Help!! 6year old stepson and video games!!

Natasha - posted on 12/21/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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So my boyfriend, with whom I have a 16 month old daughter with, thinks that it is alright to let his 6 year old son(who he only gets every 2nd weekend) play PS3 games, such as Call of Duty (a war game) and that it is okay to play video games all day instead of going outside when it is nice, or interact a different way. He says that they are bonding when playing these stupid games. Also, my sister and I were raised without having a tv in our room, ever, and the boyfriend grew up with being allowed to have one in his room. When it comes to raising our daughter, I refuse to let her have one in her room, and I tell him that he should not be letting his son get use to having one in his room when she won't be able to have one in her room.

What does everyone think? Am I being too hard?

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Tobie - posted on 11/23/2011

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The boys is his son. If he wants to bond with his son playing video games on the few days he has him, that should be his decision. He probably gets outside and has friends at his mom's house. When he's with his dad, he probably just wants to spend time with his dad. It's not up to you to dictate how they interact and spend time together.

Crystal - posted on 12/23/2010

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Stop this NOW! A 6 year old should NOT play Call of Duty. I even cringe when my 22 year old Marine son plays it because of the graphic nature of the game. If you care for that child you will hold your position on this.

I think that you should really reconsider if this is the right match for you.
Even though you have a child together, It might be best in the long run to find some one who's values match yours or your child will continually see the two of you battling over things and not working as a team. There has to be give and take.

Lissa - posted on 12/22/2010

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You are completely right on this one, no child should be playing those games, I also agree on the no TV in rooms. Is it a case of Daddy wants to play so son will to? Does your BF know how to relate to his son, does he find doing anything apart from the video games difficult? I think he needs some educating on the effect of these games on young children. I think he may also need some help on what you actually do with a child, maybe he really doesn't know what to do and how to do it.

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Tara - posted on 12/23/2010

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This is one thing my husband and I totally agree on - age appropriate games. Our girls aren't old enough to play games (at 2 1/2 and 14 months) but when they are old enough, they will be limited to a maximum of 90 minutes a day game time, and they will only be allowed age appropriate games.
The girls love watching Mama or Daddy game if we get the chance while they are awake, but neither of us plays anything that isn't appropriate for them to see. My husband loves first-person shooters like Call of Duty, Halo, etc, but he has said he will NEVER play them in front of the girls, and when they are old enough to game, they will not be allowed to play that type of game until they are in the age range the game suggests.
We also make actual playtime/outdoor time/reading time the priority and plan to continue to do so as the girls get older.
While it is a good thing that your BF wants to play with/bond with/interact with his son, you both need to be on the same page regarding this type of thing so that the boy has solid ground rules and something that is consistent for him. Honestly, his boy would probably bond with him more if he took him out to play ball or go to the park, etc. You are definitely not being too harsh. You need to get this hashed out before your daughter is old enough for it to really affect her.

Natasha - posted on 12/22/2010

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Lissa- That's the thing, I don't think he knows how to interact with him.I think he doesn't want his son going down the same road he did, but at the sametimeplaying war games is just asking for the same thing. It probably doesn't help that he only gets him every 2nd weekend, and sometimes other weekends for hockey. It is soo hardto convince him that what he thinks is okay, really isn't. I don't know. I guess I have a loooong road ahead of me :(

Stifler's - posted on 12/22/2010

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I don't see the problem with like Mario brothers or Donkey kong and other kid games but GTA and stuff.... NO.

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I agree w/ you completely. Age appropriate video games only, time limited, and no tv's in the bedroom. Good luck convincing the boyfriend!

Natasha - posted on 12/22/2010

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Thanks Ladies! It is soo nice to know that I am not alone on this! it bothers me even more because when I suggest taking his son outside and playing he asks me what my problem is and that they aren't bothering me. Well it does bother me because he thinks it's okay for his son to play a war game, which he thinks is graphic, and he wants the kids to be raised together. It's hard to want them to be raised together when he makes me the bad guy when I tell him that he shouldn't have his son get use to having a tv in his room because our daughter won't be allowed one. How do you go about telling a man how to raise his son? And to top it all off, his son doesn't have any manners ( and it doesn't help that his mom, who he lives with full time doesn't enforce them) and letting him play killing games isn't going to make that any better.

Sorry for rambling, but it is soo fustrating that he always makes me the bad because I want to start enforcing rules, which to me not having a tv in a kid's room or playing war games isn't a big rule, it's just common sense.

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No there's a reason why call of duty is rated M... why don't they play Mario or something. I had a tv in my room as a teen but I didn't use it much. My husband used his a lot... but there wasn't really a good place for him to watch tv in any other place in the house. We only have 1 TV and it's going to stay that way.

Tracy - posted on 12/22/2010

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Oh wow. I wonder if Mom knows... I know if my ex let our 9 yr old play those games I'd have some not very nice things to say. Those games are highly inappropriate for young kids, and most adults. Your boyfriend is an idiot.

I didn't grow up with video games and didn't get a TV in my room until I was 16. Even then, we didn't have cable, so I wasn't watching anything crazy

Phyllis - posted on 12/22/2010

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I don't think you are being to hard. I am in a similar situation. My husband allows our 5 and 7 year olds to play Call of Duty. He simply refuses to listen to me on this issue. The best I have been able to do is get him to turn off the graphic content, so they don't see the blood and the language is toned down a bit. It is an on going battle. Luckily, he does stick to my rule of one hour per day of tv or games, so they are not in front of it constantly. And he is only home one week in 8, so when he is gone, I can decide what and when they play. Which is a lot less when he is gone..lol.

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Natasha you are not being too hard. A 6yo should not be playing those types of games period. My and my husbands 10yo nephew is allowed to play these types of games with them hooked up so he can talk to strange people while he is playing. He is so addicted that when we are at family functions he will barely eat and lie saying he doesn't like the food so he can get back to playing. It is even to the point that he acts out the actions he sees on the video. He will point toy guns at people as if to pick them off and make comments about sooting something up. It's sick. I don't even want him around my kids any more.

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2010

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No Way. I don't even let my 11 and 13 year old play those games. Unfortunately the 11 year old is my step-son and he is allowed to play them at home, and I do believe it has affected him. It creates a total desensitisation to violence. There are actually studies to prove these things. They are rate 15+ for a reason - those ratings actually have a purpose. Your BF needs to pull his head in, IMO.

Stifler's - posted on 12/21/2010

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NO. my parents let my 9 year old brother play Grand Theft Auto at 6 and he is an idiot. it's inappropriate for that age group by all means. I agree with no tv in their room too.

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