Guildelines of a "good wife"...... WOW

Erinn - posted on 08/02/2009 ( 210 moms have responded )

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This came out of Housekeeping monthly 1955



* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

* Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

* A good wife always knows her place.



What are your opinions on this? I know it was back in the 1950's, but do you still agree with the guidelines of a good wife??

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[deleted account]

I'm probably in the minority here. I don't do all those things, but I don't think they are unreasonable either. Some of the stuff is good and some (not all) of it is a must for a SAHM. As a SAHM I see it as my job to keep the family happy.

Erika - posted on 08/11/2009

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I think I see your point...but to be fair I think a lot of this "poor, overburdened housewife" thing is perpetuated not because it was typical, but because...well, let's face it, there weren't men's magazines back then...there were women's magazines, and for good reason. So I think so much of it sounds completely MORE one-sided than it was in reality. In the 50s, the average man was not working some 9-5 desk job. Some were, sure. But that wasn't typical-many of these men just the decade before had been fighting a war, and were not in jobs that required a degree...after all, they'd spent their college years in battle, and fell into mechanical labor or drugery factory work. They were doing the crappy and difficult labor jobs, that they performed daily out of love for their family. It was a literal and physical sacrifice. The work in the home WAS very simple compared to that (and I am speaking both as a mother of 5 and as the wife of a laborer here as well-I see the comparison daily and YES he has is harder than I do). Women were the ones who had the time and leisure to read magazines, etc, and the typical husband was essentially busting butt, sweating it out all day. This article calls on women of that time to return their husband's sacrifice with a few gestures that require little time and practice...frankly I don't think any woman who saw what her husband had to do every day for her would have argued.



All that to say, and again I emphasize, this SOUNDS more one sided than history tells us is true(and more that I have personally seen in my own life, but that's us)...it was not a woman with an oversized workload catering to her rich attorney husband who was out all night. Far from it. These articles were in Good Housekeeping, meant for the typical stay at home mother married to the typical labor worker. Put into the context of history, and that little thing called factual information, these little guidelines seems less like drudgery and more like "the least we can do"....little tips to make him feel special.

You might not agree....you might feel like your calling is to raise feminists rather than set a tone through service in your home. That's fine with me, really (and honestly, if you do not have a husband who participates in the godly exchange of respect and love required of husbands and wives, I don't see how you have any choice....kids don't need to see their moms be doormats either, so PLEASE believe me when I say I get it)...but as for me, I personally feel that I AM married to a man who literally busts arse all day in the sun so I CAN get my nails done, go on vacations, have a nice car to drive my kids around in, stay home with my kids, have a 4,500 square foot house that I get the honor to care for...you can bet your rear I'll be glad to see him each day, and treat him like a King. He is one in my heart. It doesn't make me a perpetuator of BS ideal womanhood...it makes me a woman who knows where my blessings lie and who to thank for them-one who intends that my kids see a good example of this exchange...and one who welcomes tips for how to change up my thankfulness and reminders for when I start to feel sorry for myself....I think that maybe some understanding for how those of us to whom it was geared take it, might make you more understanding. I do wonder...what if you just, out of the clear blue sky...just TRIED one of the things on the list every day for a week or so...just a thought.

I get that times are different.....but people MUST take a break from their feminist ideology to put this article into the frame it was intended to be viewed under (that being the original intended recipients)....this was not geared towards some power suit wearing super mom running her own legal corp-...this was geared towards stay at home mothers who were the wives of typical, good, physically hard working men, who WERE more than likely very involved with his family and children, as was the culture of the time. I'd venture a guess and say if you don't fit that mold, then you are free to kindly disregard. It just wasn't geared towards any one else....and it's not wrong for those to whom it was geared to agree with it without being BS filled doormats.

Peace to you! (Just want to add, I hope you are not becoming offended...I am rather enjoying the conversation...it is interesting and enlightening)

Erika - posted on 08/11/2009

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Quoting Erin:



I on the other hand will help to change the world by raising my sons to be feminists and treat women (and ALL people) as their equal. When my children are older we will donate time to help the community in which we live, as it should be EVERY persons job to do this, not just women~regardless of who will do it more gracefully.





