He walked out again! Any Advice?

Amy - posted on 11/08/2012 ( 151 moms have responded )

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Last week my son's sperm donor walked out on us again for the 6th time since I got pregnant. My son is 6. Sperm donor met a woman online 3 weeks ago and moved her in with him last week. They met online and she left her kids in another state to be with him. He don't contact me till his relationships are over then he wants me to take him back. Sometimes can be months then he'll email me asking how our son is. Any advice or suggestion you ladies can give me?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/08/2012

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Are you married? Regardless if you are or not, stop taking this guy back. 6 times and you still keep letting him back? That is not good for you or your kid. Sounds like this guy is emotionally abusive, and doesn't have the slightest regard for you or your son.



What would I do? If I was married, I would file for separation and a divorce. Also petition for full custody. If you are not married, i would take it to a lawyer and still petition for sole custody, and get some child support started either case.



Stop taking this guy back. He leaves to be with another women, then comes back to you when he is bored. You are enabling him.

Denikka - posted on 11/08/2012

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He left? Lock the door behind him. Problem solved.

You need to look after YOU and your SON. Boot the idiot to the curb and leave him there.

Lacye - posted on 11/08/2012

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Well, he left. Change the locks and don't allow him back in. Although I would refrain from calling him "sperm donor" in front of your son. He may be a shitty person, but that is still his dad.

Jodi - posted on 11/08/2012

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Firstly, if you laid down and had sex with him, and have obviously been living with him on and off for 6 years, he is not a sperm donor, he is your son's father. You don't have to like him, but quit calling him a sperm donor.



Secondly, tell him not to let the door hit him in the arse on the way out. If you keep taking him back, you are only setting yourself up to be hurt. Not to mention the fact that if you can bring yourself to insult him by calling him a sperm donor, you obviously don't have any respect for him (nor does he have respect for you).



Get a lawyer and file for child support and sort out custody and visitation, then move on.

Dove - posted on 11/08/2012

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Change the locks and get custody, visitation, and child support set up legally.



I disagree with calling him sperm donor though. He's your son's father and has been your choice of sex partner for far longer than he ever should've had the 'right' to be.... but it's still been your choice.

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151 Comments

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Nancy - posted on 03/01/2013

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They sound perfect for each other.She left her kids for him. WOW! Don't take him back again.Ignore his emails etc.Just cut him out .You don't need this and neither do your kids. Good luck to you.You'll be fine.

Tanya - posted on 01/01/2013

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Wow,i just read your post tracy....thank u for shearing with us...some i also can relate to...the end is so true and i never have looked at it from this angle.

Candice - posted on 12/31/2012

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He IS nothing but a Sperm Donor at this point - say Goodbye get custody and get on with your life.

Amy - posted on 12/23/2012

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move on a relationship with him is hopeless never go back with someone once you've broken up it doesn't work .... Thats funny call my oldest daughters biological the sperm donor also he has never been a part of her life not my choice his which actually worked out for the best . she is an adult now and talked to him on facebook and she found out exaclty how he is . she hasn't talked to him since.....

Kathy - posted on 12/21/2012

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You need to respect yourself. Do not take him back. He's not gonna change. This is not good for your son. He should know who his father is and you can try as hard as you want to make him have a relationship with his son, but that's not gonna happen. Is up to him.
Try to keep it civil for your son, take him to court and make him pay child support. And just move on. There's better things out there. And better men. So just concentrate on your son and on yourself :)

Ashli - posted on 12/20/2012

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I am 6 months pregnant with my ex's son, and he has walked out on us 3 different times, this last time I left him, Because he hasn't help me not one time. Hasn't been there for me or our son to any of my appointments, But don't want me 2 go after him for child support. Well I'm a angry pregnant woman who will get my revenge, For you I wouldn't take him back and go after him for child support because in the end your son is paying the price. and it will cause damage to him in his life later.

