He got me pregnant on purpose without me knowing

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 253 moms have responded )

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He got me pregnant without me knowing...I was not ready..I'm a 20 year old mom now and it was not my decision in the matter....He got me pregnant on purpose and i was not planning to have one this soon or look at my child's dad the rest of my life...Then he tried to force me to marry him..now he wanders why i dont talk to him anymore when i bring the baby around which he barely sees and he lives no even 5 minutes away...then he had the nerve to tell me he was tired (ha) I asked him to keep the baby one day and an hour later he was like i have to go somewhere at 5:00p.m after he told me that he would be there all day so i told him that i wouldnt be able to make it to pick him up so i told him to take the baby with him he says"well im gonna be gone for a while and i got business to take care of nothan personal" did i not mention that his step mom was there and she runs a daycare from her home....everytime i come over there they act like they dont know how to fix a bottle he barley changes his diapers either....I felt like he is being so selfish i kno the words to say but dont know how to put them i guess....what should i do....I believe that even if we had of used protection then it would've still been so if my little Eli is here. I know its not all his fault i just want him to be there for my Eli

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Candyce - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sweetie, no one can get you pregnant on purpose without your consent. Actually, it's pretty damn tricky to get someone pregnant without a full knowledge of their cycle and somehow getting them to do it unprotected. If you mean he kept asking you to have his baby and whatnot, then hate to break it to you, but just about all guys do that at some point or another. I had mine at 19 in pretty much the same situation, but his father never saw him. If you want him to support your child financially (because I know it's hard), file for child support like now. If you want him to take an interest in his baby, good luck. You can't force someone to be a man or to look out for his seed.

Blessed Be

Candyce - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sweetie, no one can get you pregnant on purpose without your consent. Actually, it's pretty damn tricky to get someone pregnant without a full knowledge of their cycle and somehow getting them to do it unprotected. If you mean he kept asking you to have his baby and whatnot, then hate to break it to you, but just about all guys do that at some point or another. I had mine at 19 in pretty much the same situation, but his father never saw him. If you want him to support your child financially (because I know it's hard), file for child support like now. If you want him to take an interest in his baby, good luck. You can't force someone to be a man or to look out for his seed.

Blessed Be

Ev - posted on 01/20/2010

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It seems to me that his attitude is not likely to change, so why are you torturing yourself by dealing with him? You have a child, do you love him, do you want to keep him? Then start thinking about the baby, make the best life you can for both of you. No need to be tied to a jerk who won't appreciate either one of you. You are worth more than that, and so is your baby.

Carmen - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sherre -- as a mother of 3 and I'm 43 years old, I can tell you that a 20 year old girl who thinks she became a mother because the guy did it "on purpose, " desperately needs more advice than what she asking. She need guidance is multiple areas, emotional and relational. This is Circle of Moms - a place to share and receive advice and experience. Darnisha's post is wrought with questions about life and mothering that a lot of us can speak into. If Darnisha is wise and teachable, she needs to listen --Listen a lot, and APPLY the sound pieces of advice she is receiving. "Simply" answering her elementary questions won't set her on a path of success. Success. . .and healthy children and healthy families is goal. So let's all strive for that together.

Carmen - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sherre -- as a mother of 3 and I'm 43 years old, I can tell you that a 20 year old girl who thinks she became a mother because the guy did it "on purpose, " desperately needs more advice than what she asking. She need guidance is multiple areas, emotional and relational. This is Circle of Moms - a place to share and receive advice and experience. Darnisha's post is wrought with questions about life and mothering that a lot of us can speak into. If Darnisha is wise and teachable, she needs to listen --Listen a lot, and APPLY the sound pieces of advice she is receiving. "Simply" answering her elementary questions won't set her on a path of success. Success. . .and healthy children and healthy families is goal. So let's all strive for that together.

Carmen - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sherre -- as a mother of 3 and I'm 43 years old, I can tell you that a 20 year old girl who thinks she became a mother because the guy did it "on purpose, " desperately needs more advice than what she asking. She needs guidance is multiple areas, emotional and relational. This is Circle of Moms - a place to share and receive advice and experience. Darnisha's post is wrought with questions about life and mothering that a lot of us can speak into. If Darnisha is wise and teachable, she needs to listen --Listen a lot, and APPLY the sound pieces of advice she is receiving. "Simply" answering her elementary questions won't set her on a path of success. Success. . .and healthy children and healthy families is the goal. So let's all strive for that together.

