haw do i get over my sons daddy

Krystal - posted on 01/08/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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me and mat was 2gether 5 years have had 2 sons of 3 and 2 forthe larst 2 years we have been off and on but every time atakehim back he says he will chage but he never das i have finly end'd it for good but all redy im thinking wot if andi dont wont to coz i no i am better off with out him but haw do stop my self think that i wont him back

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Dee - posted on 01/13/2010

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Sorry I got cut off. You can do it. You gotta think of the children now It is about them. Every father cannot become a dad. But a woman must rise to the occasion to protect and care for her young. Get conseling and help and Run to the family court and fiel for child support for your innocent children. If you love your children be the best mom you can be .All ewill come later. They need you and depend on you. Move on you don't need a man/baby too. you need a helper and a dad for them.

Dee - posted on 01/13/2010

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I regret to inform you that You are wishing for something that may never come to be . He is not only running from you but his children. Go on with your life. Rear your children to be all they can be. IF. IF he comes around and grows up fine but do your job as a Parent. and games are over once children come onto the scean

Elizabeth - posted on 01/12/2010

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It's sounds like you're trying to make excuses for his behavior and maybe you don't want to except the fact that he's moved on. Take control of your life and move on for your kids sake. An unhappy mother make for unhappy children. I was with my ex for 10 years and after two kids together I realized he was never going to change. I had to cut off all communitcation with him that didn't pertain to the kids. I've since been happily married for almost 7 years. Believe me, I thought I coundn't live without my ex, but there is LIFE after LOVE! Good Luck!! :)

Agatha - posted on 01/11/2010

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pray to God for strength for you and ur children it will help too.pray everyday and anytime when u feel down and sad,it helps

[deleted account]

I had the same problem. My son's father and I were together off and on for years. You have to force yourself to see the negatives in that man, see that he isn't, in any way, good for you. He may be good for your sons, unlike my son's father, and he can still be in your sons' lives, but there need not be any "relationship" between the two of you if you truly know ya'll aren't "meant to be". I hope you do what is right, honey.

Gwen - posted on 01/11/2010

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Find a counselor. I spent 1 1/2 years in counseling after my divorce, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

Kristy - posted on 01/10/2010

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i was the same with my ex.. he was violent though..... i loved him so much and did my best to be a good person.. but he would treat everyone else good and me bad... he wouldn't talk to me and only wanted me when he wanted something... it broke my heart.. but finally i left him, it was hard... very hard... i did the whole 'what if' but i had done that plenty of times before and it always ended up the same... and i questioned myself yet again.. but i stood by it... and it till be 2 years in may since i left him... and i tell you what, i have never been happier, i met someone, who loves and adore myself and my son more then my sons father did to either of us.... i used to think, 'i dont wanna end up alone' etc... but i used to write a journal, and i always used to write, i would rather be happy on my own with my son then unhappy with someone and pretending to be happy and a family.....

Krystal - posted on 01/10/2010

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we both relly do love one anathere but we have beenoff and on for like 2 years we did live together till he left naw he lives with hismum and dad and thay live 30 mins away driving and at mohe ant got a car so he has to reliy on peple to bring him dawn so thats put a stran on us but when we r together its great but he dont stay over and it just makes me feel unwontd i think its been a long time seins we lived together andi think his forgot haw to be a proper relanship its not im arsking alot from him alli wont is for us to spend time together fo rhim to saty over and to be there for me i wanna feel wontd

Kristy - posted on 01/10/2010

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the best thing i ever heard someone say is, 'a good indication of future behaviour is past behaviour' Dr Phil..... i live by that... and helped me through my separation with my sons father.

Barb - posted on 01/10/2010

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u know what dear life is 2 short has he got his own life if he has well hello so should u the boys will fine ok,

Barb - posted on 01/10/2010

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hi if u 2 love each other y not try 2 work it out and b a family dont b 2gether just 4the kids that dont work, if there is no love from other partner then no point in coming and going like a yoyo, but in the end it is up 2u guys 2 sort it out hey sure u can get advise from people but at the end of the day its u2 who has sort it out good luck

Charlene - posted on 01/10/2010

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Basically it's YOUR choice on how you react to stuff... Get on with your life and cut this man out, he served his purpose in your life and now you need to let him go! When you finally close the Door on this relationship, you will find, another one will open.

Nicola - posted on 01/09/2010

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There will always be a special place in your heart for the father of your children.

but that does not mean he needs to hold a special place in your every day life.

Qdos to you for recognising you are better off without him. think about why you are better off, kids will feel the tension when their parents are not happy together and they may also be better off developing a relationship with each of you separately.

two things will help you get over their dad; time and the recognition within yourself that you are worthy of happiness and that your life should only include the people who support that aim.

