnt see him nearly as much as I should have. I didnt have the finances to see him as often as I needed. Thats why phones are great. With me loosing my best friend and my father acting as a 16 year old who got his girl stolen from him, I am really heartbroken and have no clue where to begin. My fiance wants me to go back to school and do something just for me. That seems selfish and I dont know where to begin. Any advice would be great!