hi i have a 2 and a half year old son who doesnt sleep. he has never slept well since a baby he has to fall asleep in our arms when going to bed then hes put into his bed then he will sleep for a couple of hours then wake he will either want a bottle of milk or a cuddle or wants me to get in bed with him and then i leave when hes asleep ive tryed not giving milk just water ive laft till cry scream for 30mins and gone back and forth every 5 mins any suggestions please

Alyson - posted on 02/12/2009

My daughter didn't sleep a night until she was four! I tried everything I could, read all of the books etc. In the end I went with the flow! I did find that a 'bunny clock' worked. Its a working clock that you set the time on. When the child should be asleep it covers its eyes, when they were allowed to wake up/come out of thier room he opens his eyes! Worked for me..

Maggie - posted on 02/12/2009

Oops, typo. "Their" should be "they're".

Maggie - posted on 02/12/2009

I totally agree with Valerie, Jennifer, and Jillian. You do NOT have to let him cry. They are little for such a short time, really. My 3yo sleeps with us and we go bed peacefully and happily every night. Your little one could start out in his own bed and then go into your bed after waking, maybe? Or you could go into his room and lay with him for a little while at that point? He is so little and just wants to be hugged and cuddled. I don't agree with trying to make kids be independent before their ready. I promise your son won't be doing this when he's 10, and even much before that. ;)

Shontae - posted on 02/08/2009

bedtime snack: warm oatmeal right before we brush teeth. It is filling and i make theirs a little thicker so it doesn't make a sticky mess. if you have to sweeten use honey or a little vanilla flav. does the trick. sometimes i add a few slices of banana too. hope this helps...by the way my my oldest son is four and nightly would climb into our bed and i would continuously put him back but he became a little sneaky and would climb onto the end of my bed and sleep between our feet knowing to always bring his own blanket. I would sleep right throught he night. My built in baby sonar stopped working. I eventually got tired of trying and now he sleeps mostly in his own bed. Aside from the occasional waking now i just redirect him when i hear him it's ok sweety go back to bed and he goes.. Now i just have to say that I do miss being the mommy that cuddles their fears away. but i do enjoy a better nights sleep...................

Rachel - posted on 02/08/2009

Hi Tammy, My son struggled with falling asleep on his own at bed time too when he was little so i would take off the shirt that i had worn for the day and place it in the cot with him(provided it wasn't unhygenically dirty). Its comforting because it holds all the different smells and memories from the day but more importantly for your son it will smell like you and hopefully for you both it should help him to sleep better? hope this helps xox

Jillian - posted on 02/08/2009

If a mother's natural instinct is to pick up her crying baby, why is it that she should ignore it?  Those immediate gut reactions are there for a reason - trust them. 

If listening to a child cry it out is stressful on mom, and mom has ~20 - 30 years of life experience to help her through it and yet she still finds it traumatic, why is it we think that a baby with only 24 months of life experience wouldn't find the experience horrific?  Why is it people think that it would be good for the child?

Cathy - posted on 02/08/2009

If the payoff for your child's crying is that he gets you to come in, pick him up, and give him what he wants, then he will continue.  We love our children but we, the parents, can also be the biggest enablers to their bad habits.  This will be harder on you than your child to break this routine but you must be firm and let him know it's time for bed.  As long as it's nothing serious, which it doesn't sound like it is, then eventually he will sleep.  If you keep giving in, he will learn to hold out until you do, making it even harder.  Just be sure to let him know you are right outside or in your room and you are there for him but it's time for bed.  You can do it!  You'll all be better off for it.  Watch a few episodes of Nanny 911, she does a good job of teaching parents how to deal with the bedtime tantrums.

Sam - posted on 02/08/2009

Hi Tammy, just to let you know our experience. We put our 6 month old son in his own room and sat next to his cot and talked to him or sang to him and held his hand until he went to sleep. The first night was the worst - he cried on and off for an hour and we took it in turns 10 mins each to sit next to him. I think mums in particular find it so hard to listen to babies crying - your natural instinct is to pick them up. Knew it wasn't anything more serious making him cry as he would stop crying if we picked him up for a cuddle briefly. After that first night it took a couple more but he didn't cry for so long and now a month later he settles really well and generally sleeps from 7pm to 7am. We still sit next to him until he falls asleep and if he wakes in the night we go in and sing, talk but don't usually pick him up unless he sounds really upset. I think I could only do things this way after I'd started giving him solids so I know he isn't hungry when he wakes. My sister did the same thing with her daughter, now 2 years old, but it still goes out the window sometimes if they are ill etc and you have to do the whole thing again.