Shenita - posted on 01/20/2010

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First of all, I have heard of people purposefully trying to have a child by another person using all kinds of trickery and tomfoolery. It happens all the time.

I'm going to give kudos to the OP for deciding to have the baby and for asking for advice. I recently learned an estimated 43% of women have one or more abortions by the time they are 45 years old (I thought that was a staggering number). I am not against a woman having the right to choose, but I think some people abuse it. OP could have had an abortion, not told anyone, and tried to keep on stepping (I say tried because for some women it can have very bad emotional effects years and years later).

Anyway, let's give her some support. Baby boy is already here. I do advise that she practice abstinence and or investigate using something like an IUD (that's what I have) until she is married and emotionally/financially ready for more children.

As far as the father, I think she has to stop putting energy into him having a relationship with the child right now. When he (the father) is ready, he will come around on his own. The father/child relationship is very important, but you can't beat a dead horse. Honey, you need to focus on you and your child.

Write out a plan of steps that will make your future better. Would you feel better with parenting classes, first aid/cpr, more education, counseling? How is your support network in your immediate area? Do you have friends/family you can go to for advice or emergency childcare? What is the custody situation? Do you have legal custody? Is the father paying child support? Don't let go of anything that your child is entitled to, even if you don't want to be bothered with the father.

Some people sound really judgmental. I'm not, maybe it's because I know that I have made mistakes in my past and I know that having someone beat me over the head with it, did not make anything any better.

It's a tough world out there and it sounds like this young lady needs some support. I'm writing this in the same tone that I would want someone to talk to me if I were in this situation.

Shari - posted on 01/20/2010

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It is true that every mom wants a little time w/o the baby but Leaving him in the care of a dead beat who barely if at all wants to care for him or knows how is not a good idea. Babies die from that. I totally get wanting a break but is there anyone else who can help you. Eli will have more emotional hardships if this guy keeps seeing him.

be well and good luck finding your answer.



I also wanted to add that I am not being mean. I have seen a situation where a guy who everyone thought was a good day hurt his child badly when he felt pressured into caring for him. I just would hate for it to happen So I stated it bluntly. I truly do wish blessings to you and your family.

Ceri - posted on 01/20/2010

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WOW IM SHOCKED AT SOME OF THE COMMENTS YOUVE HAD!! im so sorry ur having a tough time and i dont think there is an easy answer 4 u. all i can say is i have a friend who was pressured into having a baby by her partner so it does happen. be very choosy of the answers you listen to as your emotional health and your baby need to be the main priority in your life. if he cant grow up and be a dad you wont be able to trust him to meet his basic needs so trust you motherly instincts and if it says not to leave eli with him alone then dont! you carried this lil person for 9months YOU kno him best. just make sure dad pays his way seeing as it was his idea to make a baby he needs to take some responsability!! some boys are just that - boys - and some never grow up and face what they need to do.



keep u and baby eli safe hun wish u well x

Elizabeth - posted on 01/20/2010

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Don't wait until he "lets you know" that he doesn't want to be part of the baby's life. Get down to the first Child Support office you can find and get him paying on the baby. That may jerk a knot in his butt, but YOU and the baby need his support financially. In most states visitation rights are not tied to child support, check with your CS office to make sure that you don't have to let him see the baby just because he's paying. Then you need to remove him from your life. While him paying CS might be cause for you two to have interaction -- it should be limited to business only.

If you decide that he needs to be part of his sons life, then you need to take precautions for Eli's safety....IF you feel the baby is not being cared for properly when in his care -- document it! Take photos of any diaper rash, bruising, or anything that just doesn't "look right" when he is returned to your care. That way you've got "proof" for court if it comes up. Just remember if you terminate his parental rights you will not get any support whatsoever from him, because at that point he's no longer your baby's father.

There are lots of things to consider in a situation like this, and you need to make sure you take steps to ensure the welfare of your child.

I was a single mom to 3 kids for many years, and did it all on my own, with NO support from dad. It's not easy, it's not a lot of "fun", but it is the single most rewarding experience of my life. My kids know I did everything I could for them, and they respect me for that... they're all grown now (25, 22, & 19) and are doing really well. I see the ethics that *I* instilled in them at work. I know that I did a good job with my kids, and if you ask them, they'll say the same thing. Now I"m raising my 3 beautiful stepchildren and loving every minute of it...

