He got me pregnant on purpose without me knowing

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 253 moms have responded )

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He got me pregnant without me knowing...I was not ready..I'm a 20 year old mom now and it was not my decision in the matter....He got me pregnant on purpose and i was not planning to have one this soon or look at my child's dad the rest of my life...Then he tried to force me to marry him..now he wanders why i dont talk to him anymore when i bring the baby around which he barely sees and he lives no even 5 minutes away...then he had the nerve to tell me he was tired (ha) I asked him to keep the baby one day and an hour later he was like i have to go somewhere at 5:00p.m after he told me that he would be there all day so i told him that i wouldnt be able to make it to pick him up so i told him to take the baby with him he says"well im gonna be gone for a while and i got business to take care of nothan personal" did i not mention that his step mom was there and she runs a daycare from her home....everytime i come over there they act like they dont know how to fix a bottle he barley changes his diapers either....I felt like he is being so selfish i kno the words to say but dont know how to put them i guess....what should i do....I believe that even if we had of used protection then it would've still been so if my little Eli is here. I know its not all his fault i just want him to be there for my Eli

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Angie - posted on 01/13/2010

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The only way he could have gotten you pregnant without you know it was if he drugged you or if you are not aware of how babies are made. Eli is here, make the best of it. If he does not want to be the father you want him to be, be grateful for the father that he is. Just learn from this incident, don't have sex with anyone you don't want to have in your life forever - even if you're not married he is in your life for as long as Eli is in your life.

Katerina - posted on 01/13/2010

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well the baby is here now so just love love and love your boy as YOU are the only thing he has in his live mike him proud and don't worry abt his dad as it's up to him to take responsibilities 4 his actions and if he das't he is the one who is loosing out not you or your baby and one day when he is big enough he can jug it his self
You don't need to be best mum of the world just "TRY" to be good enough

Teresa - posted on 01/13/2010

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im not sure how he got u pregnant on purpose surley u know your cycle better then him and u could have used protection. But now that u have brought a beutiful soul into the world u cant worry about whats happened and what the father and his partner are doing u need to let those emotions go and find some peace and enjoy your time with your son coz your son will pick up on any ill feelings towards his father. just let it all go only then will u be there for your son

Krista - posted on 01/13/2010

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How exactly........cause, I can't wrap my head around this.....does one get pregnant without them knowing?

Robin - posted on 01/13/2010

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The baby is here now. The only thing you should be focusing on now is to take care of your baby on your own. You are not the first to do this. I'm a mother of two girls. I'm doing it. Don't worry about what you need him to do. Its apparent that he is NOT gonna be there for you or your child. You must be strong for you and your baby. Please stay focused on your life and your childs life because there will be another man out there preaching to you that same line.

Carolyn - posted on 01/13/2010

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I think that this girl has understood that she was at fault, she is on here looking for some support and advice on how to deal with the situation! why is it that everyone seems to only want to put her down? so she used the wrong choie of words, big deal she is 20 and dealing with the situation best she can, so why not try to help her rather than put her down? it seems to me people would want to be giving the advice to help her change the situation rather than make her feel any worse than she does about everything.

Mattee - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Mattee:

Sorry sweetie, but maybe you should be more picky of who you sleep around with. You made your bed and now you gotta lay in it...



I wasn't trying to be judgemental.... I was just stating a fact. "I wasn't planning on seeing his face for the rest of my life" makes it pretty clear what was going on... Common sense: Vagina+ Penis in vagina = baby! There are people who get prego while using all different kinds of contraception. Sex makes babies. Don't act so surprised. 

Carrie - posted on 01/13/2010

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dude!!! If you willingly had sex , then you took a chance on getting pregnant. IF you willingly had sex w/o protection ,not wanting a baby ,and he did as well, wanting one YOU STILL HAD SEX WITH OUT PROTECTION, AND MOST WOMEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. So I am not trying to be rude but for goodness sakes,You have a baby, a life that's your responsibility ,if didn't want that then" in that heat of the moment "you should had said put "it" on or you should have been on the "pill". As far as the father take him to court get child support , Don't take your child around were he isn't being took care of .. and love him , take care of him, cherish him, help him be a good person, he didn't asked to be put into a situation like this, so please for him don't make him be in it anymore.. love him , your what he has, make it a loving situation for him .... not a he did...she did...he dosen't they don't situation ...

