Guilt and Depression - Is it possible to love both myself and the love of my life, my little girl?

Shari - posted on 06/04/2009

omg you totally sound like me I had it with my son Aidan I had the sycosis part of it .It is a very difficult thing to get over.My son is now 4.I just got off my meds on my own bad girl I know.I live with the guilt still everyday because I feel like I affected him the first part of his life so I want to do everything perfect so he knows I love him.Its actually nice to hear that someone feels the same way.I just went to the doc today I wanted to get off my meds because I gained 50 pounds lack of energy and no interest in sex It has affected my marriage.I have not been myself since all the depression issues.I think I might try another med and see a social worker about the guilt.So I think you should really see a doctor.I know how much the depression has been hard on myself and I don't like to see other people suffer.We just had our neighbour committ suicide so it brought it all back in my mind.Its a very serious scary thing.I don't know what you went through but it is difficult especially the way society looks at mental illnesses it really p's me off.I forgot to mention but I had my second child a year ago stayed on the meds this time everything went amazing we named her Myra.I hope all goes well for you good luck I will be thinking of you take care.shari

Jana - posted on 06/04/2009

Thanks Crystal for helping me put things in perspective. love ya! ~J

Crystal - posted on 06/04/2009

Children don't come with instructions, or a how-to list. We're all going to feel guilty at one time or another because they require SO much attention and we have things to do other than play with Barbie's for eight hours. I live by a very simple guideline so that I don't feel guilty as often. I make sure Julianne knows I love her, I tell her often. She has structure and dicpline - it doesn't bother me one bit to put my hand to her butt if she throws a fit. I've told her to be happy with what she has, that some kids don't even have mommies or daddy's. I don't beat her, I don't verbally or phsyically abuse her. I set aside at least one hour a night to play with her or watch TV with her (she's in school from 8-5 and goes to bed at 8) ... they might pout but as long as you aren't neglecting their needs, then they will grow up and turn out just fine! You have to have YOU time, and Mia is getting to the age where she can use her imagination and play by herself and that's perfectly fine.



Screw the house. As long as it isn't unsafe, then there is always tomorrow! Don't wear yourself out over the small things like an unvacumed floor.

Tammy - posted on 06/03/2009

The answers to your questions are emphatically YES and NO! Yes, you could very well still have postpartum depression. No, you are not the only one beating yourself up. I have 4 kids from 16 to 6 and I still constantly worry I'm screwing it up. I don't think you ever stop worrying about that. But you should have good days where you DO feel like you've accomplished something or that you've done well. If you NEVER have those days, you're probably needing some help. I had PPD after my 3rd child. It was BAD BAD BAD. I ended up having to go on an antidepressant because I just couldn't function. It seriously helped me! I still was not 100% myself but I did much better. The ultimate cure for me was to... wait for it... get pregnant again! The minute I got pregnant with my son I totally and completely snapped out of it. I had no more need for the antidepressants and haven't since. My hormones were obviously wacked out and getting pregnant again must have straightened them out. That was right about 3 years of PPD, so it's very possible you can still have it this long. I do recommend you see your doctor and get help. Don't feel stupid. You are absolutely not alone.

Betsy - posted on 06/03/2009

You do sound to be suffering from depression so you really should speak to your doctor. Along with definitely seeing the doctor, try to place focus on all you do and all you have to offer. Make a list daily of what makes you a great mom (no negativity allow!) and read through each list at the end of the night. You hormines may still be at the wrong levels, which is very common and very treatable. Best of luck, and I hope you find your deserved happiness realy soon, but make an appt!

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2009

No, sometimes I fall into that trap as well. I just have to remember a couple of things: One, and most important, when I feel guilty I get worse as a mom, not better. I usually have a shorter temper and less patience. If I can just calm down and not worry so much: I actually do a better job.

Two, I remember a poem I saw in my midwifes office

"Settle down cobwebs,

dust to go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby

'cause babies don't keep."

There will always be more things to clean, there is only one Mia. Enjoy her now.

Finally, sleep and time to yourself are very important. We put our kids to be at 7pm every night and it gives us time to relax before bed. (It doesn't make them wake up earlier either, so don't worry about that)

We actually lay down in our kids room with them until they are asleep or at least drowsy enough to sneak out. It keeps them from crawling out of bed to find us and helps us get them to sleep faster. For like the first week we would have to lay there for like an hour or more (they kept checking to make sure we hadn't left) but now it only takes about 10-15 minutes. A small price to pay for hours of freetime in the evening. Plus it is nice to snuggle with them a little bit and easier to remember why we had kids when they are calm and sleeping.

Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 06/03/2009

It might be possible that you could still be experiencing it i would talk to your doctor...my son is three and my daughter is almost 6 months old and i do feel guilty when my son wants to play and i cant because i have something else i need to do. You definilty arent the only mom who feels guilty because she cant do something her child wants to do...there are only so many hours in a day and she doesnt expect you to be perfect she just wants your love and if she is happy and healthy then you are doing something right. Dont be so hard on yourself i am sure you are a wonderful mother to her and she doesnt love you any less for not playing something with her.