Just make sure that in everything you do you keep Eli's best interest in mind, and you'll be fine! Remember to save something for yourself -- you have to be good to you in order to have something left over for others!

Take care, hang in there -- you're in for the most wonderfully challenging, exciting, and rewarding journey of your life! Be prepared to be awed, inspired, and totally set on your heels daily!

Kristal - posted on 01/20/2010

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Your decision to have a baby began when you chose to have sex. If this guy wasn't someone that you thought it would be good to have a baby with, maybe you should have thought about that before you had sex with him. Just an idea. As far as him not spending time with the baby, well, that's a choice he will have to make. All you can do is encourage him to do so, if that's truly what you're wanting from him. If he needs help learning how to do things for the baby, maybe you could help rather than criticize. Offer to show him how. I'm sure there are things that dad's capable of that mom has no idea about too. Maybe he truly doesn't know what he's doing and so he has backed off because of it. If you want him to spend more time with the baby, you could show him that you're willing to help him become more comfortable with the situation. Parenting does not come with a manual and it is not easy, but the rewards are beyond comparison for those willing to live up to the task.

Shannan - posted on 01/20/2010

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Darnisha, Good Luck sweetie. All moms have trouble at some time or another - our job is hard, I guess our moms just made it look easier than it really is! Anyway, my prayers are with you. It sounds to me like you ARE a good mom to little Eli and you are doing your best (which is all any of us can do). Eli's dad doesnt know what he has in that little guy, but you DO. So, I agree with a lot of these posts - if he wants to see the baby, fine, but do it on YOUR terms and keep Eli safe. If "dad" isnt providing you with what you need to raise Eli, then do what you have to - lawyer up if need be, but find a way. That little boy has a great mom, now you just need the help and support to raise him right. Hang in there.

Alisha - posted on 01/20/2010

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stop depending on him if he's not interested to take care of the baby...avoid putting baby in such difficult and improper situations....try to bring up ur child ur way the way u want it but do not forget to share financial responsibility with ur partner if he's not interested to look after the baby aleast he should ake care of all the expenses and for rest of the responsibility if he says no tell him good bye i dnt need to u for tht....enjoy ur motherhod since u r a mother now whether with choice or without choice...not important anymore with the child there with u

Alisha - posted on 01/20/2010

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stop depending on him if he's not interested to take care of the baby...avoid putting baby in such difficult and improper situations....try to bring up ur child ur way the way u want it but do not forget to share financial responsibility with ur partner if he's not interested to look after the baby aleast he should ake care of all the expenses and for rest of the responsibility if he says no tell him good bye i dnt need to u for tht....enjoy ur motherhod since u r a mother now whether with choice or without choice...not important anymore with the child there with u

Sophie - posted on 01/20/2010

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anne, i agree with you about guys doing things to get their woman pregnant but i also feel if you are not ready to have one and you are head strong about it. you can prevent it from happening. using your own condoms and not letting him put it on himself, keeping your own birth control pills where he doesnt know where it is. and Not having sex with him period. i had a girlfriend in the same situation. and she did not let it happen. as much as you may love someone at the time... its still your decision in what the outcome is ...

Anne - posted on 01/20/2010

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To Jen Robinson. Yes a man can get you pregnet without you knowing just like a female can. I have heard of guys poking holes in condoms and hiding birthcontrol or in my case purposely not pulling outin time. Fortunatly I have a good ending. But Darnisha you can to remember you are both young and what might have seemed to him a good idea at the time has just bit him in the ass. And he has alot of growing up to do. No it is not right to do what he is doing. Its not fair for you and your little boy. But remember not only does everthing happen for a reason but God will never put more on your plate than you can chew. If that means cutting him off. Cut him off. He will be the one to suffer in the end and have to explain to your son why he was a crapping dad. Karma baby. Just think because of all this you have this wonderful little man in you life that even on your darkest day just one little smile from him will make it all better. When I first got pregnet with my son I was so scared. 19 and getting ready for college. Just met the guy and was friends with benifits. 1 month later pregnet. No I never went back to school but am thinking about it now cuz I have more free time. But I've been married to that friend with benifits for 9 yrs and have 3 kids. We just bought our first home. But it was really hard. And you need to exspect that. And honestly I wouldn't of had it anyother way. It brought to where I am today which is pretty damn good. Oh and my husband though I love him so is not so great with kids either. Your just lucky you found that out before you married to guy. Because its alot harder to run a household when the husband whines everytime the kids do. You just have another kid just more annoying that you can't send to his room. You do learn a tramendous amount of patience and find peace in the littlest things. Enjoy your life honey you only have one that is YOURS and think maybe your here to bring that little boy here because he is going to do something great in this world.