Carolyn - posted on 01/13/2010

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I just want to say that i know what you are going through with having a babys father want you to be pregnant then he doesnt want to take responsibility for the baby. im 22 and my son is almost a year old already, my sons father is a loser and i knew when i was pregnant what i was going to have to do to provide my baby with the best life possible and that was to leave the father out of the picture. why would you want to submit yourself or your child to the problems he is causing? i would say move on and leave the father out of it. and even if you took him to court for child support, it doesnt mean that they will pay it. Hope things work out and like some of the other girls said b4 take the good advice and disregard the bad. Good luck!!!

Megan - posted on 01/13/2010

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I think (and this is just my opinion so no disrespect) that if you love your baby boy, you'll do right by him, and leave his father behind. Make sure he's paying support, as it's only fair he financially support the child he helped to make. Not buying diapers, or some clothes here and there, but full fledged support issued by the court. This will only help install in him that he has a responsibility he can't run from. Now when it comes to visitation, the court will set that up, but even they can't force a horse to drink just lead it to the water hole, or so to speak. You'll have to be the strong woman and always act in the best interest of your child, so you'll have to hold your tongue about what an awful father he has in front of him. Children didn't ask to be brought into the world and they don't understand the complex emotions that we adults force upon them, so keep it simple. Love your baby with all your might and make a better man out of him then his father is.

Andrea - posted on 01/13/2010

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Take him to court to make him financially responsible. Other than that I don't think you can make someone emotionally responsible. It doesn't sound like he'd be a good role model for your son either.

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010

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Ok i get that it wasn't all his fault.....I want him to be there now since he helped me create him....I've taken responsibility for my son by not giving him away or terminating the pregnancy....he is the one saying that he tried to so why not make him do whats right and take care of his son.....!

Tah - posted on 01/13/2010

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i can't put the sex witout protection and he did it on purpose together..you seem to be blaming him but you have to own up for your part..

Alina - posted on 01/13/2010

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My daughter's dad isn't much better. I feel your pain there! It's not fun watching someone brush their kids of like that. I am married now and my husband has stepped up and is being a wonderful father to my daughter. He claims her as his own. As for her real father...we'll just call him X...He see's her about every 6 months or so. He wants to see her for holidays (sometimes) and whenever his family or girlfriends want to see her. He was doing really well for a while and I would let him stop by and spend time with her whenever or pick her up and go wherever as long as she was back in time for bed. It was about this time last year he started slowed down on seeing her but he was still paying child support. It had been a few months since he'd seen her when I married and moved to IL. X took her for 2 weeks in July and didn't see or call her again until a few weeks ago. He kept her for a few hours on a Sat because "he wanted to give her her Christmas presents and stuff." I picked her up but she didn't get any presents. When I asked her what she did she said she watched a movie. X hasn't paid child support since June. After 3 years of being a good baby mamma I quit!!! If he wants to see her he can call me and set up a time and he can spend the day with her but she isn't spending the weekend with him until I see him being consistent...seeing her on a regular basis and really working to establish a father-daughter relationship. I went down to the court house and filed to get the money he owes me and once i get that I'll take him back to have it readjusted to get more. It's not that I want his money. Honestly, I want nothing to do with the man, but I'm tired of being walked on and him thinking I'm going to be right there with my daughter when ever he calls. He doesn't see the affect it's having on this innocent child. If he wants to cause my daughter pain and turn around and say it's all my fault cause I moved 4 hours away I'm going to give him what he really deserves. It's pretty bad when he can't come 30 min down the road (I'm staying in IN with fam until my husband comes back home) to see his daughter but my husband can manage to call from Iraq and talk to her for 10 min. Guess who she calls her Daddy??? It's not X!!
Sorry, I went a little deeper than I had intended. Guess I needed to vent a little. Darnisha, I wish there was something good I could tell you, but to be completely honest, this is how it will be all of Eli's life. His daddy won't change. If I were you, I would do what I did, hold you head up and walk on. He is going to miss on every bed time story, ever silly mispronunciation of a word, all of beautiful paintings your child brings home from school and every glowing smile on Christmas morning. It will be you the child runs to when he falls down. It will be you who will mend every broken heart. It will be up to you to punish and teach. It's a hard job, it's even harder to do alone. If he wants to see his child, he can come to you and see him. He can call to talk on the phone. Get child support. Get a set schedule for visitation. But never, ever say one bad work to or in front of Eli about his (i'm assuming it's a boy, sorry if he's not) father. In time Eli with know who was there for him and will decided for himself who really loves him and was there for him. My daughter is 3 and already see's X isn't much of a father.
I wish you much luck in the future!!