Amanda - posted on 02/08/2009

i have been through the excact same thing! this is what i got told and it worked straight away for me......................

the problem is, is we have to teach our children to sleep. sounds silly but it comes from when they were newborn weither we let them self settle or not.

make sure they dont go to bed with a completly full tummy, make sure the bed time routine is the same every night (crucial for the first couple of weeks). half an hour before bed, have "quiet time" on the couch together : dim the lights, turn the t.v down a bit, read a nice story while having his bottle. the most important thing is to make sure hes not going down with a bottle to bed because if hes falling asleep with the bottle and wakes during the night he will expect it every time he wakes.

if he does wake during the night go in the first time and say something like "go back to sleep honey, see you in the morning"

the second time round dont say anything but make eye contact

the third time round dont say anything and make no eye contact and do this for the 4th, 5th, 6th etc time.

i know this sounds cruel but he will get the picture that its sleep time.

once i started doing this my daughter has been sleeping through the night YAY!  now she wont get out of bed in the mornings untill she know there is activity going on outside her bedroom. its great.

good luck hun hope this helps

xxx

Stacey - posted on 02/08/2009

I saw an amazing BBC documentary about sleep. There was a portion about toddlers. Check it out, my husband and I loved this documentary. The method that they showed for the sleepless toddler has an extraordinarily high success rate.

Youtube

BBC - Robert Winston - How To Sleep Better 6/9

Jillian - posted on 02/07/2009

I have a psych degree with a focus on child development.  Allowing a child to scream on end is never productive.  Eventually they will stop and eventually they will sleep, but they give up because they learn you will not be there for them.  Is this the lesson you want your child to learn?  These methods have been shown time and time again to cause problems in children.

Food can be good for some and not so good for others.  If you choose to try giving a snack at bedtime, you may want to choose to give carbs with protein rather than just carbs alone - it may "hold" him for longer.  I know a pp said her doc told her that children do not need to eat in the middle of the night once they are over 6 mos.  Unfortunately, docs are not required to take a single nutrition class in medical school.  That doctor is simply uninformed about nutrition requirements for small children.

Check out Elizabeth Pantley's books, or Dr. Sear's Nightime Parenting.

The bedtime routine, changing things (new bed or bedding), and a nest in your room so he can come and join you are all great suggestions.  All of them truly parent - they take your needs into consideration without ignoring the needs of your child - and isn't that what parenting is all about?  That's what you want to teach your child - life is about relationships where everyones needs are given equal weight.

Amanda - posted on 02/07/2009

i just finished a book called good night sleep tight by kim west a/k/a the sleep lady. it gives you the tools to be able to deal with something like that and soon have him sleeping through the night and falling asleep on his own. it's a good system and it's not like you put them in bed and leave them to cry. you are involved in the process and it's a little easier then just letting them cry it out.

Jennifer - posted on 02/07/2009

I went through this with my now 3 1/2 year old and now my 1year old does the same. I know sometimes noises outside can wake them, hot room temperature (consider jumper and blanket), the jumper becomes twisted, is his belly full. If he drinks a lot of milk he pees it out and needs to fill up again. So then there are the diaper changes, his diaper was a little tight in front so we bought nighttime diapers to absorb more so it will let him sleep better.



In the end I wanted them to be calm and I never let them cry it out, never did that. I know I know I'm not sleeping to great but I sleep better when he is with me than listening to him cry and being stressed out. I want him to know I am there for him.



When my daughter turned 3 then I changed our methods and she sleeps in her own room. I ensure she isn't watching freaky cartoons or too active before going to sleep at least an hour of calm before bed. After dinner we play some active games so they burn energy before quiet time. I find they are less restless.



I may not have really answered your question but my kids are happy. Mothers mother differently



Good Luck

Allison - posted on 02/04/2009

He Turned 2 in August. I transitioned my oldest at 18 months and we had no problems are all. Good Luck!

Nikki - posted on 02/04/2009

Note Donna's comments about having a routine. They swear by them. My daughter is almost 2 and a few months back she start screaming for us around 4:30 every morning. We both work so we didn't mind the extra cuddle time and peace and quiet we got when I'd go get her and bring her into our bed until morning. This got old after about a week. Since then, when she wakes up at 4am, I go into her room, help her gently lay back down and say "it's still night time, honey." She's like a machine. She drops in er crib and curls up in her blanket. It's like she's still sleeping when she cries out. I'd say, try it!