Sophie - posted on 01/20/2010

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this how i feel about the situation. forget wanting the father to be there for his son... all that matters now. is YOU being there for him...... stop wondering and wishing why the father isnt doing his job for his son.. and i understand that you werent ready to be a mom but he is here.. and i believe God doesnt give you anything that you cant handle....do the best you can .. and the next time you are in a relationship with someone, take control of YOUR BODY...

Cindy - posted on 01/20/2010

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I don't believe it's true that someone can't get you pregnant. I have a friend. Her boyfriend's aunt took a needle and poked holes in the condoms she gave him because she wanted them to have a baby. Guess what- it worked. Who's to say Darnisha's boyfriend didn't do the same? He could have been trying to get her to cooperate with making a baby, all while sabotaging their birth control in the meantime. I've read down through the posts so I know she has owned up to being partially responsible, but I wouldn't go around saying what she originally claimed isn't technically possible. People are quick to judge, while slow to think sometimes.

Jamie - posted on 01/20/2010

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child support will make him crazy by the sounds of things now! how about just telling him to go away,

Kelly - posted on 01/20/2010

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I think you've already received a lot of advice (gently put and some tough love).

I just wanted to say thank you for choosing life for your little baby. I know it will be tough but that little guy will help you find strength you didn't know you had.

God Bless you both.

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

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You should talk to a lawyer or a social worker and try and get child support from this guy. You were irresponsible to not use contraceptive, but try and make the situation better for you and your son by at least getting some money out of this guy who obviously just wanted a f**k trophy, not a baby. His mom should be helping you take care of him, but she sounds worthless. Stay away from that family and move on. You can't force someone to be a good dad. Would you want your son to spend time with someone who doesn't want him around? that would cause him more emotional harm than good. Do what you need to do to get financial support from him. And don't ever have unprotected sex again. Use 2 methods as back up if you don't want another kid. Focus on your future and supporting your son. Good luck with everything.

Jaclyn - posted on 01/20/2010

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That baby needs you and only you. It may be hard for a while but it'll pay off in the end. Any man can become a father but it takes a decent one to become a dad. Take it day by day and if he comes around great but if not, get on with your life, instead of being resentful just focus on raising your baby the best you can. Hang in there!

Jamie - posted on 01/20/2010

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Well, I will tell you that I was in a simular situation and its not a good one to have a child in, i understand that you want him to be there for the Eli but its time that you just let him go and the "dad" relize what he is missing out on and if he dont relize it be thankful that you get all of Eli's love and joy, to yourself, Eli needs you, but dont need someone who doesnnot have that time nor want to be around

AurarA - posted on 01/20/2010

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u got my support, ive done it w/ out the dad, and i wanted him to b a part, bt he didnt show ne sign of wanting to help,sad thing is, he just wanted 2 take over, to control me, he told people he gt me pregnant on purpose to KEEP ME, AND WERE NOT TOGETHER NEMORE CUZ I LEFT HS SORRY ASS, BT NOW HE IS FIGHTING ME 4 THA KIDS... JST PRAY HE STAYS AWAY

Patricia - posted on 01/20/2010

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You can not force someone to be there if they do not want to be. My advice is go find yourself a nice man while you are still young. One that will respect you and grow to love your baby like his own. There are good men out there that will not deceive you. This man sounds like trouble and your son would be better off without him. Try to find a positive male role model for your son even if it is not a boyfriend for you do you have any family to support and help you out? I hope so and wish you the best.

Trish - posted on 01/20/2010

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Obviously you love your baby and the father is not understanding of the actual needs and restraints having a child can pose. First though, you have to stop blaming him for getting you pregnant when it takes two to make a beautiful child. Especially because you did not use protection. Secondly, just know that he has a right to see his child even if he isn't really the best father, I am sure he loves the baby in his heart. Even though this is not the ideal way you dreamed you 'd have a family, it happened and now you as a mother must do what is best for your child's interest. If it means finding another means for him to be taken care of with someone you trust will do a great job with the baby while your not around. I would be frantic leaving my child with someone , even if it was his own father if I couldn't trust that he knew what to do. Maybe, I know it would take a lot, but toss your pride for a moment and maybe take the time to show your ex what exactly you do for your son and what your son likes so that he cant say he doesn't know what to do anymore. Men sometimes think that we women just know what to do when actually we have to learn how to be parents too. Being the bigger person will make you feel better, and know that it is important for you not to bash him even if he is a loser, because he is your Eli's father, for the rest of his life. Good luck.