Jane - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Emma :

Hi Darnisha take what people say to you on this blog with a pinch of salt!People are good at judging others so take the good advice from these blogs and the ones that upset you just disregard!you sound like a great mom who is doing her best and thats all we can do as moms!Just love your baby and give it the best life you can!The happiest babies are ones who have one or two great parents and as your babies dad isnt measuring up you are the parent who he will remember giving him all the love he needs!Good luck with everything xo


Just so we are being clear. You think the people who are offering advice are being to judgeamentle?



I know for 100% I was thinking of Darnisha and her son only when I posted my comment.



Obviously, she is going to be slightly offended by some posts she reads, but she has also said her boyfriend got her pregnant on purpose AND without her knowing (no offence intended Darnisha!!)



Darnisha asked for our opinions and help and we are giving it in our own ways.....



Emma, worry about your own comments and we other Mum's will worry about ours....

Rosie - posted on 01/13/2010

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i was a single mother with my first one and i know it is very hard. his daddy was never around-i mean never! he didn't pay child support, didn't show up for the paternity test that he wanted so bad (even though he's the one that cheated on me, not the other way around). i spent so much time feeling pissed, and overwhelemed, (and i still have some of those moments), and just plain abandoned, that i missed the part where i was raising a child on my own. it's a very big deal, and something to be proud of, and not taken for granted. i've grown now, realized that i needed to break all ties that i had to that man-this year i terminated his parental rights (my son is now 9), and my husband adopted him. i don't worry if this is the month that i'm going to get child support finally or worry if he is going to try to be a dad and confuse my son when he leaves again (cause i know he would). it feels great to know that i did it all by myself and that i don't have to worry about my ex anymore. i've learned alot from my experience, i have WAY better judgement with who i date (not anymore since i'm married, but before i met him), i know that we can make it through anything cause we made it through the first years all by ourselves. just step up, be the best mother you can be, and leave the garbage where it belongs-on the curb!!

Susan - posted on 01/13/2010

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Not to be blunt but, no one can GET YOU pregnant. You decided to have sex with him and if you didn't want to risk having a baby then, you shouldn't have had sex with him in the first place. But, with that being said, you can't change what has happened and you do sound like a good mom who is just trying to have the best life for your child. If I were you, I would have a conversation with him (if you really want him in your child's life). Just sit with him and say "You told everyone that you were trying to have a baby with me, now that we have one, you are just as responsible for proper care of the baby. I know this may be something that is more stressful/ more responsibility than you thought it would be but, you need to not take it out on our child. I expect you to....." and just outline what it is you want him to do whether it is pay for support, watch the baby for a certain number of hours a week, etc. Also, in terms of him not changing diapers or making bottles you shouldn't expect that since his mom runs a daycare that she will do that. She I am sure knows how to do these things and as a grandparent one would hope that she would be willing to do these things but, she is running a business and it is not her responsibility to care for your baby (unless your child is part of the daycare), it is her son's responsibility to care for your child when he is at their home and no one else's. If he claims "I don't know how to change a diaper" teach him and if he claims "I don't know the right temp for a bottle", give him a guideline (just like all other mommy's and daddy's do- if it feels too hot on a senitive part of your skin or even to touch the bottle don't give it to the baby and cool it off first; cooler formula or milk won't hurt the baby). If he claims he doesn't know how much to give in terms of formula or milk, send your baby with pre-measured bottles. Basically, have a talk with him about what you expect and treat him like he is a child learning to do it all for the first time, then he has no excuses. If he doesn't want to do what you expect then, get rid of him and take him to court to simply help pay for the things your baby needs. You don't need some loser who wanted a baby and then bails because it is too much work and neither does your child.

Ashley - posted on 01/13/2010

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maybe you dont know all the reasons she blames him maybe there was a condom but he did somthing to it to make sure there was a baby u know some men are stupid so maybe she thought she was safe

Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2010

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hun, like isaid in my post earlier. forget about him, do what u can for ur baby. take care of ur baby urself cause in the end if u keep pushing him, the baby will get hurt by having a father who was not there then there . then later he could leave again. u are a good mom u love ur baby, ignore him. :)

Jen - posted on 01/13/2010

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Alicia Young- i think you missed the point....obviously i know that. But she was blaming HIM for getting her pregnant as if we as woman have no control.

