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Having trouble with 13 year old son.

Leticia - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom who works full time and raising 3 boys, the ages of 13, 11 and 8. Recently I am having so much trouble with my oldeset son (13 yr old); he does not listen to a word I say, if I tell him to be home by 7pm he comes home at 10pm. He has been suspended from school at least 4 times just this year alone, and now I find out he's been skipping school as well, he'll act like he's catching the bus for school, waits until I leave for work then goes back home, and just hangs out all day. I am just about ready to give up, but then I come to my senses and say to myself; how can I possibly give up on my child, I would never be able to live with myself. Are there any moms out there who can give me any advice, who might have gone through a simular experience to what I'm going through? Please Help!!!!!

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Joan - posted on 03/26/2010

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hi

i had custody of my nephew. we went thru the same kind of problems. i don't know where you are from but here in massachusetts. i was able to go the court and file a chins order(child in need of services) then the court assigned him a probation officer to track his behavior in school and home.if his behavior changed for the better things could end there. my nephew decided he still would not comply so after 8 weeks he went infront of a judge.she then would see us on a regular basis( he still had the probation officer) i talked to some kids at the court house they said they changed their behavior because they did not want to go to lock up or be in trouble. so it can work for some unfortunatly it did not work with my nephew. he decided not to work with anyone so the judge removed him from our care,so that we did not have to endure his abuse.i don't know if this is helpful but i do know how you feel it does not make you a bad mother or person.we all can only tolerate so much abuse

Dianne - posted on 03/26/2010

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I agree with Loise, start with communication.

On the other hand, it goes deeper than that. He needs you to keep a closer eye on him. Email his teachers weekly to get grade updates. Review his homework and missed assignments daily. Have the school call you if he doesn't show or you call daily. If he doesn't come home til 10 pm, talk to the school counselor and the police dept. They have good suggestions. I took my kids to the police station for a talk by a police officer. They got a tour of the jail and a sample meal. The meal did the trick. Kids who are staying out past their curfew are being rebellious and up to no good. No matter what they claim. It's hard to do, but I didn't trust mu son who was proving repeatedly that he wasn't trustworthy.

Tough Love is just as hard on the parents as it is on the child. Courage:)

Louise - posted on 03/26/2010

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Hi,

Don't despair, this is all part of growing up for a young boy. You say your a single parent is the boys father in the picture. If he is then get him to muck in. At 13 he is going through puberty and believe me as a mother of a 18 and 15 year old boy it does strange things to there bodies and minds. Sit your son down and tell him straight that he is making you unhappy because of his behaviour. Tell him that if you say be home at 7pm you mean 7pm nt 10pm and that if he can not stick to the rules there will consequences like not going out at all! Ask him if he is being bullied at school as this is the number one reason for truancy in this age group. He maybe feeling the pressure of being the oldest male in the house. The first point in this is to open the communication flood gates. Always start and end the conversations with "I love you very much" Hopefully if he knows he is making you unhappy he will pull his socks up. Good luck, just remember you are not alone. xx

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