Help Please!!!!

Serene - posted on 01/09/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I have a 7 month old daughter and she is my world, her and her 2 year old brother...... Her biological father a sperm donor, yes a sperm donor started denying her when i told him i was pregnant and didn't want to continue our fling... So, i was cool with him not being there through out my pregnancy and the birth of our daughter, i didn't care..... and still don't care....

But, am i wrong for not wanting to get a DNA test and I had blocked him from my contacts because apparantley I don't want anything to do with him. He had threatend that he was going to take me to court and get full custody of our daughter and he started accussing me of sellling drugs.....WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!! SELLING DRUGS!!!!!!! I am so pissed off right now..... Where is he coming up with this info????? Its redicolous. He got his family texting me telling me to take him to court for a DNA test and they are harrassing me, and then he runs his mouth tooo....... I got tired of it.....I never one time asked for a DNA test because I don't want him in her life....IF I did i would of had him come to the hospital when i had her.....I would of gave him the info that he needed. But, he and his family wont leave me alone. Has anyone been in this situation before? If so what did you do? I'm thinking about a restraining order.....:-(

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Kim - posted on 01/11/2011

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There is a child in this world now and it doesn't really matter if you care about paternity or not. You SHould have thought about that and Birth control Before you laid down in that bed. If you just wanted a sperm donor, you should have went to a legitimate donor facility. I promise you won't like the rest of my answer, so if you don't like this much, STOP reading. There are alot of children in this world who have parents, who should not be parents. They have parents that are absent, walk away, deny, and don't really care. If this guy wants to see his child, then he will have have to pay child support ect.. However this is a legal issue and will definately end up in family court. If you are not careful you will lose everything. If he has threatened to take you to court, don't take it lightly. If he is smart, and as he starts talking to people, he will find away. Believe me he can end up with a court appointed attorney and ruduced court fees just to take you to court. He doen't have to come up with alot of money. You might wonder why I know all this. I am raising someone elses children. My husband gained full custody of both of his sons after taking their mother to court. All she cared about was getting child support and in the end all of her false accusations and not truly caring about the childrens well being cost her custody. She now only has visitation with her sons. This has been going on for years now and at 10 and 9 years of age they dread visitation days with her. Be very careful of how you throw the words sperm donor around. You made a decision to bed this man, you chose not to move in after you made the announcement that you were pregnant, I don't suggest you push a father away who wants to be involved. You will create your own grief in the end. Don't worry about his name being on the birth certificate or not. Family court will request a paternity test for this reason to be done at the shared at expense of both of you. If you don't want the court to be breathing down your neck, I suggest you find a way to start working together and stop working against each other with hurtful things. Your child may be young but kids are not oblivious. The court system is a all about the child. They don't care what you or the father wants. They only look out for the child. It's not about either one of you anymore. The world now revolves around what is best for that growing child and the courts feel if there are to able and willing parents then they will both be involved. Good luck working it out!!

[deleted account]

I agree 100% with Amanda. A man should never be denied access to his child(ren) because the mother doesn't want him around. Unless there's abuse, the father is the father (NOT a sperm donor - sperm donors are people who leave sperm at a sperm bank and never know when they have children) and there's no changing that fact.

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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So she has sex with a man, he decides he no longer wants to have sex with her, so hes a sperm donor?? Many men deny children while woman are pregnant and then change their minds. These men have the right to do this, and woman have no right to deny these men their rights.

You are all talking about abusive men, or men who truely wanted nothing to do with your children (sorry thats happened to you but those cases do NOT apply here). It is clear this man wants a relationship with his daugther, so much so hes threatening court and DNA tests. Good for him, and I really hope he does be a father, and get court orders.

Sorry it drives me nuts when I read on here so many mothers keeping their children away from their fathers for personal reasons!

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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This man is not a sperm donor, he is the FATHER to your child. Grow up, and allow your child her RIGHT to her father.



If you didnt want this man in your life for the next 18 years you shouldnt of laid down with him.

Jodie - posted on 01/04/2012

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If he wants to see his daughter but you don't want to see him then you should be able to arrange for contact with a mutual friend or family member or even in a contact centre, a safe mutual environment.

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18 Comments

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Rachael - posted on 01/12/2011

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Never ever try shared custody and it most likely wouldn't be granted anyway. Courts don't grant shared custody if you say that the relationship between you and the father is volatile and would not be in the best interest of the child. As for the father in your child's life it may suck and be difficult (I know) the court looks as the right of the child and doesn't care about the parents. If you are being harrassed by others over this send them a text or email (and keep proof) telling them that they are to no longer contact you as you find their numerous texts/emails harrassment and if they continue then file a restraint order to stop them. It is up to the father to go for a DNA test unless you wish to seek maintenance.

Lauren - posted on 01/11/2011

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I understand where you're coming from. SOME blokes think that they can just change their mind about whether they want the baby or not. If he went all through the pregnancy not wanting the baby, and then as soon as it's born, he wants full custody, then what the hell! But.. from the legal side of things, he does have a right, unfortunatley!!