Ruby - posted on 02/04/2009

Quoting Allison:

Hi Tammy, My youngest was exactly the same way... I will be the first to admit that I got into the horrible routine of holding him every night. I will even admit that I liked it better that way. What made the difference for us was a change in routine. We bought him the big boy bed and changed the entire bedtime routine. We bought the bed during the week, put it together to get him excited about it. Then on Saturday we got rid of the crib. After dinner we changed up his night time routine and talked about the new big boy night time. He was excited about the bed. We took away the sippy cup and gave him a dixie cup of water before bed. Gave him a new book that we read to him while he was in the bed. Then we spent 5 minutes with the light out talking about the day, kissed him good night and left. I couldn't believe it but he did not cry or get out of bed. 5 weeks and counting....

Good Luck to You

How old is he?  I am looking to transition my daughter to her toddler bed.

Valerie - posted on 02/03/2009

You don't want my advice on this but I will give you my story.  My son, now 6 yrs old, was a very fussy baby. As an infant, he was a horrible sleeper and people would always tell me to let him cry. Being a new mom, I tried this but it broke my heart because I was worried that there was a problem I was overlooking. Turned out, he had acid reflux so when he slept flat, it would hurt him. After that, he either slept with me upright in the big rocking chair or he slept in his safe well-rigged crib. But into his toddler years, he started waking up in the middle of the night. No reason. Then, he got his new big boy bed and would get up in the middle of the night to climb into our bed with us. After we had our second child, I just gave in and let him sleep with us. He wasn't bothering anyone, after all. Now, he's 6 yrs old and neither one of them care to sleep with us. However, the other day, my son had a nightmare and slept with us and for a couple of days after that, was waking up and getting into bed with us early in the morning. My hubby said that he actually missed those days that my son was there all the time cause we just can't get those years back.  Point is, I don't waste my time anymore, I just enjoy my kids. Its a matter of opinion, if he's bothering you while he's in the bed, I agree, you need to get him in his own bed but it'll be a big bad struggle. But I found that as soon as I adopted the "if you can't beat em join em'" attitude, he packed it up and moved into his own room. : )) Sorry I couldn't help, but at least you know you're not alone.

Katrin - posted on 02/03/2009

My little guy is only about 6 months old, but had a lot of problems sleeping from the beginning (he is getting better now). I found "Solve your childs sleep problems" by Richard Ferber a great book who also has a lot of good ideas when it comes to toddlers. But you probable will have to let him cry it out (he describes a progessive wait technique). You can find his book on Amazon - it's worth the money.

Amanda - posted on 02/03/2009

Hi, my name is Amanda and I have 3 kids, 1 of which is 2 and a half and he went through the same problem...and I know that it may be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do, but the only way is to put him in bed, not too early or he wont sleep the night, tell him it is bed time and then let him cry it out, it may take HOURS and you will be ready to pull your hair out but it is the only way to get him into the routine. It may take a couple of nights and when he wakes in the middle of the night just go in say it is bed time, kiss him and leave again...too much hugging and contact makes the crying last longer....I know you think that I am being mean and ridiculos but seriously it really works...it will be hard but you can do it!!! GOOD LUCK

Charlie - posted on 02/03/2009

I used the Baby Whisperer technique, much the same as Supernanny...routine, routine, routine. If they cry, comfort, settle and walk away. I did it with my little girl and she still sleeps like a dream 4 years on. 12/13 hours a night most nights! Good luck, stick to the routine and it will work I promise!

Shoshana - posted on 02/03/2009

I know what you're going through,  my son was the same way. When he was 27 months old his baby sister was born, and I thought we'd never get him to sleep on his own but the good news is that he will learn how to get to sleep on his own and/or sleep in his own bed. I don't know any tricks other than what we did with our son, which was to set up a little "nest" on the floor next to us, so that when he did wake up in the middle of the night my husband could reach down and rub his back before it turned into a screaming fit. This seemed to help him get used to sleeping through the night as a transition to staying in his own bed all night long. I never had the heart to let either of my babies scream it out, and I've also learned that it's not a good idea to let them cry for too long, they forget why they're crying and then just panic after too long.

Good luck, I don't know how much help I can be but just be reassured that it DOES end eventually, just like teething.

