HELP Please i need some advice!

Chelbie - posted on 08/06/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Me and my husband arent doing that great at all! The past week has been to be honest HORRIBLE things were great he never yelled at me or anything he helped me out with stuff he was respectful and it was great. we got into a fight cuz i left my sleeping daughter with a 15 yr old for a few mins the other night while i went to the store a block away after i said i dint want to do that (roommate was drunk and her 11yr old sister wanted to get some food so i took her) i was gone 15 mins. so he hated my guts and i slept in the living room that night and then the next day i found a text message from the night before to a girl he used to work with who now works with him and he called her sexy so i got pissed he said sorry and we had world war 3 but we let it go or so i thought. Well then all of the sudden he changed hes snapping and yelling at me and hes blaming me for absolutly everything even if it aint my fault hes so defesive and angry hes emotional and says that i hate him and he dont no why. My natural reaction is to be mean back of course i dont no what to do im not just going to give in to him cuz that aint me i dont take orders and bow down at all im used to wearing the pants if you no what i mean what i say goes. But he just wont do anything i ask hes just being plain MEAN making me feel like im not good enough and cant do anything right and i feel like shit. I need some advice on what to do and how to get us back to the way it was. We cant afford to go on a date or get a babysitter and its harder cuz he works 12 hour days and he works the closing shifts so he dont get home till like 2 am. Can anyone help me?

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JuLeah - posted on 08/06/2010

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Often when people are picking fights and acting mean, they want out, but don't actually want to make the call.

Sounds like maybe you two need a break from one another for a few days.

Is there a place you, or he, might go?

Usually when we are fighting, the real issue has nothing to do with whatever we are fighting about.

So, it is not about you leaving your kid for 15 minutes, or the text message, or any of the other stuff you mention.

The real issues go deeper, but won't be resolved unless both of you are willing to talk honestly

I sounds like money is tight, you both work a lot of hours, and feel overwhelmed

Is there a place the kids might stay for a night? A grandparent, maybe?

Is there a faith leader you both might talk with, a counselor? There are counselors that are free, or low cost.

Hold off on your natural reation to act mean back. I understand, but think of the kids - someone needs to be the adult :)

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