HELP!!! My daughter is 3 1/2 and she wants nothing to do with the potty. Any suggestions

Arlene - posted on 02/02/2009

Quoting Jessica:

HELP!!! My daughter is 3 1/2 and she wants nothing to do with the potty. Any suggestions

Well its not the most pleasent way to train but with my son at the age of 2 I had to let him run around with nothing on under his pants, shorts. He hated the feeling of anything wet running down his leg. And is it an actual childs potty, if so have you tried a seat for your own toilet with a step stool? Might make her feel more comfortable using the same thing mommy does? 

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2009

What I did to my daughter was everytime she has to go poo-poo she has that certain look on her face. So if it's time to go I rush her straight to the toilet and let her sit there and tell her that we will say bye bye to poo-poo.... well to her it was fun to watch it go bye bye than it in her diaper.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2009

What I did to my daughter was everytime she has to go poo-poo she has that certain look on her face. So if it's time to go I rush her straight to the toilet and let her sit there and tell her that we will say bye bye to poo-poo.... well to her it was fun to watch it go bye bye than it in her diaper.

Beth - posted on 02/02/2009

Well have you tried any pee doll? I bought my daughter the potty power movie.. you can get it at target... its great! Um... We lost it and when we were at our old house so i just bought a new one should be here today! I am going to start my 2 1/2 year old next week....

Bobbie - posted on 02/02/2009

Ok, so my two youngest daughters are only 14 months apart. Unfortunately, my 2nd oldest was very stubborn when it came to potty training and I ended up working with both of them at the same time. One was 4 and the other 3, and to say the least, it was a very difficult time for all of us. I had used the bathroom one day and was washing my hands (I hadn't flushed yet) and I realized the blue water  (I use to buy the blue tabs to put in the tank for cleaning/ deodorizing) had turned green. I had tried everything else, so why not? I put a small amount of clean, blue water in the training potty and talked to my girls about it. I simply told them that if pottied in there, something really neat would happen to the blue water. My 4 year decided to try first and when she went they were both AMAZED that the water was now green. We made up a silly peepee dance and truly the rest is history. I know I have shared this story many times with friends and it has helped some of them as well. Hopefully someone on Circle of Moms has success with it as well. GOOD LUCK and remember... patience is a virtue.

Heather - posted on 02/02/2009

with my first kid I took 9 months to train him after that I met a mom who told me she trained all of her kids at age 2 and it took her a week so I tried her idea and flew with it. I start all my kids now on their 2nd birthday as a gift to me. I dont' think candy works so I dont' use it but we do dance and celebrate when the potty has been used. I also have a little book that flushes that we read. The biggest step is to get rid of all diapers and pull ups. I grew up on cloth diapers and my mom just doesn't understand what takes to long to potty train a kid. I think maybe it that's they dont' feel wet and yucky. So i set aside a week after their second birthday and we do a week of potty training. the kid is fully dressed and I plan to do lots of laundry. I take them to the potty every hour to pee by setting a timer. I've only trained boys so far but I have poured nice warm water over them to help encourage release and I turn on the water in the tub. I also tell them it's not ok to wet themselves and if they poop on the floor I make them clean it up. It's a fully involved week to week and a half but then we are usually done. By the end I've done lots of laundry and asked myself if it was worth it during the middle of it all but we both are happier for the experience. I have found my children seem much more empowered by having control of their bodies and I love not changing diapers anymore. It also saves money. Diapers can be expensive when you are on a tight budget. I will confess that with my last child I had to do it twice. I tried a few weeks before his 2nd birthday and again 2 months later right before I gave birth to number 4.

Heather - posted on 02/02/2009

When I potty trained my son I put cherrios in the toilet and told him to sink them. He loved it.

Janet - posted on 02/02/2009

Hi Jessica,

Lots of great suggestions so far. I applaud all you parents! My kids were potty trained relatively young (for the 21st century anyway). : ) I think once you are beyond 15-18 months the power struggle is a real challenge. If she spends a lot of time at home I would definitely have her wear big girl undies, forget the pull-ups... it's too hard for them to realize their wet. This takes a commitment on your part because you will be cleaning up accidents and doing more laundry and letting her know it's time to sit on the potty. I would just be matter of fact about it. Have a little talk letting her know it's time to wear underwear and go on the potty. Let her pick her underwear out and by all means give a little treat when she is successful. My kids got m&m's or something small. We did the sticker chart too. Both we're great. Remain calm when she has an accident, just clean her up immediately so she doesn't get used to being wet... most kids don't like that anyway. We used the phrase, "It's time to use the potty" rather than asking if they had to go. And we'd say that about every two hours in the training period. Hope this helps a bit. Don't be afraid to take charge of the situation, I know lots of people let their kids take the lead but hey, diapers are expensive and you don't let your kids tell you when they're going to bed or when they take a bath, etc. so why let them tell you they don't want to use the potty. Just like you establish a bedtime routine so they know what to expect each night, don't be afraid to establish a potty routine as well. : )

