help me get my husband back

Frances - posted on 12/07/2012 ( 33 moms have responded )

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i am mother of two children under 2 for the past year my husband and i have been separated but he has said he wants to try again the problem is we slept together and he has been seeing someone for a few months and he is having trouble breaking up with her as she cries all the time to him and is making him not see his children she doesnt know he cheated on her with me i want to tell her so she leaves so we can be a family again but i cant be theone to tell her as it would ruin things between me and my husband and he wont tell her because he doesntwant to hurt her i really want my family back my son cries for his daddy all the time and we have a real chance of being together again but this chick is getting in the way of that. what should i do? someone help she is on facebook so tempted to message her and tell her that he cheated on her and that he has been saying he wants to be a father to his kids and maybe try again at our marriage so she will walk away..because why would anyone want toget in the way of a family? help me please

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2012

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STOP playing the fool. She is not controlling a thing. He is just pathetic. He clearly wants to be with her also. Just know, he may not come back. You may need to deal with that, but stop enabling him by holding HIM accountable for his actions. Stop blaming the other women. Start putting blame on him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2012

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Well, the "chick" is not getting in the way of you getting back with your husband, HE is getting in the way of you getting back together. If you really want him back, you may have to give him an ultimatum. One that states you and your children are not going to wait forever. Sounds like he is playing the both of you. I would just calmly let him know that if he is not back by a certain time, the door will be closed to him period. Then divorce, and move on.



HE is probably offering HER the moon and stars. Hold him accountable for his actions. He is the one who left, and the one who started seeing someone else. It is not her fault. Put the blame where it should be. Also ask yourself if you can forgive him for essentially cheating on you.

Amy - posted on 12/07/2012

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Maybe she does know and he's telling her the same thing as he's telling you! Cut the strings and move on, yes you will be connected with him because of the children but he's really playing you for a fool right now. Good luck, I know it's tough to actually walk away.

Michelle - posted on 12/07/2012

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If your husband truly wants to fix his marriage he would just walk away from her, I would put my foot down and tell him it's her or you.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/19/2012

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Oh, and Frances, you don't need to move on to anyone else! You do not need to be dependent on a man!

I wouldn't recommend bringing someone else into the picture until the kids are older, and they have the ability to understand the situation. And I definitely wouldn't recommend it just because you don't think you'll be able to survive without a partner.

You can do this just fine without another partner!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/19/2012

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Ok, first of all, he did not cheat on her with you, he is cheating on you with her, if you're only separated and the divorce hasn't been filed.

That being said, he wants the best of both worlds. He wants you at home, his "loving" wife, and his child, his "perfect family"...and he wants his girlfriend on the side, so that he's getting laid whenever he wants, and not have the "ties" that a wife and family hold.

Don't buy into his lies. File for divorce, explain to your children that daddy has moved out, and will be seeing them as often as possible, get into family counseling for yourself and your kids, and move forward!

Lygia - posted on 12/19/2012

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This is so sad! You believe his stories too easily. The woman doesn't have a gun to his head MAKING him do anything he doesn't want to. He's probably laughing at u with her. U didn't state whether you're a career person and I'm guessing not, hence your dependency syndrome and settling for anything served to u. I agree with Christine G, it's time 2 wake up and gain some formal education 2 make yourself more dignified. As difficult as it may be, u need 2 respect yourself (ur husband has none for u) and move on QUICKLY! My husband of 6 yrs cheated on me, gave me the impression he was coming back (never did) and it took me 3 stupid years 2 move on. Today, I'm remarried to a most wonderful, handsome and intelligent guy and we're studying for our Masters together. Today, my ex-husband is MISERABLE (although remarried b4 me).

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012

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ha ha you act as though this guy has feelings.... he DOESN'T. he does not feel guilty for sleeping with you, he does not feel guilty for leading you on, that way when he and his girlfriend get in a fight, he still has someone to use as a booty call.... that is all you are for him. doing right by his children does not mean staying with you. doing right by his children means paying child support and seeing THEM!!!! not coming to your house to see YOU.... he needs to come pick his children up and keep them for the weekend, at LEAST every other weekend. YOU need to get a lawyer and get divorced, quit being delusional and do it... he does not want you for anything other than a booty call. that is all you are to him.have the courts order him to pay child support and let him have visitation... but require him to take the children for a weekend visitation, do not allow him in your house... he will just confuse you with sex again... remember SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE.... just like love does not equal sex.... close your legs before you get pregnant again.

