Felisha - posted on 02/20/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )
Sometimes things change within a family. Parents’ may go through a divorce, maybe there is a death or some sort of separation within the family. As parents we may not be aware of the effect it is having on our children. We expect them to adjust and deal with the new way of life with ease. Why? Well, maybe because we think we are or maybe because we said so. Children are resilient but they need adjusting time and talks as well. Children need time to process the changes with a new family structure. Often times parents who may not be dealing with their own issues of anger, frustration or betrayal from the change they tend to use the children as a pawn. The parent may unknowingly or carelessly place the children in the middle of the animosity between each other. These actions cause serious harm to children and are very likely to have long term effects on a child.
It’s only natural for children to wish for “the way it used to be”. Children have feelings of desertion, separation issue, anger and sadness to name a few. Maybe they will feel unloved and blame themselves for whatever issue is happening within the family. The hardest part is helping the children adjust as well as helping oneself.
I recently “inherited” 3 additional children on top of the two I already have. Modifying, adjusting, altering to the new changes was what appeared to be easy at first. As time went on it became tiresome. I began to experience late nights and early mornings and not the enjoyable kinds either. There were more mouths to feed and their bellies seemed bottomless, more laundry to do and the house became messier faster. How was one to keep up with these daily chores? Not to mention the emotional strain to try and maintain a happy positive disposition when at times all you wanted to do was sleep.
I tried to implement the new kids into the already established family structure I have within my home but of course they are used to what they know. Emotions come into play tempers build tears fall and all I can ask myself is “Can is can I blame them? No. change is not always easy but love is. And that’s what you do. You love each one individually because they are each their own person with their own wants needs and desires. And you love them as a whole because we are family living under one roof making the best of a bad situation. I talk and talk and talk some more. I’m surprised I haven’t lost my voice yet. I have turned into a loving drill Sargent giving out hugs and kisses and orders. I began to delegate chores to each child removing some of the burden from myself. There is a lot of turn taking and sharing going on. We have cooking lessons on weekends usually during brunch because I refuse to wake up super early if I do not have to. The children can wait a few extra hours and have a bigger meal later. There is an order when it comes to using the bathroom in the morning before school and at night before bed. It helps avoid the pile up that can happen when brushing teeth and it assures everyone gets clean each day.
Naturally you have your challenges and refusal to do things but hey that’s why they invented punishments. No video games, no TV, no extra treats or whatever other clever way I can deprive them of their “needs” in order to get them to do what they are supposed to do. I say “DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO SO YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!”
Over all I can say the biggest challenge I have experienced throughout this entire ordeal is lack of sleep!!! Hey it’s a small price to pay to when making sure I have a group of emotionally balanced kids.