has anyone given their baby up for adoption?

Meredith - posted on 10/14/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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im looking into this, i dont think im ready for another baby.

but im still looking at all my options, who knows.



i used to think adoption wasnt an option for me because of how hard it would be, but the more i think about it, the more i think just because i cant have him doesnt mean he/she doesnt deserve someone who can.



so if youve been through this or know someone who has can you please tell me your experience or anything on the topic please.

all is appcreciated.

(no rude comments please)

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Wendy - posted on 10/16/2009

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I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant...by a "man" who I was not in a relationship with. I went through Christian Adoption Agency (Calgary, AB), and it was a wonderful yet scary experience. I was able to pick out a family who I thought were suitable for my child and who could offer him what I couldn't - a stable home. It has turned out amazing!! The adoptive parents wanted an open relationship right from the beginning, something I had never heard of before. I was leery at first and it took about 4 years before I felt truly comfortable with our relationship. My son is now 11 yrs old and is just awesome to be around. I am now married with 3 children, and we try to see him and his parents (who have adopted another little girl) about 3 or 4 times a year. He even calls my parents his grandparents, and my sisters and brother are his aunts and uncles. Some people have a hard time understanding our relationship but it seems very natural and easy now. It was EXTREMELY hard for a long time, and there are still days (usually around his birthday) when I will cry and regret my choice. But I think back to the person I was when I became pregnant and there was no way I could have been a good mother to him. I was into drinking and partying all the time. When I became pregnant it was a wake-up call to change my life and get it moving forward instead of the stall pattern I was in. I truly don't know what your situation is, all the extenuating circumstances and such, but I just wanted to share my story with you.



Adoption is a VERY hard choice to make but it was one of the best decisions I ever made. In the hospital when the parents came to pick him up, I got the biggest hug from both of them and there were many, many tears. Even to this day, I see the love they have for my son and how wonderful it is that they now have 2 children when before they couldn't,



I know people have looked down on me for doing what I did - that I am mean and cold-hearted for giving away my child - but they don't know my whole story, and that's OK. I'm used to the odd looks and the awkwardness around people who disagree with my decision (these people are rare, though). Others in my life have been SO supportive and encouraging through it all. Only I can know my heart and mind, and only I could make that choice.



I will pray for you, that you will feel peace with whatever decision you make. If you have any other questions, please email me at donchambersgang@msn.com. I find that in sharing my story and talking to others who might be in a situation like I was, it's almost healing in a way (if that makes any sense, lol). Hope to hear from you!

Becky - posted on 10/14/2009

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I know people who have been on both sides of the fence....chose not to parent their child, but to place it for adoption, and people who have adopted (me--in delivery room, cut the cord and everything) and am thrilled someone gave me the opportunity to parent an amazing little boy. I know it'll be a tough decision either way. I'll say a prayer for you. If you want to email me offpost you can.

Jennifer - posted on 10/14/2009

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There are lots of adoption agencies out there who offer specialized counceling to help you decide what is best for you and your unborn baby. There are also different types of adoptions available these days. My sister was adopted, and I know she appreciated a chance for an excellent life. Most adoptive parents are incredibly stable and loving, and have been through rigorous counseling and profiling. I commend you for you being self-less in your situation.

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2009

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I don't know anyone who has been through an adoption however I know couples that have gone through in vitro fertilization to have it not work. I know these families would love to take a baby like yours and provide it with a good home. So whatever you decide, Meredith good luck.

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Karla - posted on 10/16/2009

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I have never given up a child for adoption but I have worked with many women that have done adoption. I work at a hospital and I am a CNA that works with pregnant women. There have been several women that have done the adoption route. One thing that I have heard from is that they are very ahhpy to help people out and they are happy that they decided to do the open adoption.

[deleted account]

My mother was raped when she was 18 and gave birth when she turned 19 to my wonderful brother. When she had him she had given him up for adoption and was not able to see or hold him when he was born. For an entire month after he was born she cried and cried until finally my mamere (grandmother in french) told my mother that they were going to take the train and get her baby back. Since that day my mom has said that was the best decision she has ever made. She said she was not ready for that child and the hate she had in herself for how he was conceived and how the father took everything special away from her, but she found something in herself of pure love for this child. She never regrets the decision she made to take him back.

Now I have a wonderful older brother who has always been a part of my life. I appreciate that my mother was honest with herself and had the courage to attempt adoption but decided that she could not in the end. I do not know how I would have felt growing up and then later on finding out that I had a brother out there that my mother had given up for adoption. It is because of this I think that I would raise a child if I was raped as well. It is not the child's fault.

I do however think it is wonderful to think of adoption! There are a lot of grateful couples out there who would give anything to have that special tiny person in their lives. I know for myself if I could I would be a surrogate for someone who was unable to carry children I would be.

