help me

Maria Luisa - posted on 11/05/2009

thanks everyone for listening and giving me advice...don't worry step by step i will follow all of your advice,,, because i know moms knows best...God Bless us all

Tashea - posted on 11/05/2009

Be honest and let her know you know and hopefully she will will come clean. Let her explain and listen and then tell her how you feel about the situation without lashing out and then take it from there. If you can even contact the young man or even his parents and let them know you don't allow or want your daugher dating at an young age, and take it from there. With everything you do explain it 2 her don't leave her in the dark. Wish you the best

Geannie - posted on 11/04/2009

A trusting relationship between the two of you IS very important... I don't know if you have "rules" about having b/f's but if so, then perhaps it is necessary for her to understand the complete reason why. Sometimes when a kid doesn't see WHY you're not allowing them to : ex: Play in the street... since she's no longer a child, you can explain to her WHY that is dangerous... this is a similar situation... not that she'll readily agree, but you can tell her why you don't want her investing herself in someone seriously at her age... sometimes that's all they need....
I don't have a daughter, BUT I went thru something similar w/both my sons. I didn't "freak" when they began to get very close to these girls, but I reminded them GENTLY that they needed to first be interested in whether or not these girls were saved. That was number one. But of course, they weren't, not in either case! And both boys ended up being angry & upset w/me... and they both ended up w/heartache from being involved w/these girls.
It took going thru all the ugly stuff to realize that I was trying to help them, not hurt them. I do have a really open relationship w/my kids (now 20 & married and 16yo) but they simply let their hormones take over when it came to this.... I am just SO thankful they didn't compromise our/their beliefs about sex and so they remained pure, just pretty scuffed up spiritually.
Don't worry so much about being cool, but tell her you want to meet the boy, ask her questions about his personal beliefs, etc.... do be calm, but don't try to be "hip" or whatever... that just turns kids off. ;Þ I pray that you can develop a closeness w/your dau so that you don't worry so much about her decisions... but keep a close eye and do be prepared to just have all your advise ignored while she goes through a really rough ride. Then be prepared w/a comforting shoulder and GENTLE, VERY GENTLE reminders of the things you've said prior... Absolutely NO "I-told-you-so"... but just "Do you remember when I said...? This is why I was so concerned." Once they realize that you actually DO know a few things, that you've BTDT and you only want to help them, sometimes you are just amazingly blessed and they will begin to ask your advice before developing feelings for someone else.
God bless!!

Nicole - posted on 11/04/2009

This is difficult. I can only answer from being there once. My children are still young but I will be there one day. I must agree with Melissa...don't snoop, but give her space and remain open to her. Tell her you won't snoop if she stays a little bit honest. Let her know you want her to have boyfriends and friends, but you want her to know they are welcome to come over. It is better to allow it than fight it. If you don't allow it she will sneak. It is better to know where she is and with whom, meet him, maybe his parents, and even though you may not love the idea of it you are on the inside and you know she is safe. It also means its time for that talk mom. But let her get comfortable with you being cool with the idea first then talk to her.

Kareena - posted on 11/04/2009

You just have to wait for her to come to you. Make sure she feels like she can come to you without you judging or being upset at her. At that age girls want a mom and a friends.

Mattee - posted on 11/04/2009

The thing that I think is important is that she knows you still love her :) Don't make her feel ashamed, sneaking around is way worse than being open.

Samantha - posted on 11/04/2009

dont get upset thats why she feels she cant talk to you . good luck

September - posted on 11/04/2009

It all starts with your relationship. If she feels like she can't talk to you about things then she will keep things from you. First I would sit and talk with her without getting mad. Then if you have not already I would have the "talk" with her. Good luck!

Lyndsay - posted on 11/04/2009

Well I think that all depends on what she thinks your reaction will be. Apparently you can't keep her from having a boyfriend, but what you can do is try to build a trusting and open relationship so that she will be willing to share that with you. If she thinks you are going to freak out, she's going to try to hide it... if she thinks that you will be accepting of him, she will be more likely to tell you about him (and future boyfriends).

Kelly - posted on 11/04/2009

there needs to be trust between you for her to be able to talk to you about anything. looks like there isnt much so this has to be built. talk to her and explain that no matter what she says you wont go mad. you are always there for her as she is your daughter and you love her no matter what. you may or may not have thought about it yet but you may want to dicuss contraception with her 'just in case'.

all the best x x

Dea - posted on 11/04/2009

I would hope that I would have an open enough communication with my daughter that she wouldn't be denying it.

You need to lay some ground work down with her so that she can trust you enough to talk to you about this stuff. Don't judge....advise.

Melissa - posted on 11/04/2009

How did you find out, if she is not telling you? When my family snooped thru my stuff it pushed me further away.

Not sure the best way to handle this but you know if you and your daughter have an open relationship or not. And if not, you are going to have to do the work to make that happen, but my experiance is pushing rules will push her away. keeping the conversation open may help.

Plus if you don't want her having a boyfriend.....that maybe why she is not telling you.

Amanda - posted on 11/04/2009

Building trust is huge. You have to make her feel it is okay to talk to you about things, no matter if you get upset.