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010

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Ok thank you for some relive but i had to go thru some of that realistic talk while i was pregnant im surpised i didnt lose him because of all the stress i was put under..he wasn't there to take none of it...cause when he does something wrong then everyone says" o he's a first time dad" as if i have fifty kids of my own running around looking for there daddy too...thanks for the support and any help that you(Ashely) or anyone can give would be wonderful to me

Ashley - posted on 01/13/2010

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ok some of you are just being really harsh.. if she really didnt want the baby she would have gave him up .. she is doing the best for her child her only issue is a man the sucks... focus on giving her pointers on how to deal with this guy in a mature way ..instead of aiming your comments on her decison of who she sleeps with

Mikayla - posted on 01/13/2010

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how exactly did he try to get you pregnant?! surely u should have know if he was wearing a condom or not, i really dont see how he can try to get you pregnant with out you knowing, coz if you knew and you wernt ready, then ither u shouldnt of had sex with him or used protection. a women on the other hand can get pregnant with out the guy knowing by saying she is on birth control when shes not, but a man can not. so i dont understand how he tried and succeeded?
the baby has obviously push u apart, a relationship is only worth having if you can solve/work thru problems togeather.

Emma - posted on 01/13/2010

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Hi Darnisha take what people say to you on this blog with a pinch of salt!People are good at judging others so take the good advice from these blogs and the ones that upset you just disregard!you sound like a great mom who is doing her best and thats all we can do as moms!Just love your baby and give it the best life you can!The happiest babies are ones who have one or two great parents and as your babies dad isnt measuring up you are the parent who he will remember giving him all the love he needs!Good luck with everything xo

Mattee - posted on 01/13/2010

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Sorry sweetie, but maybe you should be more picky of who you sleep around with. You made your bed and now you gotta lay in it...

Monika - posted on 01/13/2010

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I read threw all the posts so I wasn't commenting on something you already said. Okay this guy is a deadbeat and its not fair or right that he wanted the child but now is changing his mind and putting all the responsibility on you.

You and Eli are already a family, you love Eli, you care about him, you do not need this negative influence in your life or in your baby's life. It's hurting you more then you know. Do what is best for your own piece of mind and your baby's well being. If you need to cut ties and walk away or move away for a fresh start do what ever you can to get rid of the hurt, anger and betrayal for yourself.

Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2010

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I understand that u are not ready to have a baby. But The thing is my dear, if u agreed to have sex with him knowing he was trying to get u pregnant, then u are as much to blame in this. Don't blame only him. U could have used the pill, spermicide condoms. If he wouldnt wear condoms then thats when i woulda been saying is it really this important to me to have sex with him and risk getting pregnat for a few minutes of pleasure. Before you can move on u need to admit to urself that there must have been a small part of u somewhere that wanted a child otherwise you would have used common sense and used other forms of protection. Yes the pill doesnt always work but u can us the pill and a spermicide together to be safe. as for now and u have the baby take responsibility. and dont push the father, if he doesnt want anything to do with ur baby then if u keep pushing to only one whos gonna get hurt is that precious little baby of urs. she didnt ask to be brought into this situation all she is asking and needing is you love, safety and for u to take good care of her. Love your baby, give her everything she needs and u will both be fine. I wish u the best of luck, and hun, next time if u know u dont want another baby then take precautions or dont have sex. But remember not all the balme is on the babys dad. You agreed to have sex with him so u must take responsibility or u will blame ur child down the road. not on purpose but u will. maybe not now but when shes a teen and u fight u might get so mad and make a comment about how u never wanted a baby in the first place. and that will damage ur child so badly. I am not trying to be mean just realistic. God luck my dear. :)

Crystal - posted on 01/13/2010

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If you didn't want a baby then you should have taken the right precautions. Such as Birth control & condoms. So you can't blame him. You were in on the act as well. Are you sure that he wanted the baby? Or were you just assuming because you got pregnant? Cause its crazy he doesnt want anything to do with the baby once the child is here (im sure it happens to people, im just sayin). If he isn't being a good dad, then its your responsibility to move on yourself, why does he have to tell you...his actions should be enough to make you want to move on.

