help can i stop my kids from seeing their father ?

Helen - posted on 04/29/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i really don't know what to do for the best i want to stop my kids dad from ever seeing them i know this will be hard for my babies but in the long run i think it will be best he cancels on the days he is meant to have them mainly so he can go to the pub !!! he drinks alot most days intact he self harms he has no morals when he does have the kids he takes them to his mothers where he lives and sits them in front of a tv all till its time to come home he has always been a low life at one point he had his own flat (after we split up ) and i thought he was getting his life sorted but gave it up because he never had money to go out he hasn't worked for yrs so his job seekers payment didn't stretch far enough to pay bills plus drink i have had police to him several times for all sorts he head butted me once all police interventions were cos of him drinking even on a family hol he was arrested and held in a cell over nite due to his behavior might i add tho he is 34 i am only 25 yet seem to be much more of a responsible parent i also have a 8 and 6yr old who see their daddy every weekend with out any drama me and him are great friends as we decided that would be best for our girls why cant my lil ones dad do this every time i try to be friends he sends me disgusting texts asking if we can be fuck buddy s i think its totally inappropriate he should be texting to see how his children are when my son sees a can of beer in the supermarket or a squashed one on the street ect he thinks of his dad straight away an tells me daddy drinks them and that when he is big like his dad he will too this upsets me so much that the only thing a 4yr lil boy associates his father with is beer surely that isn't right i don't drink so my children don't follow what they see since the day they were born he has barely played with them nor looked after them all he thinks about is going to pub i want so much more for my kids he sets no example his mother is alcoholic too so i fear they will grow up being one them selves i don't know what to do for the best my ex has another daughter whom he wasn't allowed to see due to aggression after he tried for a little while he gave up i mean what kind of father would do that he could have seen his daughter under supervision but never did my only problem is he is on their birth certificates does this mean he can see them no matter what i do ???? any advice would be great i know i need to see my solicitor which i am this week i just wanted some mummy's advice before i go to her with my final proposition

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Louise - posted on 04/29/2012

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You are not going to like this but it is the truth! If you stop access to their father and the kids find out later in life they are going to blame you! You know he is a deadbeat and I agree with you 100%. But he is still their father and they have a right to know him deadbeat or not. I hear what you are saying about him not turning up and letting them down, dont tell them he is coming and they wont be let down. If you are worried about his aggression then get supervised visitation although I dont think he has shown any aggression to the children? You have to fast forward 10 years when your little ones are teenagers and want to know where they came from and who they are. If you have cut him out of their lives they will seek him out and be dissappointed all over again. If they have always known what a complete prat he is it is no surprise. It is up to your kids to say they dont want to see him any more and there will be a time when they do this, and then that is the time you can step in and help them put him behind them. Up until that time you have to keep the relationship going as best you can, limiting his access but still allowing some. He is their dad.

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Louise - posted on 04/29/2012

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No your right on the texts they must stop. Could you not bar his number and get him to use your land line. If not report them as abusive phone calls and get them stopped this way. I realise that you need to be able to get hold of him for the childrens sake, but he has to learn respect and treat you like a lady not a sex toy. This is a hard one! :-(

Helen - posted on 04/29/2012

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thanks huni i agree with your point i just want the best for them i dont want them to be hurt i want him to treat them how they deserve poor lil mites never asked for all this in a perfect world i would love to be friends with him it would be so much better for the kids but he just cant do it and i cant allow those disgusting texts

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