Aisling - posted on 12/18/2012

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Get rid of him! Sometimes the better decisions are the harder ones! Go with your head and NOT your heart.. Next time he comes back to you,laugh at him! Tell him you haven't been sitting around waiting for him,you've been too busy moving on!! He is only distracting you from enjoying your child in a stable environment.. He sounds like DIRT! Good luck you poor thing x

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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AMY u had already allow him to make your a doormat 6 times. Don't give him that option again. He's only using you.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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AMY u had already allow him to make your a doormat 6 times. Don't give him that option again. He's only using you.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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AMY u had already allow him to make your a doormat 6 times. Don't give him that option again. He's only using you.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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AMY u had already allow him to make your a doormat 6 times. Don't give him that option again. He's only using you.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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AMY u had already allow him to make your a doormat 6 times. Don't give him that option again. He's only using you.

Melissa - posted on 12/17/2012

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If he is only a sperm donor, why are you investing so much energy in speaking about living together. You answered your own questions and have some pretty smart advice for yourself.
The suggestions are pretty obvious, coming from a woman who studied 2 years on psychology of children and coming from my own personal history with a father who was around when he was around?
DON"T have him come back into your home to live. If he wants to be part of his sons life is one thing, great, because this isn't about your feelings but about your son having access to his father.
But inviting him back into your home for him to walk out again and use your home as a revolving door is going to really effect your son not only short term but especially long term.

You call him a 'sperm donor' so I am getting the idea that you don't see him much more than that? If you really want, you can always take him to court for child support and cut your ties with him if he has no desire to participate in your sons life. I can't believe how much relief I got when I went for child support from her father. Wow. It really helps us monthly.

Good luck

Shannon - posted on 12/16/2012

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Amy- Please know that you are not alone. But you and your son deserve better, and he deserves a better role model. Get custody, full custody and get child support through the state. You deserve better. Please beleive that.

Sue - posted on 12/16/2012

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What are you getting out of continuing to let him come back? Sounds to me like YOU need to get some help in learning to value yourself more highly.

Faith - posted on 12/14/2012

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Do not allow this man to use you again. This is not love, move on with your life!

Cellina - posted on 12/14/2012

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You have nailed the answer yourself - he is a sperm donor not a father, not a husband. You need to put yourself and your son first. He needs to find his own way in life ad stop being dependant on others (a leach so to speak).

You already knew all of this though as you have already answered your own question.

Good luck to you both

[deleted account]

Every time you let him in and out of your life you create trauma for you and your child. If it isn't already it will begin to affect this child in ways that you don't want it to. The best thing you could do for you and your son is to stop the madness. If he really wants to see his son, he will make sure that he is doing his part by providing for him first financially, then emotionally.

Brandie - posted on 12/11/2012

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I have had a similar issue with the father of my child, although we were only together twice. The first time 5 years, had our daughter. I started working again 3 weeks after having my daughter because we had no money and he would not go out to get a job. When my daughter was a year and a half I moved her and I out and back in with my mom and he moved a friend of mine and her son in with him. He would call me on nights when she was gone or sleeping and beg and plead for my daughter and I to take him back. For a year and a half I did not, then I did. He left her and I to go back to her and now wants nothing to do with her daughter. I for one would leave him. I know how hard that is. Believe me.. I have wrestled with myself over it. On one hand, he was her dad, on the other.. not much of one. But when you see the hurt on your child's face after everything.. That should be enough to say "enough is enough" and keep him out of your lives. I have sole physical custody of my child and he has no visitation rights what so ever (sadly his decision). I also am supposed to receive child support for my daughter. We have had our bumps, my daughter and I, but both of us are much happier now. And you also want to keep in mind, your son seeing his dad do this is a big impact in his life.. That is what he will think is right if you do not stop the cycle now.. He and you deserve a lot better then what you have gotten.

