Has anyone had their child repeat Kindergarten? My son is fine academically but he seems withdrawn in class.

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Marcia - posted on 01/12/2009

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I DO teach Kindergarten and if you have any concerns at all about his social/academic/emotion status PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE retain him in K...it is a gift you are giving him, a gift of time....something you will not ever be able to give him again. Kids are expected to know so much by the end of K and if he comes back next year, he will come back as a confident "expert" kindergartener! Best of luck in your decision!

Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2009

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Quoting Marie:



Hi I work with Kindergarten children and each year there will be one or two boys that are just not as socially adept as the rest of the kids, sometimes its a result of not being socialised with large groups consistantly before school (like at childcare) and sometimes they are overwhelmed with the amount of kids and activities going on.  These are the kids that seem to cling to the parents and teachers, but once they get used to the routine and the other children they seem to hum along at their own pace just fine.  I wouldnt get him to repeat (because it will take him away from the friends he is familiar with) not unless it was really necessary.  After all, it is only Kindy!






Hi, my daughter is in 6th grade and I have friends and relatives with older and younger children.  Several children in my group of friends have been recommended to stay back.   I do not know one parent who regretted making the decision of retaining their child.  Most parents who held their child back say it's the best decision they make.  I do know 2 parents who regretted not taking the schools recommendation of retaining their child.  Typically children are asked to stay back for more than just social issues.  The issue is they can't handle the first grade or the workload that will be presented to them.  Another year of development will help them get ready, from improving reading, socialization etc.  Once they get into first grade if they can't keep up because they are developmentally delayed for whatever reason.  If they don't have a learning disability then they won't qualify for an Independent Educuation Plan (IEP) and possibly may not get the support they need in the system. They will feel the can't learn, they're not as smart and risk losing confidence because they struggle with their school work.  Please do not make a decision on your child's education based on who his friends are.  Families move and kids make new friends, if he stays back, he will make new friends. 

April - posted on 01/11/2009

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My little girl was going to repeat Kindergarten,I changed my mind 2 week's before school and she is now in first grade.BEST DECISION I made.She is doing very well.My little girl was the same way except she was having a hard time academically as well.She has matured so much and is now very involved in the classroom and has came out of her shell as well as making the honor roll..some children just take a little longer to mature...You would be amazed to how much children can turn around ..just praise him..and of course do what you feel is best for your child ,however, think about it..your son is doing great in academics..the maturity will come later.I have 2 girls and a boy.They all grow at there own pace,holding him back may make the situation worse.You know what is best for him...trust yourself and remember maturity will come and as far as him being withdrawn..maybe he's a little shy!! :) Best of luck to you..and pray about it because it is a big decision!

Kerryn - posted on 01/12/2009

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I repeated both of my sons (for very different reasons) and it was the very best decision I made..... here, the program is play based and child centred...there aren't many kids that would be disadvantaged by doing an additional year of that!!!

Cheryl - posted on 01/12/2009

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My son repeted kindergarden also. He was a slow reader and was socially immature. They suspected a reading disorder but could not actually put their names on a specific problem. It was very tough on him. For at least a year he would ask us if he had go to kindergarten again because we didn't like him. We finally took him to a psychologist. To make it worse there were 5 kids on the street in kindergarten that year and he was the only one who did not advance.He was always with the kids in the grade above for sports since the date is by your birthday not grade  (he was a June baby). Although he always had friends it was never a large group but a smaller one.When he was a sophomore he insisted on getting a job and got one at a local restaurant that hires a lot of kids with a wonderful manager. It was great. And he saved $10,000! He is now a sophomore in college and is an electical engineering major. I would definitely give this decision lots of thought. I wish his nursery school had suggested an additional year before kindergarten.

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Dolcie - posted on 01/13/2009

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My son refused to speak to anyone in kindergarten.  Teacher went as far as to refuse him the bathroom unless he talked.  They wanted to hold him back but like your child was fine academically.  The school made me have him psychologically tested and have an IQ test done before they would allow him to go to first grade.  As it turned out he had a very high IQ and was just not that social.  He is now a freshman in high school and it very intelligent but only shows it when he wants to.  He could be a straight A student him he applied himself.  The Dr said that he just has that personality.  And don't worry about his social abilty because i guarantee you that he is just sitting back and taking it all in.  My son started talking in class in the 2nd grade unless he was one on one with the teacher or a friend.  If he is ok academically I would go through your pediatrician and have him tested.  If your child is really intelligent it could cause him to be bored in class and then you could have other problems.  Just speaking from experience. 

Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2009

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Quoting Marie:



Hi I work with Kindergarten children and each year there will be one or two boys that are just not as socially adept as the rest of the kids, sometimes its a result of not being socialised with large groups consistantly before school (like at childcare) and sometimes they are overwhelmed with the amount of kids and activities going on.  These are the kids that seem to cling to the parents and teachers, but once they get used to the routine and the other children they seem to hum along at their own pace just fine.  I wouldnt get him to repeat (because it will take him away from the friends he is familiar with) not unless it was really necessary.  After all, it is only Kindy!





 

Marie - posted on 01/12/2009

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Hi I work with Kindergarten children and each year there will be one or two boys that are just not as socially adept as the rest of the kids, sometimes its a result of not being socialised with large groups consistantly before school (like at childcare) and sometimes they are overwhelmed with the amount of kids and activities going on.  These are the kids that seem to cling to the parents and teachers, but once they get used to the routine and the other children they seem to hum along at their own pace just fine.  I wouldnt get him to repeat (because it will take him away from the friends he is familiar with) not unless it was really necessary.  After all, it is only Kindy!

Claudine - posted on 01/12/2009

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I had my youngest son repeat kindergarten because he was fine academically but he wasn't mature enough. And that was the best thing for him. If I had to, I would do it the same all over again. 

Kathy - posted on 01/12/2009

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As a grade one teacher, I have never had a student who is 'too old' or 'too advanced', but I have seen many students struggle because they were pushed into school too early.  Boys also sometimes need a little extra time to develop social and language skills.  If you have any doubt, I would encourage you to explore the option of extra time in Kindergarten.  You might find it useful to talk to the grade one teacher at your school, too.

Renai - posted on 01/12/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

Has anyone had their child repeat Kindergarten? My son is fine academically but he seems withdrawn in class.




Yes my daughter repeated kinder and it has helped her so much.. I think it is better to repeat in kinder than have to repeat in yr 6 when all their friends are going to high school.. She was academically fine also but a bit withdrawn socially..She is starting yr 7 this yr .. I think it helped her alot. When i told her she had to repeat she was very upset, so i just said that she had to stay back and help all the new little kids starting school because she was such a good helper.... Hope this eases your mind. Cheers and goodluck....

[deleted account]

I have seen children withdrawn in classes because they were not being challenged. This is possible even in Kindergarten. I agree with what Mindy McBride wrote about talking with the teacher and getting her feedback. If it is more of a social concern I would suggest getting to know what activities are available in your community to get your son involved in. Even if it is simply planning more playdates.

[deleted account]

I think Kindergarten is the best grade to repeat!! I had doubts my son was ready for grade one but I didn't trust my instincts and his kindergarten teacher said he was to tall to hold back. So I let him go and he struggled in grade 1 and he ended up doing it again. I wish he would have done kindergarten twice. Good Luck!!

Tanya - posted on 01/11/2009

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As a Mom and a Pre-K teacher I will say that my now 14yr old repeated Kindergarten and it was the best choice we ever made. He also was fine academically but needed that extra year to mature. Good luck! You will know the right decision in your heart.

Grace - posted on 01/11/2009

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My oldest daughter, now 15, also repeated K.  She has a July birthday and mild Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, which meant that non-verbal cues and social interactions are difficult for her.  It still takes her a while to warm up to people, but she does very well academically and is a budding artist as well.

Kelly - posted on 01/08/2009

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I have a daughter who is now in 3rd grade is a Sept baby. She was the same way. I did not hold her back and regret it. The difference in her social level becomes more apparent every year. I recently told my sister, they can always teach them more, but they can adjust the socialization. Good Luck-I hope this helps.

Maria - posted on 01/08/2009

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Do we or Don't we, this is a question my hubby and I both faced in 2007 when considering whether or not to send our second son whose birthday is in last week of November to school in 2008....I am of the strong belief that a child needs to be ready not only academically but also socially and emotionally to strive and flourish at school. When considering this question don't only consider the first year of school consider every subsequent year after...especially his final years at school. The first year of school is the foundation if they do not enjoy this year they will not develop the love of learning needed to complete the harder years. We decided to keep our Dylan in Kinder for a second year and he will commence school on the 2 of Feb this year....The time this extra year has given him to develop has been amazing he is now more confident around his peers and more willing to cooperate with the teaching staff. I will send him off knowing I didn't rush him and allowed him the extra time he needed. You will never regret holding your child back in Kinder as there is no real negatives to the situation, but can you guarantee you will not regret not holding him back from school??? There is a book called "Whats the Hurry" by Kathy Walker it is an amazing read and a big eye opener...Good luck with your decision hope all goes well

[deleted account]

My parents went through te same thing with my older brother.  The teacher suggested getting him involved in a sport to help develop your social skills.  Maybe you could talk to the other mothers and find out what activities their kids are in outside school.  Maybe it would help your son to get to know some of the kids from his class outside school.  I pray that you make the right decision for your family.