I never said men couldn't also do it...my point is it has to start with someone. Whoever makes the first move towards treating the other kindly, even if they aren't getting it in return will have to be a strong person-possibly the stronger of the two in this scenario. My point was that I feel that by calling women to do this, it makes the point that we are likely more capable of being more gracious and less tit-for-tat, "what's in all this for MEeeeeeeee?" That doesn't mean we expect nothing from our husbands...it simply means we are likely to have to initiate the change...to BE the change we want to see...That's the goal anyways.



 



 

Ridhima - posted on 08/09/2009

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i do agree on few guidelines.its not that u want to make him feel better.it is that even u feel good.and these things help for growing healthy relation between him and u.so its not totally for him.its for both of u.

Erika - posted on 08/09/2009

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This was NOT before women's suffrage. Women we granted the right to vote in the 20s.

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Cheryl - posted on 01/20/2012

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This is what "vocation" means! This is actually a beautiful picture of love and respect for yourself as a wife and honoring your husband. These are great guidlines! Whoever said that a woman has to be a wife, raise the children, go out and make money too is CRAZY! My place has always been in the home and now that I am in my 60's, I feel very blessed to have had the privilege of staying at home. I have great children that are now, wonderful adults. I have NO regrets. I am very blessed because love is first in our lives.

Sarah - posted on 08/17/2009

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WHAT THE CRAP! yes you need to be nice to your husband and do nice things for him but that only so flippin far. Don't question his actions???? BULL that is how most women ended up with a cheating pile of scum back then. What he has to say is not more important. Neither is what you have to say. It is equal and should take the natural convo route

Stefanie - posted on 08/16/2009

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I agree with most of them and try to be this kind of wife. We are rather traditional and this works for us. I don't think it would work for everyone but we are very happy with it.

Hanna - posted on 08/16/2009

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oh god, that's ridiculous! although my mom in a way is that way -- my dad is the breadwinner of the family and she does everything around the house -- cook, clean, organize his closet, iron his socks. i got grief for it when my son was born and she came to stay with us for a month -- i was a bad wife because i "didn't serve and tend to my husband" and a horrible mother because "i had my man get up to the baby in the middle of the night". whatever!



i stay at home right now, but i have a baby to tend to. when he used to work 12 hour days, i did clean the house all the time had dinner ready every night, and did everything except laundry because it was hard to carry it 3 blocks up 40 degree hill with a baby. so i waited for him so that he could drive me there. but when he changed jobs and is now working 8 hours, he can come home and help around the house! because i started hearing stuff like oh real woman does all that and goes to work, my mother worked and did everything around the house. i'm happy for her, but i'm not her and i told him that if he wants all that and me going to work then he needs to earn enough money to hire a maid. i get tired too tending to our son and there are days when he is fussy and i need a break too (which he gets tired of after 2 hours that he's with him and is passing out on the couch while holding Maxi in his arms). so whatever. i'm a horrible wife and proud of it! and if my husband doesn't like it, he's more than welcome to go find a "real woman" -- if i'm gonna be out earning a living and doing everything around the house as well as tending to our son, then why do i need him?

Jen - posted on 08/16/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:

I wouldn't say women weren't happy. They didn't know any better. And quite honestly are we any happier now?? Society now expects women to work in what is still quite a mans world AND to have babies, raise children and keep house. I have a 6 month old son and work full time, as does my husband just to have a mortgage. I struggle daily because although I would love to be a stay at home Mum, I've been bred to work and I'm really not sure where I belong if I had the choice.
I would give anything to be a dull simple 50's housewife.


Many women weren't happy.  That's what spurred the second wave of feminism, meaning we have the option to be financially independent today.  I would say a large component of marriages not ending in divorce in the 50s was to do with the fact women were completely dependent on their husbands for money.  The few who had the option of working got paid far less than men for the same work.  Marriage today should be a partnership with both husband and wife caring for each other and sharing the load.  To feel nostalgia for a time when there was no option but to be an unpaid house slave seems bizarre.  It's unfortunate that living costs today are such that a husband or wife might not be able to afford the option of being a stay home parent.  What needs to change is the old style of work structure which is still based on someone being at home to do all the domestic work.  If more jobs became flexible to family life so it was easier for parents to share the domestic sphere and parenting responsibilities we would be much happier in our marriages and our finances.  Simple things like flexible start times and easy access to quality childcare make all the difference to the modern family.  If one parent can start a little later and can drop the kids off at school, while the other finishes a little earlier and can pick them up, it would be a step towards enhancing the fluidity of family life.  It works for my partner and I and we are fortunate to have family oriented working environments.  Those guideline above could only be helpful to marriage today if they were neutralised of gender and applied to both parties.  Meaning, some days I pamper my partner with dinner and a warm fire and others he does it for me.  What a recipe for success.