Shauna - posted on 12/11/2012

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I agree with all these ladies. You have got to stop taking himm back. Him coming and going is not only hurting you but its hurting your son and he is the most important piece of this game that hes playing. Although he is your child's dad, doesn't deserve to be called father, I understnad calling him a sperm donor because he only wants to be a dad when its convienent for him. I have been there too My oldest daughters dad abused me while I was pregnant and then walked out when I was 6 months pregnant to be with another girl who was also pregnant by him. Anyways he called three days after her 1st birthday to tell her happy birthday and then he had the nerve to post pictures of her on his facebook page and put captions under it saying "look at my beautiful daughter" and "daddy's little girl". I made sure he knew what i thought and he took them off his page. She just turned 5 and he has never seen her and still does not call. So you need to think about your son.

Cicely - posted on 12/10/2012

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Girl Are You Crazy Dnt B The Rebound,Leave His No Good A**!!!! Its Not Fair To You Or Your Son Just Take Him For Child Support And Let It At That, If You Keep Letting Him Back In Your Son Is Gonna Have Issues When Hes Older And Hes Gonna Blame Hisself For Why That Jerk Leaves!!! You And Your Son Deserve To Be Haappy, Let That Guy Go And Do You!!!

Chinelo - posted on 12/10/2012

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Hey dear,when I said damage,I meant d emotional trauma n ol not violence like u tut I said.I know its nt violece buh I meant d hurt she's facin inside n ol.tkea

Angela - posted on 12/10/2012

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You got the right idea from the start of your opening post in referring to him as a "sperm donor". Don't lose sight of that! I'm assuming you're not legally married to him?



Let him go and if he returns, tell him to get his stuff out of your home.



You can do without this man. You will be much happier for it!

Cindy - posted on 12/10/2012

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You have the strength as a woman. Look to your children and get angry for theyre hurt and ditch his sorry no good a#! to the curb. He is trash and belongs on the curb. Love you and your children enough to let him goooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tanya - posted on 12/10/2012

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Oh my;(how hard on u.but girl,wer is your proud;0)i just read yeasterday-someone that doesnt see the worth in us(our uniqunes)that person is totaly wrong for us...maybe u dont relise now,but its always a heartpain for you(and a little piece of you goes,with everytime he goes,also the trust,can u trust a man like this?i believe u are a wonderful person,women,mother and dont diserve this.be consequent for yourself.say goodby to him and walk away.so u can find the right man out there,which is just for you and you for him.wish u alot of strenght.gog bless tanya

Cindy - posted on 12/09/2012

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Dont let him back. It hurts your children and you. By hurting you it hurts your kids even more. Obviously he is no kind of real man. Your cute and can do better.

Lacye - posted on 12/09/2012

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First off Helen, no this is NOT typical American guy behavior. Guys act like assholes all over the world, not just here in the States. Actually go to a place and meet the people before you start judging others with no facts to back it up.

Helen - posted on 12/09/2012

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If he is actually living with a women, block him, document everything as him being unstable parent and DO NOT LET HIM SEE KIDS. Go to court if he has any rights and get rid of them. Let me tell you something, if you want someone who wont do this to you, find a guy from overseas...this is the typical American guy. My husband and I haven't been physically together in the same room for 8 months and I would lay my life down, hes just keeping himself for me.



You need to take your dignity and respect back and don't give sex freely..you say sperm donor.. not husband. YOU DONT OPEN YOUR LEGS to ANYONE that you are not married to. If they wont wait for you they are trash that you need to rid yourself of.

Chinelo - posted on 12/08/2012

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Am happy u r now seein it clearly,6times,in dis present generation,my dear,its nt nice,just gather urself n move on,secure d future of ur child n b happy,ur happiness goes a long way esp in ur child.just act like he d guy is nt der nymore k,cz d more u tink d more damage u l b causing on urself n n kid

Tkea!luv ya

Helen - posted on 12/08/2012

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Hi, first of all there is more to this than him. What are you doing? You refer to him as "sperm donor", do you talk like this to him when you are together. What he does is wrong, but it takes two to tango. If it were only him, you wouldn't take him back. So go to counseling, both of you.

