HELP PLEASE!

Hollie - posted on 05/01/2010

First off you should look into the guide lines for child to provide ratio because 10 kids is alot for one person. If you worried about your son having autisim bring him to the doctor he or she is the only one that can determine that. Boys tend to talk later then girls anyway. My son is 17 months and is saying about 12 different words but this just recently started. My son cries when I drop him off at daycare as well but he's happy shortly after I leave. Maybe this is a red flag that something is not right with you daycare provider. Well anyway wish you the best with this.

Tiffany - posted on 04/29/2010

Tracy you had some very good ideas about taking a photo album and such with him, I have never heard of that idea it is very creative. Vivian I understand where your coming from I love staying home with my son and thats why I only work part time, so Cyndye I think Your right I am looking into a babysitter who can come to my home or maybe someone that has a couple kids that he can play with so he would get one on one attention but at the same time get use to other children as well.

Tiffany - posted on 04/29/2010

Tracy you had some very good ideas about taking a photo album and such with him, I have never heard of that idea it is very creative. Vivian I understand where your coming from I love staying home with my son and thats why I only work part time, so Cyndye I think Your right I am looking into a babysitter who can come to my home or maybe someone that has a couple kids that he can play with so he would get one on one attention but at the same time get use to other children as well.

Cyndye - posted on 04/27/2010

You said you just moved a few months ago to an area where you don't know anyone, well the same applies to your son. Everything around him has changed except you and your husband, you two are his constants. He needs time to adjust to his new home and get used to new people. I don't know how one lady can watch 10 children by herself and give them all the attention they need. I don't think there is anythoing wrong with your little guy but like others have said, school systems do offer early childhood screenings. I think if you could find a babysitter to come to your home and watch him, that might work out best for him. At least he would be in surroundings that are familiar to him. Good luck!

Viviana - posted on 04/27/2010

I do not want to make you feel bad , but I would not put my son in not daycare at all, I understand that maybe the situation requires you to work , but kids are just little for 5 years and then they go to School for soo long ,Little kids really need their mommys, I do not blame in this lady or someone else, I have 2 kids my husband works all the time , and I get streess and tired with my own kids, can you imagine another person , that is just doing it for money would take care of your son, I always think God gave me these precious boys to take care of them....., I have reduced my expenses and it seems worth it to do this for my kids, sorry for all what you have been trough, who else will know much better that his own mom monitor him, and maybe later when you see his maturity , He might be ready for a day care. please do not take me wrong it might be good day cares , but it is so hard to know.

Tracey - posted on 04/26/2010

Hi I have worked in childcare for 10years and some child take time to get use to other people. If he is not around alot or any children then care centres are very overwhelming. take a small photo album of you and your partner for him to carry around and look at while at day care. use flash cards at home and take photos of his drink cup,plate and other things he uses alot and place them around the house. It might help encouragement is the key

I would take him out from that lady and find some one that cares about your child no childcare worker can tell you your child has a disorder that was out of line. Good luck

Rosie - posted on 04/25/2010

i think others have given good advice, i think he may be just a little stressed from the moves and i most definitely think he doesn't like something about that daycare. definitely get him out, who knows what's she's doing to him.

i would also like to add that i have 3 boys, and my first one didn't talk until he was 3. i put him in speech therapy at age 2 and it didn't help. around the age of 3 his speech started to explode!! my 2nd boy talked at the normal time, and my last one is going to be 3 on the 14th, and he just started talking. some kids just go at their own pace. as long as his hearing is fine, and he seems to understand and try to comunicate with you i think he's fine.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2010

You should get his hearing checked just in case. I have a friend who has 2 children that were born with hearing and did well their first year then they both lost their hearing after 1 birthday. Their first born went through a very frustrating time and they finally found out just before he was 3. When the 3 child was born they knew what to look for and caught it right away once she lost it and she now has hearing with the help of a cochlea implant. Also remember it could be nothing at all, he could be just trying to adjust to his new surroundings.

Kristin - posted on 04/25/2010

If your care provider is not comfortable taking care of him i would pull him out immediately
I worked at a daycare and some kids just cry and take longer to adjust but if she does not have the patience to work with him he should be somewhere else. It would be better for him and better for you!

Tiffany - posted on 04/25/2010

Thanks for everyone's post it really has helped me with the situation and bring things to my attention like what u said Becky he has been threw alot in his life which what I didn't mention was a 5 weeks premature and was in the hospital for a couple weeks so i am very protective of him! He is for the most part an only child he has a 11 year old brother that only sees him once a year for a couple weeks so he is not use to other children at all, I took him to a football game yesterday and he played with a boy that was 3 and he did awesome they were running around with a football and so I know he wants to play with other children he just doesn't know how to go about it I guess. As for the daycare situation I see the reasoning for going with a center but I am worried that he might get overwhelmed and that he might need to much attention. When my neighbor watched him when we lived last time he did really great with her and the two kids so maybe I should lean more towards that Idea? Thanks again for the help, this is my only child so I need all the advice that I can recieve!!!

