Hearing from Adult Kids

Eva - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Moms,

How do you get your busy adult kids that live away from home to call more regular, without making them feel you are cramping their style.

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Eva - posted on 05/08/2009

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Thank you all for all the great advice. Both my kids are in their 30's & live quite busy, active lives. They are both single so I guess after hearing how busy your lives are, I don't have room to complain...LOL!

I'm gonna count my blessings and be thankful that they are well & healthy.

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Julia - posted on 01/01/2013

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Have you been frank with your kids that you with you talked to them more and you miss them? Have you asked them how you can all work to improve family relationships. I hope some younger moms like me are reading this post; the ones who think they are too busy to call their mom more than once a week. Look down at the baby in your arms and imagine just talking to them once a week. You are the role model for your kids relationships with their elders. Of course there are always exceptions and all relationships have highs and lows. I grew up in a family where we lived next-door to my aunt and my grandfather growing up. I was taught that is what family is about being near by and helping one another. I think that is why I am so close to my own mom. I talk to my mom almost daily either to just ask her advice, gossip, or just to check in on her. I also see my grandfather very frequently and bring my son over to see him and visit because I believe that is an important relationship. My son also goes with his Bia and Pops (gma and gpa) weekly for some quality time with them. Ok, so free baby siting is a great perk, but they complain if they don't get some time with their grandbaby without parental interference. Is our relationship perfect? Of course not. My mom will always be my mom (or as my niece calls her the head mommy). She will always question things I do and offer unsolicited advice, and of course spoil my child in ways I don't always approve of; I believe it is part of the official mom job description...lol (I jokingly call her and my step dad Frank and Marie). But she is my mom, and she managed to do an OK job with me. I am also and adult, with a graduate degree, my own home and my own family. I am free to smile at my mom give her a hug and go home and do as I please. I have gotten over the need to prove to her that I am my own person, because I know I am and I am confident in myself and my choices (although I hate to admit it she has lived on the planet longer than me and sometimes she is right). Family is important, we should be there to help one another. If my parents ever need it they can always come live with me and I would turn my dinning room into a bedroom if it were ever needed (yes I have thought about it although they are still pretty agile); after all they have always had a room for me in case I ever needed it. Their example has ensured that they always have a call in the near future and a daughter who lives close enough to check in on them if they are sick or just bored and want to go out and ride bikes with our family. I know this can't be the case for everyone, but show your kids the importance of intergenerational relationships because you only get one set of parents. I love that I am close not only with my parents but with my grandparents as well. I love to see my son sitting on his great-grandfathers lap and I want my son to see his kids sitting on his great grandparents lap because he has some good old fashion values. I see a lot of posts about how to get your grown children out of the house and people charging their 18 year old who is still in high school rent. I'm not sure that those families are growing the types of intergenerational relationships they will want in the future. Eva, have your own life and find hobbies you enjoy, but tell your kids how you feel about your relationship with them and tell them what you would like it to look like, maybe they will surprise you. It might also help them have a better relationship with each other. I find that as I get older and have my own kids I want to always improve my family relationships, because those are the people you can always count on. Of course none of this applies to truly toxic relationships like abuse or addiction issues.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/07/2009

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When I was in college, my parents arranged to call me every week on the same day and time. That way, we kept in touch, but they wouldn't pester me, and I could talk to them on their dime. I was always welcome to call more often. Now that I'm married with a child, they still tend to call about once a week, usually around the same time. I also email them, used to IM my mom when she had the time, and we do occasional web cam calls so they can see my daughter. I have a good relationship with my parents, so I enjoy talking with them. It's just nice to have them call, because I'm so busy, it's easy for me to forget to call them.

Shelagh - posted on 05/07/2009

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I have 5 kids (18, 19, 21, 23, 24). Sometimes they call, sometime they don't. If I want to call them, I call them. They tend to call if they have a problem. I got into a rut with my parents, where I call them every Sunday night, and talk with mum one week and dad the next - far too organised for my liking, to the point where I have to explain why I haven't called (eg if I'm out or away). I was determined not to have that with my kids. Try using other forms of communication - text, e-mail, facebook (my favourite).

Jocelyn - posted on 05/07/2009

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Quoting Stevie:

well i call my dad just about everynight i call him at work most of the time and me and my mother dont speak to each other but when we were i did feel smothered by here and like she still treated me like a child of 5 then 20 like i couldnt make my own decisons let them do their own thing call maybe once a day or twice a week or something just to catch up or something let them know you give them their space and dont be so pushy all the time idk what kind of mom you are im not a judgeful person we all have our own parenting ways but thats what i can say from my experiance my dad is a relaxed parent i think you can tell he cares cuz when i really need him just to talk or if i need 20 bucks to get something to help finnish dinner or for some formla he is there without a doubt as of my mother im still a 5 yr old either that or stupid she never let me learn or anything its hard to explan how my mother treated me i guess like i was a retard cuz i have ADD (attention defisit disorder) on which i over comed years ago i hope i have helped maybe now your kids will call more or love to sit and chat with you for awhile


wow, sounds like my situation! i talk to my dad everyday, but not my mother (for the same reason).    it's hard to go visit them, as they are still together, and i try and time it for when my mom is at work or asleep.  i love having a relaxed dad :)

Stevie - posted on 05/07/2009

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well i call my dad just about everynight i call him at work most of the time and me and my mother dont speak to each other but when we were i did feel smothered by here and like she still treated me like a child of 5 then 20 like i couldnt make my own decisons let them do their own thing call maybe once a day or twice a week or something just to catch up or something let them know you give them their space and dont be so pushy all the time idk what kind of mom you are im not a judgeful person we all have our own parenting ways but thats what i can say from my experiance my dad is a relaxed parent i think you can tell he cares cuz when i really need him just to talk or if i need 20 bucks to get something to help finnish dinner or for some formla he is there without a doubt as of my mother im still a 5 yr old either that or stupid she never let me learn or anything its hard to explan how my mother treated me i guess like i was a retard cuz i have ADD (attention defisit disorder) on which i over comed years ago i hope i have helped maybe now your kids will call more or love to sit and chat with you for awhile

Martha - posted on 05/07/2009

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Well I am a child that doesn't call my parents that often. I am 27 so my parents like to call and check up on things..My Dad calls me and says "Remember me, It's your Father"...lol. I have 4 kids and 2 of them are 15 month old twins... I just don't have time to talk on the phone with anyone, not just my parents. And if I have a momment, I want peace and quiet not a phone conversation...So don't take it personal. My parents call me once or twice a month and say HI but they know I am very busy. Hope this helps.

Abby - posted on 05/07/2009

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i text my mum everyday, so why not try that? we rarely speak on the phone as she works some days and i am at home with my 9month old. but we always text, sad maybe but we're extremely close. maybe try texting and seeing how their day is going. xx

User - posted on 05/07/2009

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Call your kids, but keep it short and sweet. When they do call, keep it short and sweet. Don't ask too many questions (they perceive it as being nosy). Eventually, they will call more and more when they realize that you have a life without them. You can even tell them once when they call that you are running out the door and can't talk. Don't give anymore info than that. LOL It drives them crazy. Goodluck!!

User - posted on 05/07/2009

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That is a good question, but most times I'm to busy and they're always trying to catch up with us. Today there is so much quick technology that you could email them, text message them or IM them just for a quick hello. What type of technology do you have and start dropping messages to them and see how fast they could send you back a quick message on the go.

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