Yolander - posted on 12/07/2012

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Don't take him back! Anytime that he approaches your door,do not open the door for him.If you have to,take a restraining order against.As far as your child goes,you can arrange for your family member or yours to take the baby to a designated place. My ex.husband would leave me repeatedly and the last time he had left.I told him that the marriage is over. He would go to his mom's house everytime a heated discussion outbreaks. You deserve better! Do not allow anyone to take you for a fool. Now,I am more happier without him!

Shannon - posted on 12/03/2012

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Amy you need to think about your kid(s) and how this wil afect them. This is not good for them. Why would you continue to let yourself and your child be treated this way? If you take him back your children will ese this and behave the same way, shich you dont want. And I doublt you're married because this doenst seem like the kind of guy that would lay his life down for you, which his what you deserve. We live in the USA and you have your choice of any man, why on earth would you choose someone that might expose you to all sorts of diseases????? Amy its not about you anymore, its about your kids.

Julie - posted on 12/01/2012

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OH WOW !! As a woman you really need to stand up and put your feet down. You don't deserve a relationship like this at all and you need to start telling yourself you deserve better. You don't need a man to define you , so why are you letting someone walk in and out of your life so much that it defines the next step . DONT TAKE HIM BACK .. time to let go and move on your son is 6 , take him out to lunch or something special and explain to him that you and his daddy tired but daddy will always love him ,but you and daddy wont be living together anymore . WOMAN UP on that and let is negative relationship go ..things will start shining in your life ..you will see.

Lesya - posted on 11/30/2012

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GET RIF OF HIM!!! MOVE ON!! Work on YOU and take care of your son! Stop allowing him to be a "part timer" and tell him he needs to start taking him every other weekend, and once or twice during the week, and if he doesnt agree or comply, then get your butt over to social services and get court date ASAP!! good luck and dont give up or in!!!

Priscilla - posted on 11/29/2012

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I agree give him the boot...my dad always says "a leopard will never change it's spot" and it's true..he figure u r safe to come back to whenever he wants cause you did it so many times...u have to be strong I know its easier said than done...you have a child with him and you want your child father in his/her life but it's not worth it!! you deserve better...I have 2 kids I got married to my second child father and he was a jerk...I had a great job and when I met him he had nothing I bought us a house a car the American dream and he was messing around...my son was 6 months when I showed him the door...sold the house the car packed up my kids and moved on...THE END and I and my kids are happier for it...he tried to come back but another adage "only a dog eats it's vomit" speaking in reference to myself not to you...so I refuse to take him back took him to child support court and he fled the country becuz he don't want to pay...

Reality - posted on 11/29/2012

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How did you even come to meet a sperm donor?? I thought the whole process was anonymous

Kristen - posted on 11/27/2012

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Amy, look at your son right now. how would you feel if one day he did this to another woman? how would you feel if YOUR father did this to YOUR mother? maybe he has, maybe he has not. either way, you are not setting a good example for your son's future. im not one at all to judge - for I too have my insecurities and have made countless mistakes when it comes to a man - but i have learned from them all, and know better than to put myself (and now my two girls) through any of that nonsense. you are a beautiful woman, with quite obviously a very big and forgiving heart which is an excellent quality to have. but look at the BIG picture, the most important picture.....your 6 year old son. this is not healthy for him to be subjected to this in and out father figure, which if it continues, might just show when he is all grown up. i have two young daughters, and you have a young son.....what we do around them or even behind closed doors rubs off on them and structures them to be who they will be in the future. please forget about this "sperm donor"- the fact that you call him that shows that you KNOW what the right thing to do is, you are an intelligent woman. you need to be strong not just for yourself, but for your son. your son will always love you, your son would never play with your emotions the way this "donor" is. choose the right man once and for all and stick with him forever......YOUR SON! good luck

Kori - posted on 11/27/2012

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Women who experience these types of violence of course it is really hard to face because we still love them(husband) But it depends how strong we are if we put our children first with us together believe me and believe on ourselves we can do it make a move and be happy. I am a single mum for about two years now. I escaped to a refuge with my 3 kids because I needed to breath. My world went in to the end all I have seen was my kids and me was left behind by my abusive husband. I decided my children even if it was hard to leave my husband. We had a mortgage and everything but I left home took nothing from these materials. After 7months in a refuge I gounf my private rental and I am now living happily with my 3 children. I have started tafe straight away after i moved and I am now going my diploma. I have own my own car and happy with my kids.