Elaine - posted on 08/16/2009

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There were books promoting this back in the 1970's!!! To some degree it must have worked, the divorce rate was much, much less than it is now. But most women did not work out of the home....a 24/7 job was enough for them!!!. Now that we have house husbands, should the good husband always know his place????

Kelly - posted on 08/13/2009

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This is a very divided issue--but I think most of us do see at least some humor in it! I had the biggest problem with the thought that I shouldn't question him if he stays out all night (yeah right, just try it bud!). But I do agree with many on here that it is within my responsibility as a wife to make the home pleasant and as stress-free as possible, not just for hubbie but for the good of the whole family. I think the main thought here is to make a little extra effort to have a calm and happy place for the family to be together. If all spouses took the initiative to be considerate of each other's needs this way, there would be less divorce! And of course, I do think there could be a more modern version of this, for both husbands and wives...something that says that the husband should maintain a home free of rodents and pests (and immediately, no matter what he is doing, be available to remove said pests if they show up), and the wife should make sure that everyone always has clean socks and underwear, LOL...whatever works at your house.

Nathalie - posted on 08/13/2009

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OH MY GOD!!!! That's sick. WOW. Thank God I was born in 1969 because they would probably have locked me up if I would have been a housewife in those days...for saying what I feel or think about my husband when I'm mad.....or you know I probably would never gotten married!!! I believe in equality..weather I stay home or I had a job (I stay home with 4 kids)...we both have things to talk about and his problems are sure not more important then mine. I am so Thankfull that I have A 21 Century Husband!!! He's great!!!

Geraldine - posted on 08/13/2009

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hell no,not on ''his topics of converstaion are more important than yours'' and ''you have no right to question him'' these two statements are not even true biblically ,it says wives submit to ur husbands while husbands love and respect ur wives just to summarise,we are equal in our marriages and so my opinion on any issue regarding ourselves,actually our whole lives should be as important as his is.make space to listen to each other,so that both of you feel loved and respected and therefore becom equal players in the marriage.as concerns rights,you have equal rights in all decision making within the confines of your marriage.you are not his slave,neither is he ur boss,you are equal partners striving to build a better life for one another and anything you or he does is geared towards making the other happy,fulfilled and contented in all aspects of your marriage.the rest of ur points and more not here are dependent on the nature of your relationship.my husband likes to play with the kids when he first gets home,so whether dinner is ready or not,i usually have to wait for him to unwind while i warm the food and make small talk about how his day after i called him at some point of the day went.......so it varies from man to man.i have this uncle who when he hoots at the gate,the house goes into a frenzy,someone fetches his house shoes,someone runs to the kitchen to bring his uji(porridge) and sets it on a stool byi his favourite chair,someone rushes to put on his preferred channel on television.the kids scuttle to their bedroom and basically the whole houe goes......HUSH HUSH..........I laughed my head off the minute he stepped into his house and have never been back there since because i jested with him about it and he was not amused,but,i made my point anyway! i wouldnt live like that,let alone expose my children to such a life!

Ashley - posted on 08/13/2009

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I think its shit, i havea2 year old and another on the way, we also have my husbands 14 yr old brother living with us, and he is in the military, he works from 1030 at night till sometimes 10am the nest day, i am damned if i get help till he wakes up at 3pm, then most of the time, he will help with dinner, and laundry and everything else, but i usually cook dinner, and do the laundry, if he needs help with something like staying up till 3am sewing on new patches to his uniform, im there, if i need help cause im having a hard pregnancy hes there for me, but i dont think one person of the relationship should have more duties than another, how the hell are you supposed to fluff his pillows when he aint here for 6months to a year and a half? my husband is going to be gone for 3 weeks just to get a piece of paper that they never transfered from his ship, and im not gonna get any help... so a relationship should be 50/50 and no other way

Charlie - posted on 08/13/2009

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Quoting Katy:

Holy crap that sounds just like the bullsh!t that my father in law gave me and my husband for our wedding gift!!! I cracked up, and told my hubby that day that if he expected any of it, he had married the wrong woman.