Frances - posted on 12/19/2012

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well, he isnt coming to christmas and he has now started saying he wants to make it work with his gf, untill after christmas because he doesnt want to dump her on christmas but after is fine to him, he will break up with her and in a few months time he will come here and try again at being a father and "maybe maybe" try again with me, he is saying he doesnt want to come back to his family but he feels like he has to do it for his children its all well and good but i truly believe he is bullshitting me telling me what i want to hear. i asked him point blank if i should find someone and move on. to basically stop waiting for him he said to wait. i know it sounds so fucked this situation is so beyond me alone hence the need for others. he is just playing games right?? or is he being legit and he is trying to do right by his children? how do i respond to this what should i do? he is my husband i owe it to my children to keep the door open but when is enough enough he says he has the best intentions but it could also be that he just feels guilty he slept with me and made this to try and make me feel better, i dont understand why else he would be doing and saying what he has been why would u fuck with someone that much, is it so he can have it both ways 1. his girlfriend who loves him and he loves apparantly told me that today he loves her, and 2. me in the other corner with his children who he is now saying he never wanted but loves and who i forced on him by choosing to keep them against his wishes and now he has to ruin his life because of them because he has to be a father to them. Am i alone in thinking that its complete bullshit what he is saying? or has he got a point? i wanted my babies so i did choose to keep them against his wishes am i a bad wife for not aborting them because he didnt want them, also the whole thing with i dont want to come i "have" to come it just isnt sitting right with me. he should want to come and be with his children they arent a chore. he is really getting to me i am seriously considering just cutting him off as i think i have to get on with my life rather than stay in this limbo forever just waiting for him to come home. what do u think?

Holly - posted on 12/18/2012

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The thing is, this guy is a loser... You should leave him... Don't let yourself think he slept with you because there are still feelings for you... There aren't, he slept with you because you were an easy lay... End of story...he isn't looking for a relationship... He wants to get laid... Anne you did that for him

Lon - posted on 12/18/2012

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I'm sorry for what you are going through. He put you & your children in this mess but it's up to you to get you & your children out of it. You & your kids deserve better. They deserve a man who treats their mom like a queen not a doormat. They deserve a man who will choose them & their mom over anything & anyone. There deserve @ least one parent who sees that & gives that to them. He shouldn't care if the girlfriend is hurt & crying he should care that his WIFE is hurt & crying, that his kids miss & cry for him. I hope by now you have given him his ultimatum.

Kyle - posted on 12/17/2012

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OMG Let him go. He sounds like a 8th grade little boy. I would tell her he cheated on her the same day you have him served with court papers. He is emotionally abusing you and you don't even realize it yet, there are real men out there that don't play games like this. The only one he doesn't want to hurt is himself. Go and find yourself a real man that will treat you right. I hope you the best whatever road you take.

Kyle - posted on 12/17/2012

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OMG Let him go. He sounds like a 8th grade little boy. I would tell her he cheated on her the same day you have him served with court papers. He is emotionally abusing you and you don't even realize it yet, there are real men out there that don't play games like this. The only one he doesn't want to hurt is himself. Go and find yourself a real man that will treat you right. I hope you the best whatever road you take.

Nicole - posted on 12/16/2012

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Wow what a web!!! The first thing I thought when reading your story is, you are married. He didn't cheat on her with you!! As husband and wife you have the privelege of sleeping together. Try to turn it around on him. Tell him you are tired of him cheating on YOU and it is time he come home to stay. No man wants to be called a cheater. Just my thoughts!! good luck to you I sure hope it works out for you. For you and your sweet babies!

Stephanie - posted on 12/16/2012

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OK, he is your HUSBAND and though separated you're still married if he still wanted to fix your marriage he would end the relationship he has with his "girlfriend". There is no amount of crying that could keep anyone away from the family they really want to be with. I don't mean to sound harsh in any way, but perhaps your husband likes having you and his girlfriend available. If as you stated "he cheated on his girlfriend with his wife" as that statement alone is a contradiction; I think the answer is pretty obvious. His loyalties lye somewhere else.
You need to cry him out of your system if necessary and move on, in the future your kids will thank you for it.

Princess - posted on 12/16/2012

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Hey Frances my personal opinion is for you and your husband to sit down and figure out how he is going to fix this situation that is if he really wants to be back with his family because the way I see it is if he loves his family and wants to be with you guys he needs to stop feeding you bs sandwiches about her feelings and think about his family and you and his children's feelings not to say don't think about her but if it's only been a couple of months then it shouldn't be too hard and considering she doesn't want him seeing his kids he shouldn't want to be with her anyway because she is not a real woman a real woman would want him to see his kids but sere it's all about her and if he can't see that then you don't need him.

Mom - posted on 12/08/2012

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Didn't you cry when you separated?If he loves you and wants to make your marriage work then he will tell her the truth.What kind of man would let another woman keep him from seeing his children?He cheated on her with you. Are you sure he won't do the same thing to you if you get back together? I would give him one week to leave her tell her the truth or keep on trucking.Refuse to see him until he does.He is the one making the choice,and he sounds like he likes the way things are.Tell him he can,t have it both ways!Stay tuff and in the end your son will be better off for it.If he is that easy to manipulating,then you play the same game she is! Good luck

Angela - posted on 12/08/2012

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This woman, who is "breaking up your family" didn't stand with you before a marriage celebrant and make vows with you. She owes you nothing.



On the other hand, your husband DOES owe you the loyalty of at least trying to keep those vows. He doesn't want to tell his other woman that he's with you because he wants to keep her her sweet so he's got somewhere to run to when life overwhelms him with you. He wants to keep her on the go ... and have TWO of you.