He is now see me move on and trying to get back to me using the kids for his way back but I closed my door I will never ever want to go back to where i was. I dont see him the same person that I met I don't believe any words from his mouth I don't trust him anymore I dont even supply for property settlement I just leave him with all his materials. I am happy and kids are safe in a healthier environment. I had an avo and I am extend it girl another two years until I know that he'd leaving me alone. He still tells bad stories if me to his friends and family and don't care I just ignore him so he always ended up coming knocking on my door. I am not a materialistic wkmsn who needed love and family he was just worried about his money so what? I left with nothing he's got all materials in the world but unhappy stress and he's sitting at his workshop all nights watching teenage girl waving their pants at his face on internet comes his bill s higher and higher. He's not more in s mortgage he cant afford to pay he puts tenancy and he sleeps at his workshop sleeps with rats and corkarosches or even snakes lol! And do so am I wake up with my kids in s clean beautiful bed.

He cheated me 3 times I confronted him and he lie and yelled at me. Found out later that he exchange porno film with his own uncle from overseas. I've got 3 girls and I don't give a damm to let one of them to spend a day Wuthering him. He went to the family relationship complain about me and apply to see them but I am now prepare for it. These kinds of men needs smarts women to correct them. Once creator always a cheater and there I'd no excuse gor violence

So ladies you got great values you are not alone. Get up and move on. Be independent you deserves to be happy. Let him go he will repeat the same problem to the next woman and to the next. I see him on facebook his page is full of naked women begging them for date eewwww I just laugh at him he's got no more values but cheap as a .50 cent lollipop LOL . He was using me cheated on me playing with my feelings He called my names look down know me.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE SPACE FOR HIM end of story!

Sue - posted on 11/25/2012

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If he leave you once he will leave you twice.The third time is on you,sometimes man dont realize what they had until its gone.All you have to do is stay strong...

Vanessa - posted on 11/25/2012

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Everyone can give the advice to not take him back, but you are the only one who can rise above this. You have to come to the place where you realize you are worth more than his attention. A man like that will hurt you over and over because he isn't mature enough to hold your heart. My advice, take a day without asking anyone's advice, pray, give yourself the gift of loving yourself enough to tell him never again. Strength is a hard characteristic to maintain, but it's something you can get used to. Tell yourself you deserve so much more.... and then believe it.

Mana - posted on 11/25/2012

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Lettig go is hard, but in all honesty, it will be better for your child if you simply file for child support and let him explain to his child in a few years why he was such a douche bag and unwiling and unable to be a parent which means supportng you even if you arent' together. Children learn what relationships are like from their parents. He will have some hard questions to answer while you take the high road and do what is best for your child. I am roughly te same position; six months pregnant with no help or support from the sperm donor. He is too busy ;dipping his wick' in anything that will let him and leading his bachelor life. He will be the one to miss out unless he steps up. Hang in there and lean on your friends, family, and us when you need too!

Bobbi Jean - posted on 11/24/2012

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In addition to all the other very excellent advice, change all the locks! He essentially abandoned his child. Get a lawyer and go to court to get your rights upheld. This is not good for you. This is not good for your child either. He needs a stable, predictible environment. I know this is going to be hard, but keep everything as civil as you can between you and your son's father. Find out the laws in your state for tape recording conversations on the phone. If you are permitted to do so, then do so. You are not denying your son's father his rights by standing up for your own.

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