Jane - posted on 01/13/2010

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I guess the most important question's to ask is, do you like being a Mum and do you love your child??
If the answer to both questions is yes then, LOSE THE LOSER!!!
He obviously isn't that interested.
One day he might realize "Oh my god I am a Father!!". Then try and reach some sort of agreement based on your terms alone.
Your little one needs love, attention and patience.
I personally would feel really uncomfortable leaving my baby with someone who dosn't really want it there. Your child could be completely ignored or worse hurt!!!!
Would you want that on your conscience?

Morgan - posted on 01/13/2010

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My opinion give him a ultimatum and either he is gonna step up to the plate and be a man and be the father he should be or u will do it on your own without him period. Seeing his child is obviously not a priority for him so don't make it your priority to take your child to him if he really wants to see yalls child let him come to you. And if he don't then u know what u gotta do get on your grown woman which I'm sure u already are and do it by yourself.

Alicia - posted on 01/13/2010

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Quoting Jen:

Im sorry to possibly sound rude here. But as a woman..no one can GET you pregnant....thats up to YOU to be safe and not allow it to happen if you are not ready. Surely you are aware of Birth Control pills, Condoms, Not having sex....Im sorry i just dont have sympathy for that excuse. Now as far as being stressed out or over whelmed as a single Mother...thats understandable. But i think you need to own up to your own responsibility in the situation, you now have a child and are now a Mother, so we as Mothers have to be responsible. Its unfortunate that you can not rely on the father, but it will be his loss. Many women go through this type of thing, but you will be ok..stay strong, seek help from your own friends and family. You can do this without him....i raised my first child without her father and we did just fine. Becoming a mother makes us stronger than we ever knew we could be. Good Luck to you!


birth control doesnt always work. i was on birth control i call Gracie our little .3% baby :) i mean obviously if she didnt even use it, then yeah she should have been expecting it. but what im saying is you CAN still get pregnant on it. 



 



on another note, if the father doesnt want anything to do with baby, dont push it. keep your babys health and safety in mind. hope it works out. but you cant blame him for getting you pregnant. sure he wanted a baby, but he didnt sit there and plant it in you. both to blame. 

Holly - posted on 01/13/2010

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girl im only 21 and I am an amazing mommy, you can do it, I wouldnt wait on him to make that decision, if he wants your son in his life he will pursue it, you just do whatever you can to be the best mommy ever! make yourself blameless so that "dad" can't point his finger at you! if you need any advice you just ask me, even if its just encouragement =) you can do it!

Sharon - posted on 01/13/2010

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Wow, talked about f'd up. Kudos to you for being responsible, but more responsible would have been to be on birth control.



All that aside, if you left him off the birth certificate, you don't need to do anything.

Tawanna - posted on 01/13/2010

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I was 19 when I became pregnant with my first child. Whether not I was I ready I took on the responsibility. I was scared at first being a single mom, but when my daughter was born I felt like I could do anything. She was my inspiration to press on. You can't put all your focus your child's father. You need to do what you have to support your chid. Stop blaming him, because you didn't have to have sex with him. Keep your head up and stop making execuses. You can still accomplish whatever you want for your life. Remember you have to be a role model for your baby.

Danniele - posted on 01/13/2010

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girl, i'm totally with you on this. my boyfriend did the same thing - yes, we agreed to have sex with them and didn't use protection.. but when they finish inside of you and don't tell you, i'd say it's a little bit more their fault than our own! It's super hard as a young mom.. I just turned 21 and it's very frustrating, but just remind yourself that you were blessed with an angel! Look to family members and good friends for help, if he doesn't want the responsibility he doesn't deserve the privilege of seeing his son. And in my opinion.. a parent isn't necessarily who created the baby, it's who raises them. Hang in there girl!

Dana - posted on 01/13/2010

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I had my first child at 19,I had to grow up fast for my child to have a good life.My childs dad wasnt around the whole time I was prego untill I had her but I gave him a chance & then made my mind up he was no good because he put other things before our kid & he wasnt helping with support,so then I became a single mom.I did what I had to do for my daughter & I did it alone.No matter how much mothers/fathers think they are ready to be a parent they have no clue what ready is untill you are a parent.Yea its hard with or without your childs father but think how hard its going to be on your child if yall cant get your lifes together,either this guy is going to man up & be a daddy or hes not & your going to have to do this alone but know your not the only mother out there who has & will raise their kids as a single mom.You have to stand up & tell this guy what you need help with & if hes not willing then do what you have to for your sweet baby!Ive been where you are & your not alone!