I would just strongely advise to research the subject and get councelling and support groups. Make the best decision for yourself and your baby. Once an adoption is finalized it cannot be undone.

Cynthia - posted on 10/16/2009

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I am 19 with a two year old and a newborn. When i found out i was pregnant again i considered adoption for many reasons, Being a mom to one is very hard and being preganant again you feel lost confused scared. i had no means to take care of another baby i had no support But i found resorces in the city, and i worked my ass off and now i have my son and daughter. I raise them by myself, its very hard but i am so glad that im doing it, giving up your baby is a very hard choice and there is reprocussions for the rest of your life, i strongly feel you should look for resorces around u to help emotionally and financally first before thinkinng adoption...These recorces are there to help you!! Good luck to you you will do whats best. Keep me posted

[deleted account]

Fortunately, I have never had to make this decision, but I do believe it is a very selfless one. If you know you cannot give to your child what he/she deserves, then you are making the hardest decision any mother would ever have to make and doing so with your heart. May God bless you during your trying time and may He give you the guidance and strength that only He can give. He knows how your heart is breaking and the emptiness you will feel for some time. He had to give up His only son too.

Angela - posted on 10/14/2009

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I am an adoptive parent...we adopted my son at birth and he's now 11 months old. We did meet the birthmother and we saw how difficult the decision was for her. She already had a 3 year old and wasn't able to parent another child. We are grateful to her every day of our lives for the blessing she has given us. She gave him the gift of two parents who adore him and can give him a great life. We send photos and updates to her so that she can see that he is loved, happy and healthy.



Even considering making an adoption plan for your baby is a very loving and brave thing to do. I wish you peace in whatever decision you make. It is obvious that you are putting the needs of your baby first and that makes you a fantastic mother.

Ashley - posted on 10/14/2009

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I did an adoption with my first child....i was in high school when i had him....we did an open adoption that way i could still see him and yes it is hard....but it only makes you a stonger person in the end....i definatly learned a lot of it and the family that he has he couldnt ask for better thats for sure.....there is always families out there that cant have kids that would love to have them.....even with it being as hard as it was i would definatly recommend adoption expecially if you arent ready for a child......they are a lot of work and a ton of responsability and its better to know that they are being taken care of and loved by someone who is ready......people really do have a lot of respect for a mother who has put their child up for adoption if they arent ready to raise them....and i can say i definatly learned a lot by it and im about to have a little girl in November and i think ive finally got to where im ready to raise a child.....and ive learned a ton and have a lot of respect from everyone for what i did with my first child knowing that i wasnt ready to be a mom at all

Angela - posted on 10/14/2009

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i recently helped a friend find an adptive family for her baby girl. We had only two weeks but found the family that was meant to raise her girl. the signs were all there. The mom had three year old twins and could not physically or emotionally raise another child at this point in her life. she made the decision out of love and maintains contact with the family. the family even gave the child her middle name as ita middle name. only advise i can give is go through an adoption agency because the private couple she had through her church backed out at the last minute. it turned out this was the best thing that could have happened, but it was alot of stress to do all the work in only two weeks.

Angela - posted on 10/14/2009

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Although I don't know anyone who had their babies adopted, but I just want you to really think hard for as long as you can think because once you do it. You cannot undone it and I don't want you to regret it. Babies are so precious to have. Yes, its hard in the beginning, everyone goes through it. Just keep thinking positive and try your hardest. Your a great mom! don't think any less of yourself. God bless

Jannell - posted on 10/14/2009

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I have to say its the HARDEST thing, but yet again and easy thing. It all depends on how YOU feel about it. Yeah its hard giving the child you carry up. But if you cant provide for it, thats an even harder feeling. There are SOOOO MANY families that just WANT children. You would make them the happiest people on the planet! I would do an open adoption if i were you! So you know and can see the GREAT choice you made for the child! and you!

I had to give up my 2 older children, I was on drugs. I tell you it RIPPED my heart out, but it did more damage knowing I was ripping their future away from them, and it wasnt their fault! Lots of PRAYING about it!! GOOD LUCK!

KNow that its ok to do it!

Maggie - posted on 10/14/2009

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There are so many things to consider before making a decision. Is it that you think you can't financially support another baby? Is it because you don't feel you can emotionally support another baby? Do you think you won't have the energy? Do you have support from the father and/or other family members?

I didn't think I was ready for my second baby but I was amazed at how I was able to make it work. Now I can't imagine my life without him. You can work it out - there are tons of government programs to help with financial issues. You can find time and energy somewhere. It also helps to have support from family and friends.

I know someone who gave up their first baby. She says she doesn't have any regrets but I don't know if that's true. He found her a few years ago - he wanted to know why she gave him up but not her other 3 kids...why him? I don't know what the answer was but I think that's how the kid would feel...like they weren't good enough or the mother didn't want them. This can be true even if the adoptive parents are wonderful and supportive.