Best wishes,
Janet

Toni - posted on 02/02/2009

Until Christmas 2008, I was in the same boat with my daughter, 2 nights before Christmas, I told her that I was no longer buying pull-ups and that if she would start using the potty that she could get her ears pierced which is something that she wanted really bad because her older sisters wear earrings.  For the next 2 days she only would go pee-pee in the potty but no poo, I started to get worried but finally on Christmas day while we were celebrating at my in-laws, she decided she really had to go.  We have not had any poo accidents but only 3 pee-pee accidents since.  Hope this helps you with some ideas!

Soraya - posted on 02/02/2009

Hi daughter was 3 when she started potty training and wasn't to excited about it at first.Be patient it will probably take some time.I  have a potty chair and also a seat that goes on top of the toilet seat .Giving her choice was good.Also letting her pick her pullups and "big girl panties" was exciting for her.SHe did have accidents,still does sometimes but I can say she is potty trained and we are all very happy about that.Doing charts and rewards might work.Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2009

well she has no choice at this age. if you want her to go to school. the noraml suggestions ar eto make it fun. offere a reward after she goes. do not let her do anything else while she is on the toilet . its not play time. tell her how to go to the bathroom and tell he rthat you do the samre thing . let her come in and see you go and then let her go. show her a couple of times. but let her knw your only going to show her a couple of tiimes and that she cant watcha fter thatand that she cant watch other people go to the washroom because its not appropriate. it can take a long time for he rto pooty train. ther are many kids that take along time. there are also many whoa re forced to the potty too early when they arent ready and punished for not going. so thank god your not one of those parent . good for you for giving he rtime to adjust and be ready.

Desiree - posted on 02/02/2009

My daughter was that way but when she is ready, she WAS ready. And now she will be 5 and never had a probelm since. It will come when it comes.

User - posted on 02/02/2009

Since for a lot of little kids, the when, how and if of going potty is one of the only things in their lives where they truly have control, I just switched the feeling of 'power' from deciding not to go (because it is the opposite of what they know you want them to do) to feeling that the power is in their decision to go. I did this by acting like I really didn't care what decision they made, but each and every time I changed their diapers, I would say " when YOU decide that YOU are ready, you will put your pee and poop in the potty instead of a diaper. Then I would ask them if Mommy went on the potty or in diapers...if Daddy went on the potty or in diapers and if big brothers and or baby brothers used the potty or went in diapers. (I have four boys). My three oldest have all just announced that they were ready to go on the potty and from that point forth, went on the potty. They have all trained themselves. Before they were ready, there were several times with all of them were they said something like "I don't want to use the potty!!' and I believe they are really testing your response. You truly have to convince them that you don't care one way or the other. That this is THEIR achievement, not yours. They were all trained by 2 1/2. For both my oldest, and my third boys, they were just under two when the next youngest sibling came along, so I added in the pretend conversations with the baby, within earshot of the almost-ready-to-train eg: "baby says that HE wants to use the potty....Well, I'm sorry baby, you are just too little to go on the potty...you have to be a BIG BOY to go on the potty. This is your big brothers potty, and when he decides that he is ready, he is going to use this potty. I'm sorry you are just going to have to wait until you are bigger." Almost always this was met with lots of pride in ownership by my trainer. ie: "yes baby this is MY potty!"

Erin - posted on 02/02/2009

My daughter is also 3-and-a-half and not potty-trained. I like some of these suggestions, especially putting soap in the toilet to make bubbles. I have to admit, it's nice to know she's not the only one her age who is so stubborn about it! People keep telling me she'll do it when she's ready, but at this rate, she'll be wearing diapers to school!!!

Claire - posted on 02/02/2009

Buy her something she really wants, put it in sight but out of reach if she sits on the potty once she can hold it still int he box, give her a sweeetie, when she has performed on the potty every day for 3 - 5 days (it up to you how long you think she will wait) she can then have the thing you bought her.  It worked for a friend of mine with his little boy, I don't see why it wouldn't work for a girl.   Good Luck!