LOL , my FIL always rings and says " IS my boy taking you out for dinner and buying you flowers he better be , if not tell him to get in the kitchen and cook you dinner "



 



I love him he is gold !!

Traci - posted on 08/12/2009

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I agree with a lot of it, except for the parts that say what he has to say is more important, etc. That's crap, but I think it's selfish how some moms today stay at home and the hubby comes home to a dirty house, dirty kids, and no food on the table. That's just me though. It's disrespectful and unappreciative. There needs to be a balance in every household. It all depends on who works outside the home.

Crystal - posted on 08/12/2009

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Some of these I do, but some if it is kind of overboard I think. I make dinner for my husband and try to have it ready for him only a few days out of the week, the rest of the days are leftovers and fend for yourself days. I think making dinner every night could lead to a bad habit. Although if you have children to cook for then it would be okay to make dinner every night. I think some responsibilities should be shared between the husband and wife, there is too much expected out of the wife in this article. I am a stay at home mom, I do all of the house work, laundry dishes, I make sure the bills are payed and i make dinner part of the week. We are only human.. sometimes i get exhausted of doing it all, so my husband will help fold some laundry or wash dishes.

As for a wife knowing her place, I think we have the rights to say what is on our minds too.. In a relationship i believe things should be equal.

Im a little old fashioned, I believe marriage is a serious thing, no cheating, no porn and be truthful and faithful. :)

Krystal - posted on 08/12/2009

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Some of this is REALLY ridiculous, but it's not impossible to attain. I have small children & manage to have a decently clean home, cook dinner, try to "freshen up" before I know my husband is supposed come home, & listen to him talk & let him know what he has to say is important to me. (although maybe not "more important"!) Is my home a Utopia? Um no, but I do try to make it something that my husband looks forward to leaving work for, & not something he dreads. And THAT is what is important. Every family is different & different things matter more to some folks than others. I think that is really important to remember when it comes to articles like this, whether they were written in the 1950's or just last month.

[deleted account]

Well what's the guide lines for a good husband especially when the wife works just as long and hard.Should the husband follow your 1950 guide lines and greets his wife with the same. Your good wife ideas are ok but this is 8/2009 he needs to provide the same Loving justures that the wife provides it is 50/50 sometime as well!!

Martha - posted on 08/12/2009

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i do agree to some of the advise but in this century we are less wives follow that. If i was a full time housewife i could do that and i used to do that because thats the way i was brought up seeing my mother doing such things and i admired her but what we are seeing nowadays is different.





Thanks a lot i might go back to some of the old ways but not all, as i work and look after the children and at times women also seek the attention from their husbands as well.

Mindy - posted on 08/11/2009

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Who is going to make me dinner and plump my pillow and keep the kids quiet for me when I come home from work??????????? My job may not be as physically taxing but it is emotionally and mentally and I am sooo ready for a break! That goodness for all those who fought for woman's rights! I would be the front line of battle if I lived in that articles time!

Katy - posted on 08/11/2009

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Holy crap that sounds just like the bullsh!t that my father in law gave me and my husband for our wedding gift!!! I cracked up, and told my hubby that day that if he expected any of it, he had married the wrong woman.

[deleted account]

Erika,

I thank you for your intriguing converation. I can understand where you come from and would probably feel the exact same in that given situation! I thank you for your history and understanding in where I may be coming with my thoughts. Good luck to you, and God bless!

Erika - posted on 08/11/2009

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I certainly do see the value of your feelings on this-before I met my husband I had gotten pregnant and had my daughter when I was 17....I was not "allowed" to work (we were living together-I moved away from home when I was 16 because my brother was a danger) and regularly "expected" to do these things...to such a small minded man, these things were expectations, not things I was free to do as expressions of love-and no, I did not want to do them, and rarely did. He left me a few short months later, alone, with a child and next to no education to carry me through. I made it for a while...and now that I am married to a GOOD person, maybe the contrast is such that I've somewhat forgotten what it was like for me to be forced to do these things. I'm just all too happy now that I have a gem....You've really made me think about that, but rest assured, I do in fact have personal experience (albeit, experience I would love to forget!) with the "other" side....the side I don't believe the article pertains to. I think all the good intent behind these items listed is invalidated when it becomes an expectation