I think all in all it depends on your situation and why you feel you aren't ready. It's a big commitment to have a child! You can always go for the open adoption and register on the websites that help adopted kids find their biological parents when they are ready. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 10/14/2009

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I personally commend you for thinking of your child first and for most. I was adopted as a baby and it was because my biological mother did not have the means to care for me. I am greatful everyday for the decision she made, because of her I have a mother who truly cherishes me and I am the mother I am today because of her. I also decided that if the circumstance of getting pregnant again were to come around that I too would consider putting the child up for adoption. Not because they are not wanted but because if is in their best interest, as well as it gives another person the chance to experience the love of being a mom. I would suggest if you do decide this that open adoption is the way to go. This way you can see that your child is growing up happy and healthy and if they ever wish to contact you the opportunity is there. I wish you the best of luck. This is never an easy decision but you I am sure will do what feels right in your heart.

Samantha - posted on 10/14/2009

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listen i havent put any babies up for adoption but im gunna tell u something,

it is good for the un bron baby to go to a good lovin family but really huin u really need to look into the familys befor u give ur baby up i was put in a foster home and they were assholes and the same family made a 9 year old sleep in the hallway becus he would pee the bed.....if u do want to do this still call c.a.s and talk to a really good worker, i also think that u can get info on the family or something like that but for real as a mother of a 5 month old and might be prego i didnt want another baby so soon nor did i want to kill the baby and i was thinkin the samething as u are but in the end no mother who has kids or love for kids can give up there baby so just hang on and just think real hard girl ur a mom and all moms are super moms and can do more then what we think we can do

Sarena - posted on 10/14/2009

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Do you remember Shannon Cook? We went to school with her, she was in my class...anyways, she gave her first born up for adoption...you may want to talk to her about it and see how it was for her. I think its amazing that you can sit back and look at your life and realize, a head of time, that you cannot provide for your baby the way you want. A cousin of mine cannot have kids and I know how hard it was on them not to have a baby...they just got one, still in proceedings for it, and it completed their life. I also know a friend who has PCOS who is having trouble conceiving and she is looking at adopting...people who cannot have kids know how truly wonderful it is to receive a baby by adoption. Whatever you do, I hope you do not regret it in years to come. Good luck! You will make the right choice!

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i agree , my husband met his daughter with the foster parents soon to be adopting parents.. he asked that they keep it closed while she was growing up.. obviously she would know she was adopted whne they thought the time was right, but he told them that it was ok for them to help her find us when they were comfy w it..so if it happens it will be a blessing

Chasity - posted on 10/14/2009

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I was adopted but as a older Child..I think if I was adopted and didn't know my birth family, I would have had less issues growing up.. If you are going to do it..Make sure you have the parents picked out and the same day you deliver, you allow His/Her parents to take home..Much better for the child, and better for both to build a bond. I give u a lot of respect..Many people out there are looking to adopt babies out there.. My prayers are with you..

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hey, personally have never put a baby up for adoption, i do commend you for it however.. my husband and his brother were adopted by their parents. they have had blessed lives and families of their own, they couldnt have imagined it any other way.. i think if you do it you will be giving a wonderful gift to parents.. obviously take a lot of time to think about it weigh the pros and cons,, pray about it.. talk to your support system.. pray about it a lot lol.. and also my husband had a baby with a girl when he was 19, he was in the NAVY when he found out about his daughter, they gave her to a great couple , shes in great hands, we're hoping she comes to find us one day.. all in all.. do whats best for the baby and yourself.. i think ur being very mature and resposible whatever you do.. good luck keep us updated if you can

Rachael - posted on 10/14/2009

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Meredith I dont have any experiance but I think that even thinking about it is an amazing thing. My husband and I have discussed adopting. There are so many families that would love to have a child to love but It is a tough choice. God be with you hon.

Abbie - posted on 10/14/2009

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I don't know anyone who gave up their baby, but boy I commend you for being able to be responsible enough & strong enough to give up a child you feel you can't provide for. Just the other night I was checking into adoption options as my husband and I are having problems conceiving #2, so out of curiosty I checked. If you just google adoption there are TONS of sites out there that can offer tons of advice.

Its a gift that you can give to a family that is truely a great thing.

Stacy - posted on 10/14/2009

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I had a friend who had her first child when she was 16, about three years later she got pregnant again. She new how much of a struggle it was with her first, and she had no job to try to take on another child. What she did was went into an open adoption. This meant that even though she legally had no rights, the adoptive parents send her pictures and keep her updated til this day. She says it was hard, but beingable to know how her child was doing helped her in away. Me , I got my tubes tied after y last child was born, and wish I hadn't. Your actions now, won't only put a strain on you, but your relationship with the father. What ever you do, just make sure you wont have no regrates in the future, this can not be on done. And be sure you and the father are on the same page.

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