Laura - posted on 01/20/2010

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Darnisha, The only thing that is important in your life now is Eli, irregardless of what has happened. DO NOT waste your time and energy on these people who obviously don't care and are just going through the motions. Try to make a life of your own, with your friends and start going to Mums & Tots clubs, meeting other people that will give you the time of day and show you some kindness. It is up to you to bring Eli up to be a good, loving and caring child. Eliminate the negatives and draw inthe positives now or you will not be any good to your son. Good Luck and DON'T get caught up in emotional blackmails and men's empty promises.

Lucy - posted on 01/20/2010

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Some day woman are going to learn you DON'T BRING A BABY INTO THE WORLD JUST FOR THE SAKE OF DOING IT. hE MIGHT hsve tricked you, but you don't get pregnant if you aren't having sex. If you don't want a baby, you don't rely on the man for protection, you rely on yourself. Maybe he'd like to give up his rights completely. Then you don't have to deal with him at all. You can't change a mean, stupid person, which he sounds like he is, so you either have to live with his bad actions and maybe be miserable, but don't think you can rely on him when it really counts. Chalk it up as a really bad mistake. Unfortunately there are way to many fathers out there exactly like him. They can produce children but then don't want to care for them. This day and age, it isn't always the dad that is the dope, there are plenty of moms out there who have children but don't take care of them. Could you move far far away and start over??? Part of your problem is that you are very young, you probably didn't know that there were such miserble people out in this world. If only kids would listen to their parents more, maybe they wouldn't have babies at twenty, not be married, so they don't have to find out how hard it is to raise a baby without much help. Sorry this is kind of negative, but maybe someone else reading this will think twice before having unprotected sex, or sex at all until they are married.

B - posted on 01/20/2010

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you are doing the right thing by dropping him, what a piece of work. do your work of being a good mom, enjoy the time with them and dont worry about him, you have enough to worry about

Danielle - posted on 01/20/2010

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WENDY-Just a question but HOW THE HELL do you force the baby's father to pay child support?..i have been to court and still havent received a cent...just wondering how do you get them to pay?

I like the fact that o dont need his money to raise my daughter but i would like to know how it is possible to force them?

Holly - posted on 01/20/2010

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I'm so sorry Darnisha for the situation you find yourself in. I think you have been given some good advice in that you can't make Eli's father want him. I know this hurts your heart and as a mom you want Eli to have the best of everything. Unfortunately, the decisions that both you and Eli's dad have made and some that he is making makes this impossible. There are a few things I think that may help you in the process of moving forward from here.



1st - take responsibility for your decisions and actions - both the good (having your baby and stepping up to the plate) and the bad (unprotected sex or whatever). It sounds like you are doing this. Taking responsibility is an important stepin moving forward.



2nd - take time to grieve. It IS sad that Eli's dad doesn't want to be a part of his life and the Eli has to live with the consequences of something that is not his fault. You CAN NOT make him want Eli or want to be a dad. Don't waste your energy on this. I know as a mom we want the Best for our kids. Take the time to grieve this.



3rd - Dream of want you want for Eli and take the steps to make it happen. ie Find friends and family who will help you watch him if you still need to get your education . . . It may take you longer than others and be harder but YOU CAN DO IT and IT'S WORTH IT!



Lastly, Be the best mom you can be. Love him by spending Quality time with him (quantity doesn't make it quality). Love him by teaching him to be kind, obdient, thoughtful . . . (this take alot of work and the dreaded word discipline but oh so worth it). Love him by living your life in such a way that he SEES that mistakes don't have to end dreams or make you a victim. By taking responsiblity and then leaving those mistakes behind, he can "press on" and make his dreams come true just like you did.



and when you do meet a guy, take it slow. Make sure he is a Quality man, one who will love Eli as his own. Don't rush the process by not wanting to be alone. Make him EARN the PRIVILEGE of being Eli's Dad. Keep Eli's needs first and you'll succeed beyond your wildest dreams



Hang in there and take 1 day at a time. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow or by looking at someone else's life. Just meet each challenge as they come and lean on the friends and family you can count on. I know it hard, but you Can do it as others have done before you.