[deleted account]

Erika~

I understand that if my husband was working 12-16 hrs in factory geared, or otherwise manual labor, work then YES taking care of a household is a cakewalk in comparison. And if I had the luxuries you describe having I might as well feel compelled to thank my husband in some of those gestures... This conversation does not offend me, I do not mind the expression of experience, thoughts or ideas. I am rather constantly put to affront w/my husband in the thought that women working is what has ruined America, and his idea of what i find to be BS ignoramous thoughts of what the "typical" family went through... Whereas I believe women, epecially of lower class, have ALWAYS worked, in ALL countries. I do not have the luxury of calling myself middle class and therefore will not put on the aire that I, in those times or any other, would have EVER had the luxury of NOT working. Since women, of sorts, have ALWAYS worked I find his claims unfounded and a big wad of crap! I understand the sentiment, that if women were able to be home and care for the children that the children would, possibly, have better morals, possibly... but I think there is a larger picture here that is often disregarded and that would be the men who leave women pregnant to fend for themselves. Aside from that, women who were left pregnant in those times, or whose husbands worked to their death not leaving the family with much, left women who had to take care of themselves. I personally am grateful for feminist ideology that has allowed women of this nature to be able to work in less demeaning jobs and support their families that were left fatherless!



And in regards to doing any of these items for my husband, I have... No I was not so good in the getting dinner ready department, but I would greet my husband w/a smile, truely happy to see him, and I would listen to him, not greet him w/complaints, and be "gay" & try to be interesting~in the sense that everything I would bring up would not just be about the baby and blah blah blah... All I got was "you talk to much" Hell I thought I was real nice, on his days off he got to sleep in until he woke on his own, if he didn't feel good I took care of him... I would make breakfast & lunch, but b4 the babe dinner used to be his thing (he was a cook b4) and I was not soo good at dinner...I've learned and can out cook him anytime, which I take great pride in, but the difficulty in switching from even to horribly lopsided just didn't jive well with me. Because his work load did not increase after I quit working outside the house, MINE DID! I didn't, and to this day, DO NOT understand how he would have the energy & time to make our relationship a partnership prior to the baby, but once the baby was home & I was taken out of off site work he lost all that energy & availability...I don't get it??? He DID NOT have MORE responsibility @ work OR @ home for that matter, granted there was a child there, I took care of him for the most part, NOT my husband... But I am fed up with this! For over a month I've done MORE work then he has and I'm sure his lazing about is because that is what he always THINKS I do... just because I have a 3 yr old that will tear up WHATEVER i clean immediately after cleaning it and therefore I will NOT clean the house while he is awake does not mean i do NOTHING outside of that! But that is EXACTLY what he is doing...how nice i'm sure... I always think it is funny how the tides are turned and yet nothing has changed :( You know he called me up @ work the other night to see that I was hungry and when I would be home because he let our son nap late and was complaining about wanting to be fed...Keeping in mind since I worked 3-9:30p I woke with our son, fed him breakfast & lunch before i left and this JA** thinks that it is my responsibility to come home from work and feed him to! I don't mean HIM, but rather our son... who should have been up WELL B4 9 and should have had dinner WELL B4 that as well! So hun, I BET if I was NOT dealing with this jacka** I might be on the same level as you, but as this is the bed I laid for myself this will be the attitude I will keep! And frankly I thank him for this lovely & trying experience as it has only pushed me farther into my feminist beliefs & how I will raise my children to be quite different from the man I currently reside with, although VERY different from the one I made a bed with and married!

[deleted account]

I agree with alot of them, but not saying anything if he stays out all night (unless he tells me 1st and gets the o.k., lol) and never questioning him because you have no right..the rest..they make a lot of sense and most are part of having a good relationship..you making him happy makes him want to make you happy..