Kelly - posted on 01/11/2011

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I'm a little confused by your story but if I'm reading correctly you're saying that the man you were involved with - the father - denied paternity up until you actually had your daughter but now wants visitation. I can absolutely sympathize with your desire not to allow him to be a part of her life since he wanted nothing to do with her originally but unfortunately (as most mom's are posting) you can't withhold visitation rights for personal reasons alone. If he's now wishing to be a part of her life you have to somehow get past your anger towards him and work something out. As most others have posted, you're only delaying the inevitable; he will more than likely get some custody rights if he takes you to court. Be the bigger person and find a way to come to some sort of arrangement.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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Serene he can take you to court and demand a DNA test and you would have no option but to comply. If he does this then you will also have no choice about court ordered visitation etc.



I also agree you may not like it but they are not sperm donors they are the fathers of these children. They are actual people with actual rights to these children and sadly if he takes you to court you are going to find this out.

Serena - posted on 01/10/2011

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Amanda, that is pretty rude to say. Just because a "man" can lay with you and get u pregnant does not always mean they are a father. When the guy total comes out and says they want nothing to do with you or the child, he has lost all rights to that child, in my eyes anyways.
I was in a similar situation. I was 18 and in a relationship and i found out i was pregnant. he told me i cheated on him and wanted nothing to do with the child. It was kinda a package deal. he was not around when i was pregnant although i tried to include him on every doctors appointment. he was a no show. So when i asked him what he wanted to do early in the pregnancy, he told me to do what i thought was best. So i did give her up for adoption to my aunt and uncle. He tried to fight it after papers were signed and everything. No luck. He was on the birth certificate, but thats all he was.
So yes, there are sperm donors. When they say they want nothing to do with the child, I call it as i see it.

But back to you. Yes i wold go and seek a lawyer and cover all your basis.

Emily - posted on 01/10/2011

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As long as he's never been abusive toward you or the child, he has every right to see his child if he wants to. I would get the DNA test just so the matter is settled. And contact a lawyer. It doesn't matter whether you like this man or his family. He's still your child's father. And someday down the road if you keep her from him, she will resent you deeply for that.

Meadow - posted on 01/10/2011

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Amanda, it's nice to say. And yes, I totally agree that regardless of the fact how you should never say anything negitive about the father because she is part of the father. Doesn't mean he'll step up and be a "dad". I don't know Serene situation. I know I got pregnant on the pill, found out after I waas pregnant that the "father" raped my sister's, beat up his mother and slept around. His own family told me to try and keep my daughter away from this "father". Sometimes the whole story isn't pretty. I never regretted having my daughter, she's amazing and I am thankful for her everyday. And I am just as thankful that her "father" isn't in her life.

Meadow - posted on 01/10/2011

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I also have a "sperm donor" for my first daughter. 16 years later we are still fighting over legal custody. and it has nothing to do with my daughter. He is just getting back at me for walking away. But remind sperm donor if we wants to be part of her life he can also pay child support. Which can help you. but if you don't want him involved you have to go the court. you need to get physical and legal custody set up. And yes, most counties have a family court systems where you can get help for little or no cost to you. But don't put this off and wait.

Serene - posted on 01/10/2011

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We dated for 1 month and it was a rebound..... I ended up pregnant. When i told him that i didn't want to move in with him he got mad and denied her....The whole time i was pregnant I was talking to my sons father, now we are together and he treats my daughter like his own.... His mother loves my daughter also. I want her sprem donor gone. He hasn't been there and now all of sudden he wants me to take him to court.....I don't care about paternity, on her birthcertificate the father is empty. I don't want him in her life....

Laura - posted on 01/10/2011

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This is a legal issue, pure and simple. Contact a family lawyer for advice on what your legal options are. If you were at all romantically involved with the "sperm donor", then he may have legal rights to see his daughter, like it or not. Only a lawyer will be able to advize you on this. Good luck!

Louise - posted on 01/10/2011

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I am a bit confused was he a sperm donner or some body you were in a relationship with as these situations are very different. If you had a long standing romance with this man then he is entitled to see his kids and to some extent so are his family. If he was a one night stand then you have more of a chance of going through the court and haveing restricted access. But either way he still has access rights. Do not be a fool and try and cut him out of her life invite him around and talk this through like adults he is obviously keen to see her and step up to be a dad as lots of men would of just walked away! The very worst thing you can do is stop contact between your daughter and her dad because as she gets older and finds out (and she will) she will turn on you and you are in real danger of having a rebelling teanager on your hands. Do the right thing and put a stop to all this hatred and distrust and pick up the phone and do the right thing.

[deleted account]

Honestly, you may not like this answer, but you are not the person to decide if this man is a part of your daughter's life. She is his daughter too and there is no changing that. Go to the family court and file for full custody (if you think he shouldn't get to see your daughter - I honestly think that you should try shared custody at first, unless of course being with him would put her life in danger, but nothing in your post suggests that). Then comply with whatever the court decides.

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