If you need a listening ear, please feel free to e-mail via circle of moms. I may not always have an answer or want you would like to hear but, I will always have a listening ear.

Danielle - posted on 01/20/2010

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i had a child at 20..i was on the pill and STILL got pregnant..she is the best accident of my life :)...i am a single mum 2 :)

Her father wasnt interested after she was born unless it was in a PUBLIC place..then we would have won best actor,lol...



Anyway he hasnt had any contact with my daughter since she was 3 months old ( his choice) and i now have full custody :)..

After we broke up i tried to FORCE a realtionship with him and my daughter and he used to ring after only 20 mins for me to pick her up...it was a mistake for me to force it as it ended up with my beautiful princess having 2nd degree burns on her foot.



I do not receive a cent from him, nor do hhis family ever contact to see how she is...i live on my own and have to work part time to keep a roof over our heads....

Its tough and can seem inpossible at times, but it is all WORTH IT.....

STUFF him i say, you chose to keep the child so be a mother to your child and do wat is best for him!...it is better for him to have no father then to have one that doesnt care about him....



Another alternative is if you guys cant act amicably around your son. then try a going to a mediation...and there are centres around where you take your child and the father see's it for 2hrs supervised....if ur ex doesnt show up to mediation, it shows that he doesnt care...if that is the case then i would go to court and get full custody of your child...then if your ex ever changes his mind then it will all be on your terms :)

Good luck and stay strong

Danielle - posted on 01/20/2010

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i had a child at 20..i was on the pill and STILL got pregnant..she is the best accident of my life :)...i am a single mum 2 :)

Her father wasnt interested after she was born unless it was in a PUBLIC place..then we would have won best actor,lol...



Anyway he hasnt had any contact with my daughter since she was 3 months old ( his choice) and i now have full custody :)..

After we broke up i tried to FORCE a realtionship with him and my daughter and he used to ring after only 20 mins for me to pick her up...it was a mistake for me to force it as it ended up with my beautiful princess having 2nd degree burns on her foot.



I do not receive a cent from him, nor do hhis family ever contact to see how she is...i live on my own and have to work part time to keep a roof over our heads....

Its tough and can seem inpossible at times, but it is all WORTH IT.....

STUFF him i say, you chose to keep the child so be a mother to your child and do wat is best for him!...it is better for him to have no father then to have one that doesnt care about him....



Another alternative is if you guys cant act amicably around your son. then try a going to a mediation...and there are centres around where you take your child and the father see's it for 2hrs supervised....if ur ex doesnt show up to mediation, it shows that he doesnt care...if that is the case then i would go to court and get full custody of your child...then if your ex ever changes his mind then it will all be on your terms :)

Good luck and stay strong

Natalie - posted on 01/20/2010

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ive heard of women getting pregnant on purpose but not so much the other way around. either way you have a little one there an he is your priority if they are proving not to be looking after Eli then you should not be leaving the baby with them. Always put Eli first which im sure you do and do the best you can its all you can do as a mother, hope it goes well for you lots of love a very happy single mum xxx

Karleen - posted on 01/20/2010

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You can never trust a man when it comes to sex--I hope you are on birth control pills because you are in charge for the next ones---This guy would not take care of your baby even if you were together-----and with his attitude I would fear for the safety of my child--more babies are killed by boyfriends who abuse the child when mom is gone and they have to baby sit and don't want to--we just had a guy here in florida that thru the baby out the car window on to the expressway and it was killed--the father of your baby was in love with the idea of the picket fence and not the reality of having a child---love your baby--he will only be little once----and forget mister wonderful--you can do this without his help----he is to immature yet-----so you need to grow up real fast as you are responsible for the safety and welfare of the child no matter how he got here----he is here to stay------your son------blessings to you---

May' - posted on 01/20/2010

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it definitely takes two to tangle u know.....i don't blame you for your action..people make mistakes.forget about your baby's father if he is in so much of a hurry to forget about you two considering his attitude...look towards family and friends for support and ultimately God.......you have a baby/child to cater for and that should be your most concern....it may be rough at first but u'll come around you'll see.don't let anything or anyone make u feel bad,look ahead to better things

Monique - posted on 01/19/2010

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Darnisha,



You did make a decision in the matter to get pregnant, whether you want to accept that or not. Did he put a hole in the condom? Like others have said, unless he raped you, you made the decision to have sex knowing that you could get pregnant to a man that you weren't planning to be with for the rest of your life. I think that if you used birth control or condoms then people wouldn't be so harsh.