Allison - posted on 02/03/2009

Hi Tammy, My youngest was exactly the same way... I will be the first to admit that I got into the horrible routine of holding him every night. I will even admit that I liked it better that way. What made the difference for us was a change in routine. We bought him the big boy bed and changed the entire bedtime routine. We bought the bed during the week, put it together to get him excited about it. Then on Saturday we got rid of the crib. After dinner we changed up his night time routine and talked about the new big boy night time. He was excited about the bed. We took away the sippy cup and gave him a dixie cup of water before bed. Gave him a new book that we read to him while he was in the bed. Then we spent 5 minutes with the light out talking about the day, kissed him good night and left. I couldn't believe it but he did not cry or get out of bed. 5 weeks and counting....



Good Luck to You

Donna - posted on 02/03/2009

I have two girls now 6 and 3 who both slept well. I used the 'supernanny' technique and it worked a dream.

Get the child into bedtime mode, books, stories, milk, quiet time etc bout half an hour before bed. Then after wee, teeth etc put in bed, big kisses, cuddles, night night. walk away. If child gets up, put them back saying time for bed now. No eye contact. Third time child gets up no talking, no eye contact and put child back in bed. Its tiring but it works. Ive seen some parents on t.v do it for hours but night after  night the child improves until its a kiss and cuddle and no drama. Bulky food about half hour before bed good idea, Pop tarts????? nasty. Rusks, porridge etc.

Let them cry idea, not good. Lazy way out. Do it super nanny way!

GOOD LCUK!

Jaclynne - posted on 02/03/2009

I agree with Ulla. I was a child development major in college. Children need structure and discipline- I'm not talking about spanking and time out chairs- I'm talking about rules and boundaries.

I have a two year old son. If he wakes up in the middle of the night he knows that Mommy and Daddy are not going to get him. He knows that its sleep time. We have a bedtime routine that gives him all the things he needs. We read him a story, give him his favorite toy and his snuggle blanket along with a cup of water. (Putting a child to bed with milk will corrode their enamel.) There is no reason to go into his room in the middle of the night since he already has everything that he needs.

I think that your son is used to the routine that was established for him. If he cries, you come. Children are very smart, and todlers are especially preceptive. If he thinks you'll give him a cookie then he's definitely going to take the cup of milk.

It will be hard. It will be rough, and noisy. But let him cry. They can't go on forever, contrary to what we might think at the time. 30 minutes is not a long time to cry. When I taught preschool, I'd see children throw much longer fits than that. 

You need to establish boundries now with your toddlers or you will have an ever larger stressor on your hands when your preschoolers climb in bed with you at night. And that will kill your love life.

Kathy - posted on 02/03/2009

All I can tell you, Tammy, is what I was told about my second (who is now 5) and that is "let them cry".  It is the hardest things ever!!!  Trust me.  I would go into the bathroom and close the door, put my ipod on and read just so I would not go in and get her. 

As far as the milk/water deal....my Dr once told me that they no longer need anything at night after 6 months of age.  Have you tried "bed time snacks"?  Sometimes a full tummy is the best sleep meds.  =]  Nothing with sugar but something with lots of bulk.  Bread and water, pop tarts, that sort of thing. 

Best of luck to you. 

Ulla-Kirsten - posted on 02/03/2009

Try to let him cry until he fell asleep. He just know that you will come if he cries in 30 minuttes.

Lindsey - posted on 02/03/2009

My son is the same age and still has problems sleeping.  He has never been a good sleeper... which means (as Im sure you know) that I have been fatigued for the last 3 years.  I know this sounds dumb but I did the "super nanny" thing it took a good couple months and when he has nightmares or is sick he still crawls in bed with me and we have to start over.  But every time he got out of bed I would stick him back in.  The battle was only hours long for the 1st 2 weeks after that it get SOOO much easier.  Good luck!!!

Brenda - posted on 02/03/2009

have you tryed putting one of your jumpers in his bed with him , he thinks your there cause he can still smell you , or even what i did was give my son a back rub with lavender oils just b4 bed that really helped me

Ulla-Kirsten - posted on 02/03/2009

Try to let him cry until he fell asleep. He just know that you will come if he cries in 30 minuttes.

Shauna - posted on 02/03/2009

I read a book, I believe it was called "how to get your toddler to sleep through the night" that I found very helpful.  Check for it on Amazon.  I think I borrowed mine out or I'd have more info for you.