help!!

Dana - posted on 06/16/2010

Angie, how can you say that, it is perfectly normal. Either you are in denial or don't realize what is going on around you , if bringing a new life in the world didn't change anything at home.

OP-it takes work and it's normal, but you can get through it be stronger because of it.

Linda - posted on 06/16/2010

It is very stressful to introduce a baby into your life, even if it is happy. Don't call it quits. A good marriage takes commitment and hard work. There will be ups and downs, but in the end it is worth it.

Francesca - posted on 06/16/2010

My grandfather tells this to every newlywed in the family"

"The first 48 years of marriage are hard work, after that the dementia kicks in"

They have been married 55 years this year :) And at one point, when their kids were small, they lived in seperate cities for a while. Every couple goes through hard times.

Tisha - posted on 06/16/2010

@Angie, Who said she wasn't is a stable, respectful, loving relationship? This is real life here. Everything isn't always hugs and cuddles and kisses, especially when you have a major change like the birth of a child. She said they were going through a rough patch now not before the baby. And sometimes pregnancies are unplanned. So even if she wasn't in a healthy relationship before and the pregnancy was a surprise she needs to work through it. Not just give up. Everyone needs to get used to the changes that a new baby brings. You can't predict the future and know exactly what your emotions are going to be when baby comes.

Tisha - posted on 06/16/2010

yep. we sure did. we separated when our first child was 7 weeks old. i moved four hours away to live with my parents. then my parents and I moved back home to Florida. my DH (then he was just my boyfriend) were together but lived apart until our daughter was 10 months old. we moved back in together, got married and we now have a beautiful 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son. it is a rough time but you should stick it out and work through it. if you can get through this you can get through anything. (unless there is abuse involved. in that case you should get out)

Kaitlyn - posted on 06/16/2010

Yes, it is normal. A lot of couples experience problems after the birth of a child. So much changes when a new little being is introduced into the relationship. My husband and I went to couples therapy and it really helped. Sometimes, just hearing someone else (neutral individual) say everything you and your partner have been complaining/concerned about in another way helps both of you to truly listen and understand where the other is coming from. I you want things to work out, don't give up.

**Angie - Why do relationship problems mean you are in an unstable, un-loving, disrespectful relationship? People and feelings change over time and when other factors (like a baby) enter the relationship. No one knows how certain things are going to affect them until they encounter them. This does not mean that they were not stable, loving or respectful prior to getting pregnant. It doesn't even mean that they are unstable, etc, after the baby either.

Angie - posted on 06/14/2010

No, I don't think that's normal. Before you become pregnant you should be in a stable, loving, respectful relationship.

Dana - posted on 06/14/2010

yes, I think it is normal. Schedule time, get a sitter and have date night with just the two of you. When a new baby comes into the house the attention gets refocused and priorities change. This is normal, but you still have to make the marriage work too. It's a hard balance in the beginning but it gets easier. You just have to both want to make it work and do what it takes to get there.

Autumn - posted on 06/14/2010

Yes!!!! It is soooooo normal. My husband and i went through a horrible rough spot when our daughter was born. If this is your first child you may feel like i did. I felt like i was doing EVERYTHING for her while he just watched and made his comments. But honestly the truth was that he wasnt sure what to do, he was nervous about doing things wrong or mixing things up so he just didnt do anything. All i did to resolve this issue is sit down with him and tell him that WE are parents and that I didnt want to fight and argue anymore and he agreed I told him that he needed to be more involved and i let him share his feelings too. I told him that if the fighting didnt stop it would have a huge affect on our daughter which isnt what either one of us wanted, no child needs to be in an environment where her parents couldnt stand each other and that she needs to be surrounded with love from us and to her. I think if you talk with him and tell him it HAS TO STOP then he will think about the welfare of his child and be more than willing to work it out. Dont give up just remember that your child was made from the love between you two and that you both have so much love for your child. I wish you the best of luck and remember everything happens for a reason!

Kara - posted on 06/14/2010

Absolutely - my husband and I went through all the emotions...arguments, frustrations, more arguments...stress, you name it. I needed a partner and stronger support system and ultimately that took time and lots of communication. I'm not sure what your struggles are, but don't give up unless you've covered all your basis. Try therapy, take the time for YOU and the two of you. You need to rebuild your relationship, have a date night and make the time. Stay strong for you and your babe. I hope everything works out and that you're happy.

Joanna - posted on 06/14/2010

This happened to my husband and I... almost called off our wedding (we got married 1 year and 3 days after our daughter was born). Thanks to some couples therapy, things are better than ever and we are about to celebrate 5 total years together next month.