[deleted account]

Erika I suppose the issue here is that I'm looking at the 50's list as how it would have worked in the 50's! Where men DID NOT get up to help their wives, where it was all on her and none on him... where some men STILL think this should be the case. Props to you for having a man that will help you when you need it and gives you the attention and care your relationship needs to be successful! 13 years ago my husband and I met, for 9+yrs he was generally speaking GREAT! Everything even steven, WE did everything together, I got help... after I had our son (3yrs after marriage) it changed... I lost help, my second hand turned into a wall, and for SOME REASON??? after 9+ yrs of shared work it ALL fell in my lap! Because I bore a child & WE thought it would be best if I stayed home and cared for said child. So forgive me if I have resentment towards a list that has stemmed this BS idea in the heads of men that THIS is how their wife should be, all because she has kids and maybe stays home to care for them! And SO not surprising, a month of being home due to a layoff my husband STILL does less work then his 8 mos. pregnant wife, who also works PT! Dealing with men like THIS makes women NOT be gracious! And it's not about tit-4-tat, it's about fairness! What the hell is fair about an 8 month pregnant woman, who works 30hrs/wk, takes care of a 3 yrs old STILL doing the majority of the house work in comparisson to the lazy bum who does NOTHING while at home collecting unemployment? This does not mean that I am NOT nice to my husband, or that I DONT do things that should initiate kindness on his part, but because of THAT LIST and THAT ATTITUDE my husband's attitude changed 3/4 of the way through our relationship, due to the introduction of children, fair NO, BS! YES!!! So with that being said, I think that the true CHANGE will start AT HOME! With the raising of young boys who WILL NOT PERPETUATE this BS ideal of women!

Carol - posted on 08/11/2009

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Quoting Erinn:

Guildelines of a "good wife"...... WOW

This came out of Housekeeping monthly 1955

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.

What are your opinions on this? I know it was back in the 1950's, but do you still agree with the guidelines of a good wife??


 

Marie - posted on 08/09/2009

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Well I understand this was in another time and in that time women didn't speak up for themselves. The part that bothers me is "knowing your place" comments. Just like we lay down and get ourselves pregnant. So glad I am not in that time because a marriage is a partnership not a wife being a mother to a grown man.

Darlajean - posted on 08/09/2009

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Please go to www.saddleup4healthylife.com It help all my childern and me. Read everything on the web-site and listern to the Video. Dr. William Sears, MD FRCP is wonderful Pediation. Their are so many Doctors that support The Free Childerns Research Foundation, it Blessed us. Darlajean

Sharon - posted on 08/09/2009

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Bonnie can you swap out who does the shopping? Or make a list of ingredients of what you need for dinner for the shopper?



My mom taught me this and when i was working I did it too.



Batch meals. She used to take those microwable meals for work and she saved the little divided plates. When she had a big stack - she would cook a HUGE batch of spaghetti, and make individual plates of it. Spaghetti, veggie, and a slice of garlic parmesean bread, wrapped in saran wrap, then covered with aluminum foil.



She also made HUGE batches of breakfast burritos and fried rice dinners. Awesome homecook meals in a couple of minutes.

Bonnie - posted on 08/09/2009

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I agree with Laura Nonya about my family starving to death. The only difference is that I love to cook, but my family is so picky so I can't cook everything I would love to cook~ Its so hard to plan a menu at times when you can only add certain ingredients. One recipe of mine consists of macaroni shells, raw carrots, raw brocoli, raw califlower; chicken, sausage, hamburger, or hot dogs. My husband and step-son won't eat califlower nor brocoli. My middle daughter won't eat hot dogs. My youngest daughter and I; yes, me; won't eat spag sauce from a jar, it has to be homemade. I grew up with homemade meals, and would love to get back into making them again; but when I'm not the one doin the shopping, its hard to. Its easy keeping the house cleaned when your not working; but when you have a job, the house, the kids; it all gets overwhelming at times. My two younger girls are always pitching in and helping without being told; but my husband and I have a hard time with our two sons. They don't like to clean house. I wonder if its in a man's nature not to clean house; even as a child. lol

[deleted account]

Quoting Erika:

Since when did just being a nice wife make one June Cleaver???...I promise you the world would be a better place if we ALL treated each other as better than ourselves. Just each of us (ALL) putting others needs before our own. The world would be a lot more peaceful...I happen to think that the reason women are typically called on to nurture their spouses is because when there is change needed God knows we are the ones who will initiate it with grace. I am going to change the world, and I am going to start in my own home, by being KIND, warm, gracious, and considerate of my husband out of love. If my 5 kids see me do this, imagine the impact it would have on THEIR marriages, and their kids in turn.
It's not "waiting" on a man....it's called acts of service, something we as human beings should be doing for one another anyways, whether caring for our husbands, or volunteering at soup kitchens, or for Pete's sake-how about paying taxes so our nation can support a Welfare program for those in need of support????...the basic spirit of love is gone from this day and age. And that is just so, so very sad. I intend to ensure the spirit of love and service stays alive in my home.....I think if every woman just INITIATED some of these things out of LOVE (not because she felt ordered to, but our of LOVE), she would be quite surprised at how their husbands reciprocated. It took me taking the leap of faith and now my marriage is a constant give and take of nurturing, as described above...We can't make our husbands practice service towards us (though you better believe mine does....if I need a break, he's the one jumping up to take over entirely for the evening so I can go out, and he has personally arranged for a sitter so he and I can go out alone together once every week or two). We only need to worry about ourselves and make sure that what we are doing is out of love and NOT out of "What will *I* get out of this???"



You know, I agree with some of what you're saying here. Like people being more loving/caring towards one another. Unfortunately, for single minded folk, the way I see this sounds more like socialism and for some reason people around here aren't for that? A community/country/nation is only as good as it's weakest link! We should all work to make a better whole rather then working for #1. And hey, it'd be great if the rich would stop getting out of paying taxes and help support the nation! And sure they donate a lot to charities (of their choosing) this is not the same as the money being paid in taxes has a different purpose, and for all we know they're supporting BS like politicians.



I on the other hand will help to change the world by raising my sons to be feminists and treat women (and ALL people) as their equal. When my children are older we will donate time to help the community in which we live, as it should be EVERY persons job to do this, not just women~regardless of who will do it more gracefully.

Sharon - posted on 08/09/2009

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Quoting Sheila:

There are many different opinions on such topics. I know that I am unmarried still, but my Fiance and I have lived together for the past 5+ years, and are getting married this September. We run our household very similar to this outline. To me there is nothing greater than being in a special relationship where you consider yourself as someone's helpmate. He may not go to work, due to his disability, but He does go out during the day and do things that are important, so when He comes home, I let him know that I appreciate everything He does for our family. It has very little to do with how retro the 50's were. To me, there was nothing stranger than a group of women getting together burning bras for womans equality,and making it very hard for any woman in generations in the future to choose to be a stay-at-home mother, and be devoted to what they do in a manner similar to June Cleaver. These days girls are taught to put career and there social lives first. And in a way, we are telling them that it is ok for them to not be mothers, ...God had a very specific plan when he created men and women. A homemaker, stay-at-home mom, domestic goddess... they have a specific role. And for some women there is nothing that brings them a greater sense of joy, happiness, or peace.



I'm dying here - this has to be the funniest post here...



 



not married



he doesn't work - but he does go out and do stuff?? 



and somehow she's a stay at home wife.. kids too right even though not married and is christian?



 



I'm sorry I'm trying to figure out how you had the guts to post to this at all with your comments?



 



Its an affront to all the women who work hard at being moms' and wives and really do follow gods' plan, rules and laws. 

Christie - posted on 08/09/2009

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I agree with a few of the guidelines - in theory. I will have been married 29 years. Men do like to have a welcome home after work, and they do like to feel that the woman in their life cares for them. But he can take off his own shoes - excuse me! And having no right to question the master of the house - I don't think so! Don't be a whiner, but he could be expected to show common courtesy and let you know if he has to work late - especially if you have dinner waiting on the table for him!



Just show love and appreciation through small acts of service. That will lead to a good marriage.

Rabecca - posted on 08/09/2009

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I think Id end up postal. Id kill my man and my kids and possibley the neighbors. Maybe with a huge bomb, or a knife, or my barehands. I would go insaine.



However! I was not brought up to behave that way, if I had been brought up in that era then my perspective would be completely differant.

[deleted account]

* Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.



I remember my Nana telling me that when she was younger that CHILDREN WERE SEEN AND NOT HEARD. Her Mum was always complimented on having such good kids, Nana said if you put one foot out of line, you'd know about it.

My Grandad was brought up in abusive houshold- his father never knew how to show his kids that he loved them. My Grandad used to get locked up in cupboards etc for being naughty. Both my Grandparents were brought up in the era of WW1 and WW2.



