Have any of you lost any friends because you had a child?

Jess - posted on 03/16/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

106

11

9

I had what I thought was a good friend until I got married and had kids. She has been married and divorced three times and has three kids. I supported her through good times and bad. I listened to all her stories about how great her kids are or what problems they are facing. I even went as far as to buy her kids x-mass gifts when she was in a tough spot. But now that I have kids she has no interest in them. She has never once congratulated me on having my kids and if I bring them up during a chat she will cut me off to talk about herself or to talk to one of her kids. I don't understand her behavior. Has anyone else ever experienced a jealous or selfish friend like this?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Samantha - posted on 03/28/2010

75

8

1

Yea well a couple weeks ago i got a e-mail of her apologizin and sayin she messed up very much and all that and were freinds now and i found out some things that i thought were true that werent true but were best friend again and she has changed so much but wen i got pregnat and lost like all my freinds i noticed i gained a bunch of mother freinds so i guess mother understand mothers better but you cant always KNOW for sure sure that someone is using you or not a very good freind they can act like one person in front of you but wen your not around they act totally diffrent and soemtime you just never see that other person until its to late.. so yea you are lucky you got to keep your freinds but sometime you may just not knw wat your frineds are sayin wen your not there.. ppl cann act like one person to your face but wen your not there they can act likea totally diffrent person you never know...



after all the things i had been through i know watch my self and only trust a couple ppl.. and for the one girl that is my freind again i told her she would have to gain my trust bak and that i aint goin to drop everything for her like i used to... i love her we been trhough so much and i never wanted to lose her as a freind but we both have grown up so much from how we used to be that now.. i hope it works out.. if not.. oh well/.

Jane - posted on 03/20/2010

284

42

42

I totally understand where you are coming from!! I had a friend from high school and while she was happy for me when I got pregnant, she wasn't really super interested, until SHE fell pregnant, then it was ALL about her. She would text me during my pregnancy, as I was 5 months ahead of her, but only to ask 1) who my Obstetrician was 2) what hospital I was going to c) where I bought my curtains d) where I bought my cot..and the list continues...it went on for a while but finally i got sick of her "using" me, and not really being interested in me or my bub, so I cut her loose!! Decided she wasn't a true friend. I thought that was it, til 2 months later I get a nasty abusive letter in the post from her husband!! Suffice to say I just ignored it - sheesh who needs friends like that!! Time for you to move on from her too I say - best of luck x x

Jess - posted on 03/19/2010

106

11

9

Thanks Felicia! She does have kids though. She had all three of her kids before I had my first. I though she would be more supportive because of that. Guess I was wrong.

Felicia - posted on 03/19/2010

5

18

2

I don't know if I really "lost" any friends. I just stopped getting invited to do things because I had a baby and they figured I didn't want to do it. My work friends did not have kids and they were at Happy Hour every week and the club/house parties on the weekends. I don't miss that stuff. I miss the people but I do have kids and my life changed. It's okay. People without kids just don't get it. I make friends with people with kids cause it's easier now. And the friends I have had since Jr High are still there.

Jess - posted on 03/19/2010

106

11

9

You are right, Kaylynn. There were other things before that suggested that she was a selfish person. I didn't see any of it until we got into a little arguement when I was pregnant with my second child. She got upset with me because I told her that I was worried about her new fresh-out-of-jail boyfriend. She hung up on me and then sent me an off-color joke (through text) about blowing up a building...my husband was on his first deployment then and she knew I was really worried about him. That is really when it dawned on me that she was always a crappy friend.



Thanks for your feed back everyone! I think I am going to cut all communication with her. She has tried to communicate a couple of times since then and I was trying to look past it all but was struggling with it. We don't really talk much now but I think I will just remove her from my facebook page and phone list now.

Iridescent - posted on 03/16/2010

4,519

272

1080

I lost all my friends that were not parents as well. Now that they are parents (many years after), we talked a couple times but weren't really friends anymore, just "what was". It's sad, but it was part of growing up in this case.

Now that I'm certainly an adult, I've gotten involved in different aspects of the community. I helped found our Autism Support Group, was on Head Start Parent Council, was a member of Interagency Early Intervention for Children (IEIC), and many other things that were related to my life as a young mother of children with special needs. I met other families in similar situations, and although we didn't all become friends, we all certainly learned more about each other and help each other when we can. The great thing about the community bonds was that it was across all areas; social services, school, child advocacy, parents of children like mine, etc. So when I have problems even now, they help!

Thanks to these other bonds, it helped me also meet regular parents in the same or similar situations that can relate. I made new friends that understand so much more than my old ones could have, even if they tried.

Another great source not to overlook is online. There are forums for different areas of need, and with so many kinds, you are sure to be able to find one that suits your needs if you look for it long enough. It's especially helpful when dealing with extremely rare problems, because the chances of meeting another person in person that can help or understand or talk to are minimal.

Brittney - posted on 03/16/2010

2

14

0

I lost all my friends who werent parents! Because they wanted to go out all the time and do everything we used to do before i got pregnant! but when i had my son they backed off and quit inviting me places because i would have to find a sitter!
I also have a friend who wants kids soo much but hasnt had any, she is jealous of the fact i have a child from ur exs brother! we lost the friendship we used to have

Candace - posted on 03/16/2010

48

18

1

I too lost my friend like that. We have been friends since we were little girls. When I first got pregnant she was fine, but the further I got the more tired I would be. She asked me to come see her new apartment I told her jokingly that I was not coming because I was pregant and that she should come visit me. The next time I talked to her was when I told her I had my son 12 weeks early. She never came to the hospital, callled to check on us, or has ever asked how my son is doing. Yea. My so called best-friend. Her reason is because I did not have time for her anymore. My words not hers but that is what it boils down too. lol

Anna - posted on 03/16/2010

28

1

3

I don't think so, but the thing is that I don't have any mother friends... I know only 2 new mothers, but I'm not that close with them... I have a few really close friends, but since my daughter was born I don't feel like I have something to talk to them about... Do any of you have the same feeling?

Kaylynn - posted on 03/16/2010

42

10

4

nope i guess im really fortunate to have amazing friends...i attending one semester of college and had alot of male and female friends and am still friends with all the ones i was really close to and we all live like 4-6 hours away from each other even after having my son...i do think though that you should have noticed something in her behavior that hinted toward her being selfish and all about herself...im not saying she has or had but usually people like that you can tell they are like that...and if she really is being that big of a u know what then she really isnt worthy of being your friend...

Jo - posted on 03/16/2010

1

22

0

yes I had a friend exactly like that and I kept trying and trying to stay friends until one day I realised she only wanted me as a friend when she needed me and couldn't share in my happiness when I got to have a baby. I stopped trying and focused on the friends that want to be there for you in the good times and the bad. Friends worth having are ones that give as well as take. If you are the one doing all the giving its not worth it x

Samantha - posted on 03/16/2010

75

8

1

yea i lost allmy freinds but one. wen i got preg they all kinda ditched me because i couldn drive em around all night and day and i couldn go out partyin and stuff with them so one that i thought was my best freind forever made up a rumor and ran around to everyone tellin it and then everyone just backstabbe me for no reason

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms