hello ive just joined. wanting to know if there is anyone who has been married for the second time and has children from their first marriage then gone on to have more in their new marriage,i feel absolutely exausted. why is the second time around so much more difficult. any helpful tips

Paula - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Becky:

Well the other big key is to not be supermom & try to participate in every school or extracirricular activity that comes along. My 2 middle are very active w/ cheerleading, soccer, softball & I enjoy every bit of it...but I don't coach or run for PTO office or any of that stuff, I would rather enjoy them than be too caught up in the politics. Just remember you don't have to be "perfect" to be a great mom!!!

hi becky,

              yes,im one of those women worries too much.i think ill give myself a break.

Becky - posted on 03/12/2009

Well the other big key is to not be supermom & try to participate in every school or extracirricular activity that comes along. My 2 middle are very active w/ cheerleading, soccer, softball & I enjoy every bit of it...but I don't coach or run for PTO office or any of that stuff, I would rather enjoy them than be too caught up in the politics. Just remember you don't have to be "perfect" to be a great mom!!!

Paula - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Becky:

I had on daughter with my first marriage then remarried when she was 5. I went on to have 3 more!!! It's all tiring. The most important thing is that you & your 2nd husband treat ALL the children the same. That is a hard task, but very important for your relationship with the kids & their relationships with each other. Also, he needs to pull his weight & help with the kids regardless of who works & doesn't & so on. Oh, and whatever you do find a way to make time for you & to go to the grocery at least once a month ALONE!!! Good luck. My oldest is 21 & married & the youngest is 5. I'm not married to husband #2 anymore primarly because of the reasons I just gave you, but I have found a great man who understands how to be a good dad & husband. Again, lots of luck & stay strong & remember its okay to say NO when you just don't have time to do it all.

hello becky,thanks for your reply.

                                                    i do tend to try and please all my kids all of the time,so i think my new motto is going to be to say no to some of the kids demands,as you say its hardwork and the constent demands do tend to wear me down. as for the rest of our family life my husband has always been a great help.my chlidren range from 22yrs old to 4yrs years old i have 5 kids in all. i have 2 of the older ones left home now which makes it easier. they dont get any less demanding do they!!!

thankyou for your advise

Becky - posted on 03/12/2009

I had on daughter with my first marriage then remarried when she was 5. I went on to have 3 more!!! It's all tiring. The most important thing is that you & your 2nd husband treat ALL the children the same. That is a hard task, but very important for your relationship with the kids & their relationships with each other. Also, he needs to pull his weight & help with the kids regardless of who works & doesn't & so on. Oh, and whatever you do find a way to make time for you & to go to the grocery at least once a month ALONE!!! Good luck. My oldest is 21 & married & the youngest is 5. I'm not married to husband #2 anymore primarly because of the reasons I just gave you, but I have found a great man who understands how to be a good dad & husband. Again, lots of luck & stay strong & remember its okay to say NO when you just don't have time to do it all.

Paula - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Cheryll:

My first marriage lasted for eight years and we had a son. He was seven when we divorced. Then I met a wonderful man which had never been married before and wanted to have a child. We waited for three years to have a child and had a daughter and they are eleven years apart. It was like I had to start over. I think it is because I was 18 right out of highschool when I had the first one and twenty-nine when I had the second one.
It was alot harder when I was older. I didn't have the patience that I had when i was younger nor the energy! Best of Luck!!

hello cheryll.

                       thankyou for replying, i have been in a similar situation,i had my first 3 children very young,then had a 9 yr gap.and went on to have another 2.it is very hard work.and yes i agree with you i dont have as much patience as i did when i was younger. my children range from 22yrs old down to 4yrs old.so i am contstantely demanded on.you feel like you cant hear yourself think sometimes. ha ha.roll on the days  my husband and i can just sit in peace and quiet.

paula.

Sandra - posted on 03/12/2009

I had 2 from my marriage and Doug had 2 from his and well we never had any together but I wanted to just send you hugs and wish you luck and know that you have a should and an ear if you ever need one

hugs from another caring mom

Cheryll - posted on 03/11/2009

My first marriage lasted for eight years and we had a son. He was seven when we divorced. Then I met a wonderful man which had never been married before and wanted to have a child. We waited for three years to have a child and had a daughter and they are eleven years apart. It was like I had to start over. I think it is because I was 18 right out of highschool when I had the first one and twenty-nine when I had the second one.

It was alot harder when I was older. I didn't have the patience that I had when i was younger nor the energy! Best of Luck!!

Rachel - posted on 03/11/2009

Aw...the joys of motherhood...privacy is non-existent! Obviously I don't know your children but your fifteen year old is certainly old enough to take the little ones to the park or you could rent a kids movie and buy a pizza and make them babysit for a few hours....I would suggest certain "rewards" for he/she helping you with that responsiblity at least twice a month. That's my two cents!

Rachel - posted on 03/11/2009

Yep. Was married and with my first husband for 14 years and we had two beautiful daughters. Remarried and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and expecting a fourth around Sept. It is very exhausting...I TOTALLY understand! I don't know how old yours are but my best advice is to stick to a strict bedtime. My kids are young so for them it is 8:30 sharp. That gives me a little time to take a deep breath, a hot bath or shower and relax before bed and I can't tell you how important it is!! I also have set chores for them which makes it easier in keeping the house picked up. On the emotional side of it....it is always hard for "broken" families to transition....my only advice is to do your best to understand where you kids are coming from and that sometimes they will be angry and jealous so it is important to try and take special time with each one and let them know how much you love them and NEVER EVER fall into the trap of talking bad about their Father...EVERYTHING GOES BACK TO THEM and it is important your children love, trust and respect you. The very best to you and yours!

Emily - posted on 03/11/2009

My husband has children from his first marriage and we are currently pregnant with one together. Its hard being the "other" woman. I am a child of a divorced family I have 4 half siblings who I would never consider anything more than just my siblings. I didnt realize till now how much work it was scheduling dealing with his ex who love drama. It gets to the point I want to just give up. But I love my step sons more than anything and so I keep on going.

Randi - posted on 03/11/2009

Do the little things that you enjoy. Carving out some time in your day (whether it be 30 minutes or an hour) for yourself and not neglecting yourself will make you feel more vibrant and satisfied. It's easy to loose sight of ourselves when we're trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect cook, the perfect friend, etc. Don't spread yourself too thin - you have to maketime for yourself! Good luck!