I fully appreciate being a Stay at home mum while my partner was working. I tried to do some of the things on this list, like tea prepared, house cleaned and greeting at the door.

Sarah - posted on 08/08/2009

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I have to say I'm with you Angie. Of course the guidelines that make wifes sound less than equal ruffled my feathers, but I get a great pride from taking good care of my husband, children and home. This is the job I choose and my dear husband takes great care of me as well.

Gale - posted on 08/08/2009

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i think once in a while following this to a tee is a good idea LIKE TWICE A YERAR, but working moms with small kids could never measure up to this ideal because with the stresses of today's society it is impossible.

Christine - posted on 08/08/2009

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Oh, and looking nice, who wouldn't appreciate this? I know that when my husband has at washed up before he comes home (he works contruction) I appreciate it! :)

Christine - posted on 08/08/2009

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I work a 60 hour work week (family daycare), and even when the other kids go home I still have my own two little ones who desperately want/need one on one time. Yet, I do believe that my husband deserves a pleasant atmosphere to come home to. I'm not talking about that silly list - I'm just talking about what God wants. He wants us to care for and love our husbands and for them to love and care for us. I'll admit, I do not always have dinner ready - or the house straightened up (actually, I don't have these things done a lot of the time), but I DO try to put on a smile for him, to greet him at the door - with the kids, and let him know that we love and missed him while he was away.



It wasn't always like that for us, but our marriage is much stronger now. He knows that I appreciate what he does for our family, and he in turn lets me know that he appreciates what I do.



On days that I have managed to have dinner ready and the house straightened we ALL benefit as that means a more leisurely dinner and then time for the two of us to truly relax after the kids are in bed. I strive to be better about these things. It is not about being a slave it is about caring for those that you love. (BTW, if I haven't gotten to dinner or cleaning, once my husband gets home one of us will cook while the other continues to play with the kids - I usually cook, but that is by choice - and then after the kids are in bed we both straighten up.)

Libby - posted on 08/08/2009

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Oh I love this bit "Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work"

Of course it is just a breeze being at home with kids all day, nothing compared to what he might have gone thru - SARCASIM!!

Lisa - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hahaha is there something out there for guidelines of a good husband? Well wait... he is more of a wife than I am, he is a stay at home daddy. I should show him this! Lol ok I'm kidding. My guy is a great partner and daddy and he goes out of his way to make me feel good. But yes this is mostly all bull. Times are waaaaay different nowdays. Women work just as uch as men now.

[deleted account]

I don't think the drug comment is really accurate, antidepressants are still the most commonly prescribed drug - even though things are apparently "better" now. And don't get me started about the thousands of kids unneccessarily on Ritalin because their parents don't have the energy to deal with them.



This list has had some more offensive items added since I saw it last. Someone trying to get our backs up, maybe? Why be so defensive? If your marriage is working well, continue on the same path. If not, these suggestions go a long way to teaching unselfishness, which none of us have inherently. It's a good start to getting along with any type of guy. It can pretty much be summed up as "be thoughtful and show your husband that he is incredibly important to you".

[deleted account]

I don't think the drug comment is really accurate, antidepressants are still the most commonly prescribed drug - even though things are apparently "better" now. And don't get me started about the thousands of kids unneccessarily on Ritalin because their parents don't have the energy to deal with them.



This list has had some more offensive items added since I saw it last. Someone trying to get our backs up, maybe? Why be so defensive? If your marriage is working well, continue on the same path. If not, these suggestions go a long way to teaching unselfishness, which none of us have inherently. It's a good start to getting along with any type of guy. It can pretty much be summed up as "be thoughtful and show your husband that he is incredibly important to you".

Ginger - posted on 08/07/2009

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* Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

* A good wife always knows her place.



OMG! WHAT? I can take some of this to heart but the above is what really got me going. Where was the part about bringing him his pipe and slippers? I kept waiting on that one. I love my husband with all my heart and really go out of the way to do stuff for him but you should also get some things in return as well. That's what relationships should be built on. I have been with my husband for 15 years and yes we have had our ups and downs but we have grown so much.

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Charlotte:

 I think Guys go through a lot more than we give them credit....and respect.... for.



And vice versa!! 

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