Wendy - posted on 02/02/2009

don't worry about it, your daughter will pick up on your frustration and play on it. let her carry on wearing nappy pants, and leave it to her to let you know when she is ready. it may just be the potty itself that is freaking her out, try her straight on the toilet with a toilet seat, let her be a big girl, she may feel like a baby using a potty. but don't rush things, let her have a break from it all and introduce it again in a couple of months. some children just take longer than others. if you don't get embarrassed, then let her in the toilet when you spend a penny so she can get used to what she is supposed to do, answer her questions openly, she will get there when she's ready.

Crystal - posted on 02/02/2009

if your daughter has a favourite character try getting her a potty with that character on it. i found that when  i went to potty train my oldest daughter who is now 3 1/2 that her loving winnie the pooh made everything easier! i got her a winnie the pooh potty and potty training was a breeze!! so try that!

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2009

Thanks to everyone for giving me great ideas

Carrie - posted on 02/02/2009

Make it FuN! I had a hard time deciding on the "potty treat". A healthy choice, a snack, a toy...it got too hard. But, if my kids had a week (start smaller, if necessary) of no accidents, they could go to the Dollar Store and pick a special toy, or pick a restaurant (we had to eat, anyway!). They thought that was FaBuLoUs! For you...just be patient. They'll do it when they feel like it! =) She probably knows very well, what to do. She just has to be ready. Really give her praise for trying! Good luck and God bless. She'll get there. Just sometimes not as fast as we'd like!

Sharon - posted on 02/02/2009

my nephew had the same problem because he had a problem with consitipation,so we made it a game i would run around the house oh i need to go toilet,i need to go toilet make all funny faceses and dances then run to the loo were he would  follow me i pretend to go and then ask if he would do the same it took some time but he took the bit and went

Kelly - posted on 02/02/2009

I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY SON AND I RECENTLY CAME ACROSS A MARSHMALLOW MIRACLE LOL!! HE REFUSED TO GO ON THE POT NO MATTER WHAT I DID.  THE OTHER DAY I OFFERED HIM 1 MARSHMALLOW FOR PEEING ON THE POTTY AND 2 MARSHMALLOWS FOR POOPING ON THE POTTY AND FOR THE PAST 4 DAYS HE HAS BEEN FAITHFULLY MAKING EVERY EFFORT TO GO TO THE POTTY AND HE IS HAVING FUN WITH IT TOO BECAUSE HE IS LEARNING TO COUNT TOO BECAUSE HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM AND COMES OUT EXCITED AND WHEN WE ASK HIM WHAT HE DID HE SAY HOW MANY MARSHMALLOWS HE NEEDS BY HOLDING UP THE NUMBER OF FINGERS.  AND THEN HE ASKS US TO CHECK.  ITS ACTUALLY VERY CUTE BUT IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR HIM.  HOPE IT WORKS.

Allison - posted on 02/02/2009

i feel your pain.  it took 18 months all together to train my son (who's now 4).  he really couldn't be bothered...

the things that caused progress, however:

make her hang out with kids that are trained.  peer pressure is a wonderful tool.

bribe her shamelessly.  stickers, cookies.

buy her undies, but she doesn't get to wear them till she's using the potty.

take her to the bathroom every time you go.  if mom does it, i wanna do it too....

and, stress that all big girls use the potty.

hope some of this helps, good luck!!

Monica - posted on 02/02/2009

Me too!!! My son was three on the 25th of September and we have tried EVERYTHING!!!!  I have been trying for over a year to potty train him. Help!!!! We have tried candy, stickers, you name it we have tried it.....any suggestions?

Missy - posted on 02/02/2009

My daughter was the same she's was two in August so I used to hug or  reassure her by rubbing her back whilst on the potty singing songs doing things to get her mind off of what she was doing - also if they have difficuly in going it makes them even more nervous so u just have to keep reassuring her its ok and big girls use pottys

Jacki - posted on 02/02/2009

Quoting Jessica:

HELP!!! My daughter is 3 1/2 and she wants nothing to do with the potty. Any suggestions

When my son was potty training he didn't want to know at all either.  I put a small bit of washing up liquid into a bowl next to his potty and also in his potty.  I then poured water in the bowl to make bubbles and told him to wee in his potty and this would make bubbles too.  It made potty training fun and you can let them play with the water in the bowl while you dispose of the potty contents.

Robyn - posted on 02/02/2009

My daughter initiated it when she was 21/2 and then it took 4 to 5 months to train her.  It wasn't the greatest experience for me.  I would say that she is older and can understand more.  I would try putting big girl panties on and tell her if she goes reward her with candy, stickers, etc.  Try keeping a chart in her bathroom to monitor her progress.  BE PATIENT.....  She will have accidents but tell her she is a big girl and big girls go on the potty.  I hope this works.