Amberly - posted on 01/07/2009

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My son is a November baby and we decided to send him to Kindergarden when he was four with the intention of sending him for a bonus year the next year. It was the best decision I ever made. He is now in fourth grade and instead of being at the bottom of his class he is near the top. Honestly, the one question you need to ask yourself is what will it hurt. Here's the thing if the teacher thinks that he's too mature for kindergarten she will recommend during the first few weeks that he be moved to first grade. Hope this helps.

Barbara - posted on 01/07/2009

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Thanks everyone for your replies! Please keep your comments and questions coming. To answer one question, yes, he is the youngest child in his class. His birthday is August 11th and the cut-off is August 31st. His teacher thinks he's fine but immature. She thinks he'll grow out of the immaturity which makes no sense to me. She has 28 students in her class (doesn't use volunteers to assist) and it's her first year of teaching, so I'm not inclined to take her opinion as the final word. Everytime I see him during free time, he's either watching kids play or playing by himself. The teacher says he spends a lot of time doing "fantasy" play, e.g. he's on a rocket to the moon or the like. Prior to Kindergarten and at home, he's very outgoing and always wanting playdates with other kids. I think 28 kids is too much for him to process at once. I'm hoping another year would make the large class sizes easier for him.

Natalie - posted on 01/07/2009

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When I was in Kindergarten they talked to my mom about holding me back for the same reasons. I was just very shy. My mother started spending time with me after school and having me read out loud for her, and talk about what was going on in class. She even bought a chalk board and had me teach her what I learned in class. She got me talking and feeling confident, and I soared to the top of the class.

Tricia - posted on 01/07/2009

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My son repeated Kindergarten and it was the best thing we could have ever done for him.  He just wasn't ready to move on.  He is in 7th grade now and he is just realizing that he is a year older.  But when the time comes to get his drivers license it will work out to his favor.  I'm so glad that we made this decsion although at the time it was difficult one to make. 

Jane - posted on 01/07/2009

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My 14yr. old son we held back because his social skills were lacking and he was the absolute youngest in his class.  He was a little bored to repeat kindergarten academically but socially it was the best thing we ever did.  He is now a class leader and has even been nominated for a leadership conference this summer.  Our kindergarten teacher had told us that she couldn't make the decission because academically he was ready for 1st grade - the decission was totally ours.  It was one of the best decissions we ever made.  Follow your gut and you'll make the right decission. 

Bec - posted on 01/06/2009

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My eldest son also repeated kindergarten for the same reasons - he was socially withdrawn also. I also believe it was the best thing for him. The teacher also suggested it as well as my gut instinct. Some kids just develop later in this area and in the end, your better off going when they are confident and ready themselves. I noticed a big difference half way through the 2nd year - even though he was the eldest, he just seemed to "fit" in better. A happy kid is more willing to learn and now he is in grade 4 and he has great friends!

Arla - posted on 01/06/2009

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My son is now 25 and repeated Kindergarten when he was 6. It was the best thing for him I eveer did and in fact was for the same reason. He was not ready socially to move on. Good luck! I know the teachers and counselors will guide you with their expertise also.

Charmian - posted on 01/06/2009

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My son repeated kindergarten, and I think it was the best thing I could have done for him. He was due in November, but arrived 11 weeks early in August. He went from being the withdrawn, 1-side away from all friends child, to being 1 of the leaders in his class, and academically he is doing extremely well



 

Stacey - posted on 01/06/2009

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let me re-word my statement i did not retain him i just kept him in pre-school an extra year



 

Stacey - posted on 01/06/2009

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I held my son back a year because i was afraid of this situation too.  He is the oldest in his class and he still has this issue.  I believe it is his personality.  I would keep an eye on the situation and go with what you feel comfertable with.  Also keep in mind his age!

Diana - posted on 01/06/2009

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Does he have a late birthday?  My son is a Sept. baby and we struggled with the whole repeat thing, he was also acedemically ready, but not socially.  We went with our gut and he did do 2 years and we could not have been happier.  That extra year made all the difference in the world.  Good luck with you decision!!

Donna - posted on 01/06/2009

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My oldest Daughter repeated kindergarten, I personnaly think it was the best thing for her. She is born in mid November and I think she was too young to start when she did, the extra year gave her more time to mature and understand what school was about. They will not leave him back just because he is withdrawn, he would have to have academic problems too.

Mindy - posted on 01/06/2009

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Are you worried only about social skills because he is withdrawn? Or do you see some academic concerns? I was a kindergarten teacher and now a first grade teacher. There are a lot of things that you need to consider and face (reality) before deciding this life decision. What does his teacher think, or what makes you think about retention?

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