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010

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I thought about the option of giving him to someone who cant have kids but i couldn't do it because i don't know its this crazy bond that you get when the baby is inside you and i just couldn't see no one else being his mom but me.... I've decided to take responsibility and raise my child because he didn't ask to come here and just because i wasn't ready for him doesn't mean i should give him up. I really want to be a good mommy and if i have to do it alone i just need for his dad to say it so i can just move on with my life

Nichole - posted on 01/13/2010

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sometimes life is hard but things always get better. you know in your heart what to do. just love your baby and dont make the same mistake twice. you do not need him in your life right now. look for support with family or close friends.

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010

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my daughter's father is a dead beat dad also. I have learned that you cant force a baby/child on anybody. If he cant properly take care of your baby then stop trying. The baby is better of without him b/c a baby needs love and attention and needs to be taken care of physically, mentally, and emotionally all the time. If the father cant do that then why put your baby in a bad situation? you should take pride in being an independent mother and start focusing on what you can do for your baby instead of focusing on what HE isnt doing. Trust me I have been there!

Holly - posted on 01/13/2010

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As a new mommy myself, I try to keep my daughter away from situations like that, you can't change the fact that you have a baby so I would try to let that part go ( i know its harder to do than say) If they don't want to be in your baby's life then I wouldn't push it. Unless there is a court order I would back away from that situation. I know that your child deserves a daddy and you know the situation better than me, but it sounds like your baby is better off without all that drama. If they are going to be in the picture then I would encourage them to come to you instead of you bringing yourself and your baby over there. Remember whats most important is your baby and make sure the situation you are in is the best one.



If you need more help you can always find support in a local church =)

enjoy your little one, times flys too fast to let others worry you

Emma - posted on 01/13/2010

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ok I think the last comment is a bit like tough love! I am sure you are finding it tough being a mom at 20!I remember me at 20 and I dont think I would have been as mature as what I am now!Being a mom is really hard sometimes especially in the beginning but you will find your feet sooner or later!It seems you are beginning to see how things really are with your ex partner and I am sure you are relieved you are away from him!Do you have any other family to help out if so I would back away from your babys dad at least you can say when the baby is older that you tried with the dad but it didnt work out!Your baby looks beautiful and you sound like a good mum so I suppose you need to make a decision as to whether you are gonna put you and your baby through the drama that the dads giving or are you gonna walk away!Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope that someday you and your baby will have a really positive male role model inyour lives xoxo

Jolene - posted on 01/13/2010

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If you don't/didn't want to become a mother why keep the baby? There are loving couples praying for a baby to bless their lives. You may be an answer to their prayers. There are other options. But it is hard to imagine him trying to get you pregnant. It takes 2. If it didn't take 2 then there are other problems to confront. Good luck, but keep that baby safe from neglect, don't force a relationship if the father is not interested. Find others who will help who have the baby's interest at heart.

Jen - posted on 01/13/2010

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Im sorry to possibly sound rude here. But as a woman..no one can GET you pregnant....thats up to YOU to be safe and not allow it to happen if you are not ready. Surely you are aware of Birth Control pills, Condoms, Not having sex....Im sorry i just dont have sympathy for that excuse. Now as far as being stressed out or over whelmed as a single Mother...thats understandable. But i think you need to own up to your own responsibility in the situation, you now have a child and are now a Mother, so we as Mothers have to be responsible. Its unfortunate that you can not rely on the father, but it will be his loss. Many women go through this type of thing, but you will be ok..stay strong, seek help from your own friends and family. You can do this without him....i raised my first child without her father and we did just fine. Becoming a mother makes us stronger than we ever knew we could be. Good Luck to you!

Darnisha - posted on 01/13/2010

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Louise and Jacqueline i understand that it is not all his fault on making the baby but the thing is he tried to have a baby with me and that's not what i wanted....I just thought that he would have enough respect for me to inform me that he wanted a baby...it wasn't an accident because he bragged to my parents that he tried i'm so up set but i love my little Eli I mean we didnt even stay together that long....I just didnt think it was right for him to make that decision for me then try to force me to marry him saying that when the baby comes then i would have to break up with my boyfriend and marry him against my will and thats not right......I mean he didn't even know we had a boy until after he was born he called out of the blue after disappearing for 7 months my ex-boyfriend did everything for me and my baby now he wants to just wants me to soak it up without him having any consequences for me........

