Help with a child that can be defiant at times----PLEASE

Keely - posted on 11/27/2008

I just wanted to offer you a word of encouragement as well! i only nannied and got to go home at the end of a hard day, but you dont and get no days off! Stay consistent and things will get easier! Stay strong and remember to take caer of yourself as well!

Lisa - posted on 11/26/2008

I totally agree with everything the other moms have said. Your son needs to know up front what consequences this behavior will get - EVERY TIME. We have a contract in our home. For each behavior - we have listed a consquence so that they kids know what to expect if they cross a line.



One other thing we use is a break. It is like a time out only it is not for a set period of time. The child determines how long. During a break they are to be changing their attitude and think about what they did wrong, why it was wrong and what they should have done differently. If they come out of break and the attitude isn't changed...then they are sent back.



Last piece of advice - don't let him see that he is pushing your buttons (I know .... almost impossible). If he gets you to engage in a struggle - words or physically - he's won.

Keely - posted on 11/26/2008

PS the doctors "diagnosis" is only an excuse for this behavior. I would not listen to it al all. They tried to tell Jordan (the boy i afore mentioned) this. And he used it as and excuse to further the behavior. THERE IS NEVER EVER AN EXCUSE!

Keely - posted on 11/26/2008

I used to nanny for a child that did this. What you need to make sure you always do is FOLLOW THROUGH! If you say you are going to do something as a result of a particular action, DO IT! I recomend Dr. Dobson's "Dare to Discipline" and "temper your child's tantrums". He discusses alot about this particular behavior as well as the child with the stronger will. I do not mean to sound harsh, but i know from experiance how wearisome this behavior can be. Just let him know that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will this behavior be tolerated. If it continues, ignore him and let him know that that behavior will not gain any added attention. When it is over, try to calmly discuss what happened, why it is not acceptable and the what you are going to do as a punishment and then follow through. The little boy i nannied for loved video games, and when he acted up the video games were taked away, and he was sent to his room to clean it up througholy and stay there till his mom got home. (his room was always a mess, and if it wasnt his mom would take everything out and make him clean it again.)It will be hard but eventually when he learns that it will not be tolerated and there will be painful consequenses to this, it will stop.

Tina - posted on 11/25/2008

When my daughter got like that I use to act the same way she did and when she seen it she diden't like it. I tried to ignore her but it seemed to make her do it more but once i started acting like her she got lost and diden't know what to do.

Sarah - posted on 11/25/2008

Hmm...I like to take the firm approach....think "what would super nanny, mary poppins, or Dr.Joy Brown do?" ....Which is to ignore BAD behavior.... and let it be known that there are consquences for actions, and FOLLOW through....taking away privillages, and re-instating them when behaviors have ceased. I am wary when Dr's give labels. Sometimes kids - or parents- just need a change in tactic.

Tanya - posted on 11/25/2008

I would just try to ignore the behavior. When he sees that you dont react one way or the other it might loose its novelty.