Krista - posted on 01/09/2010

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Quoting Krystal:

its only been 2 days and allredy im thinking " wot if " same times i feelllike i can do this being on my own but then i think him and my hart carnt stop herting and icarnt help it it feels like my hart has been ripd out i love him soo mach but i no heis always ganna be the same


I know...it's hard. Think of it like quitting a really bad habit, like cigarettes or junk food. The first little while is going to be very difficult, because something that was a major part of your life now isn't. It will get easier, and eventually you'll look back and shake your head and wonder why you thought he was such hot shit.



But it'll help if you do something for yourself to fill that void. Try something new. Are there any hobbies or activities that you didn't have much time for when you were with him? Or something you wanted to try out that he scorned? Keep busy. That's the biggest thing. Keep busy, and keep your friends close. 



You can do this, hon -- you and your little one deserve a happy household, not a sad one. 

Candice - posted on 01/09/2010

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all i need to do is remind myself that my daughter deserves a better father than my ex...and that's enough to remind me that i deserve better too.

Kelly - posted on 01/09/2010

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I'm going through something similar. I just look at my daughter and realize she is all that matters. I really love this quote---Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Jess - posted on 01/09/2010

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I lived with a couple who did this going back and forthe business. I watched their little boys go through hell because of it. These 2 children dont know if they are coming or going. They move house constantly as their mum has a change of heart.



Her children have an unhealthy view on relationships, how a man should treat a woman and how they should be treated themselves. Tiny eyes see things very black and white... and they will see it that its their fault and that they aren't worth loving !



If you don't have the will power to do it for your own health, do it for your kids. As a mum your stronger than you think and there isn't anything your kids arn't motivation enough for !

Sharon - posted on 01/09/2010

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Stop second guessing yourself.



You made a decision. Behave as if you CAN'T change your mind. Like "un-having" a baby. It can't be done. He's gone, move on. Whether you want to or not. Act like it.



Don't take his calls, delete any message that DOESN'T pertain to the children. IGNORE HIM.



People don't change unless they want to. You FORCING change on him means jack shit. He'll either accept this change or he won't. Chances are he won't. He'll find another idiot who will enable him to keep acting the self absorbed maggot.



You don't NEED him. You're afraid of change.



Your heart was ripped out long ago and this only hurts because you're finally at the stage of acceptance.



EDITED to change the phone calls section... added the word DOESN'T

Krystal - posted on 01/09/2010

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its only been 2 days and allredy im thinking " wot if " same times i feelllike i can do this being on my own but then i think him and my hart carnt stop herting and icarnt help it it feels like my hart has been ripd out i love him soo mach but i no heis always ganna be the same

Anna - posted on 01/08/2010

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you have to consider this, is it good for your children to see their parents in an unhealthy realtionship? its hard, but you need to do whats best for them, and yourself. its not fair to you either to deal with constant disappointment. if he wants to see his kids, let him, but dont put yourself on the line. take things slow and build a support system around you. you dont have to go at this alone, and when you feel like giving in, remember that you guys have two beautiful children together and you will always love mat for being the father of your children, but relationships should never be forced. you deserve better than that and so do your kids.

Krista - posted on 01/08/2010

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It'll be tough -- I'm not going to lie to you about that. But if you know you're better off without him, then I congratulate you on doing the right thing and ending it with him. It WILL get easier as time goes on. A good idea is to go and write down all of the things about him that pissed you off -- all of the bad things that he did, and at the bottom of the page write "He will NEVER change! He never has, and never will!" Keep that paper for yourself. If you ever have a weak moment and miss him, you go back and look at all of the reasons why you ended it. We sometimes idealize the past and forget the bad, so this is a way for you to remind yourself that you're so much better off without him. From what I can see of your picture you're a beautiful girl, and you seem to be very sweet -- there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to find someone who truly makes you happy. Take your time, though. You've got your kids to think about -- you don't want to leap into a relationship with someone else just yet.

Andrea - posted on 01/08/2010

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i know its hard to get over someone you share a child with, and to be honest you never really get over them. you have that bond with them and no matter how much you might even hate that person some small part of you will always have feelings for him. im saying this cause i want you to know that it is okay to still have some feelings!!!! its normal. the best thing is to concentrate on your children. i know it doesnt make it any easeir, i wish it did but it takes time. if you have finally had enough and you really think that you and and your childrens lifes will be better off then put your foot down and let him know that you are not going to keep letting him come in and out of your life. ( people can change but only if they want to you cant make them!!!)

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