Heather - posted on 01/13/2010

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First of all it takes two to get pregnant and there was a decision there on your part because birth control is available for both people. You first need to stop blaming him for the pregnancy. You layed down together and now you must both take care of the child. You are a 20-year-old woman, an adult and you need to start acting like one. Yes, you're young and you weren't ready, but you now have a child and need to do what is best for him/her. I suggest the two of you discuss your wants and needs together, while both keeping the best interest of your child at the forefront. There is no excuse for him not to be involved with his child. Have you ever asked him why he doesn't want to be around? Do the two of you fight when you are together? Are you constantly blaming him for the situation? Do you have anyone else who can give you a hand? I'm not trying to put everything on your shoulders, but as the primary parent to your little one you need to stick up for him/her. Ask him why he isn't involved more, without accusation. And then calmly talk to him about what your child needs.

Vanessa - posted on 01/13/2010

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How exactly did he purposely get you pregnant? I mean if he refused to use protection then you simply say umm no thanks- especially if you were not wanting a child at the time. That's just what I think. I mean how else would he purposely do it????

Cindy - posted on 01/13/2010

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First I'm sorry you are going through this...I can't believe he wanted to get you pregnant and don't even want to help you take care of his own son. I would tell him either he needs to man up and help take care of his son are he is not going to be able to see him. It sounds like he wants your son around when he wants him,but he doesn't really want to take care of him. It's a good thing that you didn't marry him at least he is giving you a taste of what he would have been like if you were to get married you would still be doing all on your own. I hope things get better soon for you!

Holly - posted on 01/13/2010

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As a new mommy myself, I try to keep my daughter away from situations like that, you can't change the fact that you have a baby so I would try to let that part go ( i know its harder to do than say) If they don't want to be in your baby's life then I wouldn't push it. Unless there is a court order I would back away from that situation. I know that your child deserves a daddy and you know the situation better than me, but it sounds like your baby is better off without all that drama. If they are going to be in the picture then I would encourage them to come to you instead of you bringing yourself and your baby over there. Remember whats most important is your baby and make sure the situation you are in is the best one.



If you need more help you can always find support in a local church =)

enjoy your little one, times flys too fast to let others worry you

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

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Unfortunately he does sound selfish. My husband at the time got me pregnant on purpose so I know how that feels to have ur trust betrayed. My sons are wonderful and even though it was hard to accept at the time. He used that to keep me from leaving him & then I was on my own to care for him & I tried to leave him again & he promised to make it work and I agreed to have another child since we were married. Before he was born, his true colors still showed and I raised them on my own without his help. He lives 5 mins away too and has their whole lives and across the street from their daycare at the time but he was always too busy to help out too. You have the right idea, it's about you & ur son--it's his loss. to address Lou's comment---when you trust that ur birth control has not been tampered with and u know ur cycle and what days are not safe--to have that person violate that by intentionally causing "failure" to ur birth control--what are the "police" going to do?? It's a violation of ur trust same as if a man gets told "opps" I'm pregnant when he is lead to believe that birth control is being used properly. 2-way street.....I never thought of that & it happened to me.

Carol - posted on 01/20/2010

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Forget him. Plus, if he got you pregnant on purpose without you wanting to be, that doesn't make sense. You are both in the boat. He didn't hold a gun to your head and force unprotected sex, in that case you would call the police. Sex out of marriage gets you a lot of grief and heartache, I know. I would forget him. He is not responsible, he has no respect for you nor the baby. He is overwhelmed with the fact he has to be playing a role in the child's life. The back and forth business is not healthy for the child. The child will feel tossed back and forth. Sorry but you need stability and so does this child. I am sorry to sound rude, but your situation is like many others, and yes there is a way. I would have him take a parenting plan and finish it and see where it goes from there!

MaryAnn - posted on 01/20/2010

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you can debate all day over the "He got me pregnant on purpose"- I think she knows now that it "takes two to tango" They are both EQUALLY responsible for Eli. NOW.. to move on.. You cannot force Eli's dad to be in the pictue.. sure, you can go after him for child support, but will that make him Eli's Daddy? No.. Move on..Raise your beautiful baby, love him, keep him safe, be the best mom you can be. I know it's stressful..i've been there.. had a relationship, had a baby, raised the baby alone.. I had to learn to let the anger go, because if I didn't i would've been full of hate.. and hate isn't good when you're rasing a child. You will get through it.. My baby is almost 18 now.. and well adjusted..

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