Regardless, you have chosen to keep Eli, and it's true that you can't force someone to do something. This doesn't mean that you can't be angry at him or feel whatever you feel towards him. No one can tell you how to feel. It is sad that this poor excuse for a human being is not interested in his beautiful daughter. He is most definitely being selfish. But I think you should just concentrate on Eli and give her all the love she deserves :o)



Good luck!

Missdeadly - posted on 01/19/2010

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hi darnisha,



i am a mother of 2. married for the past 5 yrs. i got married to the person i loved.



first of all,accept the fact that its not his decision to give u a child. birth is in the hands of God. there are people who try for decades to have a baby but because God does not will, it does not happen!! so its neithers fault why u have a baby. the baby is a blessing of God and if u start thinking this way, u wont need any1's help in changin diapers, making bottles.



be a self made mom. dont be a need-help mom.

Wendy - posted on 01/19/2010

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No one is saying to force the dude into a relationship with a child he obviously doesn't care for, BUT he should and MUST give monetary support. I am also a single mother of a 5yr old boy and I'll be damned if I allow his father to get away scotch free while I suffer financially. I don't think so! Men MUST be made to be responsible. If women take the attitude that "Oh leave him alone, he's not worth it, just let me do the best I can, it's me and my child only" then men will never learn to be responsible. So i say str8 to court!

Shannon - posted on 01/19/2010

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I know it's hard, but if he wants a relationship with that precious baby he has to make the effort. If you are feeling any sort of worry about leaving Eli in his care, trust your instincts. If it were me, he wouldn't have contact until he made an honest effort and proved his commitment. God Bless. You will be in my prayers.

Crystal - posted on 01/19/2010

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Darnisha,

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm not sure what to say other that to encourage you to be the best mom you can be for Eli. Hang in there!

Prayers and Blessings!!

Kelly - posted on 01/19/2010

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i would make him pay child support b a strong woman do it ur self show him u can do it without him an ur child iis beter off ur son dnt need a part time dad he needs a ful-time dad his loss not urs dnt force him on him ur baby isnt a trouple hes a privaledge so he dnt get that privaledge since hes a jerk.. im also 20 with a 10mnth old an its better to forget him an the stress an focuse on ur child dnt take him around a part time dad bc when hes old enough to ask for daddy an he promises to b there an never does it is only goin to break his heart think nbout wats best for him an a low life dad isnt

Stephanie - posted on 01/19/2010

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you can only be the best mom you can be and ... let him make his own mistakes in your sonz life cause he will have to deal with that with your son ... or take him to court to make him have constant visits every week court ordered .....

Ashlee - posted on 01/19/2010

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OMG!!! i was 15 when i fell pregnant with my son and i am now 21! If you didnt want the baby you should not have had it!!! and as for it not being your responsibilty for gtting pregnant that is total crap! You spread ur legs without using protection, how could u not know that he was gonna finish inside of you? and there is a thing called the morning after pill! Take responsibilty for your actions instead of blamming someone else! I have been a single mother since i was 16! my sons dad has nothing to do with him at all! u need to be the role model for your baby. Stop waiting for him and begin ur life with ur baby!

Thaika - posted on 01/19/2010

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Forget Him!!! I speak from personal experience all the frustration and hurt is not worth it.

Linda - posted on 01/19/2010

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You are adult enough to realize you aren't ready for a baby~good for you!! It is not too late to seriously consider adoption. Think of the advantages you would be giving your son. Adoptions are so open these days. YOU get to pick the family who would adopt him and be able to have contact and see him. It would be a win-win situation for all involved. You are a strong woman. Good luck, you are in my prayers!

Mona - posted on 01/19/2010

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I hate to be so blunt and rude, but honey move on!!! You are a Mother now, and you don't need him or his family if he isn't willing to be man enough to take care of his child. I have been raising my son alone since he was 6 mos old (he is now 6) since I divorced his father who was emotionally and verbally abusive, I knew that I DID NOT want my son to be like his Dad so I left. It's a hard decision I know, and I know that you are scared that you won't make it on your own, but believe me you can make it. Take him to court and have him pay child support/medical & dental/day care expenses etc, and find support in a church, or a woman's group. It took 2 to make this baby and unfortunately this baby is caught in the middle, you can make the choice on whether you want to raise Eli to be a responsible man or worthless like his father. It's your choice. I'm blessed that both of my parents are still married to one another and the most important words my Father told me in regards to "boys" who say that they are a "man." is this: "Any man can call himself a Daddy, but it takes a real man to be a Father." Your son is the greatest gift given to you from God, and you are a strong woman, believe it and live it!!!

Kristy - posted on 01/19/2010

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awe I hear how you feel Darnisha. Guys are always trying to get girls pregnant, it does something for their ego's. They really don't care if they are around to take care of the baby most guys are just into acting like men, and ditching the scene after the knocking up a girl. They brag to their friends. If you want to know more about the behaviour of men just look at the social activity in primates. Primates males are exactly the same, the get as many females as they can pregnant, and they even fight over mates. They kill their other primates young sometimes if they are considered a threat. Primates males do not take care of their young, they are onto the next as soon as you know it. You'd think the modern male would be different then a primate..but sadly they are not. lmfao. Its usually up to us females to do all the work. Its ingrained in our society, and with the above some could even go as far as to saying its genetically disposed. It's up to us females to always be the better people in situations like these. Thats why we are strong and males are just weak cowards. Yea Im sexiest, but guys are assholes. My ex doesn't take care of his son or pay child support yet he is taking me to court for custody, my son is 5. Im pregnant again, and the Father is not in the picture at all, and for that I am so glad. Because I do not have to put up with being flustered because he is not helping. Im taking on the responsibility all by myself, and then I don't have to deal with any of it. Im 28 and had my first baby at 22. And the Father of the first baby is also 28, he is currently trying to knock up as many 19 year olds as he can trying to get revenge on me. This is a sad mentality, just be strong and remember we are the stronger sex.

Kathleen - posted on 01/19/2010

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Please - suck it up and dont worry about anyone else - just be he best Mom you can be and forget the rest of the world. Your child has only you to rely on - when it comes down to it - Our mothers are the only people who we KNOW love us ( at least should know and SHOULD love us ) be the BEST mother you know how to be and just keep your sons interests always in the forefront

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

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Unfortunately he does sound selfish. My husband at the time got me pregnant on purpose so I know how that feels to have ur trust betrayed. My sons are wonderful and even though it was hard to accept at the time. He used that to keep me from leaving him & then I was on my own to care for him & I tried to leave him again & he promised to make it work and I agreed to have another child since we were married. Before he was born, his true colors still showed and I raised them on my own without his help. He lives 5 mins away too and has their whole lives and across the street from their daycare at the time but he was always too busy to help out too. You have the right idea, it's about you & ur son--it's his loss. to address Lou's comment---when you trust that ur birth control has not been tampered with and u know ur cycle and what days are not safe--to have that person violate that by intentionally causing "failure" to ur birth control--what are the "police" going to do?? It's a violation of ur trust same as if a man gets told "opps" I'm pregnant when he is lead to believe that birth control is being used properly. 2-way street.....I never thought of that & it happened to me.

Carol - posted on 01/20/2010

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Forget him. Plus, if he got you pregnant on purpose without you wanting to be, that doesn't make sense. You are both in the boat. He didn't hold a gun to your head and force unprotected sex, in that case you would call the police. Sex out of marriage gets you a lot of grief and heartache, I know. I would forget him. He is not responsible, he has no respect for you nor the baby. He is overwhelmed with the fact he has to be playing a role in the child's life. The back and forth business is not healthy for the child. The child will feel tossed back and forth. Sorry but you need stability and so does this child. I am sorry to sound rude, but your situation is like many others, and yes there is a way. I would have him take a parenting plan and finish it and see where it goes from there!

MaryAnn - posted on 01/20/2010

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you can debate all day over the "He got me pregnant on purpose"- I think she knows now that it "takes two to tango" They are both EQUALLY responsible for Eli. NOW.. to move on.. You cannot force Eli's dad to be in the pictue.. sure, you can go after him for child support, but will that make him Eli's Daddy? No.. Move on..Raise your beautiful baby, love him, keep him safe, be the best mom you can be. I know it's stressful..i've been there.. had a relationship, had a baby, raised the baby alone.. I had to learn to let the anger go, because if I didn't i would've been full of hate.. and hate isn't good when you're rasing a child. You will get through it.. My baby is almost 18 now.. and well adjusted..

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