Becky - posted on 04/24/2010

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he has autism. I think that it is more likely that he is reacting to the fact that there has been a lot of change in his life lately. He's 20 months, and already he's been through 2 big moves, had 3 different caregivers, and gone from having a single mom to having a dad in his life. That is a lot for a little one to adjust to in a short period of time. Plus, 1 caregiver with 10 children is way too many children, in my opinion. I doubt he is getting the one on one attention and care that he needs, especially while he is still adjusting to the new situation. And frankly, it sounds to me like she is more interested in finding problems with him than in helping him settle in and get comfortable. I would remove him from her care as soon as you can.
I don't know whether a day care or a babysitter would be better for him. I might lean towards a babysitter in your home if you can find one, because then at least he doesn't have to get used to yet another new environment. But then again, the interaction with other kids could be good for him. Whichever you choose, try to do a gradual transition, where you spend some time with him at the daycare or with the babysitter and allow him to get comfortable with the place/caregivers with you there. It's important for little ones to know their parents trust and are comfortable with the people who are looking after him, so you need to make him feel that you feel that way.
As far as the not talking yet, it's not uncommon for little boys to talk later - my oldest son didn't really start saying any words until about 19 months, and then he just took right off on talking. Add the fact that he has been through a lot of change lately, and he probably just has other things on his mind than talking. If he's not starting to say words by 2, then I would talk to your doctor about having him evaluated.

Holly - posted on 04/24/2010

Hi Tiffany
I work in a daycare center my first question is is he the youngest? Also are there other children near his age in this house? If not that might be a problem. I would defiantly change day cares not all children are the same and some will do better in a home setting and others in a center. I would suggest a center with a separate toddler room from the infants and older children it should have a ratio of 4 children to 1 adult. Also it should have no more then 2 primary care givers this means that he is not going to another teacher every couple of hours but is able to bond with 1 or 2 workers. Hope this helps

Abbie - posted on 04/24/2010

I would get him out of there asap!!! That lady is not doing your son any good! I would speak with the doctor but also look at different centers and home daycares..........they are all very different!!

Dana - posted on 04/24/2010

Talk with your doctor about your concerns and I'd definitely take him out of that day care. It doesn't sound like she can handle taking care of your son no matter what he may or may not have. Good luck!



Edited to add, I just read your last post. I wouldn't let him go there one more day. He sounds miserable there.

Tiffany - posted on 04/24/2010

And one of the reason I put him in this daycare was because it was like the one he was in before, and they loved him to death and another reason is because i thought it would help him to start talking being around the other children but he just doesn't want anything to do with any of them!

Tiffany - posted on 04/24/2010

Thanks everyone for your post it helped me feel alot better. My son has only gone there about 5 times which I know isn't alot but he shows no signs of getting better there, I trully think he just doesn't like the environment there! He does not act the way he does at daycare at home, he dances and plays at home but at daycare all he does is cry and literally waits at the front door and when the door bell rings he runs to get his shoes hoping it is one of us! When I picked him up yesterday he was at the screen door and when he say me he started screaming and pounding on the door and trying to get out, it was very sad and I don't want him to every feel like that! And with the whole autistim thing she says he seems like he is because he is not aware of his surroundings and that he has no fear of climbing on anything and that he is very active, I trully don't think she knows what she is talking about, but hey maybe she does! I now need to decided if I want to just find someone that has a couple kids that wants to babysit or if i should put him in a bigger center, any suggestions?

Mei - posted on 04/24/2010

you said your son did well in daycare when he was 6-9months, why don't you try to find him a daycare center similar to the ones he had before. If this lady suggesting you to look for sth else....she's probably don't have much patient w/ your child now...so there's no point of leaving him w/ her.

Hala El - posted on 04/24/2010

Hi Tiffany,
My daughter could not talk till the age of 30 months, I was going crazy, but her pediatrician said since she hears well, then no problem. Till this age, I used to leave her with my mother during working hours, then when she was 2 years and 6 months, she went to daycare and suddenly after 2 weeks, she spoke everything.
Change the daycare, maybe they do not give him much attention as you used to. I don't think your son has any sort of problems, he just needs to be looked after and cared.
Good luck.

Louise - posted on 04/24/2010

This is strange behaviour for a 20 month old but I think quite normal. How long has he been going to this day care centre? It sounds to me like your son is quite oeverwhelmed with the whole situation. Does he react differently with you? If the answer to this is yes then he really does not like to be with her and you should look into changing his day care. Your son in not autistic! He sounds depressed to me so spend some time with him and then change day care, sit in on some sessions with him to reassure him that everything is ok and then leave him for longer periods of time. All children take time to settle into a new schedule and the upheaval can upset them dramatically. This situation needs time to settle but the fact that this woman has branded your son autistic is a disgrace she simply is a bad childcarer. Don't panic I have seen children react like this before but with the right encouragement from a day care assistant they come out of their shell and start to respond as you would expect. Don't take any notice you have simply picked the wrong day care for your son. Nothing that can't be fixed honey!

Iridescent - posted on 04/23/2010

He's too young to even know if autism is indicated, much less to diagnose. Nobody trained appropriately will diagnose prior to 3 years old, minimum, and it's most accurate around 5-7 years. Every single developmental stage is appropriate at certain ages, and each of these stages have "autistic" tendencies. They are appropriate when they occur during that stage though, but not forever. It's autism when there are too many to function and continue a long time after it's appropriate for development.



Call your public school and request an evaluation. It's free. They'll test each developmental area and let you know if he's behind or ahead in any, and what can be done to work with him. If he's severely delayed, they'll work with him to help him catch up.



I wouldn't be too concerned at this point as you aren't seeing the same behavior as the day care provider, and the day care provider isn't 1:1 with him at all.