And the longer it goes on, the more likely it will be that she gets pregnant, sooner or later. I'm ready to believe that she's probably been trying to get pregnant anyway - with or without his approval!



Get some self-respect and dump this man.



If that's not possible, do what Meg White suggests and get one of your friends to let his other woman know he's back with you.

Meg - posted on 12/08/2012

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If she was a decent person she wouldn't be playing with a married man. She knows he has kids and doesn't want him to see them. What kind of person does that? She is just really selfish and is thinking only of herself. Your husband is weak and wants an easy life which is why he won't tell her the truth. It is really hard having little kids and your husband was probably over whelmed so he walked away. You shouldn't tell her that he wants to come back to you, as he will blame you when she kicks him out.........but if one of your friends told her, he can't blame you can he?

Christine - posted on 12/08/2012

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Quite honestly, I think you would be better off without him according to what you have said about him. If he wanted to come back and be a husband and a father, he would, but he isn't. You would be surprised at the number of women who have no problem with destroying families. It's really sad. You don't say how old you are or if you have been to college, but if you haven't been to college, I would recommend that you start, even part time, so that you can get a degree and support your family with a good job. Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 12/08/2012

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I agree w/little miss--if he chooses his gf over his kids for Christmas then he clearly has his priority on her & not u & the kids. They deserve better, & so do u! The longer u drag it out the harder it will be for the kids. If they both are under 2, it will only take a weeks, & another man--a real man--& they will be over him.

Chinelo - posted on 12/08/2012

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My dear,my opinion is ur husband Is nt a baby,he shud b able to leave dt chick n focus on hs family,sit him down n talk to him,let him tell u ur stand my dear,no time,so dt u can know d next step to take,dis life is short,no one knows tomoro.u v to mk use of ur life wisely.luv ya

Alexandra - posted on 12/08/2012

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There is nothing like not being able to have something for making you want it.



So I would get a new fella. Make one up if I had to. Make myself less available and more of a hot property. If he wants to see you he has to plan for it. Always be unavailable without three days notice. Stick to that. It'll take a ciuple if months, but he'll dump Doormat.



Alternatively, consider open relationships. It's all I ever do and I never have this sort of problem. For some reason they never stray. I think having prior permission must take all the fun out of it.

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2012

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It sounds like he is keeping you around just in case it doesn't work out with his new girlfriend. I would be doing what the others have said and tell him he has to decide one way or the other. I would even contact the girlfriend and let her know what he's been up to.



In my opinion he doesn't deserve anyone and should suffer with both of you leaving him.

Frances - posted on 12/08/2012

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yes, you all are saying things i already knew, move on. only option really or turn into crazy ex that wont take a hint. thanks for all ur feedback.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2012

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Well, if he is not enough of a man to be with his own kids, fuck him. Give him til the first of the new year. If he does not celebrate christmas with his kids, that will tell you more about his character and his devotion to his kids, and you can make a decision concerning him with just that information. Do NOT keep blaming her. He sounds like a total pussy whipped wimp. Sounds like he has his wife and kids in one box, with his tasty treat on the side. Are you sure he deserves you back?



You giving him longer time to decide, is really telling him you approve of him treating you and your kids like this. Also, it will encourage him to lead this girl on and to really build their relationship into something more. One more thing. It is important for your children to see you being a strong women, mother and wife. This means not taking bullshit like this. They also need a strong male influence in their life. If you two cannot be together, at least you can show them what a healthy divorce looks like.



He is totally putting this womens needs first. Stop letting him feed you this line of bullshit and spoon feeding it to you on a gold spoon. Doesn't matter what it is served on, it is still shit.

Frances - posted on 12/07/2012

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ah yes i know its not her fault, and to be fair im in the wrong as well iknew they were together when i slept with him, what is making me feel anger towards her is the fact she wont let him skype his kids unless she is in the background listening nottalking just watching, she also says he cant visit them. i know its up to him to be a father and choose his children over his girlfriend but the thing is he isnt, and i guess im just left feeling a little used and iwanted to believe that what he was saying was true. how long should i give him ? another year a few months days? just sad really i was just so excited about him maybe coming back so my kids can have their dad back. u right i am playing the fool.

Frances - posted on 12/07/2012

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and the worst thing about it no matter what he will be inmy life haunting me because we have children together i cant just cut him out completely can i? he says he doesnt want a divource and that he loves me but he also says he loves her as well...it feels like he is just keeping me in the background ifeel like im a holding pattern just waiting for him... i just want to give him a push in theright direction and if tash - his gf wasnt around it would make his decision so much easier... he is so scared of hurting people i know nothing will happen unless she leaves on her own. he wants to come back he just feels guilty towards her.

Frances - posted on 12/07/2012

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yes i know. im an idiot for waiting for him to do something i just want to make it easier for him to come back...she isplaying with his emotions and because he does care abouther its really hard for him..i just want myhusband back i have waited a year for these kinds of developments and its all getting futher away because he has this girlfriend who is manipulating him.

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